Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Have you heard of one Humpty Dumpty
How he fell with a roll and a rumble
And curled up like Lord Olofa Crumple
By the **** of the Magazine Wall,
  (Chorus) Of the Magazine Wall,
           ****, helmet and all?

He was one time our King of the Castle
Now he's kicked about like a rotten old parsnip.
And from Green street he'll be sent by order of His Worship
To the penal jail of Mountjoy
  (Chorus) To the jail of Mountjoy!
           Jail him and joy.

He was fafafather of all schemes for to bother us
Slow coaches and immaculate contraceptives for the populace,
Mare's milk for the sick, seven dry Sundays a week,
Openair love and religion's reform,
  (Chorus) And religious reform,
           Hideous in form.

Arrah, why, says you, couldn't he manage it?
I'll go bail, my fine dairyman darling,
Like the bumping bull of the Cassidys
All your butter is in your horns.
  (Chorus) His butter is in his horns.
           Butter his horns!

(Repeat) Hurrah there, Hosty, frosty Hosty, change that shirt
   on ye,
Rhyme the rann, the king of all ranns!

Balbaccio, balbuccio!

We had chaw chaw chops, chairs, chewing gum, the chicken-pox
   and china chambers
Universally provided by this soffsoaping salesman.
Small wonder He'll Cheat E'erawan our local lads nicknamed him.
When Chimpden first took the floor
  (Chorus) With his bucketshop store
           Down Bargainweg, Lower.

So snug he was in his hotel premises sumptuous
But soon we'll bonfire all his trash, tricks and trumpery
And 'tis short till sheriff Clancy'll be winding up his unlimited
   company
With the bailiff's bom at the door,
  (Chorus) Bimbam at the door.
           Then he'll *** no more.

Sweet bad luck on the waves washed to our island
The ****** of that hammerfast viking
And Gall's curse on the day when Eblana bay
Saw his black and tan man-o'-war.
  (Chorus) Saw his man-o'-war
           On the harbour bar.

Where from? roars Poolbeg. Cookingha'pence, he bawls
   Donnez-moi scampitle, wick an wipin'fampiny
Fingal Mac Oscar Onesine Bargearse Boniface
Thok's min gammelhole Norveegickers moniker
Og as ay are at gammelhore Norveegickers cod.
  (Chorus) A Norwegian camel old cod.
           He is, begod.

Lift it, Hosty, lift it, ye devil, ye! up with the rann,
   the rhyming rann!

It was during some fresh water garden pumping
Or, according to the Nursing Mirror, while admiring the monkeys
That our heavyweight heathen Humpharey
Made bold a maid to woo
  (Chorus) Woohoo, what'll she doo!
           The general lost her maidenloo!

He ought to blush for himself, the old hayheaded philosopher,
For to go and shove himself that way on top of her.
Begob, he's the crux of the catalogue
Of our antediluvial zoo,
  (Chorus) Messrs Billing and Coo.
           Noah's larks, good as noo.

He was joulting by Wellinton's monument
Our rotorious hippopopotamuns
When some ****** let down the backtrap of the omnibus
And he caught his death of fusiliers,
  (Chorus) With his rent in his rears.
           Give him six years.

'Tis sore pity for his innocent poor children
But look out for his missus legitimate!
When that frew gets a grip of old Earwicker
Won't there be earwigs on the green?
  (Chorus) Big earwigs on the green,
           The largest ever you seen.

   Suffoclose! Shikespower! Seudodanto! Anonymoses!

Then we'll have a free trade Gael's band and mass meeting
For to sod him the brave son of Scandiknavery.
And we'll bury him down in Oxmanstown
Along with the devil and the Danes,
  (Chorus) With the deaf and dumb Danes,
           And all their remains.

And not all the king's men nor his horses
Will resurrect his corpus
For there's no true spell in Connacht or hell
  (bis) That's able to raise a Cain.
Damian Murphy Aug 2015
Could the Ireland of today ever have been foreseen
by those who gave their lives for this country in 1916?
Corruption and greed on a scale that is quite obscene
with the Irish people as oppressed as they have ever been.

The recession in Ireland was caused by the greedy few
Though our government must shoulder a lot of blame too
With the banks and developers they had a major role to play
But the ordinary people of Ireland were the only ones to pay!
It was a story, unfortunately, of pure unbridled greed
Which government collusion helped nurture and feed
But the most striking thing was the level of arrogance
As they lead the people of Ireland on a not so merry dance.
Thousands lost their jobs, became long term unemployed
Many of our children emigrated, the whole country cried
People lost their homes which they worked so hard to get
others took their lives, hounded mercilessly for a debt.
Not one ounce of help was given, many just could not cope
And the government’s strategy killed off any sense of hope
for the ordinary people who were already on their backs  
Got pay cuts, price increases, and every form of new tax.
Help was made available for the developers and  banks
Bondholders took huge profits without a word of thanks
But the people were subjected to extreme austerity
While those who caused the crisis walked away scot free.

After years of hardship the recession has come to an end
The global economy, it seems, very much on the mend
But in Ireland, alas, the recovery is slow
because there has been no major change in the status quo.
It is absolutely shameful after what people were put through
They made all the sacrifices, did all they had to do
Only to discover that things are very much the same
Those in power should hang their heads in absolute shame.
Recent revelations show how much of our money is being wasted
Developers profiting from NAMA now being investigated
So many Top ups being paid on already massive salaries
the banks being allowed to continue doing just as they please.
We all thought things would improve with the change of Government
But it is staggering to discover how much money they have spent
Setting up Irish Water where they have yet to spend much more
The cost of water charges for us, the people, continue to soar.
Experts agree this could have been done for millions less
But like Poolbeg, Irish Water is just another expensive mess.
Huge profits are being made in this by all the major players
Though the cost will be borne by you and me; the taxpayers.

No doubt there is much more that has yet to come to light
It does not take a genius to see that things are far from right.
The few continue to prosper while many struggle to live
They take most from those who have nothing more to give
While those responsible clearly seem to have no shame
Are we the people, by our inaction, somehow to blame?
Perhaps we should be thinking about a radical solution
Acquiescence has not worked but would a Revolution?
Parts 1,2 & 3 were written in 2013, towards the end of the recession. This was written in late 2014 when Ireland was no longer officially in recession.
Daniel Feb 2020
Through gaps in the trees I can see Dublin's pier
The Poolbeg stacks are surprisingly clear
Striped and remote, their billowing clouds
are a silvery choke

Here where the roads aren't routes that I know
They are comforting so and offer some bearing
I am followed on high by that pairing

Towers over buildings, towers over pines
Those two yonder towers are the most
on my mind

Here where the leaves are dramatically red,
quietly falling and littering bends
Here where the birches are a heavenly white,
those two yonder towers are the most on my mind

No rest till I'm dwarfed by those towering twins
No rest till I'm flush with the deafening drink
There a horizon and sparingly strewn,
with buoys and boats; sitting strange in the gloom

— The End —