kahi phas gyi toh?
galat jagah, galat logo ke beech
agar nikal na paayi toh?
sochne wali baat kuch aisi—
dekhi zindagi, mili unsabse
gaate rehte ye woh geet
ki kaise, kahan se shuru hui kahani.
ab keh dene ke liye hai toh kaafi;
par kya matlab, kya hai kuch azaadi?
ek darr rehta hai, har waqt,
seene mai aise daba hua sa
ki kahin dikh na jaye kisiko,
koi padhna le.
padd gyi pyaar mai aur nikla woh galat?
kardiya kuch jo nahi karna tha; kho baithi zindagi par hakk?
har cheez mai, saans lete hue,
galti se gehri leli aur bhool gyi kaisi aur kyu bharni ye aas.
kho baithi khudko iss duniya mai, kisi aur ke paas?
toh sambhalne kon aayega?
log toh chor dete na saath?
kuch anhoni hojaye, toh lelete ek kadam
peeche, hamesha peeche—
jis raaste aaye the, nikal jaate darwaaza band krke.
bachta kon?
mai, galtiyan, aur woh khamoshi
jo kehti, dheere se, yaad dilati.
yahi hota hai, jab chahkar kareeb aajate hai aanjaan saath.
gehraiyaan kaisi, jinme dubte hue mann lagta hai;
woh khauf, kaha, kisise dil lagane deta hai?
kabhi legaya woh phir, wapas na aaya mudke.
toh bikhre hue kaise rehna hai, ye kon samjhayega mujhe?
jaan se anjaan jo hojaye—
sochne wali baat:
kaise kaise bikhar sakte;
itne saare tareeke, aur wahi purani raat.
sukoon kaha milta hai?
agar intzaar karti rahi toh chalke aayega mere darwaaze tak?
aur mohabbat? dosti? yaari? woh rishte jo bachpan se saath?
unka kya?
jaate jaate rehjate
kuch sapne hai mere bhi.
bass kabhi lagta woh bhi khayali pulao toh nahi.
samajhti nahi, jaldi.
rehti hoon khwabon mai—
kya sach, kispar yakeen?
nahi aata karna, toh na bolpati kya hai dil mein.
thodi ajeeb si hoon;
darti bhi hoon, lekin ladd bhi leti hoon.
bhaagti hue bhi, wapas wahi aakar rukti—
jisse bachkar bhaagi thi.
shayad waqt, waqt sambhal le.
shayad yahi chaabi uss darr ki zanjeer ki;
waqt ke saath, shayad lagna hi band hojaye.
par phir ek choti awaz,
kahi dil ki,
ki aise waqt sab kuch theek hi kar deta.
toh darr hota hi kyu?
aur darr rhega hi nahi,
toh zindagi ka mauka chuna hi kyu?
agar ye waqt chalta chala gya
aur mai reh gyi toh—
kya kabhi karpaungi khudko maaf?
sambhalna khud ko hi hai;
toh kyu banaya ye dil aur kisi aur ke saath rehne ki aas?
ye khwaish jo dedi mujhko—
dekhti hoon unko jo rehte khush, lagte khush;
jiske bhi saath **, lagte hai ek doosre ke liye.
par kya—
kya chun sakti hoon mai kabhi?
dhund sakti hoon, ya band darwaze ke peeche koi intzaar krke, karega ek din darkhwast?
hoh kaisi tum!
