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Meg Kyffin Jan 2012
Direct,
Physically dominant.
Unargueably aggressive,
Yet,
So unnoticed.

Recognisable colours,
Hidden behind,
Covering deceit.
Deceptive courage,
Fake smile,
Grimacing strength.

Cowering,
Submission is granted.
Obvious circumstances,
So misunderstood,
Retreat,
Access denied.

Apologies don't exist,
Escape artist,
Mascuerading as the helpless,
Only the strong,
Survive in,
Shadows.

Sudden movement,
Hard, cold floor.
Casualty,
More questions,
More lies,
No truth,
Is ever uttered.
What's happening to all of us? The so-called generation of tomorrow?
Don't you remember how we used to be?
Before we all grew up, swearing that when we're "big" we're never going to smoke or drink?
That boys were yucky and girls had Germs?
Remember how carefree we all used to be? It didn't matter to us what people said or even what they thought. We didn't care if our hair got wet or a stain got on to our clothes.

Now we've turned everything around, never meaning the words that we said. Its as if every memory of who we were, has shattered, into tiny bits of pieces.
Remember the dreams we had when we were young? The morals and virtues we swore we'd never rid of, holding on to these for dear life, yes still we threw them away.

The people we are, the children we used to be, now a totally new adolescent. A conjunction of minuscule parts of both  our past and present.

Remember the days we all were friends, no backstabbing, no lies, and complete honestly.

Sharing the humour, not hiding the facts, lived life freely, what happened to us? What happened to the people we used to be?

The all grew up that's what happened I guess, but now barely recognisable. The little child still somewhere deep in the interior of the hard outside we've formed.

Making ourselves to seem like we're stubborn, matured adults, when that's really what we're not.
We're a mixture of what we all used to be and a huge part made up of what we've been through.
All our experiences, both good and bad. All our dreams, some nourished since we were young, and others newly spurted. Our decisions to give in to peer pressure, or resist temptation. Our choices. Our friends, the ones that uplift is and the ones that have torn us down. Our family, the ones who loved us and the ones who have hurt us. Our education, tons of learning experiences. Our relationships, that all formed our inner beings more intricate than all of the above. Our emotions leading us and misleading us to where we might or might not end up . Look, i'm not saying all these things determine where we end up but they sure do influence it.

And that's what happened to us.

That is what we've become and that's what we are. That's made up all the parts of who we really are.

What's happened to us, I repeatedly ask , though the answer, it seems so clear.

Hard to accept, what we've become and who we strive to be.
T'is silence leaps from one self to another. Betrayal, o betrayal, doth greet it-so violently and startlingly, along th' entirety of its journey! Undelightful as 'tis, but made worse by t'at hostile dubiousness. Another fact aside from its ambivalent hatefulness: recognisable to every questioning eye-is t'is downright scary on its own, with unmolested quietude, and ******, but involuntary, unspokenness. Resolutions made within undesirable ambiences! Sacrifice t'at outwardly suggests th' presence of glam profuse in rich elaboration-but bland enough! And on top of all, t'is brimming immovability, and 'tis pool of doubts is causing me but to commence feeling weary about 'tis raising thorn. How didst I send myself into ferocious wanders-about t'is airless rooms, heated like sunflowers bathing themselves to death on th' giggling surface of raging snow. Battle of nature-and war of its childlike beings! Like a stoical plant in th' midst of 'tis glittering forest; vacant and idyllic-passive and unquestioning towards th' blades of farmers t'at come to exploit 'em: with morbid and futile, savage desires for rebellious treasures-unbecoming in t'eir temporariness, and unavoidability of sincere devotion as t'ey wilt soon leave t'eir offspring bereft of t'eir provisions once more. Yet look, look how red t'eir eyes are in t'eir hunger-eccentric vivacity gloweth in t'eir eyes, but mockery governs 'em-as ruptured t'eir weak souls are, by loathsome uncertainty and severe senses of greed. How t'is consideration made aggravated; agitated my soul is-o, seriously agitated! Yes, indeed! No longer doth vanity boast away about being my pride, but th' sultry pointlessness of my power of self-esteem. How melancholy t'is life is! O, and th' raising thorn itself, th' one aforementioned so discreetly within my fourth phrase up t'ere-growing dominantly and selfishly-aye! every day, is unlikely to be abashed by any remorseful incarceration, or stony suicidal attempts hurled by t'ose disgraceful beings out t'ere; but in t'is case, yon disgracefulness is comprised of grateful swarms of exquisite laughter, divine in its own roots, like th' sacred nook of a moonlit river. And how t'ere, on its most godlike slice of rock-so dearly scented by nature and innocent greenness-a sight be so dear to my longing eyes, shalt thou dwell with thy poems, and heart trembling with thy fullness of passion. For me, yes, for me, selfishly! O, my love! Cannot help I uttering thy name-thy very name, whom I am undeniably besotted with, like a feverish storm mooning over its lifelike sea, and whose eager cruelty so invincibly blanched by 'tis romantic tides-gone as it is, in just a seeming couple of cordial seconds! My love, whose name is so unmistakably dear to my heart, and indisputably belongs to 'tis greedy layers-ambitious, my love, desirous of,  and bland to solely th' dormant rains of thy love! O, t'ose pristine tears of blessings t'at are volatile but decorative to my half life-for thou art unarguably th' other half of me! And splendid in t'is very breath, t'at recognition t'en beats furiously along with t'is frail voyage of my humanness-grounded inevitably by unremarkable velocity are my wheels, and sometimes imprisoned in helplessness amidst th' pursuit of my fierce dreaming. But I admire 'tis core-as it is but thy warm, genial slumber; and 'tis skin is but th' very depths wherein I conceal my very whole love for thee. My love, my darling! If only thou wert here-yes, here, querida, to indulge t'is pr'saic quietude, shalt I shrink into nothing but a piece of thy fallen star; and t'ese feeble hands shalt t'en thou own, just as thy heart I should'th won.
Martina Oct 2020
Today I had an abortion.
I held the foetus in my hands, still hot, covered in blood, so tiny, yet so recognisable in its incomplete finishedness.
I was at a loss, it hit me slowly at first, then all at once, I started to cry.

It wasn't unexpected, I've been having this weird feeling lately, as if I knew that I wasn't going to see it live.
I felt like that from the start, to be honest, my stupid paranoid head couldn't avoid the thought, but why worry? Everything was going fine.

I don't know what caused it, if you ripped it out, if my body rejected it, or if it just wasn't the right time; maybe all these things together, in the end it takes two.

And so there I was, looking at this unborn being, staring back at me with your eyes, finally ending the dying life we put on it from the first moment.
The organs and the limbs all at the right place: I could see what they could have been, if they hadn't been so weak. It looked like that undeveloped Polaroid I took of you that still lies at the bottom of the drawer: I know what it is, but no one else can see it.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to let it go, I couldn't throw the remains away, not yet.
I put them in a shoebox, under my bed. I'll have a beer, sleep on it, tomorrow I'll see.
I have to get used to the emptiness first, I have to untangle myself from around your fingers, get some paracetamol for this ******* headache.
Got Guanxi May 2015
On the river Liffey

I walk the same streets,
The same steps,
Familiar faces and similar sounds,
The same buildings and surroundings,
The same noises and recognisable faces.
Deja vu,
As the days go by,
Nothing seems to change in this town,
But that's not necessarily true,
If only they knew what others have been through.
To get to today.

I know that smell and I've seen that smile before.
Reflections caught in the glass,
Perpendicular to the way the river flows towards the sea.
That's where I'm heading without breakfast,
To break this mould and cycle,
Just to see you again.
Something that's real and something new.
Something beautiful and something true.
I can't tell you how much I wish that something or someone was you.

I've been here before,
But not without you by my side,
I'd walk away in foreign directions and you'd come long for the ride.
Forbidden and forgotten we miss the sites usually spotted,
By those a little less in love than us.

For some reason, today,
It was so important see the sea.
I walk for miles with swollen toes and bruised and battered metersal bones,
Just to see as far as my eyes could.

Just to see a new combination of waves before they break again.
Never in the same place again.
Ever again.
I think about the notion obessively,
The ocean holds me close indefinitely,
But it's still not the same.

The same place and the same time,
The same me but slightly different mind,
Eroded in time.

I walked a long way to see the sea today,
I walked along way to see the sea.

Even though I remain true,
And the sea remains blue,

It's could never be the same without you x
A poem wrote in Dublin this weekend.
Meandering Words Aug 2023
he asked a question
and without waiting
for a response
drew three cards
from that divinatory deck
usually carrying as little
meaning as a tossed coin
scoffed at and swiftly ignored
this time seemed to tell
a recognisable tale
unexpected in its providence
a fortune perhaps
to favour the brave

the hanging man
with his eight swords
and his eight wands
these cards showed him
the start of a journey
not necessarily a life
turned upside-down
instead that a change
of perspective is needed
the octet of swords
unveiled his cage
of indecision
uncertainty and fear
a need to upset
the balance of the inert
a reasoning for destruction
in order to create
and those upright wands
carrying with them
such signs of movement
a willingness to decide
a commitment to progress

either that or
the pack was simply
reshuffled and dealt
again and again
until it foretold
that which needed
to be heard
Nigel Morgan Jan 2013
Carstairs  had been waiting for the boat for three days and there it was, suddenly appeared. He had dozed and it had appeared. He trained his binoculars on it, but it was too far away to be clearly recognisable. It seemed motionless, becalmed in a sheet of unruffled water.
 
He had dug himself into a bank in the sandhills. He still had a little water, some raisins; there was a final cube of chocolate carefully wrapped in the whole of its paper. It was the thought of this hidden pleasure that had sustained him during the hours of darkness when the slight rain and the chill of inactivity had forced him to exercise, to move about, though always afraid he would lose his burrow.
 
From the earliest light of dawn the day had been clear and still. The sea birds had muted calls, the sea itself more a presence than a sound. The tide had steadily retreated beyond his expectations. He knew he had to wait for the arranged signal.
 
Turning on his back he looked at the sky. A few clouds floated hesitantly in the glazed blue. He remembered suddenly a moment from his childhood,       above the beach at Red Point. He had escaped his parents, his adored sisters, and hidden himself in the marran grass. He had lain on his back and felt himself levitate into the clouds. He had looked down on the whole scene, a waking dream. Those moments floating above the long Highland beach had never left him. Sitting in the examination hall for his Tripos that memory had come upon him; he had been paralyzed by it, unable to write or think. He had closed his eyes and strange geometrical shapes had ensnared him. He had felt extremely sick . . .and then very calm. He had returned to the task in hand, a translation of Ovid's Metamorphoses, that opening passage describing Eurus, Zephyr, Auster and Boreas: the four winds.
 
. . . he felt something wet nuzzle his hand. A dog, a black shape no more. As he struggled to move himself a larger shape obliterated the sun and shot him.
Emma Sawyer Nov 2014
My face is the mosaic of time.
Recognisable but filled with defining lines.
I am motionless but watch as you stand on me.
Point, click, stare at my wonder.

I am everywhere but I am everywhere only where you are.
We are the same, but you cannot see from your perspective.
Colours bold but still faded over time, faded by feet, bared by tourists. Of my face.

So many lights by day, but night I can reflect.
On my own light.
I have seen how world's have changed.
But where I remain. I am untouched by history.

The mosaic is my mirror.
And it is yours too.
Mine imprinted in the ground, yours is just printed.
Are we different?
ryan pemberton Sep 2012
omar loved his guitar.
he took it to pubs, clubs and parks.
he took it on trains, buses, to bathrooms.
he went to bed with it.

omar loved his guitar so much
that he cut a hole in it
so they could make love.
it hurt like hell, but
it was worth it.

three months later, omar
and his guitar, who was called
Vera,
had made love two-hundred and
thirty six times, and a
viscous mess lingered
inside her.

one day the mess
became sentient and it
slid itself out of
Vera's whole and onto
the carpet.
omar came home that day to find it
soaking up the linguine in his pantry.

within days it had doubled in size.
within weeks it had grown soft, wet arms
and legs
and fingernails.
after three weeks its form was fully recognisable:
a guitar, with arms, legs and a head, and
a thin sheet of human skin, stretched over
it.

on it's forehead were the six tuning pegs.
and strings were stretched from its forehead
to its crotch.

one time one of the strings snapped and omar
had to replace it with
one of Vera's.
it had a mouth.
when it was old enough
omar made love to it too.
Ghazal Jun 2018
At the darkest end of the rainbow
It lies,
The balance of vitality gone askew
Unleashing its evil side,
It creeps slowly then bares fangs
With speed,
Potent beyond regulation
Its aberrant seeds,
That will grow into whatever they want,
That will grow however they want,
That will grow as much as they want,
Taking shapes of
Flesh and blood and bile and bone
And twisting their faces so
They're recognisable no more,
As if mocking us and our prayers
For Growth-
The immoral, the immortal side of the coin,
Cancer, the evil twin of Life.
Rishi Dastidar Nov 2010
Do you think that when first presented with
that enclosed heaven above the Pope,
Michelangelo stopped for a moment,
then maybe a longer one, and still more,
as he attempted to count how many strokes
it would actually take to paint that sky?
How many times his arm would have to
conduct an arc, from down to palette,
back above his head, again and again
and again and again and again. Did he think
about how the brush would stay in his grasp?
The pen is slipping away from me into
horizontal weariness as I write this, contemplate
this one single, un-fluid flow. The autistic part
of me is not going to be happy until it can
at least guess some sort of recognisable
answer to such an insane question. We can
even begin to construct a formula: x strokes
per hour times days times years minus whatever
the assistants did. Haven’t you yet boggled at
the still way-off number this crude estimate
puts out? If I was a girl, I would always demand
a portrait. That’d be a real sign, true effort,
devotion; not just some words scribbled down
on a page while he’s probably thinking of some
other girl he’d like to write a poem about, in which
in which she’s having her picture painted,
her soul pinned.
Tommy Feb 2014
Hand me a razor and I will hack away at myself,
Until it's not me that's left,
But another faceless, vulnerable canvas
And I will leave the skins I have shed lying in my wake,
All for the sake of acceptance.

I give you my autonomy,  and in return you bombard me with images,
All of the same, dull, blank piece of moulding clay.

"Muscle is weight and weight is fat, lose it" and I try,
Holding desperately to the pieces me I have left.
And she tries harder still,  and her health drains from her blood, until you tell her she has gone too far: "this is not beautiful"
And with that, you shatter her world: you taught her that's all there is to care about.

Show me a picture I ask of you,
and you show me a porcelain statue
"Bone is heavy and hard to touch. Where have the curves gone?"
And so she looks down at her body,  shrinking in to herself,  ashamed of who she was born.

Play me a song, I ask again,
But you show me yet more bodies.
More faceless aspirations you know I can't reach.
"Conform, conform, conform" you order,  and I do.
You pull from my tight clasp the last few parts I have of myself,
Remove all with which I was brought into your world,  and you show me a doll.

You cut, stick, sew and glue until she is no longer real. You cover her imperfections with paint until she is no longer recognisable.
You dress her in clothes too tight to be comfortable, in shoes too impractical to walk,
and then you throw her into the lion's den,
As she has to fight her way out much harder than any of you were made to.
You make her fight until her soul has left, and she will never be the person her mother made.
You tell me that this is adulthood, that she is a woman,
But you have taken the human out of her, and you have kept her corpse as a trophy.

This is a man's world, but I will not back down.
There seems to be a theme developing here. I think that was a lot darker than intended also, but I hope you like it anyway!
Zoe Irvine Nov 2012
I am here, I fear
More scared than sorted
More dandelion than burdock

Scattered silly
Metaphorically muddled
Mine's a messy mind
Attempting to arrange
A lifetime's files
In an hour

Each and every hour
Of every minute
I'm remanded in memory
A willing prisoner
Of the past

My hands are cuffed in air
There is no key
But me
And what is left
Has lost all recognisable arrangement

I'm pulled down deep
But holding on to stones
They keep me grounded
Drown-ded

Letting go will all but **** me
All but do me in
Everything but that

Letting go for Life
Shake it off
Your clothes are all wet
But you're not made of sugar

Your tears will not melt you

Your heart will not break

Let it be
tricia lambert Oct 2011
She sits alone,
on a cleared patch of road
amidst utter devastation
legs bare
feet bare
knees bent
hands clasped around her thighs
she has taken off her scarlet boots
and placed them together beside her
a tiny mark of order
it is all she can do
place her boots
side by side on the road

Apocalypse Now
reads the Headline
And this
I can finally comprehend

10,000 dead-
that’s my whole town
and 3000 more-
10,000 dead
is hard to grasp
but this one young woman
could be my daughter
or my grandchild
her hair dyed
fashionably orange
fashion mattered yesterday
to her and her friends
where are they now
did they survive
behind her
broken houses
twisted metal
a mountain of rubble
nothing recognisable


I look at this image
and I see her rocking
I see her mouth open
a wail of anguish
I hear her
wail
wailing is
the same in any language
needs no translation
palpable anguish
I hear her wail
she alone shows me
what it means
the agony of
10000 dead

what next
where
how
Kathryn King Mar 2013
There’s a hole in the anticipation
waiting for the ground. It goes
beyond a moment. It appears
around the body, lying in the
corner. Hoping for emptiness
under the earth. Dreading
that it carries on into the
stuffiness. And people, no
gap left by the personal
space. Crushed. It’s more
than physically lost. I can’t
move. It’s a hole, I need
to get out. No, world. What
can hear me, I am forgotten.
The hole, another face in an
organised crowd, is recognisable.
Filled with dirt. Certain people
begin to speak but we feel
empty. They leave spaces behind.
New people arrive. Time
happens, which sets them behind,
apart from the rest. Like
the earth covers the grave,
so we, with a struggle, put
it from our face and minds
for the way back.
I wrote this using a poetry engine. You write the first things that come to your head about two objects in a column each, I chose Grave and Bus journey. Then you read across the two columns and combine the two. Obviously lots of editing is sometimes necessary!
Paul Hansford Jun 2016
The love of a mother for her child
is not the same as the child's love for his mother.
The love of a man for a woman changes
after they are married
from what it was before,
and her love does not correspond in all points with his.
Love between man and woman
is different from the love of boy and girl.

Love can be permanent as the tides, regular, unquestioned,
with no end and no recognisable beginning.
It can come suddenly,
violently,
as a thunderstorm in summer breaks
upon the thirsty earth,
short-lived
except in the memory.

But under any one of these emotions
what is there for us to say?
Only, I love you.

Thoughts can be subdivided, classified, clothed with words.
Words fit feelings only approximately,
and our deepest feelings must often go unclothed.
So when I say I love you
I cannot analyse what I mean.
I only know that I do love you
and hope you understand.
My first published poem, in a university magazine, 1968.

I still believe it, and would not change a word of it.
Zywa Dec 2022
They are ponderous,

real men, no, nothing boyish --


recognisable.
"Het Bureau - Plankton" ("The Office - Plankton", 1997, Han Voskuil), page 272

Collection "Not too bad [1947-1973]"
Josie West Apr 2016
the glasses through which I see the world
are painfully smashed
I see fault lines wherever I look
the faces of loved ones
blurred into anonymity
my own identity
blown to pieces
barely recognisable

I am lost in my own skin
seeing no way out
only broken glass
and shattered dreams
just senseless rambles
Paul Hansford May 2016
The love of a mother for her child
is not the same as the child's love for his mother.
The love of a man for a woman changes
after they are married
from what it was before,
and her love does not correspond in all points with his.
Love between man and woman
is different from the love of boy and girl.

Love can be permanent as the tides, regular, unquestioned,
with no end and no recognisable beginning.
It can come suddenly,
violently,
as a thunderstorm in summer breaks
upon the thirsty earth,
short-lived
except in the memory.

But under any one of these emotions
what is there for us to say?
Only, I love you.

Thoughts can be subdivided, classified, clothed with words.
Words fit feelings only approximately,
and our deepest feelings must often go unclothed.
So when I say I love you
I cannot analyse what I mean.
I only know that I do love you
and hope you understand.
John McCafferty Dec 2020
Orbital cycles continue in silence
Clues encoded below our surface
Assurances often issued in service

Expectations setting precedent
Placed in systems held with relevance
Are we persuasive to suggested events
Recognisable feelings sense ahead

Onion layers all revealing
Who are the fools inside of you
Step back into receptive thought
To make knowledgeable judgement calls
(@PoeticTetra - instagram/twitter)
martha Apr 2018
“it is not your job to interpret tears.”

There are ones that seem to fix everything.
Ones that gently shift the quiet tightening of your stomach to your chest all the way up to the microscopic peaks of your eyelashes
So the tears that follow might dilute the smile splayed so comfortably across your eager lips.
You decipher your interpretation of the human psyche through a screen
and make sense of the way we work with a language consisting of the perfect combination of camera and conversation
And stories
People
Stories about people
Movies about stories about people
Because what could possibly be more captivating
More beautifully unattainable than capturing that amazingly horribly complicated and endless plethora of confusing entities we labelled “emotions" caught inside the specks of dust brought to life by the light of a projection beam

In smiles exchanged through eyelines coupled with passing glances
Things that we know but yet somehow choose to forget
Things we hold familiar yet still at a safe distance too close to call far
Things that define us under the word “human” in an improbable world where the only certainty is knowing that we will never fully understand the sheer tremendous mass of what it really means to be alive.
What it really means to hurt.
What it means to know that there is unimaginable pain hidden away in bastions of solitude we never have enough energy to track down
Or place paper flag pins on just to remember where they were last seen.

But in these moments of utterly unmitigated bewilderment as to what the **** is happening inside our heads,
There is that same recognisable sense of comfort we can find in a bed
shared with someone else whose story we haven’t yet read
Shadowed by waves of apprehension tangled with fear and sheer joy at being reminded of what it is like to feel the unabashed velocity of every single one of your heartbeats again
dulled only by the confines of your sacred home of flesh and bone.

We gather without question
in darkened rooms only lit momentarily with hushed flickers
and the soft kiss of a silent stream of light carrying the burden of a story on it’s back
We sit the same way in synchronised straightforward stares
because sometimes we find it impossible to turn and face what it is we are most afraid of knowing
So within 3 walls and a never-ending silver plane of infinite realities
Some communicate with hesitant hands
clumsily clashing amid every popcorn induced action
And lingering touches in places we know all too well but are terrified of letting the other into
Memorise the way it felt to have shoulders happily heavy with holding a head up high for 90 minutes
and the fading imprint of their fingers as they grazed the small space of your lower back while you both exited stage left
Eyes dizzy and dreamy with what they had just witnessed
Thoughts shared and thoughts kept secret
Locked away for safe keeping because there are some revelations that have to deepen before they can be divulged to the company still beside you
already wondering when the next time will be before the credits have even concluded
“We should do this again sometime.”

And sometimes it’s easier to watch other people doing what we don’t do best
To see carefully constructed characters holding broken mirrors to our shattered internal anatomies
To see them go through things we ache to be reminded of
Or things we could never have considered imagining for the sake of understanding
We will continue to watch these people succeed within limits we can only dream of
But with every scene we see ourselves in
With every subdued smile and uncontrolled laugh
will come more hope
With every subtle tear and inconspicuous frown
will come more wisdom
As we continue to teach ourselves with the help of those who have made it their vocation to teach life through a language of moving pictures
To show us how to dissect the pieces of our world we don’t know how to disassemble  

We will keep trying to make sense of where exactly it is we come in the grand scheme of the ever-changing eclectic cosmos

I start my search in a cinema.
dedicated to the movie 'Short Term 12', directed by Destin Cretton
maisie khan Oct 2013
I wish I told you how I felt. I guess it's hard to articulate how you feel to someone when you're sat half naked on the edge of their bed in a room that once looked so recognisable, with a boy who suddenly seems like a stranger to you. His eyes aren't the ocean anymore, more like glaciers that freeze up your heart. His body seems like an anomaly amongst others, or maybe yours was. Your eyes can't melt all the ice inside him and you're too scared to look at him anyway. You slowly turn your defeated body towards his, and with your eyes staring at the bed you manage to choke 'I can't do this.' You ask him to take you home and he hugs you and touching him is the worst thing in the world because now you can't kiss him; you can't press your lips to his neck and make him laugh and you can't run your fingers through his hair because he doesn't love your little hands anymore. He never did.
His ****** old car is the one place you felt safe but on the drive home you can't breathe properly and it's hard to do anything except smoke cigarette after cigarette. Your eyes are glaring at the road and he keeps trying to say things but his voice doesn't sound right anymore and you turn the music up. You tell him you have nothing to say, when in reality you have everything to say. That night, you have never been so quiet in your life. You didn't even realise you were quiet because your mind was screaming so loud you thought everybody could hear. And oh, how you wish he could hear; those familiar little thoughts that he so wonderfully banished from you mind only to bring them back even stronger than before. Your mind turns black. You could feel everything and nothing.
He pulled up to your house and you finally found the strength to look at him one last time. He tries talking but you're still not listening because the minute your eyes rest on him you notice. You notice all the parts of his face you forgot to kiss, you notice he's had a haircut, you notice he looks so much like the ******* angel you thought he was. You realise you'll never get to feel that body against yours again, that you'll never be able to touch him with a purpose, that you'll never be able to wrap yourself around him on bad days and just let him hold you. But then you remember there's someone else kissing him now, and that haircut wasn't fo you. You realise he's had another girl's body against his and he's touching her without purpose, without emotion... he's touching her the same way he touched you. You realise he was the one holding you together and you get out of the car and you walk in to your empty house and you fall apart all over your kitchen floor. You have your knees pulled up to your chin like always, as if you're trying to hold yourself together on your own. You don't know how to be on your own and you're crying and screaming because you didn't say what you wanted to say and he's gone. He was your best friend and he used you and your body and he broke your ******* heart and you were too busy trying to keep it together to voice this. And now you can't keep it together. Three whole days have passed and you're still too disgusted with yourself to look in the mirror. You can't find a place that feels like home anymore. You left your pathetic little heart in his room or his car or his hands and you've felt like a ghost ever since. It's hard to see or listen or breathe because he was home and he's gone. And you can't even find the will to hate him. You only hate yourself.

— The End —