She is different she was chosen the first thing you noticed was her
Countenance soft it exuded intangible qualities her soul touched revered space and place because she
Would begin these discussions and you would be flabbergasted it would be like the day was not
Anything to brag about and then her voice brought as a breeze clothed in fragrances like how Lilac used
To waft across the grounds at San Antonio mission before you were in this zone and then you started to
Notice the natural beauty a softness grew deeper and deeper did she evoke a dreaminess it was evident
You were possessed of a rich glory that took surroundings that were burned by the Sun and all was just
This lifeless stubble but in your mind and thoughts spring grasses were bountiful it worked the same
With people they were in different stages of brokenness need and want did she literally carry this green
Plant that possessed healing in its leaves she looked into the unseen she called demanding answers it
Was as her power created instant orchids that grew not fruit in the excepted sense but this productive
Stand of trees again intangibles hung in ripeness that the softest word would cause them to drop from
A realm that pleasantly abides just slightly over head the needy can and has the ability to receive but
Their results are unattainable because they enter lost and troubled areas and they shut down instead of
Steadily seeking they give into problems making the prepared natural provision go into lock down but
She was given an antidote a gifted promise that the poisoned earth almost sulfur like in taste and ability
In her voice she could turn basic elements from their cursed harm riddled properties into logical forms
These were found in pages of a book loosely bound not between single covers but in the multiple layers
Of lives she associated with giving of herself was the key that opened in her a tender harvest they were
Fed by her words this was lessons she prepared the cost walking not around but in the midst of others
Pain making it her own not because she had to but because her heart spoke to her of their troubles she
Modified them to be her troubles because she realized early on that she was different and by being
Different she could make a difference it notes her as a poet your heart has to be broken so that you are
No longer the same person you once were you look on the lives of others an intensity is engaged
You see with clarity their hurts are magnified now comes the new breaking of your heart many tears are
Wrenched from your heart and soul you are unable to turn away you have a secret life that hears the
Dark tolling it speaks in the way there is no escape and its weight passes only when tears with many
Pangs do their work this will pure your heart and only then does the free flowing wash over you with
Wisdom you are able to mentally remove the inner mass that trouble brings with its very nature your
Gift allows you to know the perfection that alone can neutralize the very toxins laden in these
Hardships and problems you are birthed by spirit to absolve these natural difficulties this is only a small
Description of what she is and the Cost it takes to face abhorrent behavior on a large scale bare its
Assaults through love and the great Need to make a difference there is no better life than to look with
Deep knowing and see suffering in its True proportions and how it affects those that you know and love
It truly is a brotherhood not of words where you’re trying to work an advantage to use others but true
Brother and sisterhood that cost you greatly your only gain is the peace that it allows others to receive
And the enrichment it affords their Lives

Selected


She is different she was chosen the first thing you noticed was her
Countenance soft it exuded intangible qualities her soul touched revered space and place because she
Would begin these discussions and you would be flabbergasted it would be like the day was not
Anything to brag about and then her voice brought as a breeze clothed in fragrances like how Lilac used
To waft across the grounds at San Antonio mission before you were in this zone and then you started to
Notice the natural beauty a softness grew deeper and deeper did she evoke a dreaminess it was evident
You were possessed of a rich glory that took surroundings that were burned by the Sun and all was just
This lifeless stubble but in your mind and thoughts spring grasses were bountiful it worked the same
With people they were in different stages of brokenness need and want did she literally carry this green
Plant that possessed healing in its leaves she looked into the unseen she called demanding answers it
Was as her power created instant orchids that grew not fruit in the excepted sense but this productive
Stand of trees again intangibles hung in ripeness that the softest word would cause them to drop from
A realm that pleasantly abides just slightly over head the needy can and has the ability to receive but
Their results are unattainable because they enter lost and troubled areas and they shut down instead of
Steadily seeking they give into problems making the prepared natural provision go into lock down but
She was given an antidote a gifted promise that the poisoned earth almost sulfur like in taste and ability
In her voice she could turn basic elements from their cursed harm riddled properties into logical forms
These were found in pages of a book loosely bound not between single covers but in the multiple layers
Of lives she associated with giving of herself was the key that opened in her a tender harvest they were
Fed by her words this was lessons she prepared the cost walking not around but in the midst of others
Pain making it her own not because she had to but because her heart spoke to her of their troubles she
Modified them to be her troubles because she realized early on that she was different and by being
Different she could make a difference it notes her as a poet your heart has to be broken so that you are
No longer the same person you once were you look on the lives of others an intensity is engaged
You see with clarity their hurts are magnified now comes the new breaking of your heart many tears are
Wrenched from your heart and soul you are unable to turn away you have a secret life that hears the
Dark tolling it speaks in the way there is no escape and its weight passes only when tears with many
Pangs do their work this will pure your heart and only then does the free flowing wash over you with
Wisdom you are able to mentally remove the inner mass that trouble brings with its very nature your
Gift allows you to know the perfection that alone can neutralize the very toxins laden in these
Hardships and problems you are birthed by spirit to absolve these natural difficulties this is only a small
Description of what she is and the Cost it takes to face abhorrent behavior on a large scale bare its
Assaults through love and the great Need to make a difference there is no better life than to look with
Deep knowing and see suffering in its True proportions and how it affects those that you know and love
It truly is a brotherhood not of words where you’re trying to work an advantage to use others but true
Brother and sisterhood that cost you greatly your only gain is the peace that it allows others to receive
And the enrichment it affords their Lives

Selected


She is different she was chosen the first thing you noticed was her
Countenance soft it exuded intangible qualities her soul touched revered space and place because she
Would begin these discussions and you would be flabbergasted it would be like the day was not
Anything to brag about and then her voice brought as a breeze clothed in fragrances like how Lilac used
To waft across the grounds at San Antonio mission before you were in this zone and then you started to
Notice the natural beauty a softness grew deeper and deeper did she evoke a dreaminess it was evident
You were possessed of a rich glory that took surroundings that were burned by the Sun and all was just
This lifeless stubble but in your mind and thoughts spring grasses were bountiful it worked the same
With people they were in different stages of brokenness need and want did she literally carry this green
Plant that possessed healing in its leaves she looked into the unseen she called demanding answers it
Was as her power created instant orchids that grew not fruit in the excepted sense but this productive
Stand of trees again intangibles hung in ripeness that the softest word would cause them to drop from
A realm that pleasantly abides just slightly over head the needy can and has the ability to receive but
Their results are unattainable because they enter lost and troubled areas and they shut down instead of
Steadily seeking they give into problems making the prepared natural provision go into lock down but
She was given an antidote a gifted promise that the poisoned earth almost sulfur like in taste and ability
In her voice she could turn basic elements from their cursed harm riddled properties into logical forms
These were found in pages of a book loosely bound not between single covers but in the multiple layers
Of lives she associated with giving of herself was the key that opened in her a tender harvest they were
Fed by her words this was lessons she prepared the cost walking not around but in the midst of others
Pain making it her own not because she had to but because her heart spoke to her of their troubles she
Modified them to be her troubles because she realized early on that she was different and by being
Different she could make a difference it notes her as a poet your heart has to be broken so that you are
No longer the same person you once were you look on the lives of others an intensity is engaged
You see with clarity their hurts are magnified now comes the new breaking of your heart many tears are
Wrenched from your heart and soul you are unable to turn away you have a secret life that hears the
Dark tolling it speaks in the way there is no escape and its weight passes only when tears with many
Pangs do their work this will pure your heart and only then does the free flowing wash over you with
Wisdom you are able to mentally remove the inner mass that trouble brings with its very nature your
Gift allows you to know the perfection that alone can neutralize the very toxins laden in these
Hardships and problems you are birthed by spirit to absolve these natural difficulties this is only a small
Description of what she is and the Cost it takes to face abhorrent behavior on a large scale bare its
Assaults through love and the great Need to make a difference there is no better life than to look with
Deep knowing and see suffering in its True proportions and how it affects those that you know and love
It truly is a brotherhood not of words where you’re trying to work an advantage to use others but true
Brother and sisterhood that cost you greatly your only gain is the peace that it allows others to receive
And the enrichment it affords their Lives

To feel yourself falling in love
With somebody over the course of months
Is to realise that you're more kind,
Happier, caring, gentle, and sweet-
A better person in general-
Keeping that person in mind.

No matter what you do,
Nobody else will understand
The way you feel every day,
The bubbliness of your actions,
The air of generosity and dreaminess
In every word you say.

To fall in love with someone
Is to notice you're not alone
And that you're loved and cared for.
It is to notice you matter as well
And to better yourself and others
Through kindness you pour.

To fall deeply in love with someone
Is to fall in love with yourself,
To fall in love with life as a whole,
To fall in love with everything.
Before you even know it,
Love has taken its grand toll.

My world, a relic,
My hopes, unnavigated,
The sky transports my dreaminess
The wind wins me with drunken delight
Nothing actualized
From my deluge of desire,
Couldn't cast a soul
With my far aspirations.
I celebrate the vibrant joy
Of the cosmic poet,
Savoring every nuance of his love
I admire his formidable face
As a ruthless destroyer of wrong
I embrace his elixir -- love,
His death, suffering and solace--
Likewise.
I cherish his sparkling vigil,
His endless luminosity,
Then again
His opaque darkness
As appalling as that may be
I honor his luscious love
That mingles, matches, unites,
As well as the rifts
That rip up the heart

oozing with eroticness, dripping with inexplicable sensuality, u make my heart wrench,twist & scream with undeniable pleasure. billow the flames of desire to make me feel like im burning with fire, just to cool me down with your icy piercing kiss.

A pumpkin-colored limo arrives at the curb
of the black-and-white gala. Housemaid
overnight transformed to debutante
strides from the rear door to overwhelm

the party of common beauties. How
all gasp to view the delicacy of each
step in her long-gown procession to
the powerful, polished, marble floor of nobility.

There, unknown to the grand society, she twirls
and touches fingertips to those of the
ambassador, who is looking not for goodness,
but for beauty, who is believing the two

come together in one body here on earth.
The swelling, graceful energy that will
be passed on to future story-loving ears
rips apart the subdued elegance of the night.

Before the middle of the darkness, she slips
out of society’s sight, given over to a
sacred vow that only she can understand–
a transformative voice that guides her hours.

An object, much like my own body, connects
the spheres of magical and practical,
of night-time dreaminess and day-time
weariness–that sliver of land I understand.

Then a foot-hold on earth, a lost shoe, a link
to all evening romance, presides over
the public sentiment. Citizens desire
to align themselves with everlasting goodness.

Out of the cinders of hot fire gone cold
and lost, the steadfast inquiry continues,
until we arrive at the judgment that frees
us from our poverty and enslavement.

A single, white shoe may lift us
and step us toward such bliss.

Thoughts of you
Fill my insomnia ridden mind
Am I going crazy
Or did I just hear you call me baby?

You’re not even a distinct figure in my dreams
And yet you seem to haunt my nightmares
Terrors of the dark dreaminess
Floating, bubbling up through my brain
Like a geyser of insecurity and heartache


And so here I am lying
In this bed
Lying to myself
Imagining other loves
I have yet to find

And there’s your voice I hear
Calling me baby
Calling me back to
The figment of your imaginary
Self
Relaxing on those inner dusty shelves
Called my cerebrum

No, these are just the shadows of
That pre-dawn gloom
Memories from yonder year that
Somehow resurface in the darkness
Behind my eyelids

Dreams come hard to an insomniac
If only these really were just dreams
Instead of the mad ramblings
Of a sleep deprived yet very much awake
Lonely soul

A tiny bundle covered in teddy-printed pyjamas,
He fidgets restlessly on the panel of the giant machine,
Preparing him for the scan is my most basic task of the day
Yet the most annoying one, because I cannot get away
Till he is asleep enough to not be afraid
Of entering into the mouth of that daunting cave,
Treating a child is so very difficult I feel,
No matter how detached you try to be and see
him as a "case", how do you neglect the truth that,
A being not abled enough to even climb out of the cradle,
Has to parent a disease that gnaws at him day after day?
I shake off such aberrant emotions and join his coaxing mother,
I know what she would really wish for at the moment would be,
To scoop him into her arms and lull him off to sleep,
But she has to be the rock she never wanted to be,
The baby had moved the last time, this one has to be error-free
So, allowed by her to take his cannulated hand in my gloved one,
I give the magic drug a carefully measured plunge
Into veins that are too little to bear such brunt,
Yet have been forced to endure this pain that can never be considered
Fair!
We two women watch over him, transfixed,
Noting his every sigh, his every twitch-
The Mother, anxious, cupping his now limp hands only with
The embrace of her eyes,
And I, the Doctor, though following my medical instinct, watching for
His breaths, with each chest rise,
Also find myself enchanted by the mysterious state this child is in,
Is it a state of dreaminess? Or of dreamlessness?
Is he floating into a dark endless sky? Or is he navigating between
Silver-illuminated stars?
What is the meaning of the half smile on his face?
Is he envisioning a world where he is happy,
Sans needles making insensitive designs into his vulnerable skin,
Sans masked doctors promising they wouldn't make him cry,
Sans missed school days and birthday parties,
Sans heated fevers creeping into his bones each night?
Minutes pass and we are broken out of our respective reveries
His fingers have started to weakly trace the red beams of light,
His voice has begun to coo indistinct chatter still unshaped by civilisation,
Its tone and urgency getting louder and surer,
And before he begins to frantically search for his caregiver,
A little more magic will be needed before completion.
I re-enter the glass cabin and inject again into his system,
A last few moments of painlessness and oblivion,
The gaze becomes dazed again, the smile reappears,
His mind comfortably wanders back
Into a calm nothingness and silent, numbed peace.
"The scan has concluded without event", I make a file note,
While the images on the screen begin to light up with disease.

Thoughts of you
Fill my insomnia ridden mind
Am I going crazy
Or did I just hear you call me baby?

You’re not even a distinct figure in my dreams
And yet you seem to haunt my nightmares
Terrors of the dark dreaminess
Floating, bubbling up through my brain
Like a geyser of insecurity and heartache


And so here I am lying
In this bed
Lying to myself
Imagining other loves
I have yet to find

And there’s your voice I hear
Calling me baby
Calling me back to
The figment of your imaginary
Self
Relaxing on those inner dusty shelves
Called my cerebrum

No, these are just the shadows of
That pre-dawn gloom
Memories from yonder year that
Somehow resurface in the darkness
Behind my eyelids

Dreams come hard to an insomniac
If only these really were just dreams
Instead of the mad ramblings
Of a sleep deprived yet very much awake
Lonely soul

Your image lingers
And I stare at the pale clear sky
Where can I go?
How about the glowing oasis of your words
But when I get there, the silence is strong.
Those who were for you, couldn't fathom that you're gone.
But I, I hold on.
In this green pearly lagoon
Lie images of you, treasured, so good.

It's the beginning
The end is done.
Still it's freedom
The end is gone.
A glimmering beginning

Your image lingers so
I tried to walk out of the dream
See if I could go on my own and I
Ran right into Laurel Canyon.
Recall where the tale began,
Millions of raindrops in a timeless summer
Racing thoughts and dreaminess alright
It's the summer beginning

I can tell you what I think of at night
When the stars are flashing above
Dazzled, dazzle by strangeness and sight
Dazzled, dazzled, dazzled and I think I know what to do
Pick up where you left off, nothing else I can do

In a pure world
music and birdsong
spinning
the lingering
melancholy
no more sadness
only memories
and longings
prostrating on the trails
of yellow leaves
counting the rhythms
of loneliness
the handsomeness of the island
the dreaminess of
the susurration of the beach
the elegance of the sails
the water as always
beating the stippled quietness
awaiting the next dawn
a ketch drifting on the ocean
shining a turquoise light
portraying the poetry
of the predawn
or the predawn hilarity of
the fish and shrimps
in the ocean
this is a pure world
and there is music
and running water in it
and the samisen of moods
and the psaltery
of the nature
whats more
the happy pixies shuttling
in the forest
of purity.

The sorrowful birds seemed less enchanted,
Like a forgotten holocaust beating
In agony, the silent grey of dawn
Set forth over the mystery.
Under perplexed veils I call
Forth the lost days of depressing
Symbols, like a raven in the distance,
A storm smothering its deathly gaze.
     And when alone the sparrow
Refused to chirp, instead wallowed
In the quiet solitudes of the lucid
dreaminess of the bitter infinite grey.
      Earth offers its deathly gaze
As a meager conteplation in the
Grey of the early Winter displaying
Her snowy apron like some dark matron.
Gradually the day drags obeying
Time, slow to the mind of a sad one,
Preoccupation of illusions,
Like a poets inane blank page,
A wind minded sadness flying
Through darkened pupils:

A grey irony forms,
A crow cloaked as a hope
Cries to the infinite grey;
"I will always love you,
Though you abuse me."

I dreamed a glacial moment,
Where time ends or begins,
I was hopeful the grey would
Never end and I could wear
Its sad dark velvet with its
Perjured love and scorned existence,
I follow the shadow of storms
Searching for the torment with in,
The bleakness is a grey day with
The sun hiding its hopeful radiance.

WHAT does one do when their
Mind is in the clouds
but their Heart is drowning
while the Pain is so loud,
the Thoughts are dazed,
and Memories are a m e s s
that can't be cleaned, that can't be erased...
this ice inside my Chest...
my Lungs are losing air-
but my Eyes stare  off
into a Place of dreaminess...
i'm s p l i t into two
one piece in Earth's core,
sinking
the other up in space
floating
to the other end of the galaxy.

Celestial skies render down
their silvery gifts of love
try to awaken the universe
once more as we pass by.

Falling out of weary presence
to the world of dreaminess
searching the love in steps
once made on the sandy shore.

sometimes i wonder where she went, that girl. who used to love to dream and read and write and draw, who was so passionate. i wonder why she isn't here with me now, where she went, if she went anywhere at all. if she eroded away with time and if i might find her sediments still somewhere, being tossed around in the waves of my mind. if she was startled from that dreaminess when the alarm clock woke her because she was only a dream, if she ever felt tired enough to go back to her old self. sometimes i wonder if she died, if i missed her funeral, if she even had a funeral (and if she did, who would go? she didn't have any friends), if her body is still rotting somewhere in the cracks on my skull. because that's where she's fallen—in the cracks.

i think about her too often. I am too caught up in the past and future, i don't even recognize the present when it's staring back at me in the mirror.

the words have left me.
i am so lonely without them.
i am so lonely without her.

i write her obituary over and over in my head but none of the words sound right. she was great, she was awesome, she was more than that. she was a dreamer, an artist, she was more than that. she had thrown her head into the sky and rejoiced to see it floating amongst the clouds. no, she was more than that. still more than that.

because i miss her.
i really ******* miss her.

i've said this to myself so many times they're carved into my skull, tatooed onto my lips, blackened my teeth with their ink. i've said it so many times but it doesn't bring her back. i miss her more but that doesn't bring her back either.

i should use my time resourcefully and try to find myself while she's gone but i'm nothing without her. without her i'm just a headless body navigating the streets of newyorkcity at 3a.m. i get lost when i'm alone and i can't stand it. i am a simile without the adjective, just two nouns that don't know what to do with each other. i am getting lost now, writing this.

There was a glorious mix
In 2006
When King Xerxes started ******* with Gerard Butler
By sending his empire’s army
Until that one dude threw a spear like Jay Cutler
Xerxes cheek he was harming

You want land and water? You better stop talking ****
Before Gerard Butler kicks you down the big *** pit
That’s in the middle of our city with no hand rails
Because we believe that caution is where man fails

Gerard Butler will beat all the *****
Of the Persian masses
In a narrow passage

They needed help
To protect themself
The Arcadians are total *******
But they make a fine mess of things
So they caught the immortals looking
For a Spartan death sting

There’s an obese guy with swords for arms
He doesn’t mean anything to the plot
His fellow soldiers are the only ones he harms
He’s just an interesting thought

Gerard Butler wouldn’t let that ugly ****** in his squad
Because he was so flawed
So he pulled a lever and his ties were severed
So the Persians would be better
May that ******* live forever

They proved a god king could bleed
And screenwriters don’t history read
Because that **** is for Athenians
Who like to focus on dreaminess
And not being badass
Or wearing dope masks

So thank you Zack Snyder
After blunt met black lighter
My eyes got smacked wider
In a land where abs are tighter