i starve myself for this moment
gifting you my delicate sensibility emptying my body for you
bearing my scars wide open
let you touch my vulnerabilities
you swim through my body back and forth
cut my skin layer, after layer, after layer
no corner is unknown to your touch
your firm hands exploring my every parts
you grab me, lift me, toss me
******* honesty and fears
fill my body from the tip of my hair to my toes
break the wall in me as you penetrate my soul
pull the innocence from between my legs like silk
conjure beauty in me
make the bitterness in me disapear
you break me, brick, by brick, by brick, by brick
pull my hair, tilt my head
drain every muscle in me
we break walls that leads to others, that leads to trap doors, that leads to infinities
the past and the future merge into one to meet us in our present
we breathe as one, form a unity
one body, one soul, one purpose
we connect, interlock, intertwine
we levitate to an infinity of desire
reach the line between reality and transcendance
the moon and the sun both witnessing the beauty we're creating
we ****** and create an explosion of billions and trillions of blooming flowers
piece by piece, you build me back up
bit by bit, we emerge from the magic we made
from caterpillar to a butterfly
We are born again!

I walked today to the ocean bay
In my pants and dress i went in
The water was not cold
The tides pushed and pulled me
Soothed me
What a beautiful day to be my last
Rocks flew from my hands and skipped upon the surface
A long time i stood
Wanting to jump in and disapear
Down in the water i saw beautiful rainbows
Shimmers of light weaved between
Thoughts about lungs filled with salt water
Thoughts of loved ones left behind
A rock named Integrity stopped me
Waist deep i picked her up
She lives in my pocket now
And the ocean in my heart
Even the small things
Can give a new start

Tiptoeing down the hallway
Praying my parents wouldnt wake
Sneaking out the back gate
To meet you by the lake.

Its become tradition
To grace this spot at night;
And down behind the cattail bog
We can disapear from sight.

Crickets hum and whisper
The lightening bugs aglow ,
They dance and flit about us,
Putting on a show.

Summer heat , a giant moon
and only you and i ,
On a blanket making love
Beneath the twilight sky.

"Someone else has it worse!"
Thank you for making me feel better
Cause, since someone else has it worse I should be happy now, right?
My problems don't exist because someone else has bigger ones
Because someone else has it worse, it gets rid of my problem?
I'm getting the feeling each time someone says that, they believe that saying that makes any problem disapear
Because please,
Please
**Why must I always find joy or gratefulness in the pain and suffering of others?

My old friends disapear
Struggling to find an other
In a sea of strange new peers

My old house is gone
With intruders making it a home
Now I must try
To make a new life
In a new place

I can put on a neon orange jumpsuite
And stake my self like a spike
Infront of all the busy cars
In this crowded parking lot
And still be invisible
I can throw every ecyclapedia
Out of this libary like a varsity
Pitcher who never lost
A game
And still be invisible.
I can walk into the lecture hall
On my head like a martion and
Speak astronomy without a
Glow of english
And still be invisible.
Twenty two years
Have made me
Disapear
I cant spend another year
Alone with my invisibility.
I cant hide from love anylonger.
Its time to repear and find
My self again before the dreaded
Forty four only has one candle
On a single cupcake.  All alone when
It knows he turned the lites off.  Hes the only
One who could of flickered the dusty
Plastic switch.  There was not any mystery
Only a wind of failure he caused on himself
When he blew the candle out twenty two years from now.  
Because he was invisible.

As the heart weeps I strugle
as the years pass and space moves
I wonder how the Earth and I will die
my mind can not control and I do not wish it to
but forcing notice and loyalty into my sole is one
one of many things I can not stop
I can not contol and I shall not whisper
as in the night my heart will linger
the skys will close and stars will fire
but our hearts will surely die
as I age the Earth ages with me
and as blood starts to slow and muscles disapear
the world I live, time is almost here.

One day we will die,
We will stop lie.
Thoughts for gain,
People with no name.


The birds will fly,
One day we will die.
Secrets that will be free,
I will die for you and me.


Games will disapear,
No stress ,no fear.
One day we will die,
Say thank you, say goodbye.


Warmest regards.
Victor Marques

it was like an earthquake.

the memory of him
rattles in me like a teacup
scratching at the surface of
chipped porcelain.

it seems like he was here just yesterday.

quiet hands cupped
on fidgety kneecaps
i spilt my tea
into his lap.

it looks so easy to disapear.

one day he was here
tracing my fingers with his fingers
taking photographs of flowers
and then he was gone.

it is so hard to feel him now.

a face in the crowd looks like yours
and for a moment i feel light
perhaps it was dream
and maybe you're alive.

Quickly and calm
the entire house cramped with boots
each whisper fit
like snow covering in the night
mind glows against trudges
not face
through reluctance voice
her mind deep
her talk is next
Lindsey peels
Marcela slips out
ignores the night
she can swish seven faces
trudges of aisle
from whipser seat desperation
pleading
Marcela entire voice

chills race threw the air
color spurts from the trees
the world around seems gray
sniffles creep
children giggle as they disapear in discarted leaves
arms wrapped circled one another
snuggling is a routene
days shrink
the sun plays hide and seek
pull sweaters tight
autumn is in the air

We steal exgirlfriends from the friends of our friends,
I love they way they dance after we get profound
from a friends new bottle of cheap tasting *****.
I love the Dj, he watches me dance with one of his friends


shes getting friendlier on the floor, it makes me feel good.
I feel to good, only my friends know how good I am rite now.
My friends love playing pool we lauph at eachother when
A friend digs a few cigaretts out of the round pocket and we
go outside to watch motorcycles run red lights,
  A few of our friends disapear in thick
smoky plumes
over their windsheilds,
sweet odors,
we eat onion rings
beer battered onion rings.
I lauph. I cant stop! my friends create
atomic fusion out of ketchup
and ranch.  


Its ironic when


we say well always
be friends forever.
Soon or later my friends
and I will loose eachother
In the white rooms of smoke.
One of us has to be the leader.

We watched the sunset
An everlasting flare sinking into the sea
we had just met
But it felt like an eternity
Since you stepped off that train
We spent the day walking the beach
Picking each others brains
Developing a flow of speech
We bought chocolate chip ice cream
watching the sun disapear into the rising tide
I saw your eyes gleam
Something clicked inside
On the seawall we sat only eight inches apart
But to me it felt like miles
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to start
When faced with life's trials
But you made your move first
You sat right next to me and looked me in the eyes
Your eyes so green I thought they might burst
You kissed me then, under the burning skies

I think im fat on some level even thoguth i know im not

I never understand myself

I lie so much I dont know what is true

I hate hurting people but everything i do seems to have a negative affect on someone I love

I hate disapointing people

I love when people disapoint me

I think suicide is selfish
and i hate that i have tried it 4 times

I wish I could be perfect for everyone
Even if i lose myself

I wish I could let someone else live my life while i just disapear

I fall in love with to many people I lose

I push away all of my freinds so they dont push away me

When I was younger i use to hit my legs with hammers so i wouldnt have to run track so i could stay home and help my mom (Why my knees always hurt)

I dont want people to care about me

And yet all I want to do is know you care

I want my father to hurt me so bad I'm not recognizable
Then I will finally feel the hurt I have wanted to feel my whole life

I forgot how to cry

When I was younger my best freind died of cancer

I use to be able to think of somethign sad and cry on demand

I just want someone to **** me

I day dream about murdering, hooking up, and ****** almost every one I see at random moments and I cant controll it.

It is common, and yet is new
It happens to me and it happens to you
It is the mistery of our era,
It is the fear and the disapear,
It is what kills us, it is like air,
It is the link between this and that,
It is related to life and ***,
It is the word that defines us,
It is a mistery to most of us,
What does it mean, what does it have,
To give...or to take...
It is redemption and it is pain,
It is our beloved Eternity.
Inside lies Immortality,
It has the answers and it doesn't lie,
It is our Heaven and Hell at the same time,
We have nothing without and we have all,
And the memories will be so sweet.
Too bad that we will forget,
Who we were, who we are and who will we be,
It guards your soul,
The doors of this are now closing
It is private, but no guests are coming.

they asked me about my future
that's when the truth hit me like a truck
that i have no talent
no luck ...

they say that soon all my  fears
would disapear
i say...
i'm just a lost teenager ,
that is waiting to be found

This is when I turn to rock, emotions mold to stone. I could never give you my heart, for its not my own.

I drift away with regret, I know I let you down. I cant take back the things I think, when your not around.

I feel it pulling in my chest, rise up and come to tears. I took a chance to make this work, and it ended with my fears.

I disapear now like the wind, I fade into the trees. You think I will forget you fast, but pain is hard to ease.

Dont look back and see me, a shadow of who you once knew, for I was never fully here. I make it look so easy, but the scars are always there.

Not a word, you refuse to speak, you look into my eyes and my heart plunges way to the deep
Not a kiss, nor a smile, no notion you will stay awhile
Do the words "I love you" not say enough
Or were you maybe just to tough
Not saying anything to me
Doesn't change a single thing
Because when I look at you, I can't stop the  s t i n g
You can't stop my love for you
It's like a thousand pound frieght train
Does this thing we had, have to go down in vain
Or should I just let it rain
Let the tears
F
   a
l
    l
And not answer any calls and maybe just disapear
What does it take to get your love.

I want you here

so i can make crystal clear

that i love you

and that its not your fault i will no longer be here

that its not your fault I started to disapear

and please know
the person you fell in love with

is no longer near

What is life if not to die
You live your life living
Only to end it all
In one single second your life is gone
All your years of work
Disapear in a flash

What is life if not to die
You spend your life dreading
That one single day
Then when it comes
All that time you spent dreading
Is gone in the past

What is life if not to die
All your life is wasted
All in one moment
One dreadful moment
And all is lost
Never to be had again
Not even yourself

Looking into the pool
the water so calm
a reflection of a fool
looking in wanting to fall
sinking to the bottom
help me god is needed to be called
running out of air
body shutting down
life is never fair
glancing to the sky
time left can be counted in seconds
a white dressed guy
holds out a hand
life being restored
i strongly stand
people do not disapear
tears falling down my cheek
thank you god for answering my prayers

Run your
fingers
through my
hair, and like
always,
whisper
nothings into
the darkness;
You're getting
better at
filling my
mind with
sweetness
only to
disapear
before the sun
says hello.
-JRM

sensory overload
to much noise
so much light

the living life
the dying

a heart beat
a breath
sensory overload

walking hurts
hearing agonizing
seeing to much

sensory overload

the light of day
the darkest of night
all to bright

the middle ground
none exist
were quit rains

sensory overload
disapear

scarlet rose
dec 17,19