Dear younger self I know you may not understand what you’re going through. I know at  times you think no one loves you but you are loved I know it’s hard growing up without a mom or a dad but as we get older it’ll get easier. I know you’re only seven years old and you’re like what the ****  did I do to deserve this nothing you did nothing wrong it is not your fault and I know sometimes you feel like it’s your fault that’s your mother and father are not together but it’s not your fault younger me.I know sometimes you cry yourself to sleep wishing you Would

die but that’s not the way you have great things in your future and I just want you to know If I knew then what I know. I would’ve done a lot of things different I know now you’re probably wondering what does all this mean in due time I will tell youI know by now you’re eight years old and you are starting to feel yourself you are Becoming rebellious And continuous thoughts of suicide because you feel like your father doesn’t love you your mother is Nowhere around!!! I know the feeling that you have the pain the anger the hurt the hatred the betrayal and you have all right to feel those things but I do not want you to let those things fuel you trust me I know younger me you will grow up hating the world and that’s not a good feeling it is now Thanksgiving night 1998 you have just gotten hit by a car and all you want more than anything in the world is to have your mommy by your side you hate her for the fact that she’s not around you hate your father because you feel like he wasn’t watching you at that moment when that car hit you for a split second you just want to die because you feel like there will be no more pain. But that is not true if you were to die that night there would have been so much things that you will have never got to see or do I’m not saying our life is perfect but it will get better over time & to even go back a little bit farther you’re hurt and pain started way before your mother and father split up you were hurts when your uncle Jimmy Darrell Sims passed away the day before Christmas one year later the day before Christmas your mother drops you off at your grandmothers house it tells you she will be back and she never came back. And the ****** you up growing up your life was hard you experienced a lot of things depression loneliness suicidal thoughts not being loved I can understand how you turn to a monster Younger self we are not perfect and I’m talking to you to fix the older us this world is a dark place. Well let’s continue this journey you get hit by the car Thanksgiving night all you want is your mommy and she’s nowhere to be foundWhile you’re in the hospital people are trying to reach out to her but no one can contact her that really Crushed your soul you grew more colder more angrier you did not talk to your mother until a week after you got out of the hospital on top of that you were never the Flyers kid and when you were fly you had to work for
It Your life was a mess at the age of nine years old you had your first asthma attack and yet again all you want it was your mommy. It’s not like you didn’t have love but it wasn’t the love that you were looking for you wanted the love of your mother do you want it the love of your father but instead. You felt like and still to this day feel likeYour father loves your cousin Delmar more than you as a grown owner your hatred became more

I'm constantly chasing waterfalls against TLC's wishes,
Searching for the sirens and  hunting their deadly kisses
Ravishingly intertwined with the ravenous divine just like it was a business  
Drunken dreams of the open road while they wash my clothes and all the dishes
Meanwhile Delmar was a toad, but got squashed now he sleeps with the fishes
Cheers to the Vicious Vixens who are the misses that could never ever truly fix us

The street glistens
from a recent hard rain

tires splash
thru muddy puddles

neon flickers
and buzzes with the din

of dining
and drinking

to whom it may
concern

Trampled under forests where
The dead dew greets new days
On the night when I saw you
We were turning a page

And somebody saw you
Dancing
At the Bluebird and Flamingo
Killing time on Delmar Street
While I fell at your flat feet
Half-drunk and underage
Captive by the suture on
Your woven dress backstage

I’ve been thinking of my home a lot
How hard it was to just move along
And I still can’t touch the picket fence
Without wondering what went wrong

But there’s royalty in
Knowing
That I’m not ****** here forever
In your heart, am I alright?
And you could be mistaken
By my hollow shade of pale
I am not one of your ghosts
And my blood isn’t for sale

So I sleep with your name on my lips
In the night, there’s a crackling whisper
That lingers like dew on the wet moss
Stuck to the boot of a drifter

Now I’m burning my back in the shower
Feeling like the wind could ******* down
And I know nothing good can last forever
Only evil has that staying power