Tender oversized hugs made of never ending love.
        
A broad smile bought belly laughs time and time again.
                                                  
Aching cheeks from a dose of over indulged happiness.

Always larger than life.
                        Life and soul.
                                     Our life and soul.

Deep set wrinkles from a lifetime of worry.

Never stopping to rest.

Fussing here pampering there.

Your selflessness and determintion to     enjoy life knew no bounds.

     You enjoyed the next generation of            
          the family as much as the last.

      No longer disabled and heaven                      
     rejoices at the return of an angel.

           The last of your generation.
      Reunited with long lost relatives.

We feel your love Nan
       We always have.
              We always will.

Till we meet again....

Good night
                    and
                            God Bless.
                                    X

Now it's a New Year, change the look on your face.  Cheer up anyone, no matter the race.
Cheer up that special one, who walks with a hung down head.  Especially, the ones in the corner, looking like they're dead.
Cheer up your family, bring joy into your home.  No one should feel they can't fit in, therefore, leaving them alone.
Cheer up your children, stop constantly fussing them out.  Show  them that you can be kind, and you know how to speak right.
Cheer your Mother and Father, after they have been fighting all day.  Perhaps, you can bring them together, so they can began to pray.
By, Author & Poet, Sandra Juanita Nailing

Have you heard the story of The Five Elements?
There was Water to replenish the Earth, quenching his thirst.
Fire was jealous, so he had to burn Earth, and this only dried Water up.
Wind had no interest in sides, and he played with Fire's flames, causing them to grow. He made ripples in Water, causing her to come back with waves.
With Water's waves, she put Fire out. Fire and Water are always fussing, like an old married couple.
Wind enjoyed messing with Earth, as well, blowing stuff around and destroying rock - although that took some time.
Earth did not mind any of them. Water gave him life, and also helped him start anew with floods.
Fire also helped Earth, by ridding of the dead and helping the living start over. Wind also helped Earth.
Wind helped spread DNA and helped things begin life.
Spirit had no place where the others were concerned. She was wiser than them all, but she could not destroy, like Fire, Water, and Wind.
She did not hold them all together like Earth. She could not quench thirst like Water, and she could not help start populations like Wind, nor could she rid of the dead like Fire.
Though, Spirit is what helps them keep going. She is the animals, the insects, the plants.
She's the soul and everything of the like.
Without Spirit, Earth would be barren.
Yes, the other Elements would still exist, but there would be no point.
No one is better than another. No, they hold each other together.
Fire may love Water and Water may love Fire.
Earth and Spirit are the eldest and have been around the longest; their love is the strongest.
Wind is not a child, but he has the will of one. Nothing can tie him down.
Their family is not perfect, but there would be nothing without them.
This is the story of the Five Elements.
Alone, they are nothing.
Together, they are stronger.

Annick (my 28 year old sister) came down to NYC, from Boston, for a day visit. It was one of those warm, cerulean days between Christmas and New Years. Annick’s in a surgical residence, in a pandemic, but still somehow, she got away.

We’re dining on a shaded, outdoor, sundeck - I arrived first, by a moment but then the elevator opened and Annick emerged, looking like a model - familiar but I don’t know - more completely adult - more than ever like my mom. It was all I could do not to weep for happiness when we hugged.

After that long hug, Annick gave my clothes a slow, censorious looking-over. When my mom and I shopped for “school clothes” last year, in Paris, I bought some stunning designer (Anna Molinari) clothes - only to find out they were completely out of place at Yale. Now they’re sentenced to a trunk under my bed and my replacement clothes are from FatFace and Patagonia. Ordinary clothes, bought for their ordinariness.

I’ve been dressing to disappear but I wanted her to see a “new me.” How I’ve survived in a rough, academic country - not just survived - but thrived. I also wanted her to think her sister was beautiful and hoped I didn’t seem too strange. She cupped my chin - just like my mom does - “You look wonderful,” she said.

Annick mentioned we’d have company for lunch but she was alone - then this tall, fair-haired, man was with us. He slipped his arm around Annick’s waist and they smiled, together. I’d never met one of Annick's boyfriends before so this was a little disconcerting - part of me wanted to pull her away and say, “MINE!”

Annick made the introductions, “Anais, this is Gerard - Gerard, Anais.”  Gerard leaned into la bise then half hugged me, patting me bearishly on the back. I decided he was too tall and too handsome and began to examine him for flaws.

He wore a dark-charcoal-gray cashmere suit with a light-gray oxford-cloth shirt. “Are you always so dapper?” I asked? “I wanted to look substantial,” he said, with a very slight French accent. He held me at arm’s length. “You’re definitely sisters,” he said, smiling.

We settled in. At first we were a little stilted with each other, uncertain how to best introduce ourselves. Annick said that Gerard is a “Child Neurologist.” “Funny,” I said, “you look older.” and he laughed. I was warming to him.

“How’s school going?” Annick asked later, moving some of my fly-away hair out of my face - a trace of the maternal in her solicitous fussing - but I liked it.
“Easy peasy,” I said, the lie warming me like an ember or black magic.

There’s no real sibling rivalry between us. Imagine you’re Beyoncé’s sister, what are the odds that you’ll eclipse Beyoncé? Yeah, it’s ZERO.

“Ha!” she laughs, “you are such a little fibber.”
“I am NOT,” I hotly say, but my defense is ruined by my laugh. “I’m doing ok - but it’s a lot,” I say, to erase the fib.

They’re ENGAGED!
I tried not to act stunned but I doubt I was very convincing. The news thumped me like a gust of wind. Suddenly, I knew. Our yesterdays were no more substantial than a story we’d read together growing up, that you can mourn and rejoice at the same time.

Otherwise it was a family lunch, although at first I was a bit nervous around Gerard. At one point Annick says, “What are you doing?” as the table gently quivered.
I smiled wincingly, “Making circles with my ankles,” I said.
Annick smiled knowingly.

Be thankful at Christmas, and have a good attitude.  Refrain from fussing and fighting, as well as being rude.
Be thankful at Christmas, help spread a lot of cheer.  Allow the family to be drawn close, allow them to come near.
Be thankful at Christmas, no matter what gift you get.  Be grateful with gratitude, and don't easily get upset.
Be thankful at Christmas, help spread some joy and peace.  Let it flow out to everyone, refuse to let it cease.
Be thankful at Christmas, maybe you can share the hungry your food.  I'm sure they want waste it, but all of it will be used.
Be thankful at Christmas, don't get caught up into self.  Learn to give out to others, so they can share your wealth.
By, Author & Poet, Sandra Juanita Nailing

His wife is as
assiduous as
a mother bird.

She keeps
the windows
clean with rags
and buckets
of vinegar and
steaming water.

What happens here.

He sweeps
the ceiling
and ponders
the meaning
of the word
perspicacity.

There are
mornings
spent fussing
over underused
demitasse sets.

What happens here.

There are
afternoons
side-by-side
on the front
porch glider,

watching clouds
attenuate across
a porcelain sky.

What happens here.

The smallest
sounds never
fail to surprise
them.

How sparrows fold
like feathered paper
below rectangles
of polished air.

*What happens here,
happens over there.

/Uhh, Lil Mama.. (Stop playing around wit Dat2)/2
Lil mama stop playing around wit Dat *****,..girl(give it to me2) girl..just give it..(to me2)..Yeah you got a man, but he won't ******* like I will, Noo, he can't treat you like I can,yo, Yeah, so stop playing around Lil Mama,..(stop playing wit that *****3).., Aye, Lil Mama stop playing around with (that *****3)..

/Uhh, stop playing wit that *****, stop playing around wit Dat *****,..(stop playing wit Dat3)..*****/2..
Uhh, Yeah you gotta man, but he won't  *******..like I will,..Uhh

Yeah you gotta man, but he can't ******* (like I can2).. Aye,..Uhh,..he don't treat you right so Babygirl why you with his lame ***..(girl,..let me get that *****,Yeah3), Aye, Yeah you gotta man,..forget his ***, leave him at the curb like garbage.., he won't treat you like I can, Noo he won't ******* like I will, (Noo, he can't..2)..beat it up like me..(Noo, he can't..2)..like I can baby

Uhh,..so (stop playing wit that *****3)...(give it to me, *3)..to me..Aye
/(stop playing wit that *****3)..lil mama/2
Girl let me have it, Yeah
Baby let me get it

Yeah you gotta man, but he can't ******* (like I can2).. Aye,..Uhh,..he don't treat you right so Babygirl why you with his lame ***..(girl,..let me get that *****,Yeah3), Aye, Yeah you gotta man,..forget his ***, leave him at the curb like garbage.., he won't treat you like I can, Noo he won't ******* like I will, (Noo, he can't..2)..beat it up like me..(Noo, he can't..2)..but  I can baby

Uhh, Lil mama stop being so depressed, stop being so sad, why you so mad, you wouldn't be like that if your chilling wit me..real ****,for real baby, Yeah,..you need to stop..(stop playing wit that *****2)..(let me kiss it2)..,Yeah , Baby you can lay across my chest, while I smoke on a doobie, Shawty you don't even gotta inhale it, second hand smoke yeah, Shawty, let me enter in ya..Yeah
Uhh,..just being around me is an natural high baby,..(I'm not gone play around2)..wit yo feelings, Imma play wit that *****, Babygirl, let me play wit (Dat *****2)..ain't no fussing daily, wit me, Noo baby, we just making love (all day2) (so2)..(stop playing wit that *****2)..give it to me..,(stop playing wit dat *****3)..give it up baby,to me..stop playing around baby,..

Imma (beat it up2) like eggs in the morning, Imma (eat it up,2).. like a cookie,Shawty you don't gotta have a nasty attitude all the time, ****, stop playing wit that *****,stop holding back from me, I just wanna make you smile, Uhh, I wanna make you moan baby, so stop messing around, come on baby, what's wrong (baby2)..it's that **** ***** you be wit, you act like you love him, but you don't need him, you need (a real g3)..a (***** like me2)..for real baby,..So (why you playing2)..(stop ******* around now baby2)..girl, stop ******* around wit me..Ohh, ahh, Ohhwoah..Uhh..

Imma give you my all Fo sho, we gone ball Babygirl,  Imma give you everything that you want & that you need, for real..(baybe2)..what yo heart truly desires is a real *****, like Young Ston, baby, (come on2)..bring that ***** to my home..Ohh, ahh, Ohhwoah..Uhh..
Babygirl, (stop playing wit Dat *****3)..Uhh,..you need to (stop it2)..stop playing, wit Dat *****, come on & (give it too a real g2)..Uhh..

/(stop playing2)..wit that *****/2
Ohhwoah, BabyGirl.. (Give it to me3)..forget that ***** you been wit, **** him,, leave his ***..(give it too me*2)..to me
OFTR ENT

standing at water's edge
good-bye, momma - I'll always love your straight-face discipline
goodbye, poppa - whose handsomeness I never knew nor saw




nobody'll see me camp out alone on the common
tiny-tent to keep my limbs from cramping morning-mist
maybe some stray-mutt to be (f)ears to intruders
perked-up coffee in tin-***
and baked-beans from a tin, I'll share my bounty
with the dog and bramble-bush




I'm not afraid if the dark
   which waits in timely-blocks
   never overwhelms
I'll meet that sky at midnight and greet the stars in bloom
   their twinkling-smiles will warm my eyes
   and scoop away all lone thoughts
I'll siphon inspiration from the sighs of flora
   inaudible yet felt
I'll huddle not away from any lesson
             *even second-hand




my weapon will be prayer
mouth-***** tests the waters
sends a tentative trill into heightened-silence
      rippling on surface
      embracing the dark
Joe felt that God was there.. the boss
fussing over all his creation
yet, he felt alone on the pier that day
with not one soul..
        to stop the tides from swallowing his tired-life
        to love the gauche-grit inside his gifted-cage
        to hear the silent-scream of fretless-agony
        to sense the dripped-disparity of favour
turning face upwards and smelling fresh sea-salt
he closed his eyes so slowly
and let the wind rip it away from him..




nobody had heard him play Bach on his guitar
finest poignant tone
all the suites and minuets in glory to the one
    yet among the many passing, there was one listener
    a quiet boy whose senses touched celestial-note
most mothers warned their children to stay away from Joe
save this lad to inherit misunderstood genius-scribbles
as Joe's blue book held more than just music of old-siècle
to be legacy in the talent-hand of open-heart apprentice



and my penciled-in landscape grows incisors
from the sharpness of your colour
as I camouflage my strained-song
in seeming-vibrancy of words
merely purloined from the deepest
of
your quiet-sighs


S T - 20 December 2013

Extra Initiative! what is this Extra Initiative?
Is it a hype, or is it something positive? ?
How it is written, I am bit tentative?
Is it X-tra initiative or Extra initiative?
Explain me clearly what does it mean.?
So that, taking some steps in that direction I can be seen.
Wherever I go this word is buzzing
that much worth should be given? , or they are fussing?
Despite all my efforts my career is in frost
can it give my career the required ******? ?
What if more importance is given to xtra initiatives than the real thing.
what if they ignore the process and xtra initiatives is piled to make a bing.
what will be its impact on Process negative or positive.
Not sure, but this poem can be taken as my extra initiative.

I was on the way to pick her up,
was just about to cross a slippery *****
on the front yard of my in-laws’ home.
Forget how long it took me to cross,
Huh, I had to solve a riddle.
A Moon pops up halfway through,
right in my way, it just won’t move.

I said I don’t need any horoscope,
already married, I am not a groom!
She goes, I too don’t fancy fussing about.
The riddle I got is only an easy-peasy one.
Just tell me your W duo—Where and When
did you take your first breath?
I laugh, isn't it the mum who can tell best,
who saw it first when I was born
but I can't go back and ask her,
she won’t show up
unless I return home, picking her up.

I said to the moon, o dear,
never did I say you got a scar,
that a spot on your face is cute, fair,
is only a cool shadow of one’s
deep-rooted fine lock of hair!

I then ran to the expert scientist.
He said it’s all vibrating but knows not
where the heck, if ever the spin might stop.
Again I ran to knock on the Sufi’s door.
He seemed to know why I went there,
And said in a deep voice, “as far as I know,
you don’t have a sister-in-law!”

Again the moon asks, in a heavy tone
“Tell me the truth,” before it's too long,
I said you’re in my way,
“I am not asking for an acre of moon.
Spare me a digit gap if you could.”

Unlike how the lands on earth, she tells,
keep changing the hands,
owning the ultimate plot is still one’s dream.
But no space is left unmeasured in space.
You miss by a hairbreadth, no matter how tiny,
and you might as well miss it by the eternity.

So zero space can I spare says the moon
This is it, the dead end, no more room to move.
Still, even a closed circle can’t be close,
the smallest atom is not the smallest to be closed.
The constant spin inside it constantly finds
ever more space to move on, because the root
pi is cracked open, spills out a new decimal,
though none can pinpoint, in this finest loophole
the sky can sway and earth finds a mouth to jingle!

I know what you are doing
After all you told me so..
accidentally
you told me without realizing

You advised my cousin to stay in her mess until she found her strength
You feel like this, us, is a mess, and well I guess I feel the same.

I thought that I needed you because ..
I just felt like I do.. did
but I don't need you
I mean
I did  ..I do

I love you,
But why does your love come with all this BS
Cheating, lying, fussing, fighting, crying..
You have no empathy for me
You hurt me and expect me to not complain

I know what you're doing

You are waiting on the right time
devising your plan to Leave
But the door is available for you now
You do not have to plot and scheme on a better way to hurt me,
You can leave in the morning
you can just leave in the morning. ..

Five hundred nights we shared this room
You still crack the blinds to watch the moon

No dogs allowed has been long overruled
You always felt that was just a bit cruel

Despite the hair, dirt, and drool
You welcome the new fur family rule

No more fussing with my sloppy side
Now you tidy the sheets in half the time

The center of the mattress is just as fine
Though you still refuse to cross that line

You still sleep on your side of the bed
Yet, Five hundred nights since I've been dead

Such a snake you are,
poisonous words dripping like venom from fangs under bitten lips,
striking at the ever-so slightest nudge of your tail,
retreating and hissing for help from those you belittle;
Do I really seem like such a foolish little mouse,
slave and prey to your every whim, every change of mind?
I'd like to think not;
For your cussing and fussing, screaming and shouting,
while throwing a little hissy fit, is not proper etiquette,
even for a reptile such as yourself.
Such a tiny wriggling thing must be put in its natural place,
relocated to where it cannot bite the children
to where it can go find others like itself,
away from the big scary predators that might hurt it;
Humans, cars, bikes, cats, dogs, oh the possibilities are endless,
but you wound up in my path, unlucky you,
a demonic and unforgiving rage personified;
If you are a snake, I am a dragon,
if you are a fish, I'm a bloodthirsty shark,
darling don't you see how this works?
I've dealt with you long enough, you pest, you ungrateful little thing,
my mercy is off, our truce is through, now God only knows what'll happen to you,
did you think me to be a kind human being?
Well, I guess you're mistaken, so take a number, sweetie,
I'll call for you when I'm done sending others to the graveyard,
for if you think I'd even hold you at the top of my list,
you're sadly mistaken, yet again;
You should probably stop trying to predict me,
stop blaming me for each little thing,
for a predator can't be blamed for taking out pests,
nor animal control for relocating vicious creatures;
You silly little snake, do you think yourself to be a viper,
when really you're just a common garter?

I like a bowl of collards
You like brussel sprouts
You have a taste for cognac
Jim Beam just knocks me out
You went to that big college
I flunked the seventh grade
We ain't got much in common
Till we pull down the shades


CHORUS:
THE ATTRACTION OVERCOMES THE WALLS BETWEEN US
TO UNDERSTAND OUR BOND WON'T TAKE A GENIUS
OUR LIVES ARE CONTRADICTIONS
BUT THE FUN OUTWEIGHS THE FRICTION
THE ATTRACTION OVERCOMES THE WALLS BETWEEN US


In our healthy love-hate thang
Sometimes hell breaks loose
But when the big moon rises
We wave a flag of truce
Our fussing's just a pastime
Between the mountain peaks
But by evening time we  tangle
And the making up is sweet


CHORUS


BRIDGE:  It's natural to differ
                  But the difference ain't too big
                  We meet right in the middle
                  When it's time to build a bridge


CHORUS

There’s nothing like a frosty winter morning,
when the sky has had enough
of trying to look nice and welcoming
for you today,
but instead decided to take the day off
and retreat under the soft grey fluff of a blanket, and you too,
have done the same, in a show of comraderie,
cracking the window open just enough
to feel each other’s breath
across the zipping air
that won’t stop fussing
or biting off the skin on your right thumb.

There’s nothing like such a morning
when a bottomless pit of steaming hot coffee isn’t enough, though your heart-rate
is through the roof, but you pretend that’s good
for you, as if it’s pumping blood and heating up
your insides.

A morning when the requirement to stay inside
is no longer a discomfort but an opportunity –
for some calm piano tunes,
just like the wind
converging then diverging,  
to serenade you in the background, while your rough
cold hands, stretch out in their familiar spider web
but this time in a slower
motion stretch
and take you to the keyboard once again,
because there’s nothing like it on a frosty, freezing, gloomy winter  
Morning like this.

Joseph's sons are still in Egypt
All is not fulfilled as yet
The elder child, Manasseh
calls himself a Christian these days
and still seems mightier than Ephraim
as foreseen by Israel
but has this small problem
keeping Father's commandments
having been suckled on
papal leaven
with that false gospel
girlfriend he likes to call
prosperity ...
I'd rather remain a gentile, thanks
Invite me to the wedding
I'll come visit every Sukkot

He really needs his younger brother
to come of age and stop fussing ...
to stop copy-catting Judah
and feed Yeshua's lost sheep
from that double redeemer's portion
Jacob blessed him with ...
that which speaks of BenDavid
and the keeping of true Torah
which is the tittles and jots
'Jesus' said would remain
a blessing till all is fulfilled
till His Torah shines forth from Zion
once again

Jealous Judah awaits him too
Prays each day the prodigal will come home
and tell him who Meshiach is

There really are no Gentiles or Greeks
except in diaspora
No, not even Jesus freaks
Just a faithful, obedient remnant
in Jacob's trouble

going to the promised land

On the paint chipped pavement we went over the rules:
NO cherry bombs, NO bobbling,
NO lower-ballers, spin-tops,
chalk walkers, twenty fingers,
and especially NO  skyscrapers.
So for a few minutes we played as raw as apple skin knees,
it was the roughest, toughest, hard-nosed game
of four square any fourth grader has ever seen.
But it was all over when someone crossed the line.
There was fussing, cussing, and an accusation of the mustnt’s.
Eyebrows adjacent, we argued and clawed like kilkenny cats,
we were breaking rules, we crossed the chalk.
We took sides and worst of all,
the one crucial act that we regret,
we slammed the ball down.
It towered overhead like window washers
and landed on the school’s roof.
We stopped arguing. Nobody won that day.  

© Matthew Harlovic

demon in the bathroom mirror
last rock of crystal went missing
bulging eyes in my reflection
I didn’t like that
i couldn’t find crystal but i don’t ask
those guys actually saved my life.
two hours to billings, montana and the
prairie grass glistened in the
last minute Sunday morning sunlight
thanksgiving day drive.

designer machete and the wineberries
broken shabbat demarcation line
and i tried yet again to perform a task
to completion without getting distracted
screaming from the bathroom

‘i can’t hit a vein! I can’t hit a vein!’
water in the rig
miss crystal swimming in mine
Christ in the Cosmos
two plantains on the kitchen island in
a town house on west orange.
no man is an island
but I pretended that i was so
i could finally climb the double helix home.

i  can’t be creative if i’m always in
a mad rush.
‘Prove to me your value! Justify your being here,
can you see me? Why can’t anyone see me?
how about now?’
tongue caught in a snare
pestilence in the mason jar
smoked paprika in the finish
water in the rig
‘Jordan? Was there even anything in here?’

i used to lay prostrate on the
couch
ad infinitum.
one thing they don’t tell you is that when
you’re dope sick you have to take
a giant **** about every five minutes.
the free cable in the apartment complex
actually saved my life.
furniture - mid century modern -
had to let it go.
hadn’t really listened to music in 18 months
besides pop country radio stations
‘i got that summertime, summertime sadness’
ad infinitum.
somehow I had decent pair of headphones and
a small, black verizon smartphone circa July 2013.
‘do what you want, what you want with my body…’
Lady Gaga actually saved my life that day.

demon in the ikea medicine cabinet mirror
giant rock of crystal
missing
water in the rig
‘was there even anything in there?!?!?!’
the mirror reflected back to me a stranger’s eyes
mirror is another name for a stranger's eyes.
i tabernacled in the high desert plains,
Sheridan, Wyoming - powder river country.

i felt the God-force emerge yesterday
up and outward from deep within my belly.
but today i’m fussing over straw-men
in plaster-of-paris suits
and i ate tortured beef at a
diner in Leesport, PA
and I can’t turn back into the man I was
no matter how hard I try.

so now I sit before
the most holy apostle St. Jude
located at Our Lady of Fatima Grotto
across the street from Kings College, Wilkes-Barre, PA.
‘The quickest way to Hell are the temptations of the flesh, exclamation point.’
i came here to reclaim my value but
i can’t seem to find it anywhere.

i keep getting flashbacks of the water in the rig
and the screaming from the bathroom and
if i didn’t tell somebody about this i was probably
going to *****.

3 cheers for the Black Madonna and
the big surrender.
i’ve swallowed so many shadows by now
that i don’t recognize myself in the mirror
or in your eyes.
but my body is a christmas tree and
from the branches i hang
plastic tinsel and
crystals and
broken timing chains
and a cedar wood mala.

I see that Christ is always pointing to
his sacred heart
but no one ever told me that
the anahata chakra had a back door.
no wonder sometimes I feel like i’m a
hydrogen bomb welded inside a lead casket.
someone open the ******* door and
let some light in.

the sun doesn’t rise from the west
and there is no rest for the weary and
to this day I act like that wasn’t only
water in the rig.

It starts
in the quiet
itching in the fingers
like new skin knitting under blistered burns.

I have always written.
Before I had my letters
(before the lessons
with stubby pencils
curving sense out of the air)
I would scrawl nonsense waves
folding and boiling
in a crash of senseless surf
onto pages meant for pictures

I scribbled a whole Atlantic
before sense and sound
delivered the waves to reason.

I still find it hard,
when writing,
not to let the rolling sea
scatter into fragment waves
that whisper into the breeze of my fingers.

I have tried many addictions,
I have spent people like money.
I have tied my hands
to stop from fussing at the leaves.
If I ever loved I left it still spinning,
but I have never lost the itch

a pen to scratch its bleed of ink
into a sweet clean ****** page.
To scrawl my feint history
in every broken harbour
of her yielding skin.