I feel so tired,
I feel so lost.
Give my heart time to defrost.
I'm on the edge,
I've broken down.
I'll never get back up,
I'm going to drown.
We're left to think of an escape
As if the cut is a minor scrape.
Where do we find a cure?
I know people care,
I'm sure.
And if those were the last things I ever heard,
would you care to reword?
What if I was gone tomorrow?
Would you drink to drown your sorrows?
Those last words, what a shame.
Aren't you to blame?
If I can't find my way
If my path has gone astray,
Then whose to say I'll get out safe.
Hidden from my gaze
their words ring in a haze.
"We're here to help,
We're here to save.
Drop the knife,
Please be brave.
Please drop the gun,
They haven't won.
We want the best,
We want a smile.
You know that thing's been gone a while."
Just tell me it's alright,
Only for tonight.
My way out has been delayed,
Honestly I'm afraid.
Who's going to save me now?
And if those were the last things I ever heard,
Would you care to reword?
What if I was gone tomorrow?
Would you drink to drown your sorrows?
Those last words,
What a shame.
Aren't you to blame?
Aren't you to blame?
What a shame.
I'm gonna be gone tomorrow,
Please don't hold your sorrow.
Those last words were just a game.
Maybe you won,
Maybe you're to blame.

Love me like I am no longer broken bones in a working body
Find that I am still whole yet divided
Forgive me for never loving myself
This dream I have still projects itself
Knitting the sky together with plea agreements
Begging for you to finally see me clearly
The rain is gone and we are still here
Broken bones heal and I am still alive
But know that I am trying
Trying to be better than me
Working at building a future out of hand grenade pins
Pulled from mistakes thrown out of my life

I exist in a space somewhere between complacency and sheer panic,
With the very tangible happiness just beyond my reach.
And as my fingers yearn, outstretched and writhing, my mind wonders why bother, let go.
The fact is:
Happiness, though it may be real, was never meant for me.

Freedom through proclivity. Self-deserved justice through self-acquired progess.
A self-spiraling abundance of connections to, via and between vital elation, development and integration.
A conquest throughout, a victory that which for itself exists to be.

Social - Integral - Communal - Public – Mutual:
As the original, so too the other,
As the other, so too the original.
Within its self-proclaimed evidence;

The brilliance thereof
And within brilliance,
As brilliance,
Through brilliance,
For brilliance,

Occurs just brilliance.

Making babysteps in human knowledge
Feeling fluttering in my ribcage
Helping to a brighter world
Possibilities unfurl

Teams of scientist roaming the web
The tide of progess flows and ebbs
Just to play my own small part
Brings me gladness in my heart.

Seeing how discorery works
The sweat and tears that ****
Struggling to be very thorough
Not to introvertly burrow

Meeting great minds giving talks
Learning how to walk the walk
I'm thriving in my favorite field
Like an orange slowly peeled.

Drama queen dreams
have been restructured
by good therapy

which has exposed
how close I was
to practicing popping.

Stabilizers expected
to shorten the time
between hurt and healing.

She said a week
or 2 is enough
time to try again.

Scared straight sane
by the threat
of a prescription

and the visual
of the structure
of my categories.

Troubled by realizations
of not loving them all
as much as some others.

I say "I Love You"
more to them
than some family

hear it from me.
Loved, they should Be.
Revision in progess.

It is my work
since it takes much
longer to sink in.

Real love is constant.
I've experienced pain
then emotionally reneged

when a higher love
was due and within
my giving power.

Make a decision,
she said. I am
reading the lines

instead of marking
my dreams between them.
I flip closing pages

while a tilted can
revives a life, once,
wilted in my hands.

my eyes are flashlights
my face a mess
of beauty standards
and hidden rage

i am a building
many people at the same
good evil none
all for different fame

i breathe co2
i drink gasoline in a cup
my skin is rough concrete
wires all the way up

i speak in machines
scream drills and hammers
i am all noise, chaos
what comfort is there in silence?

i dress in fake nature
plastic bags hold my pride
i take the control
but never once do i command

i am the cancer
on earth's lung
i am the darkness
tainting all black

i am what they call progess
but i am what prevents us from it
i am a mess of glass
and conctrete all in one

i may seem pretty and kind
creating opportunities all around
i build your home
just to tear the real one apart

and deep in the night
between the flashes and chaos
one may be able
to see a kind of nature
that it is still out of my graspe
but as selfish as i am
i blind you with my light
preventing you to fall
from a far-away love

do not look away
no, do not look at what truly is beautiful

because if you do
if you see how the water flows
or how the sun shines
or even feel the grass

you might forget me—
you should resent me
you must break me—
just so you can go back

By: Cedric McClester

Forget the EPA
That’s so yesterday
In time we’ll have to pay
But who cares anyway
They used to work for you and me
But not anymore don’t cha see
We have a President
Who’s hell-bent and won’t repent

Forget the CDC
Looking out for you and me
Cos they are in a rut
With their budget cut
There’s little they can do
To protect me and you
They can’t detect the latest flu
Like they used to do

Forget the DOJ
Who won’t point the way
Towards an enlightened government
Civil rights have all been spent
Now the ACLU’s out of the loop
And the fox oversees the chicken coop
They’ve been set up to fail
And progess is off the rail

Are you listening to me
What about the CPB
There’s no protection anymore
Like we used to have before
If we get ripped off  then so what
Consumer protection we haven’t got
And that’s not what will make us great
Despite the slogan he may state



Cedric McClester, Copyright © 2017.  All rights reserved

I believe many people would say that nighttime is not their best time ~
because when the sun sets, our upsets and regrets progess;
our interests are shown from beneath the surface--
but from the surface, you won't learn this,
because my nonsense makes your contents look non-violent,
so we digress beneath the mess
by putting on a mask to disguise our lies.
But for me, I find it's the day ~
because by the time I reach midday,
my face hides and I put on a play
in hopes the night will fade away,
and then my mind will walk astray
in fear my thoughts will stay this way,
but then my surface will still decay.
And then I find the truth behind--
that you and I are not so different ~
because when the sun rises
it reveals what's common inside us,
but for some reason we hide this
and put on our disguises.
Honestly, it cures my insanity--
it pleases me, to find people like me ~
because, truth me told,
we are not so different, you and I ~
because by the time the day reaches noon,
we all know night will be here soon,
and another day will be haunted by night's nihility,
so to reach our comfortablity,
we hide behind a mask and please the lie--
the lie we find so common inside,
because we think it will keep us alive--
but the truth is ~ it's dead, alright?

I wonder if its wrong to hide my pain with all this laughing
Often when I'm smiling I'm truly only masking
The way i want to hurt myself for what I feel I'm lacking
No control of these emotions which are all just overlapping
And so clearly overflowing
Maybe all this pain is just sign for me, showing
That I can't forgive myself for the self harm i committed knowing
That it slow my progess down and keep me from ever growing
I was a liar and an addict
Went from "happy days" to static
It was only a matter of seconds for me to develop a habit
I've tried to move on, almost every day in fact
But I'll hate myself till the end for this devilish little pact
That I made with a pipe that scorched my soul black
I will always be this creature that can't ever escape it's past