I think of that green eyed
jealousy eating your heart.
The bitter pill that slides down your throat into your stomach acids. It rattles like dried peas
in a metal tube. Your fingers fret strands of my hair and I wince in agony. I am desperate to be held by another. To mix in with the marrow of their bones. But you are emerald and full of poisons. Spreading a plague of pitiness. I hold your hand in mine, still, but I pray for broken bones. Fractures. Splinters. Nails ripped clean off and blood. Thick, warm blood.

When the brandy and *** can't **** enough memory cells,
The soul melts and bleeds through life,
Lies and apologies, when begin to define,
And every morning weaker you get and weaker your strife,

The cigarettes you smoke, no matter how many,
Cannot calm down, the thumping of your heart,
A sniveling thought, beats all rationale out of your mind,
And enough blood flows into the head's unworthy parts,

Cynicism they call it, a little realistic you want it to seem,
The days simply blur together, not one good thing can just heal,
All of the pitiness you feel for yourself,
Losing it all to your own weakness, rewinding life's reel,

Nothing feels right, everything is just wrong,
A new life you want, a brighter daylight that's all,
You pain is belittled by that of the world,
Your suffering suffers from a mighty imaginary fall,

The next day is afar it seems,
This night is yours to steal,
But for how long will you be a theif, a liar, an escapist inside,
Truth you don't speak, for hurtful it is with every stride,

All defences are now lost,
The string is now taught,
Breaking and splitting,
Is all you got,
Freedom has a price,
And the price is your head,
Goodbyes are one too many,
All is too little to be said,

Me it is and me it was,
Not enough, never strong,
Couldn't walk by myself,
Limp and stumble, never jog,
This is it, is this the end,
Of me as I knew I was,
Better I don't know,
But a quitter not at all.
I'll see you again, tomorrow,
If not with hope, at least with resolve,
To be a man, just another man,
With miles to walk,
And problems to solve.

Tricked myself into loving an image I created
someone I
    wanted you to be
and now
            I'm here leading you on
which is not only breaking you but me
it's not me being selfish
    because
I care about your happiness more than mine
but I think
    it was only to apologize for trying to change you into something you're not
and I don't want to leave you
    because I feel like you need me
but I got to think of my happiness too
and I'm not sure if that means I'm in love with you
or
  just

pitiness

j.f

when something tragic happens
people are there for us
they go with us through the break up
through death and pain
but with depression it is diffrent

because it doesn´t end
but people get sick of hearing
you are not fine

they want to see you recover
but I can´t
Depression is not a sickness you can get over

It follows you around
like a cloud blocking the sun
and now and then rain will pour down
and it will all come crashing in

It´s the never ending feeling of pain
of panic
of nothing

and then I feel bad
and I´ll self-pity myself
and now I feel so stupid
because there are people
people who have it worse

and here I am
drowning in self-pitiness

but that is exactly what depression feels like

It feels like I am drowning
while everyone else is breathing just fine

It feels like the fear you have when you miss a step
but you never reach the ground
so the fear won´t go away

It feels like ropes tie you down
you can not move
can not stand

I can not do anything
do anything right

and all I want is this to end
but the only solution seems so hard to procide
not even that, I can do

I am not doing good
but no one wants to hear about it
because it has been to long
without improvment
so I´ll just fake it
maybe if I tell myself long enough
I am fine
I will be

Oh Mother

A couple hundred pairs
Of pupils watch me walk
Every now and then.

The look of pitiness follows
Through their minds,
As if I’m an alien
Roaming around in the
Humankind.

Oh mother,
Why do they stare at me
When all I do is try to live
In the body that was
Given to me as I stood
In life’s entry line?

Oh mother,
When I look up
Into those eyes of mine,
All I can notice is
The hatred I buried inside

Enough to capture my territory
And mark it as disabled
On the south pole of my brain,
Which was, till date,
My biggest worry.

Oh mother,
Could you please hurry?
I’m losing the war
And in desperate need
Of somebody.

Tasmay