gatekeeper
gaslighter
hateful
little
man

if i can’t rise
above you
then
im not sure
where i am

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                                  Gaslighting

Am I being gaslighted?
Or am I being gas lit?
Whichever way the verb might be
The gaslighter is full of (it)

The Unknown Tower
Quiet & deserted.
A way to the top
The elevator hums, rising.

I step out.
I open the door, enigmatic.
I close the door,
Turn the kn⁰b…

Instantaneously
The cold metal snaps in my hand!
I am locked out.

A voice
Deep Inside !
"Have a glance."

Down,
Down, down,
Down,
Down, down…

I peer over the edge—
Acrophobia strikes!

A war ignites between me
& my unknown ‘Someone.’

I hear the voice again
It is not mine.
Or is it?

I scramble, trying to fix the kn⁰b,
But that 'Someone'—
Powerful, cunning—
A puppet master, a gaslighter,
A shadow pulling the strings.

I can’t think anymore!
Thoughts crumble like shredded paper!
Or did ‘Someone’ crush them for me?

"Do a high dive to nowhere!
Do a high dive to nowhere!
Do a high dive to nowhere!"

The voice pounds like a drum.

Drive,
Drive, drive, drive, drive,
Drive, drive,
Drive…

"My bébé, drive."

Once again,
The table is yours.
The table is yours.

Step forward.
Hesitation wanders, the fear of loss.
Look down.
No acrophobia!

The tower does not end.
The fall never stops.

I turn
& there is no door.

Goodbye.
Will you die to find yourself?

drifting thoughts never wandered to you
comfort was never brought
but i learned how to survive without your f-king apology

f-cking gaslighter
f*-king manipulator
a killer of minds

the cycle continues
at my own hands

You're not a nice person
You never gave a **** about me
You have anger issues
You have no sense of humor
You are a vegan
You probably smell like mothballs
You probably aren't good in bed
Because you are cold and callous
You are exploitative
You are a gaslighter, too
You can't stand up for yourself
Until you are explosive
You probably have too large of a bleep anyway
You are not the one
I swear it, being my twin flame aside
You are not the one.

I’ve never had such deep-rooted hate for someone in my life. Someone that I choose to lay down with, almost every night.
Someone that I can’t help but love, even though my heart is telling me, “wake the **** up”.
You see, you are a “poisonous wasp dressed as a beautiful butterfly”. Something which you once told me, was completely a lie.
I am the butterfly and you are the poison wasp, entangling my wings, leaving me lost.
You hold your dead relationships over your head like a prize, “look at me I’m completely despised!”... by everyone you’ve been with.
I’ll admit, you’ve had me fooled for quite some time, but it didn’t take me long to see right through you, because after all, you are the king of “transparency”.
But exactly what are you so transparent about?
That fact that you’ll never care about anyone, but yourself?
“You should be proud of me and my ambition. Support my aspirations! I’m on a mission!”.
A mission of what? To feed your addiction?
Addiction for power and control. How can I support someone who wants to see me in nothing but a hole? Who wants to make me feel worthless?
Who won’t let me let go?  That everything I’ve worked hard for was none of my doing; all my hopes and dreams had come to fruition, it was no thanks to him and his “guidance”.
What kind of ******* “guiding light”, leads you down a path of total and complete darkness and self-loathing?
A liar, a gaslighter and a mastermind manipulator.
You stole yet another light, blew the candle out with the same lips that said they loved me.
Add it to the collection, tuck it away in that tiny little box in your brain, then wait... for your next victim.

You are a loveless hell that doesn't end/
A gaslighter unafraid of flames/
Hiding behind children and friends/

I keep telling you to be cool/
You are lit ****** melting my face/
Laughing all the way to the bank/

How many times you packed your bags?/
How many times you actually left?/
You've got nowhere else to go/

And Allaah knows that I've been patient/
You just take advantage of it/
This isn't marriage, it's babysitting./