“And then, you’d break his heart.’
‘I can’t ever think I could do that. I couldn’t break anyone’s heart.’

You look at me. The tempting colour of your eyes dilates into grey. A blank moment; a break in the cinematography.

At night, I can’t sleep because your smell lingers on me like cheap perfume.
What do I do, what do I do?

These dead stares across the shopping mall
Wouldn't I care if I could have them all
Fingerpainting these eyes
**** photos: camera shutter sighs

But her breath is morse code
And my words are falling
Her dial tone dilates
As her moans are calling

She fell in love with a filter
And I fell in love with someone's daughter
We took pictures in the summer time
And she threw them into the water

When she lies, her cheeks flush
She swears that she doesn't care much,
as she sits in her underwear
with a light grin and a heavy heart.

She felt her pulse by the bed light
She was sad that she was alright
I watched her paint her dad on fire
while holding infant her.

I heard the window shatter
She never said what was the matter
I found her on the driveway,
broken like a family picture frame

In experience you have learned
which tunnel to explore.
You enter this
tunnel for promises of
"gold and precious things!".
But this promise
did not enter through ear;
but thoracic permeation

Well prepared having
spelunk'ed before;
light- your pack
light- in hand.
Climbing, scrounging to escape
the tight entrance with
jagged rocks and false paths
it's many turns and falls-
although you cannot keep
your flashlight straight
experience triumphs, as in
a maze done quickly
once done before.

One strong pull
emerging through;
cave's pupil dilates.
Ground so smooth and wet
though wise to walk
we tend to slide
                why?
Faster to the gold
Faster for exhilaration
Faster because faster!
and... why not?
hitting rough spots mid-slide
pain in debt to speed.

You let your feet
gain some tract
as the tunnel
   narrows
Solomatic mind; without
doubt- body complies.
A slight gust tickles
but this tunnel is not through...
Alas! A shining shimmer is seen!

The earth is rough
to navigate
difficult; (but shimmers numb the sense)
pain soon saturates and stops your
smallest movement, heartbeat, fidget,
thought... The light is moving near?
As tunnels break space and time
and especially direction
feel as though you've lifted up
and the cave, the light, and all
rushes to you.

The sound of breathing relocates,
oh, yes that's you.
gun to back, hostage of Aphrodite
running, sprinting, breathless
you seek this precious shimmer
soon to realize it's coming
faster, harder, alarming to
you.
Looking ahead-
Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap
the sound the light bequeaths
not from ten feet but maybe
five, you realize it's you
heavy- pack
heavy- darkness follows
sprinting, pushing through.

And the entrance could not be any farther.

Recently
it seems
every time we talk
our cacophonous
voices don't sing.

The harmony's off--
lost it's charming ring.
The tye-dye mind's eye melody
is mellowing into a gray spring.

And I'm wondering why?

But...
I think I know.
Only asked cause
I was hopin' you might hum some other musical notes,
ones that won't turn this song into a black swan dive
forced to call the huntin' dogs to track
back to a time where you and I laughed freely.

But there's this feeling
that this is how your other he must have felt
while you and me were undoing our belts--
yelling & screaming
as my parents were sleeping
upstairs above--
we played each other like saxophones
to this grand Nirvana relaxed crescendo!

But as this poem progresses
the tempo stiffens--
    your voice lessens--
as the harmony's off-key
and the melody's riff softens.
It's not hitting me hard like a gong-
feels like two people singing
different lyrics into the same microphone.
Someone with synesthesia can see
our colorful speech atrophy
instead of pirouetting in turquoise dreams.

If that sounds harsh,
sorry, that's the reality I perceive--
we don't want each other to leave,
But our avoidance of labeling
what we are also established what we weren't
and now this playful...thing? we had
feels like a breaking carafe as it hits the floor.

I want to continue writing you more poems and songs
but it's hard when the harmony's off-key
and losing it's charm.
   This new lentando^ tempo's like a left arm going numb.
I want to keep composing
but it feels like water
instead of kerosine pouring
on the fire that was inspiring
as this mournful melody dilates throughout my being.

These skyscrapers are monuments
built by God. See how the moon is
shining tonight, how she is a perfect
circle as minuscule as a pupil. But I’d like
to pretend that she dilates, waxes,
herself to become a halo for these
monuments that were created like ziggurats
to reach God. Because, all the while, they’re
really

as holy and immaculate as the night
sky above them washed by the river
of luminescent car headlights flooding
the streets and dead stars flowering
above

like Jesus once stood naked
on a river to be

purified.

Oh there is a ball in my stomach
a tight knot of anxious confusion.
It circulates and undulates
dilates and twists
throbs
grows...
absorbing my life's energy.

"Let it free and watch it"

It emerges from my stomach...
the twisting blue-black mass
convoluting, churning
in the space in front
…and in a moment it dissolves…

My mind is clear
the rain falls gently outside
almost like snow...
Moving with the gentle breeze...
What power in coming into awareness,
Into relationship with
those things which pain me.

She brought comfort,
The few minutes granted by the press of the snooze button.
The shutter of eye lids reaching the corner of rem.
Choosing instead to sleep rather than face the reality of being away from her.
The hesitation of opening eyes, a morbid reality.
Waking up, coming to the realization that the only perk life has is when your truly unconscious.
Lost in a soft dream. Inhabiting a space somewhere in time that feels like eternity.
An ethereal experience. Filling my lungs in a universe filled with her.
A place containing a medium that dilates pupils behind closed eyes.
Fearing that any moment might be the last.
A unexplainable language, depicted as a snore. The circulation of bliss.
Smiling in a state of sleep.
Interrupted by the sound of an alarm, signifying that our time will be cut short.
Annoyed by the sound of reality blaring it's alarm.
Half opened eyes feeling around to silence the light of a phone.
Modernized alarm. Made convent.
Lost in the sheets.
All made possible by the 10 minute break of the snooze button.
Picking back up were we left off, for 10 long minutes that seem like a lifetime.
All thanks to the press of a snooze button

She drank her coffee too
sweet
and drew herself
to the smell of new
pencil shavings,
like a pupil dilates in light,
telling itself to expand,
to drink up
more
and
more.

She fumbled
on old strands of her
self rising like mug steam
from poetry
she wrote only three months ago.
Wide-eyed,
reading "when
one leaves,
the past is a fetish"
in rounded, running letters
bubbling up over each other -
a gravy she found
herself constantly stirring.

And sunsets,
dashed with pink syrup,
are a passion
('passion' being her
'word' - a skin-colored tattoo,
a branded prayer, an incanted torch)
Sunsets.
Sour golden orange laced
with strawberry wine.
Bittersweet.
Passionate.

Her.

For the words you utter
I pry fervently
If is mould of dust;just like me

I just don't get it
And finds it hard if I do
How can mere words be so hominid
Soft and ****

I just don't get it
The very sight
****** and cloack me with lewd
And make my entire body sweet
Like am dip in a jacuzzi
Full of chocolate and sugar
And lays my head on pluffy pillows
As it swift to the lanes of my mind
And twine my hair so brilliantly

I just don't get it
Who taught it my weakspots and hormones?
Who taught it all those gentle touches;
And ***** talks?
It whispers into my ears
Nuzzling my lobes and rings

I just don't get it
It defiles me completely
When it massages the pits
Of my elbow and knees
As my pupil dilates and mutters"I want you"so gently

I just don't get it
It makes my ******* get hard,and lurch
And bust my blouse
I gasp for fresh air
When it kisses all over me,and ends in the middle of my tighs
As I drip the tears of pleasure,and moans helplessly

I just don't get it
It follows me everywhere
Even in my bathroom
When it grips my moldy towels,and gets deep within me
And makes my heart beat faster than the athletes

I just don't get it
Not even in my sleep will it let me by
When it watches over me,and get into my dreams
And brews creams in my pants

I just don't get it,
Your words,your words
Your words is a man

Your words
©Historian E.Lexano

filled up with enmity coiling up inside
The chest billows up
Thy want to heave it out
Then destined to tranquility

The claws scratch the flesh
Death gnaws on the remnants of longevity
Unless visions have a chest
To burst out into effervescence

Spontaneous sigh is kicked out of your breath
The clavicles sharpen, the eyes ogle ahead
The nothingness dilates
The flicker has no entrance for itself to adumbrate

For utopia has its own gore
To marvel over inside,
The plasters of bliss
Have guffawed over the gullible dusk

The gloom has left with a whisper
A muttering not to be heard
The relief has sewed on flesh
With the clouds coming out of thy outburst

The relief rebirths the serenity
Has been meandered, halted
For thou shed leaves
Making agony to clouds of no return

Utopic defiance,
the idiosyncratic anectodes
Stains of externalized innundation
For the literal existance of hope.

how eager we are to forget
where we came from,
as though we weren't
dirt beneath God's
meticulous manicure mere
fractional eternities ago.
you stopped talking to me
just days ago, but
it feels like epochs;
time dilates in strange
manners, it truly is alien.
there are civilizations
that simply do not
measure time; things happen when
they happen, and that
is that. foreign concepts and
foreign languages slipping across
the tip of my tongue, while
foreign tongues work their way
into your every orifice.
I'm laying in bed, last night
was a bust, I drank a
little bit of whiskey but
not enough, it rained but
only briefly, and I
did not have fun but
I cannot complain;
at least I don't need
you anymore.

The sun set blue
Cold as ice it set at noon
Delicately drifting through.
Sooner no later the hazel eyes kissed the horizon bringing so much more than understanding to the *****
Smoke drifted leaving her body loose.
Corrupted allegations
Dense regulations
Her hazel eyes kissed the horizon no sun insight.
Just radiant green streak with an orange light.
A pupil that cautiously dilates.
She was my morning light

“I’m sorry black eyes don't get enough
love.
There's Hazel eyes,
Amber eyes,
But what about black?
Black the colour of the deepest night Of the universe and the unknown.
Of coal and obsidian.
Of the abyssal depths of the ocean.
of the pupil that dilates with passion, Don't even get me started
on when the light hits them.
Diamonds and stars,
Mysterious and alluring.
"But aren't black eyes so common?!"
So is the sky, So is the earth.
So is the beauty of the night sky and the Milky Way.
All mysteries and secrets of the universe have come together just to be put in your eyes.
Isn't that beautiful?"

I journeyed to an unfamiliar place,
To frame your known and lovely face
Within the small yet feeling space
Between the fond intention of my hands.
And, had no plans for you to know
How time dilates the slowness of
Our separate days, where we both stay
Disguised, among the wrong established choice
Which younger voice; thought right.
Yet for tonight, you let me see
How it could be if others claim
To own your common name; were through.

Why then, should I feel blue,
Now that at last, you’ve said
“I love you too?”

© James Rainsford 2010

I'm letting you go, dear past
you're the ether that scientists thought to carry the light
they discovered you don't really exist (the speed of light is invariant for every observer)

I have things to live, new adventures to imagine
the dream scared to wake up
dear, it's time to take a chance...

'Cause
She won't be there again to write in my cherished books
And I will give her a happy ending and say hello when we meet again
She was so nice but left unexplained and there is nothing to do

And if you by chance knock my door again, ask for a cup of tea
please remember you won't stay after 10 unless you're real

I'm keeping some music preserved, you know
like the stars save a million years that you can travel to
they found a lifetime it's actually enough (time dilates and space contracts)

I have memories to make, friendships to shield
the soul afraid of dying
hey, now learns to live and fly...

'Cause
He won't remember the tears I shed some nights before
Or how he kissed me in the parking lot when we thought nobody watched
They were so sweet, dear, but have never happened at all

We can talk like old friends, forgotten lovers, listen to some songs
please remember you are a treasure but you are gone

Take me out on a non realistic trip
detach me from my  inner self
when they threw me out on the island
I didn't miss my land
I didn't miss my people
I gazed on the freezing moon
I watched the boat coming and going
but I did not beg them to
take me back to the city
where the look in everyone's eyes
is just speaking of hatred
when you look into their eyes
and all you feel is hate from a person
maybe they aren't real
maybe I am not just what I think I am
if this isn't real then I'm just an idea
in someone else's brain
you don't get the feeling when you're trapped
you burn like fire in the deserts of Egypt
you crawl on your feet
crumble and fall like a stone
but you're nothing like a rolling stone
let the sun touch you until you sweat
let the forest's parasites live inside your hair
a meteor was crossing the sky
I looked into your eyes
and I saw the sparkles in your eyes
how it dilates slowly with the breeze.

You look at me,
that is all it takes, and temptation tumbles towards me

Electrochemical codes stretch themselves thin
taught and winding
cooing and fluttering in axonal cornices
Echoes rush through neuronal chambers,
charged and pulsating.

My mind in harmony and fully drawn to you
synchronized by the network.
The messages reach my cortex, aesthetic appraisal follows
I know not the meticulous, miraculous mechanics of such a wonderful process but
You beauty is magnified now.
Touch receptors tell my whole body to tingle
Sensory splendor is so scary.

The cascades have commissioned the deeper circuitry:
Those ancient blueprints of visceral demands
from which wicked temptations of man are born,
the veteran fossil of primordial impulse, a buried luxury, a relic:
My reward system
permeated by your kiss.

I am dangerously, fearfully humble to the power of pleasure
It is awake in the under-structure of neurobiologically institutionalized euphoria,
ablaze in the basic backbone of bliss
It is stirring in it’s ancient wires.

I can say I am somewhat privy to the elusive nature of experience.
being a human being alone grants me this
being a scientist of the brain only dilates my sense of love’s incomprehensibility.
And so I sink into your touch, your presence unresisting.

you smile, and a person dies.
you smile, and the sun bows a tiny bit lower in the sky.
you smile, and two people are born.
you smile, and a note trills its way to my ear's tympanum.
you smile, and a moth finds its way to the dimming porch light.
you smile, and the incense stick accessorizes with a shawl of smoke.
you smile, and every vein in my cheeks dilates.
you smile, and there is a marvelous lilt to your voice.
you smile, and my clever anecdote is stuck between your teeth.
you smile, and our eyes dare each other to grin even wider.
you smile, and somewhere dawn breaks like a bull in a china shop.
you smile, and life roars.

i could spot him in any crowd even though he blends into the walls

i want his warm hands and the way his fingers lace around mine
i want his soft lips and hard kiss
and how he would take violence and passion
and mix the most pleasurable serum i’ve ever tasted
i want his eyelashes to play my heart again like his fingers play guitar
                                                          ­                                                                 ­ beautiful

he told me he wouldn’t forget how our lips locked
                     i wont forget that either
and that if we lived in the same universe
we would be lovers like something rarely seen
                     i wont forget that either

did you know that when i see you my heart dilates
so to take in as much of your light as it can
and when i hear you i develop a fear of going deaf
because if i don’t get your notes, i'll be alone                                         
              ­                                                                 ­                         ******
                                 ­                                                                 ­      not high.
  
i’m not sure anyone can hold my interest the way he does
i wish i never let him go
every day

there’s something i’ve been wanting to tell you:
i couldn’t say goodbye to you and that’s why i didnt answer the phone

I feel the wind on my face
as it caresses my skin,
The breath of the world
as it whispers intuition.

I see the clouds unfurl
and vast expanses clear,
As a god's pupil dilates
bequeathing knowledge here.

I hear time draw quiet
as starlight is still,
Immutable undercurrents of
comprehension instilled.

All of this contained
the whole in my eye,
Every synapse in my brain
for a millisecond aligned.

Dripping in gold,
Basking in the glaze
of revelations untold.

I walked upon waves,
Physics torn
into a reality unfazed.

With such intuitive reasoning,
I pierced the maze
to glance at an age away.

It will find me again in time,
This power to define.

When indecision will leave me,
And the world will be mine.

Now dare to interpret any singular line.

clouds are knotted over—
soft q-tip plunge
into your mopped halo.
time dilates
itself into big rain, big thunder—
a concentration of stringed lights
hanging on a rusted picture wire

I’ve written this before but
we are nothing but bones underneath—
mortal refuse cooling in the shade
until our joints are locked
and we toboggan down
with tight jaws

seeing the physical doesn’t mean
you can see—
the tendency to blindfold oneself
snuggles inside judgment,
moves inside the tracks like a swallowed pearl
until you dig through
and find the bruised dream

I let the lightning roll off of the
table, spill on the wood floor.
I don’t mop it up;
I no longer buy the delusion
of messes made. I **** the
electric lemon. feel my face go
cold and numb. succumb to
the dominant, coronal moonshine.

here we are—heaps in the corners
of a corner-less world. we hook things
like fish. we perform fire drills. we love
the act of escaping.
here we are—piles of human, our knees
in our hands.

the next strike comes. ommmmmms into omen.

in this cardboard kingdom, our houses sag
when it rains and we crouch down to survive.
but I will always remember the clouds,
driving knots into your cells as the roof
fell in. and we were both soaked. both sacks
of pearled bones.

Have you ever seen two worlds in contrast? One is just a plain sight. Never demanding anything so extraordinary. While the other one consists of billions of possibilities that you'll give up learning Math's permutation and combination. It's beautiful actually. You could say that it's pretty tiring but dimensions are a whole lot of fun. One afternoon, you're only reading a book in a bustling train. Never feeling that cozy in a long time. Being surrounded by a crowd temporarily makes you forget that you're lonely. Next thing you'll know, you're standing in total darkness. The loud chatter of the person you sit next to, suddenly fades into deafening silence. Hehe but don't worry you are not alone, darling. There's a smiling demon beside your face. He's quite delighted to see some company.

It's strange right? But I love strange. It's just the kind of level I need. You'll get the hang of it. The most exciting part is that it drives you out of your comfort zone. I hid there and hibernated but I learned that it did me no good. Okay **** now where was I? Oh yes, I have to tell you the ******* thing about myself. I, Erin Roma, am miserably bursting with dimensions. And it's all a slippery *****. No, I don't want to hear my skull breaking again. I'm done with that. But the question resurfaces, is he done with me? Because I still feel the blood in my forehead. It hardened so much that no matter how determined am I in wiping it, nothing ever happens. It just stays there.

The voices in my head linger. No, I'm not some lunatic killer. Hmmm I might be someday. But right now, I'm just plain lunatic with her spectacles shattered on one side standing on the top of a cliff, staring into the emerging horizons. I still wear it though. The glasses, I mean. Because you'll never know when will it strike again. The world is full of capabilities. The sharpest light sawing back and forth, ripping through the pupil in my eyes, just before it dilates. Was it salvation? Do I need some saving?

No, you couldn't possibly be referring to God. That was so 10 years ago. This real world slapped at me. Now, it's gaping its doe eyes on you. Watching our every move. Threatened by the fact that I'll go back. No, I'm not turning myself into an obsessed idiot again just so that I can solicit something from Him. I was a hypocrite back then. One of those judgmental little ****** dressed as righteous disciples.

I'm ignoring all of it. The ghosts nagging me, engulfing me in a vortex. Should I go back to the plain world? Back to the life of pretending to be things they expect you to be? I'm  a non-conformist and I've suffered way too long. Enough of the zigzag that you're currently dealing because of me. Eyes closed, I'm starting to grasp where I am going.

ALL THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE OF ONE KISS.

IT MEANT

WELCOME
TO
HELL

I laughed back saying "BITE ME."

Not just a memory
But a stored moment in time that you savor

Not just a sound
But a wave of harmonious lyrics that tickles your eardrum

Not just a taste
But the flavor of many seasonings that bounces across your taste buds like thousands of pinballs

Not just a sight
But visual ecstasy that dilates the pupils and allows light to send blinding rays of optical bliss

Not just a feeling
But the pulsation of electrodes across the skin as it makes the thousands of hair follicles stand at attention

Take a moment to reflect and see that every day we are blessed with the gift of life...it's NOT JUST life, but it's the opportunity to hear new things, see new sights, taste new flavors, feel new feelings, and make brand new memories.