Cheaply manufactured in India
Its fake marbled cover fakier than ever
But not as fakey as this assignment
“Grendl symbolizes existential…”

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“Grendl symbolizes…” my senior year
Nobody understands why I don’t want
To go to college, why I quit the band -
Grendl and I are both exiles, okay…?

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I love my fountain pen; its deep, dark lines

Just like me

Refuse to be MLA marginalized

“Grendl symbolizes…”

Winking, Stinking and Clod,
Each with a gross ugly ***.
Each a miserable  thief
With greed past belief
And all were hatched out of a pod.

Two hundred silly baboons,
So like unfunny cartoons,
Overpaid and mindless,
They call them a congress.
We won’t be forgetting them soon.

Floppy, Tipsy and Cottonhead
Three bunnies talented in bed.
They rake in the gold
Doing what they’re told
Repeating to no one what’s said.

Hakey fakey Doctor Duck,
Gives glowing reports for a buck.
Not much they’ve done
Was anything like fun
But his hush money fills a truck.

Liar, liar, pants on fire
How does your bank account grow?
We hastily must warn
The banks are foreign
So Americans have no way to know.

Hinky Jinky, Stinky Pinky
The One Percent will play.
Squirrely Shirley Hurly Burly
In the full light of day.
Hop them, bop them;
You can’t stop them.
They’re never going away.
Crying, trying, always lying,
They count on your ignorance.
Hinky Jinky, Stinky Pinky
Wham bam, thank you man.
Daffy, laffy, slappy happy.
What’s the hap? What’s the plan?

Cooked books, buncha crooks.
Loosie, goosey, where’s the noosey?
Flakey, fakey, jump in the lakey.
Take and take, oil of snake,
How much of this can good people take?
Scream and shout, let it all out
Stick it, we’ll show up and picket
You’ll try to trick it, we’ll buy you a ticket
On a rail, feathered, or off to jail.
Subliminal criminals, sentences too minimal
We’ll feel best if you and the rest must
Sell your houses and cars from behind bars.

The mattresses went up and down twice.
Once to be placed on the bed
The old ones removed downstairs
Via the bathroom to make space as the new ones came up

The the new ones went down
as the old ones came up
Via the bathroom to make space

They weren't right
Weren't comfy
Too fakey
I don't know
I don't understand

So we wait for the new mattresses to come
To be brought upstairs
Whilst the old ones get taken downstairs
Via the bathroom to make space

This thing, that not even she will sleep on
Wasn't right
So we will make it right

Her standards are so high
Things have to be right
To make it so perfect
To make it lovely

And she'll be right.
They will be right
They will be perfect

Me?
Idve kept the sodding things
Once the first mattress was in
I couldn't be arsed to do it all over again

But I'll drag em up and down and down and up
via the bathroom to make space and into the spare room
Wherever they need to go
Cos she's right
It'll be nice
it'll be perfect

Her standards for perfection are impeccable
So admirable
Things are nice when they're right

Me?
If it lands mainly flat and not too much in the way,  
Then that's fine by me
I'll step over it for the rest of my life rather than perfect its position

Her standards are so high
That an egg had to be just right
And sausages?
Where do we start on sausages?
Boston.
That's where we start on sausages
And end

Me?
How can someone with such high standards be with me?
For so long?
I'm no Boston sausage.
Hardly the perfect fried egg
I had a mild panic attack losing half the family whilst buying two mattresses, which came up and down twice
Via the bathroom to make space

I knew from that first crazy night
As we kaleidoscoped on a ride
As we talked and never left each others side
And all these years later, two thirds the life of a cat,
I can see her walk along in a hat
And I smile and see that wonderful being whose made me happy
Whose taught me to appreciate it being right.
To love the life we have

This life that we've made together
With two lives we've made together
Wouldn't be anywhere near perfect with just me
She's allowed me to grow, to morph, to be
And she's still the same beautiful person I met on a sofa all those years ago
The same person whose blossomed
And grown



Me?
Idve never bought the mattresses in the first place

Lawrence Hall
[email protected]
Dispatches for the Colonial Office

                       A Penny Saved is a Worthless Zinc Disc
                                 Gathering Dust in a Drawer


                          “Feed the birds, tuppounds a bag…”

                               -as Mary Poppins did not sing


It seems that our last penny has been spent
We will miss the fakey copper glint
Our other ***-metal coinage should take the hint:
We do not have a stable governMINT