Sphincter factor nine approaches
food for the fish n roaches
methinks its time for me perhaps
to open up the rearward *****.


------------------------------------
AAChoo !!

Oh, liddle sister, Josephine,
you sure don't keep your
nose real clean.
got stalactites
o' pure pea green
my infectious sibling
snot machine.
----------------------------------------
I thought that I might shoot the breeze
with God or Mephistopheles
and ask them please to ease my wheeze
of my bad back and dodgy knees
---------------------------
Croak with the raven
bluff with the crow
the urchin
the field mouse
beneath the hedgerow
in a flurry they scurry
away away go.
Yelp with the *****
howl with the hound
and bay at the moon
till the sun comes around.
------------------------------------------
Gino's bar and grill.

Away, away afore Bacchus
doles out befuddlement
and Morpheus has his way,
lest I awake to find myself
in the company of
sodamistic bedfellows
with buggery in mind.
---------------------------------
Harry Potter has grown a beard
he lives alone and turned out weird.
Dumbledore, Albus, no more
turned his toes and 'ad a snore,
Voldemort, who's *** is taut
has no nose with which to snort.
====================

Ahem !!

Behind two Lilies- sits Rose,
then Daisies
for two and a bit rows.
with Poppy, and *****
Petunia, Primrose.
and Bryony - who gets up
- my nose.
----------------------------------------------
Amen.
God bless the Cows - for beef burgers.
God bless the Pig - for their bacon.
God bless the wife n her sharp knife
for the slice of their **** she's taken.

-------------------------------------------------
We can, no more fetter the sea to the shore
nor the clouds to the sky
or tether the glint
in a lovers eye,
As sure as the shore loves the sea
so shall I love thee, together,
together for eternity,

-----------------------------------

It bends for thee
sweet chevin,
the cane thats cleaved
by three,
wilt thou now
sweet chevin
yield, my friend ,
for me.
-------------------------------------------------
There's Marmalade then Marmite
and Jams thats jammed between
the buttered bread of bard-dom
a poets sweet cuisine.
---------------------------------------------
I took up campanology
and fired up my ****.
I rang that bell
to ******* hell
till the busies
came along.
--------------------------------------------
so, I've been whittling away
at a buoyant ****-
fashioned something approximating
a poo canoe-
in it, I intend to
surf the **** tsunami of old age
to-- death;
I have named it Public - Service - Pension.


----------------------------------------------

A surreptitious delightful tryst,
with my honey, my sebaceous cyst.
she's my pimple, my wart,
my gumboil consort.
she's the zip, in which
my *******, got caught.
--------------------------------------
Frayed at the bottoms
ripped at the knee.
baggy and saggy
big enough for three.
faded and jaded
and stained with ***
but I'm due for a new pair--
Yippeeeee!!

---------------------------------------

Ther­e's Cockerel in my ear
and he bills and coo's for you
whenever you are near
goes - **** a doodle doo !!!!!,,,,,,,,

---------------------------------------------

Oh,­ for the snap shut skin
in the blue twang of youth
and to un-crack the spine
on the book of love.
now the gulping years
have flown away
we take sips of the night
and are spoon fed the day.

-----------------------------

Zeus made the Moose to be somewhat obtuse,
a big deer- rather queer- I fear.
then God gave him the nod to look funny and odd
the spitting image of you - my dear !!!

---------------------------------------

Knobbly Nobby.

Nobby has a great big nose
a great big nose has he,
and nobby knows
that his big nose,
is big, as big can be,
nobby has two knobbly knees
two knobbly knees has he,
his knobbly knees,
are as knobely
as knobbly knees can be,
don’t pity dear old nobby
for soon it’s plain to see,
that nobby has a great big ****
as big, as big as three !
now nobbys **** is knobly,
as knobly as a **** can be,
so nose and knee and ****
make three,
and we - are ****- ely.

----------------------------------

The Woman that wouldn't eat meat,
had reeaally, reeaally big feet,
her **** was as big as an hermaphrodite brig
and her **** were as hard as concrete….


--------------------------------

Hearken the clarion call of the crows
afore the snow-
they caw,
hey, get your **** into gear lads-
we gotta feckin go !!!

-----------------------------

Gods pad

I took a peek within
your house
wherein on pew, I spied
a mouse,
and in his hand,
a Bible clasped,
and out his mouth,
a parable rasped,

---------------------

I'd say she had
a pigeon loft in
her eyes and
bluebells up
her nose.

But then again
I wear a flat cap

and stroll through meadows.

----------------------------

Would you care to buy our house?
It's minus Mouse n devoid o' Louse,!
Spiders, Roaches, Bugs or other,
have all been eaten by my brother,
snaffled up n swallowed down
then jus' crapped out a - yellowish brown.
so would you care to buy our house?
from an oddly pair -- devoid of nous

-------------------------

Though the Crows got her eyes
and the Worms got her gut.
comes as no surprise
death can't keep her mouth shut.

-------------------

Bevelled slick edges
and reeaal eeaasy slopes.
Chilli dip wedges
with fresh artichokes.
Wanton loose wenches
and swivel hipped ******
Daft dawgs and dentures
and granddad - who snores.

-------------------

Been whittling away at a buoyant ****
and fashioned something approximating a canoe,
in it, I intend to surf the **** tsunami of old age;
I named it, "Public service pension"

-------------------------------

.
Well,
     I could wax on the wings of a butterfly
but, I ain't that kind o' guy.
rather kick the nuts off ******* squirrels
pluck the wings off - blue assed fly.
I'm the stuff that flops off dog chops
when he's up for it and high.
an infection in your sphincter,
a well
that's jus' run dry.

----------------------------------------------

befeathered­ and bright scarlet
is my ladies bonnet,
jauntily askew and -
lilting on a paramours
grin.

"- Gladlaughffi -"

I'm reliably informed that dear ol' Muma
sported a goatee around his **** sphincter,
now, whilst this is merely educated speculation
from my esteemed friend his "groom of the stool" ! 
who was in fact required to wear a mask,
ear muffs and a blindfold whilst he went about his business,
He did possess reeaaally sensitive fingertips
somewhat akin to a blind man reading brail,,
and, swore blind that said "**** sphincter' spoke him in Arabic
and asked him for a quick trim, (short back and sides)
I myself being a practising proctologist of some repute
am inclined to believe my friend the "groom of the stool"
as I've come recognise -- Arsolian when I hear it !!!!!!!!
-------------------------------------

In a Belfast sink by the plughole
where hair and gum gunk meet
'erman the germ-man  and toe jam
bop the bacillus beat.

________

Doctor this I know as fact
that I have a blocked digestive tract,
I'm all bunged up and cannot go
my trump and pump is - somewhat slow.
I need unction jollop for junction wallop
some sorta lotion to give me motion.
If you could please just ease my wheeze
then I needn't grunt and push and squeeze.

-----------------------------

They are breaking out the thwacking sticks
and sparking Godly clogs
pulling tongues through narrowed lips
at the infidel yankee dogs.

------------------------------------

As a paid up member of the
lumpen bourgeoisie poetry appreciation society
I can confirm without fear of contradiction
that poetry is indeed baggy underwear
with ample ball room, voluminous in the extreme
and takes into account
the need for the free flow of flatulent gassiness
that is the want of a ****** up poet.

-----------------------------------------------

She's a rough hewn Trapezoidal gal
a gongoozler o' the ol' canal.
She's copper bottomed n fly boat Sal.

I'll have thee know that
that there hat
is a magic hat,
it renders me invisible
to the arty intelligentsia
and roots me firmly
in the lumpen proletariat .
-------------------------------------------------------
Said the sneaky Scotsman, Jim Blaik.
if the pension, you wish to partake,
bend over my son, lets get this thing done
and cop for this thick trouser snake !!

I met my uncle Albert,
down at Asda, in aisle three;
he got there in a Mazda,
jus' a smidgen after me,
said he'd traversed Sainsburys,
Tesco Liddle n the Spar,
but not one o' them flogged Caviar
Truffles or Foie gras.


He sidled past the pork pies
streaky bacon turkey thighs
a headin for the french fries
n forsaken knock down buys,
shimmied 'round the ankle biters;
expectant mums to be,
popin pills for bloated ills
in the haberdashery.

Fandango'd o'er the cornflakes
and the spillage in isle four

-----------------

I'm linier and analogue,
a ribbon microphone man
mired in the dust of the monochromatic,
the basement, the attic.

------------------------------

Simple simon met miss Tymon going to the fair,
said simple simon to miss Tymon - "pfhwarr what a luverly pair"
of silken thighs and big brown eyes and scrumptious wobbly bits,
Said simple Simon to miss Tymon---------- shame about you **** !!!

So sad sweet Shirl thought she'd give a whirl to clubbercise n pound

Squat, slightly,
tilt head 45°
and squint.
See the shimmering blurry
dot in the distance?
That, timorous ****,
is ME !
Fast twitching my
narrow white ****
to the pub.

There was a young lady named Sue.
whose ***** and **** was askew,
whilst taking a ****
she'd aim it and miss
and she lifted 'er hat when she blew.


Oh Mon Dieu !!

Obi.

Phelisa was a fairy child
of bluebell stock so meek and mild
but in her heart burned flames and fire
fly into danger her desire

once old enough to learn her trade
an uneasy truce with her queen was made
ten years of duty then she is free
to choose her own true destiny

Phelisa born with eyes of fire
outflies the wind no bird flies higher
bravest of all none can compare
Phelisa you must have a care

Be careful watch your little ones
take every day just as it comes
one day the call will come to you
till then protect as we all do

Sweet human children in their beds
hover at their little heads
watching waiting keep them safe
every little human waif

What dreams a Fairy keeps within her flower-soul
and when a warrior small but splendid fair
does not hold watching weans a noble goal
spends hours adding feathers to her hair
so when she flies to battle forces grim
her visage such a terrifying sight
her countenance conveys the chances slim
that any evil will survive the fight

Phelisa where do you go?

Dreams on noble strife and deeds
draw you away to the woods,
but the child you watch is threatened
by a man who means no good


Phelisa drifted to the nursery window, tired from swinging her wee silver sword all day.
Practising her craft with the agile birds and fencing with her friends the falcons.
She was puzzled at the windows edge, she could not understand why the cot was tumbled to the floor, and why the dog howled so.
Then she smelled them, baby cries in the air, hot and sweet and frightened.
And something else Mother was cold afraid.
She cast desperately around the cottage, no sight or sound, but the smell led into the summer evening, mixed with car-smell.
Follow then, if you can little one and help you wee charge.

"I get what I want, or the baby gets hurt..."
Evil swine, all these years hiding and he found her still,
dragged them to the little Austin Seven and drove them to the middle of nowhere.
A quiet wood where noone will disturb them.
Stood there now, screaming baby in his foul fists, eyes full of lust and excitement.
He pulled them towards a small cliff, do what He wants and the child may live, all she could think off, don't and he throws the baby over the edge.
He runs on with them, but frowning, what is this at his feet,the  brown of animals, small warm things keeping pace?
As they run they crush in, making him stumble, making him afraid.
He quickens his pace, strikes out, God they are everywhere get away!
He drops the child and throws the mother to the ground.
Running for his life now, running as  hares and rabbits and foxes swarm around his legs and make him fall over the drop, to his death.

Phelisa comes as the Austin drives  away
Too late to help her features pale and grey
She understands the debt she owes this wood
And makes a vow for its eternal good

Whatever good you did today
I will a thousand times repay
nothing will enter in this wood
that does not come with dreams of good

No beasts each other here will slay
tooth and claw you each will stay
within the confines of these trees
all will live in care and ease

And I will stay with you all here
keep you free from strife and fear
to guard you for the deed of grace
when I was slow and failed the chase

In the rocks at the foot of the drop
evil dwelt
torn faced weasel, twisted and old
Mad man's spirit drawn inside
growing together in their poisoned hate
the loathing of life and love pure
biding its time

For nigh-on thirty years or more
peace reigned upon the woodland floor
beasts walked in fearless glades and rides
no need from tooth and claw to hide
but on one spring day all was fear
Phelisa why are you not near?
Flying out too far this day
following falcons she wants to play
The evil weasel it takes its chance
will lead phelisa a hellish dance

Running into the wood so sweet
pattering horde of weasel feet
heading to hunt and drag away
something small and sweet today
a baby hare they corner at last
he tries to run but cant get past
The Beast with relish starts to whet
his appetite on this leveret
Carry him back then to your lair
frightened meat will taste so fair
down with us among the stones
all we leave will be his bones

Our fairy comes and sees the scene
the fright and fear where they have been
Her vow she has to still uphold
or die as she tries it to uphold

Racing to the weasel's den
at the dark place of the glen
sees the last one running in
sees the hatred and their sin

But at the entrance of the burrow
her fire eyes dim and smooth brows furrow
the weasel entrance is so slim
her Fairy wings won't let her in
But in her burns a fire so bright
nothing will deter her fight
so kneeling in pain she softly sings
as mother -hare bits off her wings

In the deep dark dread is there
terror of the little hare
evil circles all around
forcing it down to the ground
but as the teeth are reaching out
hear the smallest hero shout

"No blood will spill of this sweet thing
my spear and sword and heart I bring
I gladly give my life today
to see this young hare run away"

srtiking silver blade of light
held with all her strength and might
Arthur himself or Great Glyndwr
would not have swung their blades the truer
battles hard and battles dread
blood and bites and screeching dead
all the time she fights them back
not one gets past with its attack
then only one is waiting still
the evil spirit hard to ****
her fairy blood runs down her hair
blurs the fairy face so fair
" You tire and I will **** you soon,"
the weasel spoke an evil tune
But fairy strength is hard judge
and this wee one did bear a grudge
"You took my baby in the past
I failed to reach him flying fast
was not enough but creatures here
they rescued him from pain and fear.
Now I repay them with this life
and cut you with my silver knife
my spear of dandelion form
I plunge into your deadly form
my wings I lost to pay this debt
the ****** back I feel the wet
The pain I carry will all pale
as your foul heart I do impale!"

Her deed was done her battle won
returned the frightened hare's wee son
so proud and fierce a Fairy Queen
The bravest one the world has seen

Epilogue

The terrier and the Rotteweiler were in a frenzy
running wild, tearing at the sheep in a passion of hate
Then the scent of fresh young blood a child
racing over towards the sleeping parents and the wandering baby
the terrier got ahead straining for first blood
Then whispering voices
Tumbling sky flowers pain and blood stillness
Puzzled as it died fairies small and winged crowded its corpse
Blood dripped from their spears.
The Rottweiler drew close, ready to tear them all apart.
Behind them was a hare, armoured with wood and gold, spikes of silver armour, a Fairy Queens gift.
Astride it, scarred-faced and wingless, the old wise fairy sat smiling.
" Stand aside ladies, this one is mine...."

Oh Swami Muktananda Paramahansa that bliss of liberation you attained
by Guru Nityananda's grace emancipation in this very life you had gained.
You were a representative of the lineage of poet-saints that had gone before
showing how easy it was, by chanting the name of God, to meditate for sure.

You stressed the importance of repeating the mantra 'Om Namah Shivaya'
and that if done with love would bear fruit regardless of who was the sayer.
There was so much energy about you that one could feel, like an ever present force,
the supreme blessing of Guru Nityananda was with you always being its very source.

You were a living embodiment of chitishakti or divine power-knowledge-bliss
and most of all those who came before you could also easily experience this.
It appeared at times you were unapproachable if one was by your presence overawed
and that you were on the constant lookout for any sincere aspirant who was not bored.

You also emphasized and revealed the true nature of the guru-disciple relationship
stating in plain modern words what was expected of one like in an apprenticeship.
Many secrets of the inner path you divulged and laid bare in all your writings and talks
saying the receiving of Guru's grace was what made a difference on the path one walks.

A book called 'The Play of Consciousness' explained some of the inner experiences you had
your spiritual autobiography for the world at large making many inspired and extremely glad.
To many it meant that someone was still around living these days who had been through it all
and was available to instruct and guide others on the path to the goal he'd been to well before.

You were a living True Saint, Sadguru or Perfect Master to many it seemed
and showed the way or path of the Siddhas being the one which you deemed.
Living at a place called Ganeshpuri in India nearly fifty miles from Bombay
many came from all parts of the world to see you and in your ashram stay.

In the abode you named 'Shree Gurudev Ashram' in that land of yoga where people came
many found what they were after becoming your devotees to whom you gave a new name.
There was a strict daily discipline of chanting certain scriptures, work, study and meditation
and also the occassional all night chanting of the name of God which was a holy dedication.

The atmosphere in that place was so pervaded by the energy radiating from your being
almost as if one were living in another world and could not help what they were seeing.
The whole place resembled that of a temple palace attracting people from far and wide
who came to experience what with your grace you said was to be found but only inside.

You opened up a whole new ancient path of spiritual experience leading gradually to the goal
that people from all walks of life could participate in and regain the lost treasures of their soul.
By one-pointed devotion, self-effort, obedience, meditation and the blessings of Guru's grace
anyone could practice Yoga easily without much struggle and attain that inner peaceful place.

There were many new centres that opened by enthusiastic devotees in far away lands;
with the money, sweat and labour of all those who selflessly gave by their willing hands.
And it didn't really matter at what distance or place this centre was situated from you,
although not physically present your spirit, being all pervasive, was subtly there for you.

You also visited many of the countries where your devotees lived both in the east and west
giving darshan to all those old and new followers of the Siddha path you said was the best.
Initiating many people by either a look, word, thought, touch or even by your physical presence;
and all who received of your grace getting a real buzz, were invited to tell others of its essence.

It was mostly at a certain two day program, held every one or two months, called an "Intensive"
anyone could partake of the Siddha Yoga Initiation offered, at a price, which wasn't expensive.
This was also designed to enhance and recharge those who were already practising meditation
involving chanting, meditation and talk sessions including a lunchtime meal and brief relaxation.

One had to participate fully, from about nine to five, over the two days, usually on a weekend
to get the full benefit of what the program had to offer and experience Guru's grace descend.
This was really the main date on the calendar for all those into meditation that were not to miss
if they had nothing better to do and wanted to get a lift in their 'sadhana' and acquire some bliss.

It remotely seemed to be a bit of a fund raising venture with all the money seen changing hands
but to those who couldn't afford it, must of been painful missing out, one somehow understands.
There was also the question, which crossed one's mind, as to what was being bought and sold?
- a meditative experience the result of Nityanandaji's grace through Swami Muktananda's hold!

Although no one was ever heard to complain about not getting their share of what was being given
and with the attitude of 'the more you put into something the more you'll get back' one was driven.
It also depended a lot on how much in tune you were and what prior preparation had been made;
how sincere you were in your effort also what devotion and faith at the feet of the Guru one laid.

There were no restrictions, it appeared, to either old or young, male or female to begin meditation,
all could profit and benefit in one way or another in the process and practice of Self contemplation.
One had to have an open mind and heart to receive and partake surely of the Grace that was there;
that power of the True Living Master, which was so all pervading, being available for any to share.

Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jai
_________________