I was never one for diaries
Just the average kid trying to survive
Even though I really didn't want to
My names Porsche
I'm 17 and I guess it's time I told my story

My dad is an abusive drug dealing alcoholic
Surprised he hasn't got shot on the streets
My brother is a crack head
He decides to beat me behind everybody's back
I used to get locked in closets for hours on end
Mom would always take me out and clean me up
Just before the drunk got home

I used to be fat and staid to myself
I didn't have friends growing up
I was fine with it
That's how I wanted it
Girls at school would pick on me
They'd call me fat and ugly
Just like my parents would do

I tried shrinks and counselors
They diagnosed me as PTSD
Pills started becoming my best friends
I didn't want to be apart of reality
After all reality was me never being happy
Being beaten for being me
Having emotions was almost illegal

My parents divorced
Wish I could of divorced this life
But I was told I was beautiful
Something I never heard before
And *** became the way I thought showed love
Another thing I was never apart of

Kids starting calling me "Whorsche"
When they did I just pulled down my sleeves
So they didn't see the scars they were leaving
Mom said it was a release
So I figured I would try it
Suicide was always an option
Just to opt out of another painful session of life

I tried having friends
But they were just sell outs
They told everybody my darkest secrets
The very ones I didn't want to be told
I guess it's my own stupid fault
Trying always leads to failure

I soon found other drugs in my life
Freshman year I was the sick looking kid
Pale skin with a corpse smile barely glued together
Sophomore year the pill popping stopped
I got kicked out of my dads
I told him I was pansexual
He thought I meant lesbian
So when I tried explaining it
He grabbed me by my neck
Which he caused some permanent nerve damage
I punched him
It was a great feeling

I moved into my moms
Not much better
But I'm not getting physically abused
Verbally isn't much better
I guess I'd still prefer the belt
The drugs are stopping
The cutting stopped
9 months cut free

I'm finally moving on with my life
I have some great friends
Even though I still want to cut
I made a promise to another girl
Who was also cutting that we would stop together
Thanks to all of that
I'm no longer the emo *****
Or even the pill popping *****
I'm just Porsch
Completely without the "e"
I finally learned how to smile
Guess not all stories in this diary end

Relaxing nights wine and flowers.
Love is priceless yet that ******* esscort service always wants to count the hours.
A kiss and a hug and please swipe here.
You may be charming Candy but your gonna bankrupt me dear.

Sure I'll go the extra mile.
But she wont have none unless my credit card is on file.
Why my dear must you tax this relationship cant you see what it's doing to me.
So what if your a esscort?
Is not love supposed to be free?

Sure you know some really kick *** tricks.
Im sure you had lots of practice .
Dealing with demented ******.

Now my times up and its your time to go.
You mean your only in it for the money and your names really not **** Magee
how would anyone ever know.

You may scratch your head and question how could this relationship ever work.
Because your naughty ******  and me a drunken ****.
Well my vice I have to say.
If this conversation is on the clock  then you really need to go the **** away.

But if in another world I wouldnt ask you to change just bring that over worked ****
and money home to me.
It's hell being a broke ***** hampster who doesnt ever get love for free.

So go on my dear ***** no need to say goodbye.
Im sure your as heartbroken as you leave me in the dust.
No im not crying it's just your porsch flung a rock into my eye.

If only the tables were turned and I had the power.
I'd say ***** *****
and charge ten thousand a hour.

Did you see that?

He broke a mans sternum
he never rests nor tires
he drinks martinis with flair
he drives all the fastest cars
and
he didnt even rest
he went through 33 bad men
he went through a case of ***
he had all the girls on his lap

That was good

I feel like **** now though

Ill never have the girls
Ill never be without fear

Im alone
Im a coward

Ill never drive a porsch
Ill never have abs

I am poor
I am obese

Did you see that?

That was good

But now I feel like ****.