Flippy Hippie, what the heck is your trip?
We get things going fine and then you flip.
Your political lips are criminally zipped.
Because you are obviously losing your grip.
Tripping hipster, what were you thinking?
The ship of state is so obviously sinking.
Are you diddling with your own erections?
And too good to vote in our elections?

Hippy dippy, Flippy Hippie, you’re mental.
Apparently your adulthood is experimental.
You’re just tourists in your own realities
Blathering a lot of brainless banalities.
You make excuses not to use your brains.
You’re making choices you can’t explain.
To you all politics is just a boring game.
When we ask, you say they’re all the same.

Flippy Hippie, you make not much sense at all.
You’ll die too when they stand us to a wall.
We know you quit thinking in elementary school
And that explains why you’re such a big fool.
We understand the reason you are so dim
You don’t see it’s us or them. You’re not them.
Later, if they get their way and the US is dead
Just remember a lot is because you stayed in bed.

I want to write a poem.
No, like I really really really wanna write a poem.
Problem, stick it to me.
Pause
Poems have to be good.
Okay, so a poem doesn't have to be good
However, the point of the art is to have someone read
Those flippy little words that you pulled out
Of some intangible existence and pasted on
The Internet.

The Internet,
So you don't always put it online but,
Other people are "supposed" to read it.
To enjoy it, give you a pat on the back,
Maybe an "I see what you did there".
So poems are supposed to be presentable.
You've got to pay in sweat and ink but,
At least the words themselves are free.

What if I don't wanna have to make a "good" poem?
Okay so I really do want a pat on the back but
Sometimes I really like pasting things from
Intangible existences.
Fancy words right? Let me pat my own back.
Sometimes I just like putting my emotions on paper
While sounding like I read
More dictionaries than Webster.
Ha, ha, sigh.

There's a problem with having to be inspired to write **** down.
Do you think someone pays Taylor Swift's boyfriends
To break up with her
So she can write the
Next big hit?
I wouldn't doubt it.
My guardian angel should make the people around me
Say weird stuff such that I can write about
Walking on waves of shattered glass
Or
Singing of birds in circled flight.
Maybe I'd be better off being hit by a car.
That'd be some pretty touching poetry.

Some people write happy poetry too,
I don't know how they do it.
Sorry but, my world isn't flowers and  butterflies
Enough to warrant discussion of
Staying in the fairy meadow of light.
Sorry, I'm just jealous.

Maybe I just like writing stuff down?
What if I just don't want to be forgotten?
Leaving a legacy in my words more indellible
Than a pat on the back.
Doubt it.

I just don't want to forget.
Brain, why don't you get it?
I'm sitting here getting all intimate with an idea and
The next morning Brain's got no clue what their name is.
Like really, even if we invite a friend over and get creative with
Our tongues and mouths,
Brain doesn't remember the moments shared between us.
Paper doesn't think very well but it's got a decent memory bank.
So I save up for a brand new poem.
I thought words were free.

To all the ******* who don't
Know what is and isn't important
For their own **** good.
A *****, rigid, spiked, smelly
One finger salute for each
And every one of you.

This ******* throws his kids
Out into the streets in November.
Big man of the house who trys so
Desperately to be intimidating,
With a ****** back and a
Horrible stench of alcohol on his breath.

This ******* who thinks she's special.
The stuck up ***** that too closely
Resembles a plump ****** carrot.
Who thinks the perfect guy is a hairless
Fruity smelling mommy's boy *****
With perfect flippy hair and a big ****.

This *******, the few, the proud,
The fruity smelling mommy's boy *****
Who wouldn't know a pair of pliers
If they were ripping off his sparkly earrings.
Never having an ounce of dirt on his hands,
But at least she... I mean he has nice teeth.

This ******* that can't tell one honest
Fact about his "hard and lonely" home life.
The one who nods and laughs but just wants to ****.
Who beats off to his computer after taking a hit
That he bummed off his rich friends.
Who is confused as to why some people (me) hate him.

This ******* who screws with the emotions
Of one of the best guys ever to glide through her life.
Who throws him on a roller coaster with smiles
And flirtatious giggling while she lets him kiss her.
Then throws him to the side and takes the next in line.
I wish only the very best for you, you ****** *****.

Those ******* who abuse, torment
Or play with someone who just wishes the best.
The ones who hurt the vulnerable
To feel better for themselves.
No one deserves the **** you give,
Except each and every one of you.

Honorable mention to those *******
That complain about all men being the same
When in reality they're just searching for
The same type of meat headed ******
Every time they have such a painful terrible
Breakup. Just shut the **** up. For real.

Lawrence Hall
[email protected]
Dispatches for the Colonial Office

                                         Short Flippy Skirts


                       Yes, autumn is really the best of seasons…

                                -Lewis, Letters of C. S. Lewis


Given my age I should not be given to notice
Short flippy skirts and Bambi-deer long legs
That flutter by like summer butterflies
Joyful in the innocence of youth

Then sighs, custody of the eyes, look up
Look back to our summers long ago
When we were the coolest of the cool
Bell-bottoms against the Establishment

Ever-young and maxing out Peter Max
We owned beauty and truth (and those are the facts!)

Fat footed
two ton tessies
tattooed with
tigers, growling
under bulging hips,
bustin' out shocks
on Datsuns K cars
Le Sabres, 1998
primer gray bondo
and duct tape,
taking up two spots
with a smile.

Streaky squeaky 
automatic doors
bump your nose
to make em go
1972 linoleum
grab a cart
hope you don’t
catch death
from the handle
or worse
feces.

last weeks ads
mixed with new,
who buys 10
of anything?
except beers
and smokes
fried chicken
and maybe
frozen burritos.

“Hey why’s that chicken smell like fish?
How old is that grease anyway?
Ooh there’s a ten-fer on a two-fer pack
of coconut orange sno-*****!”

Mr. I love
Jeff Gordon
matching
mesh hat
and shirt
wants to know

“Does that ten-fer on those two-fers
mean I have to buy 20?”

I don’t know sir,
but Go! Go! Go!
Jeff Gordon #24
hours a day,
always open

“Is that the chicken-fish I smell?
Or am I smellin’ the guy in flippy flops?”

bunions and
scabby hammers
mister please
cover that **** up
asks his wife
or daughter
not sure which

“Are them white bag bar code
cheesey puffs any good? too bad
they aint got a ten-fer!”

Texarkana
back woods
Missilouis
swamp

“mama can we get ice cream?”

red neck
united nations
mullets
macaroni and
cheesey tank tops
 
“Why cain’t we go barefoots in here?”

pork rinds
stew meat
chicken parts
nothing tender
never lean and
never ever 
from New York.
 
Big beer belly
buying beer
gotta count
coin careful
cart carries
cases of Miller
not Lite
not Genuine Draft
Hi-Life and ‘Ol Roy,

“**** mister, you must have a big dog!”
 
Two tone
skunk hair
holds the Tussin
grabs a
people
mag
 
“what page is my Taurus-scope on?”

power carts
powered down

“why cain’t they keep these thangs juiced up?”
 
basket bulging
ten-fers
that’s why,
two-liter Tab
Twinkies and
tator-tots.

Time to
check out
10 items
or less
12?
don’t matter,
checker has
checked out
bagger brags
more than bags
 
“I sees you folks got a kitty cat! My kitties
just love the leftover chicken-fish!”
 
big deal lady
we have 4 cats too
my pajama bottoms
have been worn
3 times
my hair was
washed yesterday
and yes I am
wearing slippers
but at least
they are
closed- toe.
 
pay the bill
 
ring the bell

load the car

drive away

mutter under breath,

I am so much better than these people…

watch you from far away
as the sun slinks beneath the trees
got some
bad luck
a bad body
a curse in love
like it follows me hopelessly like a ghost
wanting to join the living again
you wink at me from your camaro
like it means something
in your gucci flippy floppies
and i giggle like it means something
two strangers never to see each other again
autumn will inherit ohio soon
me promising i won't be scared
of having air as the infill of my arms
and time is a stream with purposeful arrows
who am i to be your burden

Can't you feel my screaming heart?
I feel all yours and it's unbearable
To know everyone's intention may seem ineffable
Though my passion is emotion and empathy my art

Dwelling silent in a crowded room
To the right a pursuit of lust
And my left a lack of trust
Empty grins with their facade and doom

Another item has been stolen
My peers in an unknowing uproar
I see the culprits guilt pour
From his weary eye and coven

The ***** swoons the love of an unworthy patron
She gazes at me with a tempting question
Attempting to construct my envy and affection
My will is stronger than that seducing notion

The lonely man makes a joking inquisition
All the rest see it as a laughable gesture
I look with sad eyes to see his slouching posture
He wants to die in his pathetic position

The muscle bound dunce smacks his lips
Glorified as the acrobatic conversationalist
Strapped men in shackles and girls can't resist
His compensated shortage of yays and yips

A quiet smile looks on with a perfect mask
Playing pretend with an inglorious burden
Faking a life inside of her chaotic garden
Of hollow theatrics in which she basks

There goes the lad with his flippy hair
The little ladies want a picture with the fellow
Oh you're so rad the flocking lasses bellow
And, you wonder why I don't seem to care?

Hypocritical catastrophe,
Irreverent duplicity,
Luminarial ludiocrity,
Nonsensical impetuosity.

Flippy floppy, slippy sloppy,
Blamey gamey, shame, shame, shame.

Constitutional incongruity,
Jesuitical dictatoriality,
Oxymoronic partiality,
Nepotistic surreality.

Materialistic abnormality,
Monetaristic conviviality ,
Ritualistic mediocrity,
Histrionic philanthropy.

Gotten rotten, misbegotten
Seldom truthful, lie, lie, lie.

Misdirection genuflection,
Malefaction justification,
Incarceration implication,
Resignation profliferation.

Prevarication reiteration,
Damnation indication,
Malefaction direction
Undetected discretion.

Flippy floppy, slippy sloppy,
Blamey gamey, shame, shame, shame.
Gotten rotten, misbegotten
Seldom truthful, lie, lie, lie.

Hey it rained today
Here on Rehoboth Beach
I don't have much to say
As I laugh at each
Of the idiots on this beach
Twas not just rain
But a storm
And unlike the norm
People here claim the terrain
As would a leach.
One in particular
Was strapped...with a baby.
Above the law for sure
On bath salts maybe
Did run to the shore in agony.
Life with no umbrella
Must make one sad fella
For such measures of magnitude
To ruin the attitude
Of everyone here on Rehoboth Beach



All dem beach biddies.
Yoloswagin up in here
Gettin my swag on it cities
And all over dat pier.
Rockin dem flippy floppies
Engage slomoswag
Drunk on lemon poppies
With my gift shop bag.
Soak it up ladies
The wife beater
The shadies
Come on over here
Mmm taste that retainer
Of champions!
Can't contain her
Sweet two ton European.

Dish on it gwib
**** on my bib
From the bib dribbled a slibular fib
A glandular ****
A rugged soghard
A pish-po-dish get it wet
Pish po dib, gwib, flib
flippy pippy whip slick
The tick slipped wicked from the slippy drib
Michael Jordan basketball
New Kix,
Box of
Got it three-ninety-nine in the aisle
Put it on the box of it did it
Why didn't I do it?
Did it.
Sock hard the block guard
The twiss'ed grits

Oopy Doopy, Super Sloopy.
Loopy snoopy, pants apoopy.
Lippy hippy, slippy dippy.
Nasty-nicey, normally snippy.

Loosey goosey, chocolate moussey.
Usually *** goofy as Gary Busey.
Hinky-stinky presidential *****.
Winky-blinky, dangerously stinko.

Hippity hoppy, flippy-floppy
Get a mop, it never stops.
Laughy gaffe-y, riffy-raffy
Face as gross as rotten taffy.

Whammy-bammy, scary scammy
Mammy-jamming Uncle Sammy.
Lumpy-dumpy, far from humpy
******* up future jumpy bumpy.

Glossy boss, a frightful loss
Ungathered moss at twice the cost.
Serious gap while the country naps
****** sap giving us a slap.

Frightening nooses tightening,
Rights denied like summer lightning.
Ignoring Popes and Snopes
Hopeless dopes put us on the ropes.

Immune to our cries, elected guys
Make horrifying decisions most unwise.
Like black magic before all our eyes
We’re leaderless as freedom dies.

Hi everyone and welcome to brumbies night live snd this is going to be an exciting match against the might of the NSW Waratahs where if the brumbies win a bonus point and win they will be on top of the Australian conference and now here is Tom with a jingle

Jingle jangle party on
Go the brumbies go brumbies go
We need to win this exciting match
To be the best in Australia yeah
Come on brumbies
Come on brumbies
Win win win
Put the pressure on the Waratahs
Keep them down
Come on brumbies
Let’s cheer them on
Come on brumbies
Party on
Jingle jangle jingle jangle
Party on brumbies beat the tahs

Thank you Tom and now here is Peter

Row row row the ball
Up and down the field
Beat the tahs beat the tahs
Come on brumbies
Row row row the ball
And we will cheer them on
Go the mighty brumbies
Be the best in Australia

Thanks Peter and now here is the match go brumbies beat the tahs

Hi everyone and what a great lead the mighty brumbies have got at the half time break the score is brumbies 28 NSW 3 and it looks like the brumbies have what it takes to be the best in Australia in 2019 and here is Harry with his jingle

Go the brumbies go the brumbies
Go the mighty brumbies mate
We are up by 25 points
Go the brumbies yeseree
We need to win this match my friend
To be the best in oz
And despite those 3 points from Waratahs being the first points
Nothing can drag ACT down
All we need to do is this
Play the best we could
Keep the tahs under pressure mate
Forever que Sara Sara
Go the brumbies kick some ******* ***
Go the brumbies show some ******* class and keep the tahs from scoring
Go brumbies go
Win tonight at bank west

Thank you Harry and now here is Jeanette with her jingle

They said we will never make it
At the start of the year
But we stuck it out all guns blazing
And put pressure on the tahs
You say we are piling pressure on them
Leading 28 to 3
And hopefully we will keep this lead
Go the mighty brumbies
Go the mighty team
Fight hard to make us keep
The lead so it is good for us
Go brumbies go

Thanks Jeanette and now over to the second half go brumbies

Hi everyone and what a win for the brumbies over the Waratahs 35 points to 24 and despite the last try and conversion being from the Waratahs the brumbies still won the Australian conference and now here is Yvonne with her jingle

Go the brumbies
Come on brumbies
We won this great match
It was a great finish for the tahs yeah
But the brumbies played so well
To keep themselves still in the hunt
What a great win
You see the better team won
Oh yeah bow bow
Go the brumbies team
The tahs played alright
But we were the better team
It will ****** seem
Go the brumbies

Thanks Yvonne and now here is ken with his jingle

I am a jingle jangle brumby
With a flippy floppy hat
We scored a great number of points
And showed the tahs who is boss
I am a happy go lucky brumby team
Happier than the other team
We will fight pile on the pressure
Yes yes yes
Jingle jangle brumby playing so well
Better than the other Aussie’s
Playing today
Go brumbies

Thank you ken and this match was a beauty of a match and now here is Joel with a jingle

Waratahs are losers losers losers
Waratahs are losers in the best version of the word
The brumbies played too good too good too good
The brumbies played too good
Too good oh yeah
Yes we will go further further further
Hopefully we will go further
But it might be ****** hard
Waratahs are losers losers losers
They are mighty losers
In the best version of the word
Go brumbies

Thank you Joel and I know it is great to see the brumbies win but the tahs played alright but just weren’t good enough and now we draw the final curtain go brumbies

And now we draw the final curtain
The brumbies won oh yeah
The Waratahs weren’t good enough
But who cares about that
The brumbies are the champions yes they are the champions of the Comp
Go the mighty brumbies go

I usually accept things
The way that I find them.
I get some bad hands
But I really don’t mind them.
You loved me yesterday
Bored with me today.
Sometimes I wish we could
Do this affair another way.

Up and down, then in and out;
That’s what you and I are all about.
Here today, gone this afternoon;
That’s the name of your crazy tune.

Love me or hate me
Choose what you want.
This flippy-flooppy love
Is just a wasteful taunt.
I think I must be using
The incorrect terminology.
Love doesn’t fit with
Your current methodology.

Up and down, then in and out;
That’s what you and I are all about.
Here today, gone this afternoon;
That’s the name of your crazy tune.

I think it is me who has
Mistaken lust for affection.
It might be time for me
To go another direction.
I will miss some of your
Intimate bedroom frolic,
But this kind of relationship
Seems very much alcoholic.

Up and down, then in and out;
That’s what you and I are all about.
Here today, gone this afternoon;
That’s the name of your crazy tune.

I see you
With your adorable smile
Even through the braces

Your flippy hair
Like the sand of a beach
On a beautiful day

Your skin
Isn't perfect
And that's alright

I don't know your name
But I do know
That I find you cute

It's a shame I've never seen your eyes
Because I'm too scared to look into them
And see you looking at mine

Musky wine or sweet whisky
Can I feel the words?
Dense cheese and listful misty
sullen sorrow birds.
Hold me in their heart
They catch me with their eyes.
Flying by fly shiny pieces
Stealing all my happy faces.
Flapping flapper birdy types.
Flippy flirty wordy tripes.
So sappy and so sad.
God it makes me mad.
I thought I was the worried one.
But I'm the only one you had.

sun tanned thighs
mexico
whiskey from canada
teary eyes
and concerned lies
puzzles
pale neck bubblegum
flippy skirts
and loving from

symbols defined the game!
cant i choose a bad one?
if any such existence.
Bias all over the play
after all a flippy choice.
cults to blinden-
options not to behold.
The symbol is drawn!
who is playing my game?
Symbol feels triumphant!
but who praised the symbol?
Symbol slays down the bad!
but who proposed the bad?
Experience elevated the symbol!
but who experienced it?
Symbol cries for change!
after all its in my head.
cant I read it? why cant I?
cant I comprehend it? why cant I?
for not my choice- cried out I
Symbol dies for change
buried in the same grave
Symbols come again!
Cults come again!
Who is playing the game?

You’d better think but holy thoughts, old man
Attend to your Bible and your daily prayers
Ignore those bare feet prancing in the sand
This summer day is soft and warm - and theirs

Sweet leggy girls in shorts or flippy skirts
They pause and chat before muscled young lads
It’s not with you that any of them flirts
For you remind them only of their dads!

You’d better think but holy thoughts, old man
And ignore the pretty girls all lithe and tan

(If you can…)

I want to bring you peace
But that may be unlikely
I’m not the quiet type
I’m chaotic and flippy
All over the place
Yet steady and fun
A little too trippy
But a fun break from reality
Never hurt anyone
When I know the way
Back to sanity
Maybe you could
Go to crazy with me
And there we might find
The peace we seek

You fell off the bed, Ted
You fell off the bed
You just jumped off the bed, Ted
Yes indeed
Teddy is so cute mate
Teddy is so cute
But when Teddy falls off the bed, mate
He gets a little mad
Poor little teddy bear
He falls off the bed
I will watch my tv with him
Right said Fred
Teddys too cute for my buddy
Yes he is too cute for me
I am just a Teddy lover
If you know what I mean
And I fall off the bed
On the cat walk
You see I am a bear who knows what he means
Yeah yeah yeah the cat walk yeah
The cat walk yeah
Party with Teddy on the cat walk
You see you are a flippy floppy Teddy
Who is very happy to be yours
Sip of champagne
And biscuits so tasty yeah