Dependent, well that was never a word i would’ve used to describe myself 

heavily reliant on another person to make them happy, feel fulffilled and pound away the overwhelming notion of hopelessness engraved into their bones

yep, definitely not me

id rather settle with calling them a distraction instead of admitting that i, who depicts myself as a nonchalant, unfeeling ***** that doesn’t give a **** actually gives a ****

narcissistic much? yep 

happiness, i wish i could call that my goal.
maybe when i was eleven and still held the belief that everything ends up perfect as long as you turn in your homework and dress nicely 

ah, simpler times

now days i only accomplish that so i can motivate myself to keep trying on a daily basis 

even writing seems like a chore that i don’t want to bring myself to finish anymore

getting through the day without repeatedly slamming my head into a wall in order to block out the numbness is my version of happiness now

i wish i could pinpoint when it became like this

my therapist tells me to find what triggers these feelings and once i do to squash them before they can mess with my head

i don’t know how to tell her that there is no trigger, i can’t kick them out when they’ve made me into their home 

i know how it feels to be left behind and i would never put them through that

i decide against telling her I’ve personified my depression now

this is sam, he’s always there to give me a helping hand back into bed when i look in the mirror and don’t want to face myself

this is melody, she’s always there singing soothing tunes to lure me into a spiraling fit of paranoid self hatred 

this is luke, he’s my guardian angel, always following me around making sure to bring me back down to earth whenever i get too happy

I’m grateful for them, i really am.
always involved in my life making sure not to miss anything that happens to me, no matter how big or small

which leaves me to wonder if I’m the one that has pushed all my real friends away, by only ever focusing on my fake ones

not ready to face that yet so ill leave that in the “denial” section of my brain, which is overflowing by the minute

the thing about this sadness, is that I’m not sure who i would be without it

with it goes my sense of identity and I’m not ready to have a one on one session with my real, gritty self because I’m afraid i won’t like what i find

fear, isn’t that what binds us all?

keeps us from leaving people, keeps us from staying with them

dependability, often i tell myself that if i were to live all by my lonesome in alaska with nothing but the sound of wind and smell of the forest i would be content

dependability, being able to be alone is something i pride myself on

dependability, with only my thoughts to keep me company id probably stab myself repeatedly 
dependability, i can’t depend on myself so i have to find someone i can

dependability, the sad truth

I can't
I can’t always be there for everyone
in the perfect little way they've invented
every single time they have a problem
believe me, i want to be.
but sometimes even though its irrational
i just need to be there for myself to keep my head above water
and im sorry for that.
but ****

Wind swept

Wild places the grass it puts on a veritable orchestra of movement as it undulates to the power of the breeze that passes
Mountain meadows splashed with a profusion of flowers they jiggle as if there tickled about something or other
The crest of the hill bordered with trees sloping down the hill children are running reminiscent of Jack and Jill
This utopia of nature sets aside the hurly burly the curvature of the hills still the wind hold the sun just right you it invites

Cross these pasture lands the feeding ground of many cattle and sheep the pride of the farmer who keeps
Inexorably bound by breed and creed for centuries this way of life flourishes among these native grasses
Tender shoots these roots give of their riches the sun and rain gives them a time to reign with joy all reaps
Pleasure in the walk letting fingers glide over the heads of tall grasses the silent telling of harmony filled poise

Future generations will be brought to these shadowed grounds they too will by their lives express and know contentment
Hourly they hold in sod that has known the breath of time as it has passed time and time again it enlivens breaks fourth
Sturdy and resplendent it shows all its dependability the same respect settlers knew is found the builders of this continent
Long shadows grow upon earths shoulders she knows the good and the bad but through resilience remains unconquered

The distant mountain stands eternal guard, it affects rainfall, mutes the winds force guarantying a peaceful valley
Perpetuity is taught in this land tomorrows unfold from days gone by with regularity they build and keep the way open
Stewardship the blessed hope working in harmony with all that surrounds at days end this will be the final sum and tally
The herdsman knows the time he invests it well always with broad vision does he act in this wisdom all will be victorious

You are witnessing a prodigious talent and promise, and to a lesser extent but still to the degree whereby it should keep you awake at night writhing in cold sweats, your life, slip agonisingly through your open and clammy palms. Promise means so little if not actualised. You have been granted chance after warning after fortuitous escape yet have blithely spurned every omen and will one day fall, swiftly and perhaps terminally. You are almost certainly depressed. You say you love your girlfriend, and you mean it wholeheartedly when you do, but you worry that the relationship perpetuates as without her there would be no reason to rise with the sun. Even if the relationship is  unstable, and at times verging on the unhealthy, you believe you love her but are too great a coward to consider decisive action if that belief is to reside or subside. Your friends range from kind and honest yet deeply flawed to somehow toeing an inextricably thin line between dependability and duplicitousness. Conversations with a certain few of your friends necessitate decrying every undercooked ethos you've every conned yourself into believing you hold (you could well be the most hypocritical liberal to walk the earth, for you are innately and irrepressibly selfish) yet you still nod placidly as your conscience squirms. Grotesquely, like a beaten spouse, you crave the gaze of those who have treated you with the most insulting derision, but are too proud (of what?) and, a running theme, too cowardly, to stoop to a simple detante. You must change, for it pains you on a most base level to have to accept the feeble, whimpering, simpering spectre you have become. You must be bold, brave, unashamed in your convictions, anything but pursed and silent lips. You have a voice, and you must now speak loud enough for them to hear, for that which has become blunted must be whetted, sharpened, readied for battle to be unsheathed at an utterance. Heed the signs and change, for our sake. You, a milksop who attentively notes the sophistry of courage, you can still be brave, and you must be.

For one day you will be swelled with a courage and fortitude to fill your sails taut, enough to leave this place, forget these people and bear you away.

I woke up thinking about this.

         A Thought About Loyalty

I’ve been thinking about loyalty:
A many-sided world of nuances,
The subtle differences.
We all know it means faithfulness,
A sticking-to devotedly.
Unfurled it shows its nasty sides,
The negatives that worry me:
Allegiance and adherence -
-Ism’s steel prepared to go to war
Against all criticizers,
-Isms’ others
Carving up the brotherhood
Of man.
Not for nothing
That a missile system drawn
To sense and intercept an enemy:
Is named the Patriot:
A system to annihilate.

I worry ‘bout obedience,
Compliance and submissiveness.
I like reliability, dependability,
Dedication if it’s not perverted
Duty, if it leads to thought,
A moral sense,
An ethic that agrees with life;
Loyalty without the strife.
Loyalty to think about.

A Thought About Loyalty 9.10.2017
Nature In & Of Reality; Out Times, Out Culture II;
Arlene Corwin

A cropped haircut, remembrances of time
The best way to reduce cuticles to bone
And forget what dances behind eyelids
Loosed teardrops and wavering dependability
Useless porch light, shameful gas tank
With shadows which count seconds
Stretching over regrowth
A cropped haircut, remembrances of time

We’re playing the long game.
We share things, we’re lovers,
we slip in and out of each other’s lives
like jackets hanging on the back of a door.

Relationships are like instruments,
they must be played, kept in tune,
the carnal and the corny balanced,
carefully, like sections of an orchestra.

Sometimes, I feel that I have to bring the energy,
BE the entertainment - and I can do that - in spades
but not forever - I’m not a tireless-giver - in fact,
I'm atavistically Parisien (we admit loving nothing).

I’m learning that when a relationship’s conducted,
at great remove, the basics - like punctuality,
dependability and preparation - become a big deal.

When I’m in an optimistic headspace, I think we can do it,
maybe, that we know what we want and who we are.

That we’re playing the long game

I am a
plenipotentiary
of your heart
but not your tongue
Which whips
with shout
Inflicting
all this
doubt
--
Try not to see my glaring mistakes
when uncaring I am trumpeting arrogant aches.
--
I became lost in channels of the self and now-
I have smoothed out my spikes,
inverted my aversions, diluted my delusions-
I have incrementally expanded my positive mentality.
I am the Xenolith within the conglomerate
uncomfortable with chafing sand.
Displaying dependability with the straightening of back,
gone is lithe youth's unbecoming stand.

I shall trust inappropriately and love exponentially.
I shall treat you, The Stranger-
even stranger
like family.

I lie in bed gazing at my bumpy popcorn ceiling
I let my stare settle to follow my fan's revolution
Focusing on one plates trip around its axle
It is without fail and I find in my fan dependability
It deserves its place up there
It knows the right direction and spinning speed
It has no temptations to stop or slow
And rarely does it make a sound
It refuses to fall, to let the pressure win
It does not care its only painted to look like wood
Or that its never dusted clean
It does not complain about how the lights get more attention
Or how central air is more popular
It has purpose on the verge of personality
I lie in bed for my purpose is not so clear
And a personality not so worthy
Yet I am the one with the freedom to choose
Question: But what if my answers
Not to be
This fan seems to have proven a bitter point
It has made a mockery out of my passive glares
I fear its judgements, for it whispers disapproval
I tear myself away from its patronizing winds
And allow my eyes to float and find a mirror
Making sense of looks and location
And the human stare that beams back
Smiles and agrees
Decisively objective in its demeanor
I must admit that my reflection is convincing
But its light is late, and its fancy tricks deceive
Tis a fools mistake to reduce verbs to stale states
Question: To be alive or to live a life
Or choose to gamble with one's talent to lie
I lie; I lie in bed

I pledge allegiance, to materialism
Of the apportioned states of America
And to the Government
For which it hides, One nation
Under false pretense, Dividable, with dependability and unethicalness for all

When he was born his father was drunk,
his mother was doped up.
He was born three months early with double pneumonia,
but he lived.

Growing up, his father would put down the bottle
only to hit him and his mother.
For some reason, he wasn't sure, his sister and brother were spared.

His father died when he was eleven.
His father killed himself with the same pistol he killed two Japanese men with. His mother remarried, with no job, experience, or even a drivers license, she had to remarry quick.

His stepfather put down the bottle only long enough to hit him and his mother. This time, his sister and brother were not spared.

Two weeks after his seventeenth birthday, he learned to play while my guitar gently weeps on a third hand guitar his stepfather had spent a fifth of his monthly salary buying.

He made money playing guitar. He wasn't the best, no Eddie Van Halen, no Eric Clapton. He did without the flashy showmanship. He had something called dependability. He was never late for an audition, he never ****** up an audition, he never fought with his band mates.

Driving home from a gig thirteen days after his twenty second birthday, a drunk teenager in a pickup truck plowed into him at an intersection.
He spent 5 weeks in the hospital. Doped up the whole time. When they let him leave, he left with a plate in his head and a monkey on his back.

For three years he lived on the streets. He'd play his guitar on the corner by the CBGBs for change. He'd take that change and buy ******. After three years, exactly three years of this, he realized he could play guitar better sober. He stopped using.

He got an associates degree in English, a concentration in teaching.
He taught English and Beginning Guitar at the same high school he hid his bruises at years earlier. He had favorite students, how could he not? They were always hiding bruises.

Whether we like it or not,
Friendship is a contract
Which, when mutually accepted,
Binds us closely together.

In friendship, we are bound emotionally,
We have a social bond
Which entails a responsibility
To care and be cared for;
To maintain and nuture,
To preserve the boundary's,
Hold to the mould,
And endure....
Endure beyond hardship,
Social discomfort,illness
And even death.

Trust me.....
To be a true friend
You must undertake this contract
And honour it indefinately.
You enter the roller coaster of emotion
Entailed with the close mortal link
With another soul.

Friendship, if taken seriously,
Is a heavy responsibility
But it's benefits bestow the participants
With the sure knowledge
Of a close warmth of contact,
Of understanding and dependability
And a confidence of spirit
In knowing that out there....
Someone very special cares.
M.

♦ Become a friend
♦ Learn her secrets
♦ Swallow her demons by choice
♦ Tell her she is wanted always in all ways
♦ Choose time shared over all else
♦ Pick weakness out of need
♦ Push hard while showing kindness
♦ Sincerity and pain
♦ Wanting all, yet giving nothing
♦ Prove dependability
♦ Turn fear into reality
♦ Use her heart against her, gutting her invisible

And with the final lie that defines a gender
"I want you to always be here"
Turns into a silent, wordless exit

You led me to safety, with white knuckles and wobbling knees

No matter your state of being you always put my peace of mind first

You were open and straightforward, telling me every word of your life story, omitting no nitty gritty details

You told me you were only honest with me

And I had no reason to think differently

But if that's true, I think there might be more to pursue, I think we might be exploring the wrong avenues

I admire so much about you, your generosity, your intentions, your honesty and ambitions

You are my safety net, an angel on request

You are dependability when no one has stepped up yet

You're one of the best I know, and I'm so glad to have you in my life, no matter what's in between the lines.

I won't long for more than I have, because not many are lucky enough to have a friend as good as mine.

You can't keep this up.
I burned the walls of your pasture,
I'm no longer yours to herd.
And you're right.
I am guiltless, free of that pressure
you forced onto my shoulders.
That avalanche of boulders you hurled
at me have crumbled to dust at my feet.
Fueled by you.
Your constant slugging, endless dependability,
fixation on control that destroyed us, and now
are about to destroy you. (If they haven't already.)

I am freed.

I've found solace in something new.
And it's about time you did too.

You said I was the closest thing you had to a home
comfort and security,strength,dependability
Then you tore me down like walls
bricks fell upon you
did you feel the screams of anguish in each cracking
every vibration, a love being ripped apart.

I had searched for you in the days before
each time a different face showing
I heard malice in the air when you whispered into anothers ear my story
not yours to tell.

Each word,every syllable you gave away
was another cut,another tear
Did you think these walls were so pliable
that they would not lose fundation
nothing left but raw exposure.

Foundations stand where you stood
of barbed wire and steel
a cemented corner that bears your name
like a headstone
Forgiveness was possible
too many times
I will mourn you as I mourn so many choices.

True love lies somewhere between rage and serenity
The antithesis of anonymity
Exists on the paved roads of pain filled memories
Lodged amid warm thoughts
Childlike fantasies
For women it’s a strong masculinity
For men it’s an infinite dependability
On a woman who is both a nurturer and a lover
A best friend when there is no other
A confidant
Someone who’s shares
And keeps the insecurities of your thinking buried deep where no one can find it
This person carries a light so high that no one can outshine it
In a life where we are born with no favors
No waivers
That lessen the life lessons of the environments we live in
Like God forgave yours
Give your heart a break
Let love make amends for the sin of the world
And those that hurt you
Those that hit you
Those that abused you
While wrong
I pray you let me sing you a song that heals you
And fills you with a joy that you cannot explain
A love that confounds every theory and excuse you have not to love again
No matter how you found it
Or whether you deserve it
What matters now is that you are worth it
Love rests in the pain we live through
And the connections we seek
Tales of unrealistic expectations are lies we place on ourselves to be strong
But really make us weak

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..What was meant was never said and what is satiable isn’t fed upon. Long to be that faun in a misty meadow, lounging at dawn on the grass, gazing upon the peaks of eternity. What are we learning and what’s with the misuse? We tenderly abuse that which we dwell on. Claiming it a love letter, when a Better view reveals(in a peeling manner) that these are just clingings of a scrotal piercing fashion. Latching to these attachments as sacraments of dependability, nullifies valued spectacality. The pureness to the core of reality and the mess is a beautifully delicious birthday cake which never ends

I would always favorite some signs over others. I would always say "Oh I'm so glad that I have no gemini in me" or "I'll never have a scorpio baby one day." But after analyzing you, I have learned that you are a little bit of each sign and that is beautiful to me. I've learned that each sign has contributed very special and important traits to craft you just the way you are. I am no longer so close minded towards some signs, you have taught me that beauty can come from any and all of them.

I love that you are a Taurus and that I am a Virgo and that that is a great compatibility. I love that we are both Earth signs and stable and practical because of this. I love that your Taurus sun allows you to be patient, calm, and cautiously slow. I love that you live simply and if it's not broken, you don't fix it. I love that your Gemini ascendant is the reason you are so restless and why your eyes wander all over the room and back in a matter of a few seconds. I love that your Gemini moon provides you with a quick intellectual mind and persistency. I love that your Mercury is Taurus provides your constructive mind and your second nature of observing. I love that your Venus in Aries allows you to be strongly sensual and flirtatious. Your Mars in Leo allows your great drive to put your ideas into actions and your warm, lucky personality. Your Jupiter in Sagittarius is why you think big and profit accordingly, and provides your higher mind capacity. Your Saturn in Pisces is your vivid imagination and intuition. Your Uranus in Aquarius is your inventiveness and originality, your wry sense of humor and your unique mind. Your Neptune in Capricorn is why you are extra practical and concrete, and good at Chemistry (your major)! Your Pluto in Scorpio is your tendency towards secrecy, psychic abilities, and passionate side. Mars in your 3rd house is your determination and need to stay active and speak your mind. Jupiter in your 6th house is your success in work, loyalty, and dependability. Pluto in your 6th house is your excellent concentration and intent on seeing results. Neptune in your 8th house is why you are a visionary and you seek to give your life more meaning. Uranus in your 8th house is your unusual outlook on life & death. Saturn in your 10th house is your self-reliance, ambition, perseverance, self discipline, and likelihood of achieving success. Venus in your 11th house is your sociable side and your desire to marry a friend. The Sun in your 12th house is why you enjoy privacy and quiet, you have difficulty expressing yourself, you are only close to a few, and success may come later in life for you. Your Mercury in your 12th house is your tendency to be contemplative, and your ability to work things out for yourself. Your Moon in your 12th house is your sensitive side, your reception and intuition towards others, your tendency to hide your real feelings, your need to get away from others to restore yourself, and your creative imagination.

A word that describes you is "practical."
Before doing anything, you want to know
Whether it has a definite purpose.
If it doesn't, it's a no-go.

Before taking action, you must determine
What advantages will be gained.
If you lose your concentration
And scatter your forces, you'll feel drained.

You can concentrate all of your energy
For protracted periods of time.
But if anyone tries to rush you,
That, to you, is a major crime.

Whatever you call reality,
That is what you cling to securely.
And because of your stick-to-itiveness,
You don't give up prematurely.

You need to feel emotionally secure,
And so you are naturally cautious--
Always on the look-out for those
Weighty concerns that threaten to squash us.

Regarding dependability,
That is something at which you excel.
But to you it's extremely important
That you can depend on others as well.

Disappointment doesn't come easy;
You take it very much to heart,
Especially since you know you always
Put the horse before the cart.

If you can follow your planned agenda
And have the time, your tenacity
Helps you accomplish all your goals--
Everything that's within your capacity.

You can be loving and patient,
Soft-spoken, and subdued;
But you can be a stubborn cuss
When you're in a not-so-good mood.

Though you're usually slow to anger,
Surely you know what people say:
If you make a Taurean mad,
You'd better get out of his or her way!

You have a keen eye for beauty,
But don't be too materialistic.
Your strong need for material comforts
Could make you act opportunistic.

You need to be close to the earth;
Nature gives you inspiration.
The feeling that your foundation is weak
Causes a lot of exasperation.

If you're stubborn, you're VERY stubborn;
If you're lazy, you've VERY lazy.
Since you're good at whatever you do,
That shouldn't sound so crazy.

Your determination and strength
Should be an inspiration to all.
If you want to, you can do wonders.
It's up to you; it's your call.

- by Bob B (4-23-17)

I’ll get a tattoo
that I cannot reach and ask
you for some lotion

Constancy is no more, it jabs an antonym
Dependability on only what elongates ache
Spasms cordiality that is nearly lost memory
There is a mechanism of biology unforgiving
This black box jocose
Laughing at ruination
Temptation to dive forward into flames
Rather than run
Unfailingness, ends are eventual
Everything is spotted with its departure
When you're seeing your own

I’m haunted by the memories of you…
Your smile
Your RAGE
Your laughter
Your SCREAMS
Your dependability
Your CHAOS
Your sweetness
Your CRUELTY
Your love
Your HATE
Your trustworthiness
Your LIES
I remember…
I will always love you
AS LONG AS YOU LISTEN
I need you
YOU CAN’T DO THIS WITHOUT ME
I can’t breathe without you
YOU’D DIE WITHOUT ME
Your beautiful
NO ONE ELSE WILL WANT YOU NOW
Always and forever
YOU’LL NEVER ESCAPE FROM ME
- How long am I supposed to let you keep torturing me

Pppzzzzzzzzz
The pan pops and sizzles
As I open the creaky wooden door.

Shhhhhhh
The kitchen sink sings,
He washes a pepper covered cutting board.

The sounds never change,
The routine is always the same.

I count on,
"How was your day?"
And "what do you want to drink."

Dependability, stability.
One thing know at the end of the day.


The plates clink as they touch the table.
"Lets eat."

All is not well in Trumplandia we hear.
Investigations are closing in,
And all efforts to find or maintain
Integrity are wearing thin.

Untold uncertainty looms;
Unhealed sores are starting to fester.
The leadership position has been
Usurped by the court jester.

Vultures wait in anticipation
While jackals feast on defenseless lambs.
The court jester has wily perfected
And art of confusing facts and shams.

The naïve crowds hear "Hoax!" and "Fiction!"
And think the jester is being funny.
Their grating cheers drown out the call:
"Follow the money! Follow the money!"

Snake oil is in demand.
Distractions are the name of the game.
The focus has shifted from seeking the truth
And doing what's right to passing the blame.

Structures are crumbling, and yet the push
Is mainly on finding the wherewithal
To place on the country's southern border
An unnecessary wall.

In the Big House, day after day,
The leaders are playing musical chairs.
While donors and supporters watch,
Their eyes carefully guarding their shares.

Credit is taken where credit's not due;
Trust and dependability scatter.
A dream come true to a few becomes
A nightmare when the wrong things matter.

All is not well in Trumplandia.
Shhh! The world can't know. But wait!
You say the cat is out of the bag?
Then it's too late! It's way too late!

-by Bob B (8-5-17)

Distance in an instant
Reflect and recline back
Rail and Airlines can get a fund
But Buses are left out not being among
Buses have been moving America more than you know
But you seem you just want to let go
Buses support communities and I am not talking about cities
Passengers depend on the bus because Rail and Airlines don’t go direct
So buses do have and add to the travel effect
Buses support highways I daily travel
So how noble
Now buses are the only magic carpet being destination direct
Again, buses do have that effect
Buses are more than just wheels that roll
It’s the pride and honor in Motor Coach Driving Engineers who take hold
Safety being the number one priority
So bus travel dependability being a reality
Long before trains and air, buses were the backbone roads that started in encouraging people to travel by bus
It’s not a fuss it was a plus
As the parade of buses embark upon Washington, DC, it is a message to keep motor coaches striving
As the buses honk their horns in your city, it is all about Unity
“Buses Move America”
I hope the message will move into you Senator’s heart, and think twice that buses should be funded as well
The results are strongly depended at the Nation’s Capitol
Please sign the Motor Coach Bill
Don’t let buses be a road ****
So Senators, please make it your will
Without buses and drivers, bus companies will be non-existent
Think on the time of your Greyhound and Trailways ride
Think on the scenery you encountered as America passed by
It was a memorable travel experience
Now take that experience and let Motor Coaches Continue to Move America into tomorrow
Please don’t let it be sorrow
All it takes is a sign
I hope you will consider and be kind
Now buses deserve all the recognition and that would be fine.

Education
We have told getting good scores is happiness
But
It prevailed only when it got
compared with fellow student not globally and then they promised the real happiness in jobs

Career
we joined office, we are told real happiness in promotions and we reached.
Again, there is a point to a joint your  promotion will become real happiness only if you have a family

Family**
We get married then society say have children, you will have real happiness

Children
Well wisher advice you, If you groom your children's then see the world around you will be praised  for your effort and there and then happiness flow..

Between
Your children grown but refuse to live with you and want to be like a bird and you find your hopes was shaken, but neighbors says if you have grandchildren you will be happy

Grandchildren
Now, your find a kind of happiness on dependability with your grandchildren and they need you for same..

Is happiness is in dependability??

Poem number 1000 – Part Three : Deeper and deeper


Forever onward, into a future of possibilities;
Another line, from inside a mind, without sense, but with sensibility.
Throughout time I have learned to garner my abilities,
To become the man you hear; I have earned my dependability.


In partnership, I have discovered my heart
And I doomed it from the start, to starve inside a life of scars.
****** for eternity, to tear myself apart;
Without a guiding hand to guide me, I fell beneath the stars.


Blessed mornings are all slept right through
And aspirations are lost alongside the dripping dew.
The sunshine awakens my eyes, as I see through the blind;
But I shall still not arise, from this cocoon.


Into slumber I drift, indifference I change;
I have become a slave of my own disdain.
The words echo out of my mouth and around the room;
In tunes we marvel, in love we are eternally doomed.


Our hope is curtailed, so we have set sail;
The voyage of the ******, Poseidon at our tail.
A war of world’s, inside a shattered soul;
Our thoughts come and go, but we are deep inside this hole.


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

It's like I never learned about humility
Like I didn't know tranquility.
or like my mindset is to spawn hostility.
Maybe because I was never taught responsibility.
I have less appeal to you than a book that lacks readability.
and you refuse to acknowledge our lack of compatibility.
We're trying to build on the epitome of instability
and we wonder why we have the inability
to make something with any sort of durability.
It'd be easier if I wasn't such a liability,
or if there was any probability
that I could understand accountability.
I'm sorry for the times I lacked the sensibility
to become a better person, or improve my suitability.
I'm sorry for my actions and my incivility
There were times you couldn't count on me for dependability
and for that I'd like to say if there is any plausibility
or some kind of magic ability
that would allow me the chance to see you again I'd beg and crawl to the ends of space and time on only the basis of possibility.

My E Bay purchase SL D303 sprang to life
( for a few joyous months)
Springs replaced once
and the second time, it died like a swan,
no spare parts!
Soon it burnt into the pocket
Suburban luggage of a layered kind
alongside my vinyl collection
cant always trust dependability

give me strength, give me hope
tell me you'll never
let me go
feel my heart bleeding
when you go

make me feel so incomplete
teach me
dependability
show me i need you
in everything

why do i see you
in everything

and do we think of each other, only
when it's cold and dark
i need to know if you'll love me
when it gets warmer
in the summer, in the light
or
maybe it's just when you're high.