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Nigel Morgan Nov 2012
We’d been to concert at the Town Hall. It was a Saturday night and still early for a Saturday Night Out. So many people on the streets. The girls barely dressed, the boys bouncing around in t-shirts. Older people threaded along the pavements walking purposefully, but ‘properly’ dressed, and now making their way, as we were, for the station.

I know He noticed her because He stopped, momentarily. We were holding hands. He loves to hold my hand. That evening I remember squeezing his hand firmly as if to say how pleased I was He was here and I was not walking to the station alone. I have done this, walking to the station alone, so often. It is good to have someone close at such times, someone to talk to about the performance, the music, what is going on around us. We walked right past them.

I noticed the man first and then the child. He was very tall, very dark, wearing a black leather jacket I think. He was not scruffy so much as untidy, dark and untidy, with curly hair that did not know a comb. He was busking. He sang an incomprehensible song in a language I didn’t recognize, playing an electric guitar plugged into a small amplifier by his feat. He turned from side to side as he sang as though looking for an audience. I remember his trainers and the soft guitar case open on the pavement with a smattering of coins. Then, this child.

Over the last two days I’ve examined the scene in my memory. I’ve sought to recall as much as I can about this little girl. She was not that little I think for her age, perhaps seven or eight. Stocky. Thick golden brown hair. A sensible skirt covering her knees, a fawn jumper with some sparkly decoration. Tights or long socks perhaps. Proper shoes. I keep examining my mind’s photo. What I recall most vividly was her large smiling eyes and her expression. This is my daddy, it said. He’s singing and I’m here looking after him. I’m his smiley girl here on the city street. It’s late. Other children back home would be in bed, but I’m here smiling at the people passing.

Yesterday we talked about this couple, the little girl mostly. He brought the subject up. He’d been thinking about her too. He’d been puzzling over the two of them. As a pair they seemed so physically different, hardly father and daughter. It was the (possible) daughter’s gaze, her twinkling eyes that had spoken to him - as they had spoken to me. This is my daddy, those eyes and that smiley face had said. And she was holding a bear.

Why did I not mention the bear until now? Of course, she was holding her bear. She had both arms around her bear. She was hugging her bear to herself. It was a mild evening for March – she wore no coat. He looked a good bear, not too old or small, not the kind of bear she’d been given in infancy, perhaps recently acquired but well-loved, well-hugged. A bear that seemed entirely right for her age, for her slightly old fashioned clothes. The sort of clothes I might have worn as a child. I think of a photo of me at that age dressed in a Cloth-Kits dress, with an Alice band, with glasses and lots of curly hair.  

He said ‘I’ve been wondering about the two of them. Did they have a home? Where would they go to when it became late?’ Was there a mother? Was she working somewhere on that Saturday night and the father had to take the girl. Was she wearing her best clothes? She looked OK. A glowing, healthy face, a face that reflected the bright, coloured lights of the city street.’

Suddenly, I realised there were tears in his eyes. I thought, He is imagining a story. He is imagining a story of this seven year old who should have been tucked up in bed with her bear, like my little boy with his blue blanket. He was imagining her life., her past in some Eastern European town, where she went to school, where she had friends and relatives, where she had been born and brought up, and been loved. And now the girl was here in this not so distant city. Perhaps illegally, without the papers, smuggled in as so many are. Her father, swarthy, even a tinge of the Roma perhaps, but she so different. It was the golden brown hair. Thick hair, a ribbon tied in it. A pink ribbon.

He had thought of his little girl, now fifteen, only when she was that age, seven. Oddly similar in some ways, the thick hair, the smiley face, a different but ever present bear, an infant’s bear, not a bear she’d take with her except in a bag. A bear not to be seen with at seven, but loved.

‘I’ll call her Katya,’ He said. The girl, not the bear.

And later He did. Every few days He would mention her – just in passing. ‘Do you think Katya’s  at school today?’ ‘I was in the city this afternoon, but I didn’t see Katya.’

He wrote about her and her father. A little story. I haven’t read it. He just told me He’d written it; He’d thought of following them in his imagination. He was a little embarrassed telling me this, and He didn’t offer to show me the story, which is unusual because when He mentions He’s written something He usually does. And so I wonder. I wonder how long this memory will stay with him and whether He will follow this couple (and her bear) into the future, create a story for them to live in.

Perhaps it will bring him the peace He does not have. The peace I try to give him when He is with me at home and we sit in my little house, at my table eating toast with Marmite after I’ve been out late whilst He’s sat on my settee and read – in peace at being in my home. I know He feels cast adrift from his family and He can’t be part of mine, yet a while. Perhaps it’s like being in another country. Perhaps He thinks, at least that busker had his child with him, his shining star, his ever-smiley girl.

Yet He is thinking of his smiley girl, smiley still at fifteen, still loving her dad despite what He’s done, despite the fact that she sees him so seldom. Despite the fact that He is only occasionally with her, and she knowing I, his lover, his young woman, his companion and friend, has captured his heart and thoughts.

I think of Katya too. I think of my older girl, so loved and circled about with love and admiration by her respective families and our friends. She is so special and so beautiful, as I was special at eleven, as I think I was beautiful at eleven, just on the brink of that transformation that will take her towards becoming a teenager – and the rest.  

We were lying in bed the Saturday morning before seeing Katya and I was telling him about my childhood. He’d asked me about zebra finches. Walking in his nearby park He had admired their bright red beaks in the park’s newly-restored aviary. I told him about a parrot in a park close to my childhood home, a parrot I passed as I went to school. I described for him my walk to school, meeting up with my friends, passing the parrot. I know how happy it made him to hear me talk about such things. He said so later, embracing me in the kitchen. ’I so love to hear you talk about your childhood.’ I could feel he was moved to say this. It was important. I realised then just how deeply he loved me. That it was important. That he imagined me as a child. That He wanted to know that part of me. He’s rarely asked about the stuff in between. Of my former lovers I’ve said a little. He has said a little about his past liaisons and affaires, but knows I am uncomfortable when he does. So we leave this. But childhood, That’s so different, because it is that precious, precious time of shelter and care: when we begin to discover who we are and who and what we love.

Where is Katya now? In a messy room she shares with her parents in a house shared with economic migrants, where she has a few belongings in three plastic bags. In one, her best clothes she wears to stand on the city street on a Saturday night with her daddy. In another a jumble of not so clean clothes she rotates each day. She has her sleeping bag, her bear, her warm coat and gloves. There’s a few magazines she’s found about the house. English is puzzling. She learnt a little at school back home, and from the TV of course, those American soaps. If she was here in my house I would stand her in the shower, wash her thick hair, put her clothes in the machine, sit her on my bed in my daughter’s clothes with some picture books, introduce her to my cats, we would bake some buns. I would give her a small gift of my love to take away with her and she would look on me with her smiley face, her sparkling eyes and let me hold her bear.

And later when I saw him I would tell him that Katya had been with me for a little, and tears would fall, mine and his, knowing that only in our dreams could we make this so.
Lawrence Hall Dec 2017
On an Inscription from Katya to Gary
in a Pushkin Anthology Found in a Used-Book Sale

Whatever happened to Katya and Gary?
Their names appear in an anthology
Of Pushkin in a nifty Everyman
Astray on a table of orphaned books

One hopes they read those sweet words each to each
Over Blue Mountain in a coffee shop
Forgetting to feed the parking meter
While planning lives of meaning, deep and rich

Or is each but a memory to the other -
Whatever happened to Katya and Gary?
Jandel Uy Mar 2017
Ikaw na babaeng sumasayaw sa dilim,
   Ikaw na nakakapit sa patalim:

Di ba nasusugat ang porselanang palad
    Na kasing lambot ng puwit ng sanggol?

Sa matalim na kutsilyong kinakapitan
      Ano mang oras hahatulan ng lipunan?

At sa higpit ng piring mo sa mata,
     Pasasaan pa't mabubulag ka na

Ikaw na babaeng gumigiling-giling,
   Iba't ibang laway ang pinanghihilamos gabi-gabi

Ang sugatan **** puso'y walang gamot
    Ngunit ang kandungan mo'y sagot

Sa mga problema ng mga lalakeng–
      Naghahanap ng panandaliang saya.

Ikaw ba, babaeng hubad,
   Naranasan mo na ba ang lumigaya?

Kumusta na ba ang anak mo sa una **** nobyo?
     Balita ko'y di ka na niya kilala.

Hindi ba't may tatlo ka pa sa probinsiya
   Na pinagkakasiya ang padala **** barya?

Naalala mo ba ang bilin sa 'yo
     Ni Karla na siyang una **** bugaw?

"Huwag **** bigyan ng puwang sa utak mo
      Ang sasabihin ng Inay mo.

Sasampalin ka niya, di ng palad niya,
     Kun'di sakit na dama ng isang Ina.

At iyon ang pinakamasakit
    Sa lahat ng puwedeng sumakit."

Ilang ulit mo na bang tinanong ang sarili
   Kung saan ka nagkamali?

Kung ilang liko ang ginawa
     Para mapunta sa hawlang 'sing dilim ng kuweba

Na pinamamahayan ng mga paniking
     Takot sa liwanag na magpapakita ng mga galos

Na bunga ng mga gabing kinukurot ang sarili,
     Tinatanong, hinihiling na sana'y bangungot lamang

Ang buhay nila sa dilim,
    Pasasaan pa't nasanay na rin.

Ikaw na isang mabahong lihim
   Ng mga mister na may misis na bungangera

Ha'mo na't sa iyo naman sila panatag
     Sa mga suso **** malusog, pinili nilang humimbing.

Ikaw na pantasiya ng karamihan,
   Ano ba ang pakiramdam ng pinagsasalsalan

Ng mga nagbibinatang hindi pa tuli,
      Ng mga lalakeng di kaya ang presiyo mo,

O ng matandang libog na libog sa mabango **** kepyas
      Ngunit nanghihiram ng lakas at tigas sa ******?

Saan ka na ba nakapuwesto ngayon?
    Sa Malate, Morayta, Quiapo, o Aurora?

Ilan na ba ang napuntahan mo?
  Ilan pa ba ang bibiyayaan mo ng iyong alindog?

Sa Makati Ave, Pasay, o sa Parañaque?
      Ha'mo na't langit pa rin naman ang dala mo

Kahit na alam ninyo ng Diyos
    Na nakaukit na ang pangalan mo sa impyerno.

Ikaw na babaeng walang pangalan,
   Ano ba ang itatawag ko sa 'yo?

Ilan na ba ang nahiram mo sa tabloid
  O sa mga artistang iniidolo mo?

Kathryn, Julia, Nadine, Meg, Yen, Anne
    Yna, Katya, Ara, Cristine, Kristine, Maui

Daria, Pepsi, RC, Susan, Gloria, Lorna, Aida, Fe
    Vilma, Sharon, Nora, Maricel, Dina

Ikaw na babaeng 'sing nipis ng balat ng sibuyas ang saplot
   Di ka ba nilalamig sa pag-iisa mo?

Ikaw na babaeng marumi,
  Sadsad na sa lupa ang lipad, saan ka pupunta?

Wala ka nang kawala sa dilim,
     Pasasaan pa't malalagutan ka rin ng hininga
        at  magpapasalamat sa biyaya.

Ikaw na babaeng bukod tangi,
   Ginawa **** lahat pero hindi naging patas ang mundo.

Lunukin mo na lang ang mga hibla ng pagsisisi
    Ipagdadasal kong huwag nang magdilim sa hawla mo.
Del Maximo Sep 2010
he steps forward to bless us with song
benediction’s serenade
binder clips and clothespins weaken wind
as sheet music tries to take flight
with each strum he was fighting it
emoting with sad lips and blue eyebrows
taking deep breaths let out with heavy sighs
but holding steady
singing and crying come from the same place
as he sang the sun sneaked out
shadows surrendered their stronghold
a moment of warmth shown upon our gathering
near the pine tree at our father’s grave
Terence’s ashes to be interred with dad
a musician, an artist, a writer of songs and poems
a technician, an electrician, a wood worker
his many gifts now only spoken of in past tense
a son to two, a brother to eight
an uncle to many
a father to one daughter
his passion relived in his writings and works
his essence reflected in her eyes
© September 6, 2010
Del Maximo Jan 2010
her first Christmas tree
rising to the ceiling
the green scent of fresh pine permeates
papa put up all the lights
now it’s her turn
a treasure of ornaments
buried in tissue paper

a small, brightly colored stuffed menagerie
made by her Aunts and Uncles
when they were just kids
glittered, glistening plastic snow flakes
shiny, smiling ornaments of different sizes
and unusual shapes
most of them older than her
going back three generations

it’s quite a task
but Grandma said she could do it
unwrapping with care
choosing just the right placements

when she’s hung her last hook
my little niece stands back
aglow with happiness she whispers
“It’s perfect”


Del Maximo
© December 8, 2009
Maria Etre Jul 2018
I saw you
(a)s a vision
of purity
that
does (n)ot
belon(g) on
this (E)arth
a(l)one
but also
the universe
"If I could give you my eyes" Series
William Rogers Apr 2016
New York, July 1992


We will need two passport pictures
one inch by one inch,
black and white
with you looking
exactly forty five degrees to the left;
exactly forty five degrees to the left...
just enough
so we can barely see your right earlobe.
We can't let you into this country without them.
Johnny Noiπ May 2019
The feast of the Ascension of Jesus Christ,
also called Ascension, Thursday of the Assumption
or sometimes called on Holy Thursday,
recalls the Christian faith in Jesus' physical
ascension to heaven. ******* Chick puts
it in the *** Real Amateur Fudendo Paulina
Novinha 18 years old Muto Gostosa;
Second No Cue Del Rei Do Real Do Gap /
Amateur ******* Paulina Young, 18 years
very hot banged her *** King *******
***** chin ***** gets hard **** Great Harem
**** Worldwide **** black teen has a hard
*** adventure with a tattooed white guy.

Petite ebony Cutie Nala Kristine's neck
destroys daughter owes her ******* Redhead
snapchat her *******. My sister finds me weird
because I want to **** her FilthyPOV
Step-Brothers **** - Slutty stepsister
will not stop until it meets S7: E7 woman
touching my **** on the bus - teen girls
snapchat. The best compilation nooo no no,
please no *** and crying **** stepsister *****
for money: Unforgettable *******
with two hot Brazilian babes - unbelievable
crisis, castrati and Vanessa Carvalho
interracial *** now and then woman
fake taxi the luckl Ie guy ***** with the Czech
Nathaly Cherie cosplay lesbian pokemon -
Asia Siberia, hellia sigh, lurid lady daughter
and her parents INSANE TENDER DATE -
Stifle me, hit me, let me come! Real Wives Stories -
Luna Star, Tommy Pistol - Now you see me, ** - -
The little housewife Taylor Sands gets ****** ****!
Cherokee D'*** vs. CJ Wright **** Close Latina
Casting; Please do not run into me! I do not wanna
be pregnant! Wife **** My **** Baby -
18 Years ******* **** & **** Compilation -
Amateur Allure This **** ****** my ****
while my boyfriend fainted in the room. Daughter
Banging Neighbor In My Office Chair *******
*** On *** Boy, Big *** Wife Forgotten Lola
Mellow *** Licking Guys 18 And 20 Years With
Their ***** On My *** **** Is Heaven Puma
Drifting And Loving YOUNG Sally D 'Angelo
20yo Asian **** star Katana has a full ***** filled
with ***** lesbians **** has *** with small teen
Gina Gerson Hot Latina ***** random **** show
and tells ***** a hard BBC What happens to a man
who masturbates every day? HORRORPORN -
Siamese twins MY STEPMAMA IS MY ******
MODEL Danisha gets her ***** and throat stretched
Revenge ***** her ex-boyfriend with her stepbrother
X-Empire Small teen Latina Katya Rodriguez squirts
daddy's Bam! visions everywhere Ebony teen Demi
Sutra ***** older man Private e-gym, he can **** her
wherever he wants - mouth, coño y culo - Lucky man,
beautiful redhead with a tiny wet *****, loves to ****
your mother, she ****** me, Yes de! - Emily Willis,
Jade Baker and Crystal Rush; Redhead's mom Brittany
O'Connell piercing her ***** in **** stockings,
get ****** by Mona Divine with ebony girl *******
Jenna Jameson, Jill Kelly, Kai.

Strati is an electric car developed by Home Motors and manufactured in collaboration with Cincinnati Incorporated and Oak Ridge National Laboratory. It is the world's first electric car to extensively use 3D printing during the production process. The Feast of the Assumption of Jesus Christ, also known as the Assumption or Maundy Thursday, recalls the Christian faith in the physical ascension of Jesus. ******* Chick is in the ***. Real Amateurs Goblin Paulina Novina 18 year old mulatto Gastro Girl Second No Cue Del Rei Do Real Do Gap / Amateur ******* Paulina Young 18 years very hot banged her *** king ******* ***** to chin ***** gets hard **** big harem ******* worldwide **** Black Teen has one hard *** adventure with tattooed whites. Petite ebony cutie Nala Kristine's neck destroys her daughter, owes her a ******* and the redhead snapchats her *******. My sister finds me weird because I want to **** her. FilthyPOV Step Brothers **** - Slutty stepsister will not stop until it hits S7: E7 woman touches my **** on the bus - teen girls snapchat. The best compilation nooo no no, please no *** and cry. **** stepsister ***** for money. Unforgettable ******* with two hot Brazilian babes - incredibly crispy castrato and Vanessa Carvel *** now and then. Fake Taxi lucky woman ***** with Czech Nataly Cherie Cosplay Lesbian Pokémon - Asia Siberia, Hella Sigh, Wild Lady's Daughter and her parents Insane Offer - Smother I, hit me, let me come! Real Wives Stories - Luna Star, Tommy Pistol - Now you see me, ** - - The little housewife Taylor Sands gets **** ******! Cherokee D'*** vs. CJ Wright's **** Close Latina Casting; Please do not run at me! I do not want to be pregnant! Wife ***** My ***** Baby - 18 Years ******* & ******* Compilation - Amateur Allure. This **** ****** my **** while my friend fainted faithfully. Daughter banged my neighbors in my office chair ******* *** on *** Boy, Big *** Wife Forgot Lola's Mellow *** Licking Boys 18 and 20 years with their ***** on my *** **** in heaven Puma drives and loves young Sally D 'Angelo, 20yo Asian pornstar Katana has a full ***** with ***** lesbians. **** has *** with little teen Gina Gerson; Hot latina ***** random **** show and tells a hard BBC *****. What happens to a man who masturbates every day? HORRORPORN - Siamese twins MY STEPMAMA IS MY ****** MODEL Danisha lets her stepbrother X-Empire stretch her ***** and her neck; Revenge ***** her ex-boyfriend Latina Katya Rodriguez squirts daddy Bams visions everywhere Ebony teen Demi Sutra ***** older man in a private e-gym, he can **** her where he wants - mouth, ***** and *** - happy, beautiful redhead with a tiny wet *****, loves to **** your mother, she ****** me, ha! - Emily Willis, Jade Baker and Crystal Rush; Redheaded mom, Brittany O'Connell, piercing her ***** in **** stockings, gets ****** by Mona Divine with an ebony girl ******* Jenna Jameson, Jill Kelly and Kai. A castrato is a kind of classical male voice that corresponds to a soprano, mezzo-soprano or alto voice. The voice is produced by castrating the singer before puberty, or occurs in someone who never reaches ****** maturity due to an endocrine condition.
Lawrence Hall May 2019
Our steppes and birch woods are metaphorical
And so are we - who has not seen himself
In youth as the innocent Alyosha
Or in bad days as Dimitri or Ivan

Grushenka at times, and pale Katya too
The Grand Inquisitor at our dark worst
Old Karamazov lusting after Death
Foul Smerdyakov descending cellar stairs

Or gypsy dancers in a rented room
Rolling Polish officers for their pay

But who could ever be Father Zosima?
Your ‘umble scrivener’s site is:
Reactionarydrivel.blogspot.com.
It’s not at all reactionary, tho’ it might be drivel.

Lawrence Hall’s vanity publications are available on amazon.com as Kindle and on bits of dead tree:  The Road to Magdalena, Paleo-Hippies at Work and Play, Lady with a Dead Turtle, Don’t Forget Your Shoes and Grapes, Coffee and a Dead Alligator to Go, and Dispatches from the Colonial Office.
Johnny Noiπ May 2019
According to one indication, Del Ray is a true 18 year old; Paula Young scratch / scratch, hot *** blows basic spheres of the brain. The puppy has a great hard ****, a great advantage in the world. A black child is a small adventure with special purchases of hard steel and Kristen turtles. They replaced Nana's daughter in her neck, destroying the small box in which her embryo and **** are found. Hunting and killing prostitutes and his sister's fortune at the age of 16. Enter a ***** POV: the relentless brothers will not stop until they reach the S7: E7 touching the soul of a dog on the bus: the Snapchat teenagers. Now the pension, especially: No, no, please, not even your cocktails and a cry of anxiety. Sister Tap arrives at the bay. We do not forget two breaks. Strati is an electric car developed by **** Motors and built in collaboration with the prostitutes of Cincinnati Incorporated and the Oak Ridge National Laboratory. It is the first electric car in the world that uses an extensive 3D printing during the production process. The Feast of the Assumption of Jesus Christ, also known as the Assumption of the ****** Mary or Old Thursday, recalls the Christian faith in the natural admission of Jesus. The deep neck is in the ***. The real amateur elf Puleni Divina. Mulatto naked girl of 18 years. Second without singing Lana Del Rei Doing real Gap / amateur. ******* Paulina Young 18 years old, very hot; hits her eyelashes and the ***** hardens **** great harem ******* all over the world. **** Black Teen has a hard ****** adventure with white tattoos. The elegant neck of an ebony blanket of Nana Christina destroys her daughter, she owes the prostitutes and the redhead hits her in the ***. My sister finds me strange because I want to **** her. FilthyPOV Step-brothers **** - The hot place will not stop until I get to S7: the E7 woman touches my **** on the bus: the teen girls Snapchat. The best collection nooo no no, please do not imitate prostitutes crying. The boy's friend plays for money. Unforgettable ******* with two hot Brazilian babies: incredibly fresh *** from castrato Vanessa Carvel. Fake Taxi, the lucky woman who plays the Czech Natalie Cherie Lesbian Pokémon Cosplay - Asia, Sumeria, Hella Sigh, daughter of wild flowers and their parents. Strange offer: go, give me a beating, let me come! True wife stories - Luna Star, Tommy Pistol - Now you see me, ** - Little housewife Taylor Sands gets ****** in the ***! Cherokee D'*** vs. **** Close Latina Casting by CJ Wright; Do not run towards me! I do not want to be pregnant! My ***** My ***** Baby - 18 years old ******* and ******* compilation - Amateur Allure. This piece drinks my **** while my friend faithfully fails. My daughter hit my neighbor with the chair in my office Puppy *** in the ***, boy, big ***. The husband forgot the soft *** of LiLo, the children of 18 and 20 years with their ***** in the ***. **** in the sky; Cougar. He directs the prostitutes and he loves the young Sally D'Angelo, Katanya has a ***** full of ***** lesbians. The **** has *** with the little teenager Gina Gerson. Hot Latina accidentally hits ***** on prostitutes and tells the BBC the ****. What happens to a man ******* every day? HORRORPORN - Siamese Twins STEPMAMA MY ****** MODE EL DANÉS allows her brother X-Empire to stretch her *****, ****** and her neck. Revenge caressing her ex-boyfriend, Latina Katya Rodriguez throws the Jets to the visions of Dad's Barn everywhere. The ebony teen Demi Sutra plays the old man in a private electronic gym, can **** anywhere: mouth, ***** and ***. Happy, beautiful redhead with a little wet ***** loves to **** your mother, ha! - Emily Willis, Jade Baker and Crystal Rush. Redhead mom Brittany O'Connell, who gets her ***** pierced with **** socks, Mona Divine ***** her with an ebony girl who plays Jenna Jameson, Jill Kelly and Kai. Castrato is a type of classic male masculinity that corresponds to soprano, mezzo or alto. The voice is produced by castration of the singer before puberty or appears in front of someone who never reaches ****** maturity due to the endocrine condition. When the electric car develops prostitutes and develops in cooperation with Be-it Motors Ltd. at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory. Three-dimensional printing is the first electric car girl in the world that is widely used in the production process. The Assumption of Jesus Christ does not even need the novel. On Thursday, the Christian faith is a natural acquisition of white or green for her. Licking teen ***** Creamy Teens - Super 18 years old, 18 years old with perfect *** and feet gets a ******* - POV - *******, ******* and then ******* in adolescence.

— The End —