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You saw my back on You
Trying to be strong, concealing every hurt
Every malfunction of the soul.

It was no longer the flesh that has tempted me
I have not tried to escape from the darkest grip of him
I even tied myself up until I gasp for air -
Drowning with sharks and whales who were all in depth.

To breathe normal, to make you famous
I should be doing those
But instead, I became a ******* of the world
I got my back painful, the labor now is in vain
That wasn't your plan
But how could I..
At times delight with the wicked one.

The Words were already engraved in me
I know, how it should be transforming me
All those filthy things I've done
I almost lose myself assessing my own life.

The circumcision was not by hand
But the cross has carried away every hideous act
I myself am *******, how then could I abandon You?

I was baptized in Spirit and in truth
And the thing is: You've payed every debt
To where my soul was about to meet what's hell.

You just told me I'm forgiven
Even though I tried to turn against You for so long
And reminded me how the world would try
Stealing every thing You've taught in me.

The One who is in me is far greater
Than the one who is in the world
That's why You've told me
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I am for promotion
I should be the warrior, not the slave
The conqueror, not the one who grieves for lost
No one and nothing shall disqualify me
Nothing shall distract my focus.

And upon Your teachings
By the help of the Holy Spirit,
I will overcome the world for my generation
For You have been victorious already.

I am forgiven and redeemed
The only thing that would matter now
Was You who was in me
And Your great plans and works in me,
That I may praise and offer my thanksgiving.

(5/29/14 @xirlleelang)
Mysterious Aries Jul 2015
There was this season for many reason
A failed ambition or bad decision
Too much subtraction, no single addition
Pictures of low resolution, everything in demotion
But surely... Life must go on...

Days of self damnation because of wrong position
Flowers  that need attention for admiration
Head that was full of delusions that needs calibration
Victims of disqualification without any consolation
But definitely... Life must go on...

Minutes of demoralization, hours of depression
Roads of devastation no clear relocation
Eyes shed in repetition because of hard reason
Goodbyes to all special persons for their final destination
But simply.... Life must go on.....

Written: October 23, 2014 at 11:35 PM
C Dec 2013
red dress in the closet
shots, shots, shots
best friends
shots, shots, shots,
attractions
tension
shut down
shut down
shut down
boys cry?
failure
used till emotionally exhausted
kissing against the closet
life planned out on notebook paper
pressure
shots, shots, shots
tears
squats and drops and swim and swim and swim
silent screams
pack up & move
disqualification
I told you I was trying my hardest
imprisoned in my own body
25 extra lbs.
gasping
rushing
only silence when everyone sleeps
5.8% my ***
failure
failure
fat ***
business minor
screams
breathes in nothing but fear
disappointment kicks into gear
holidays come
two weeks
these are what the devil in my mind keeps chanting as I progress though my first year at college.
Steve Page Feb 2017
Not a brave fight,
But a certain defeat.
Not heroic acts,
But daily surrender.
Not a close race,
But the frustration of consecutive false starts
And inevitable disqualification
And slow expulsion from this life
With no fanfare, but with a sob and a sigh
That sank like a stone
And pulled her family down
Around her
Each soaked in stunned silence
Engulfed by their memories
Of lost opportunities
Looking for resolve to do better
Somehow.
And only, eventually, finding hope
In each other
In the shared endeavour
To love one another, together
As she once did a forever ago.
Our mother could fill
A cup of tea with love
Like no other.
Still watching my mother fade.

— The End —