undated

Autumnal leaf air,
with the historical cut of princetonian guile
I walk toward the dull exonerated street
she looks heavenward; asks for a cigarillo
   tahiti bean
we never questioned our being,
        we just floated and
the capsicum katana slicing our
      corneas into julienne,
I tell her I can't, I quit,
never knowing quite what to do
smoking in june outside a wedding with the boys
she cuts me off, fast it's back to
thinking of  melting flower pots and broiled
   confectioner's sugar in my tiptoe mind-
   my toes are flat on the ground I walk with a gait,
          lifting my heels as if i myself seemed an aristocratic soul
                                                             I look up
                                                                  she has walked away
                                                                                              toward the
                                                                                                          candy store
to buy licorice

Your eyes are deep fried julienne
Potatoes upon which I rend
A plop of ketchup
Then I tend
To eat them one by one
With bliss
A crispy full tongued throaty kiss.

I've hollovved out a hallovv realm;
vvhere only boneships sail,
vvielding verbs of vengeance;
My vvords float on flesh.
Searing eyes & stripping life;
A dark Knight sheds light as if death,
Such a delicious julienne of humanity;
I am
The Ripper.

I'd like to work up the courage to ask you
if it is a cultural thing
to dress like a plushy carrot
that I'd like to passionately julienne
and sprinkle on my bed sheets.

Sometimes I look up
And the sky is not there
I try to breathe
But there is no air
They’ve taken it away
Everything I have
Dimensional and Complex
Now shallow and flat
Deflated and lost

Hurt and confused
I put all of this
Trust in you
Why do you do this
Why do I try?
You never tell the truth
But you never really lie
So I can’t be mad
But I am not happy
Who would’ve known
I’d react this badly?

Why don’t you love me?
Why don’t you care?
I pull myself to pieces
I always compare
Myself to these girls
That you lust for and seek
I change myself countless times
So you will notice me

And when I pull back
You never understand
You want to make it better
But you’re the reason it got out of hand

And I want to hug you back
But I want to break you down
And I want to accept this for what it is
But I want to push you to the ground

I hate you
But I hate me more
I hate everything around me
But I can’t disappoint you like before

I have to stay happy
And kind and sweet
Even though these things you do
Stab and sting
And take all the will
And the patience I saved
For this avoided but imminent
Rainy day
I brought my umbrella
But the wind took it away with a gust
I want be honest
But don’t want to break trust
And I need for someone to love me
To fill up this hole
In my heart, In my purpose for living,
In my spirit and soul
I need someone to tell me
That I’m not ******* insane
Someone that sees things like me
Who gets the choices I make
And the ones that I don’t

I’m stuck in my mind
Let me out, PLEASE
Nothing heals better than time

Until it doesn’t
And it is useless
I am ******* stupid
I can’t do this

I’m a liar
You don’t know me
I’m a liar
But I am lonely
So please please please
Just hold me, hold me
So please, pretty please,
Just hold me closely
I’m cold and afraid
But you are so cozy
Ow STOP
It’s burning, It’s burning
You’re hurting me, STOP
Why do you hurt me
Why do lie
Why are you turning
Into a monster
The tables are turning

Let me go
I don’t have to
let you do this
But I am stupid
I can not do this
I hold you closely
As you julienne my spine
Pulling the knives
out every time you leave
Just a canvas of
scars developed over time

But you don’t care
Or maybe you do
I’m lonely and scarred
I’m confused
Cause you do these things
That show you care
Then pull back or you lie
And our bond disappears
Then I can’t actually talk to you
And say what I mean
My stepmom is in the other room
So I’m holding back, but I just want to scream
I want to cry
And make you feel this way
Want to shake the sense into you
Make you understand this pain

Of being so close
Yet being held back so far
Of thinking you know who someone is
Just to find out who they really are

Why don’t you love me?
Why am I not enough?
I’ve given all I can
And I don’t think I’ll ever experience love

I can’t even touch another person
Without feeling disgusted
But I’m too nice or too in denial
To discuss it

But when touch finally meant something good
I learned it wasn’t special
While I might mean something to you
I am part of the several

I’m not unique
I am only another
Person in line
Why even bother
To entertain me
And my wishful thoughts
Unless you are evil
And my tears get you off

You are so stupid
Do you see what you’ve done?
What you said you would be
Versus what you’ve become
I keep trying to tell you
But the words get stuck
In the back of my throat
So silence will have to be enough
But you want substance so I pour out my heart
And you act like you comprehend
You wouldn’t just accept me because I am me
If you were my friend

I am so empty
I can’t imagine myself
In a place of acceptance
Can’t remember hoping for anything else

Stuck in a cycle of loathing you
And needing your company
I keep pushing you away
But I need you to love me

Love me
Love
Me
Tell me you love
Me
I need to hear
How much you want
Me
First priority
Second to
Nobody
Push and pull
Till you see you’ve undone
Me
Too afraid to accept what you’ve
done
So you don’t confront me
You lie, You pretend
Try to act like its
Funny

You made me fall, and now I’m crashing
And you just want to hug me?
You made me walk through fire
Just so you could put it bluntly
You let me burn all of those bridges
Even though you knew you weren’t running
You should’ve just killed me then
I hate when your lies punch me
And bruise me, And you stories hurt me,
and your  change of heart stuns me
I should’ve known better
That is why they judge me

You say they don’t matter
But you steady stay on their side
You always give them
A chance to prove they’re right
Listen to their reasons
And then throw the fight
Always putting me last
To make sure she doesn’t cry
Throwing me under the bus
Countless times
Acting like I did you wrong
Because I pointed out your lies
I can’t stand this anymore
So I’m sitting down and letting out a sigh
And taking all these hits
To keep you in my life
But would you go through this for me?
Am I even worthy in your eyes?
I must be nothing to you
Because you never see how you make me flat line

do you not see?
do you ever notice me?
can you tell when i can’t breathe
do you even understand
the capacity
of your actions and the way they control the world around me?
are you blind
or are you dense
common sense
intelligence
practicality
experience
i don’t understand
don’t comprehend
are you blind?
must i remind
you of all the times
i gave what i didn’t have
just to hear you call yourself mine
and then in the end
you take it all back
like i was the one who surprised
you with all this love ****
i waited to say it back
cause i didn’t want it to be a lie
your cloying lips just let it fall
into my hands
when “i love you” meant nothing at the time

so don’t hate me
i will try to do the same
but i can’t make any promises
i am in pain
i don’t want to hurt
but i want to see you cry as well
after all the tears i’ve wasted
and how much you’ve made me hate myself
please don’t hate me
i will never really mean this
without the thought of you to soothe me
my lonesome nights are dreamless

I sleep like I'm living on Elm St,
Changed my last name from Maroni to Myers
Now Michael is looking to **** me.
Ended up running from Leatherface
Put to a ****** Doo kind of chase,
No matter how hard I tried,
He wouldn't stop until he tanned my hide.

I sold a prop from Twilight Zone,
To a Hannibal, hungry clone
Who was looking to "serve man"
He learned julienne clipper cuts
From a guy with scissors for hands.
Then cooked the flesh in a pastry dish
Into the oven each person would slide
"Come and try Mrs. Lovett's meat pies!"
The business would rise as they all got in line.

I sat down for tea with Pamela,
She said her son Jason's a mess
That was Thursday, the twelfth,
I haven't heard from her since.
But if I was that parent,
I would teach my child to swim.
I took some forget-me-knots
Mixed them together with frog's breath,
Said the word "hopscotch"
And returned to the dead.

Lésia ! J'expire à Guernesey
Des mots crapauds* privés de sens
Chantant aux mules* amusées
De jolis souvenirs d'en France
Quand ton sein cloué sur mon cœur
Poussait la marée salicole,
Aux pages de mon livre d'heures.
Là-bas la mémoire est frivole
Pour qui te cherche comme un fou
Et guère ne sais si tu fus mienne
Dans l'ombre tendre de Julienne.
Le sable coule à marée basse
Aux heures blanches de nos jeux
Mes doigts démaquillant ses yeux
Lorsque les souvenirs s'effacent
Quand la maison s'est endormie
Que la tendresse m'envahit
Et que j'implore que le temps cesse
Et que j'implore que le temps cesse.

With a coffee steaming hot,
He pours down his caffeinated thoughts...
Notions about love and life—
Cutting the edge like a vegetable knife.
Whistling off the pressure
from this sizzling ***...
He puts down those delicious wedges
on a plate.

A dream, a muse
A crop with an edible seed,
And some seasoning - straight.
A culinary of a different delight.
A similar taste, yet variety in spice

An old radio—
On a modern slab.
Unusual cutlery - a chopstick and a fork.
Like instruments of a chemical lab.

A pan shimmering songs of beatles.
Romeo lyrics with onion in julienne
Tomatoes calling "Hey Jude"
Oil burns them softer...
Till the prelude.

Stressing away the chilli—
With those spicy words,
And with the pinch of longings.
Enhancing the taste—

The south curry is ready
to be served
Tasters in awe...
Asked me the novice.
The know and how—

It was a recipe
Crafted by heart
My journey towards you
Took an appetizing start.