7 pm like clockwork
A row of tiny, flat pearl soldiers
Gulped whole
So the dissolving of chalk suffocates the belly
Not tongue

A dozen little tablets
Now down to fraternal twins
Dark circles the colour of a bruise
Now fade away to sand
Washed away by time and sea

Angry red streaks hiss over my skin
On my thighs, my sides, my *******
Now yawn gossamer tiger marks
Proof of my excess
My will to heal

Curling fingers over my proof
Eyes black as charcoal
Glint like the night
When the looking glass
Proudly catches a hint of a smile.

in all directions falling
in all faculties falling
in all material, extending

tear from my weight in two
I no longer care

Courtney Olanzapine
***** me under
but it's not her
it's my problems

I created her, but she's me
How many years
to arrive at that sweet beach

She's real, she's real
but not as much as I can be...
She threatens - oh wait is it me?
I fill my empty holes with her works
something's amiss
works that should be mine though
She's me, I am her, I totally am not -

Identities dancing around now
only one woman to sustain them all
I will remain, I will prevail...
Subtle mind games
Yet you are the only one to blame!
She has some power I can't handle well -

Under a sweet veil
to show my soul
not to get lost
in the same maze I already know

So take all my alter egos and make them mere names
Yet they push me, take me places...
Courtney Olanzapine - you're as old as it gets
at least, as old as my age
you don't exist, you aren't real
I am you - you are I - it's up to me
Keep my feet on the ground
and my head in those dreamy ***** clouds

Sadness sometimes over runs me.
I find tradgedy in truth.
My past is scattered ashes.
Do you have a clue
What does that matter dude.

I rose when in defeat.
I smoke and go to sleep..
My beauty hides.
So deep inside. I know the oceans deep..
Enormous like a storm above.
That torments the sea.

My parents loved me always.
No not a perfect home.
We had dysfunction chaos.
Drugs pain. Yes some of those.
I started smoking dope.
To cope at twelve years old.
My body was an alien.
Maybe that's what
Made me crazy made me gag and choke.

I have two little kids.
Yes I'm the proudest father.
But I came out as transgender.
Last December.
And had to tell my daughter.
Her dads becoming mommy.
I've went through nothing harder

I've been in psych asylum
So many times who's counting.
Upto 15. Times and I'm
Olanzapine. and ******.
When in a minor tantrum.
Self harm
Slit my arms so wide.
beyond this
size of bandage.
And time does damage.
My last relationship was based on *******.
Bi ****** havoc.
Guy guy girl sandwich.

At nine
Kissing tongue in throat
Playing truth or dare
*** if you didn't
All the cool girls
knew you were scared.

So many times I cried.
And wondered who was there.
An emotion to exclusive.
To be given up to you and shared.
So I kept pretending to like girls
Yeah its fine if it's in truth or dare.
All the while
Tightening around my throat.
And truly scared
Like a noose was there.

Moved away at 17.
Spent some time in Manitoba.
Got beat down so ******* hard
One night.
Thought I would end up in a coma.
Now im 30 years old.
And mostly hoping for a moment.
I can. Be open. To exposure.
Captivate your heart.
And calm the stormy ocean
That torments your emotions.

Living with a dead smile.

Like giving presence to a dead child.

I'm on a mili  second kinda

Tread mill. 

With a head (real)

Getting ten miles before it

(Gets still.)

Like a mediocre reason.

I'm still living 

In £pretend smiles.£

When meteoric.

Was the mentor

I believed was gonna

**** what I imagined was

In bed still......

It's like Jordan

The olanzapine

Isn't helping ...man pretend its* 8 mile

*******.

Listen to the greatest emcee.

Growing healthy.....

But still a fake smile.()

Eminem.

Your my ****

Like 2 enemas. 

Just went on*( date night.

And had a baby 

That turned out to be the gay type

I know you still support

Us **** 

Regardless of the stage fright

You brought gays

In the early stages

Of your fame hype ..still it ain't right*

I'm rocking pride flag

Before I jump the shady 

Train right.**

But **** the world.

I know your name.

Means wolf

In dying language.

 I sign my name beside

I'm on a crazy tip
Ex factor ate amazing ****
And saved a plateful
Takeaway but waits for it...
Lazy ***** with weapons
So **** dangerous
That Satan says how gay is this...
Stray from digging Graves
To mixing anger ***
With clozapine. Olanzapine
And raging ****....
The caged in aggression
*** I want to straight blade Michael
Sinul... Satan Reikl necks
And have a vinyl trial death
With slim shady.
Smiling in a child's mess
I'm shifty you can try my breath
My grin
Is simply illl like aids and gay men ***
No offense im positive
You'll be great in test..
While everglades gators
Ate up major ****...
So I'm repulsive hope I'm great at ***
Or hell be helpful to be my break up texts.... revenge equation
Add up two seconds in a painful stress
I'll be make up *** so grateful
For his great revenge

Masked massacre.
Blue bandana savage.
Crippled by anxiety.
Society can't understand it.
Olanzapine.
Divalproex.
And half a tab of Xanax.
Hit so many native chicks.
*** i got a taste for
Moose meat tea and banook
Got a tear tattoo.
On my *******.
*** i killed my ****. Had enough
One day and stabbed it.
Savage.

Slowly in this roll.
The feature is the night life.
Teacher of the hype rhymes.
I speak like leaking
Popular diets on prime time
And call em pseudo science.
So that you run to me and buy mine.
Fine guy.
Celebrate destruction.
Disgusting flow like construction
Sewage pumps at lunchtime.
Greatest in the game
You get punch drunk
Coming with these punch lines