Unreality: Thanksgiving Miami Style

It is 70 degrees, afternoon,
sunny Miami winter style.
Nike shorts, flip flops,
polo shirt white,
music, pandora, and
no place he
needs to be.

the collected works and
worries, left behind,
the boy, and he is taking
it to the limit,
wanting a day of no cares,
one more time.

yet, recollecting, writing
impertent, dissatisfied,
no reason, none that I can
irrationally explain.

previous night,
my eyes have
seen the
second-coming.

everybody smiles
happy, looking fit,
tight black dresses
the law of the land.
food flows like wine,
wine flows like water.

lose track of the numbers,
glasses of Cortese di Gavi,
cold and white refilled
in the Miami heat,
exactly, how old am I,
and where
my eyes should
not be staring,
bodies intended
to maim,
after they
**** you.

it is a long-short tale,
how it came to be,
that I am living thanksgiving
in the unreality of Miami style.

was supposed be at the
head of the table carving,
giving secret tastes to
numerous grandchildren,
multiple dogs,
defrosting after the
Macy's Day Parade.
my children, their
kith and kin.
that was supposed to be
my New York reality,
at the head of the table.

divorce, monkey wrench,
I am in a different state,
a different table, a
welcome bystander,
but her love,
my love,
has brought me,
to unseasonal places,
higher and higher,
where I am welcomed
as her man.

not a bad unreality,
but still someone has torn
off a piece of me,
a tasty combo of
sad and guilt,
that I ******* up,
which is why this
writing is my re-righting
the ship of perspective.

maybe I am dreaming
of what was never,
could have been,
should of been,
kidding myself, with an idyll,
the unreality of an idol,
though I vague recollect,
there were meals like that.

think this is my fourth trip here,
sort of, almost a tradition.
BobbyDylan, he reminds
what that woman,
done for me,
been doing to me.

"I was in another lifetime
one of toil and blood,
when blackness was a virtue
and the road was full of mud
I came in from the wilderness
a creature void of form.

"Come in" she said
"I'll give you shelter
from the storm".

so she did,
a new reality born.
so semi-sad poem, but
happy thanks to give,
for this day,
new family
embracing, and I am
recollecting,
read somewhere,
you cannot be thankful
for having,
only for giving.

Thanksgiving

Not
Thanks-having
Thanks-receiving

New Reality: Thanksgiving Miami Style.

Alligator! Alligator! Alligator! Alligator!
Bite me whole and take me to space.
Staple my **** and spaz my face,
Plaice defrosting in the refrigerator.

These things all seem to come together,
Throw them far apart will be for the better.
I hate this ******* verse,
‘cos it all rhymed from Alligator!

****, here I am again

suffused by incoming sunlight floods,
blonde tresses decorative,
and a
refrigerator light dim surprising,
******* a future fest,
when in search of ordinary milk and coffee

cherries, grapes, watermelon,
cole slaw, caramelized walnuts,
Spanish Marcona almonds,
chicken defrosting, and wine,
a pink rose,
blushing like me,
at the amplitude of love and blessings
I have uncovered,
and that covers me,
while she sleeps,
I sip first coffee and
her love

and more than suffused,
I am effused,
unable to contain all this,
what I am feeling,
like my water broken,
pouring tears
and I wonder who is
this idiot

that forgets to say
thank you
for what he
has been given,
and who in return
can merely offer up
a pauvre writ,
a love poem,
of salt and sweet

crystal - clean - clear - concise - cold
the juncture
the fracture
the untold stories
the harp crafted in mildew

so many things
so many many bits of things
square and curved and round things
and roads of never ending things
lots and lots and lots of things

the things would stretch
from here <
> way into the distance
to really really really
..........................................................­...................................  small things

dreams
defrosting
like tomorrow's chicken
waiting
to be cooked with love
unfold its
crispy juiciness

call me crazy
feel free
get in the queue
turn it up to 10
make yourself comfortable
gimme another shot
if there's something I do know

**we have time

you are a fool, Sophia. As I look up at these city lights, every neon sign seems to advertise you; they all remind me of what I'm missing out on. I pass strangers and hear them whispering your tender mercies: "so?" "fee" "ahhh..." I may be being quite forward so early on in our correspondences, but the theory that you are a scrap of paper that someone would allow to slip through their fingers is ridiculous to me. I say that because even after only meeting you once, by such a fortunate and faithful chance, I wanted to write screenplays, novellas, and entire manuscripts only based on how beautiful your name sounds when I say it. I will be absorbed in everything you admit me to learn about you. I only hope for your amusement when you discover my own scorched trails. I'm stupefied by your compliments, and I will catch every drop of your defrosting heart on my tongue. I felt so stupid but I beamed in pride seeing I could make you blush as pink as the roses on the bush behind you... such a delicate, feminine, sensitive color; white blossoming into red, purity blooming into passion. How I wish I could be the one to awaken a passion in you. I'm terribly sorry if I'm smothering, but you've an expert pen dipped in ink of naivety... in meeting you I crossed the border between respectable me and questionable sanity: the Sophia Line (your kiss would be turpentine, **** anything I used to be to become anything, everything you need from me). Ah... fee so... you've given me a lot to live up to. xo. Josephine.

Suspicious milk
There when I got home
In a tub
Surrounded by water
Or milk blood
Ostracised from the fridge
Left alone to die
Why?
Did you commit milk atrocities?
****** innocent milk bottles?
Or maybe you're a secret agent
The names skimmed
Semi-skimmed
He's like the FBI in your fridge!
He's like the CIA on your cereal!
He's like the MI5 for your cookies!
Did you get all that
Full fat?
After those Oreos!
With their twisting
Licking
Dunking
Dunking their souls into the blood of our young
Or maybe not
Cow juice, alone on the breakfast bar
Not that far
Milk on the sill, defrosting.
Watching.

this defrosting heart

by joe disabatino

don’t miss this moment
the ghosts of winter
still linger above the water
thinking white while feeling pink
just sit and listen
until no place else to be
pervades the heart
yes, this defrosting heart
now there’s nothing else to crave
while kneeling next
to your own rekindled fire inside
now you find your way back
along those re-emerging golden lines
tracing the hillsides of your memories oh so quiet
let the unfinished paintings and sudden poems
that appear in the dark blue silences come to you
like a herd of winter-starved deer
is that an approaching spring rain in the distance
or winter’s tide receding?
whichever you decide
become the equinox’s first visitor
this is a view to take with you
don’t forget this moment
waiting for season’s turn inside her lasting allure
ear to cold wet ground straining for her uncoiling whispers

I come from a meeting,
still stressed,
plannings and deadlines,
in my head.

Staring at the onions,
which look like they bake,
ten times slower,
as usual.

You come in,
with your big smile,
touchy hands,
and a mouth ready to kiss.

While turning the onions,
you come behind me,
try to hug my stressed body,
and fill it with joy.

And then,
the defrosting process begins,
bit by bit,
you patiently wait.

You patiently wait,
without comments,
without complains,
till I am unfrozen again.

Man, if there was ever a time
where those two hands mattered
more than just pointing
out the obvious or tracing vague
memories on paper in swoops,
zig-zags, draw-backs, or the capital
cursive "Q" that still eludes me, it's
now. 6:26 A.M., and I haven't slowed
down since 9:20 yesterday
when my girlfriend gallivanted
about her room, her ******* perked
before me.
*******, she looked so good.
We, my friends and I,—the ones
I wrapped in cellophane and tissue
paper two years ago to take
out, reminisce, and put back
whenever I forgot their faces—
got in my boat of a car / bathroom
tile white / and drove through
thick I-80 fog to search South
Side for Santa's front rotor biplane
dropping Christmas joy mustard
gas down molded-brick, soot-caked
chimneys to get people in the mood
for a day or two before the egg nog's
spiced *** negligee stopped feeding
their stocking stuffer lungs and the blisters
that decked the halls like boughs of death.
Then we sat—I, uncomfortably on my car
keys,—by the bar, drinking refills that filled
the IBM-print bill $60 worth of Sprite Pepsi
Huckleberry Lemonade. My one friend
leaned over our cornucopia of unfinished
wings and said that he and the bartender
had been exchanging loaded gun glances.

Neither would ease the trigger,
or even aim well.

She could've been eyeing the waitresses
working the floor like a dart game.
Sharp when your drink's low and feathered
by pathetic tips. We stopped by Lyco. Lynn—
softly steeled—still sung her circular saw blues.
Baby, don't cut me so deep. Just let my girders
meet the street. Let me feel small trees and admire
nice cars signing their makes in last week's thin snow.
We took away two cups of coffee, some Modernist talk,
and a salt & pepper flannel past Market, Maynard,
and slowly spoiling milk to the Mansfield exit.
Over the occasional window defrosting,
we talked premature families, North Carolina
classmates, prison sentences, and that MU
***** who hates my guts. They're out there,
and we're here in this box going seventy-five
and skipping exits like rope.
Double-dutch dual-enrollment college credit
transfers, losing Foundation money talks
****, but can't leave her grudges on the rock
salt steps we sulked up. Hallways with
carpets and our cars parked poolside,
but we chose air conditioning over breast-
strokes. My God, would some lonely preteens
**** for that. Metal detectors to detect
our insecurities and greasy faces full
of acne acne potential. Potential some
didn't use. Potential that went wasted.
Potential that could've gotten them out
of this miserable hole, but instead rented
them out a sad shack on the outskirts—
nowhere near suburbs—of town
where they could inhale
the Ox Yoke's smoke stack laying fog
down to the county line.
Galeton High School, regrettably,
here's to you.

Today,
I promise,
I will finally write.

I'll write about the first time I tasted plums,
(Cool and wet and biting)

Or the soft euphoria of house parties and hookah smoke,
(Like cashmere and night in the blood- already heavy with *** and promise- while grinding out hallelujahs to bass and rhythm and cheap liquor)

Or the feeling of my father’s calloused palms when he took my tiny hands in his, my feet atop his own, and sang to me- riotously off key- the chorus of ‘My Girl’ in a tiny kitchen in Camden; Me laughing, hyena howling, and shouting ‘AGAIN! AGAIN!’ echoing until dizzied by the happy noise.

Today,
I promise,
I'll get it out.

I'll take pen to page, and tell you why I sometimes feel oddly bereft at the sight of a trail of some long departed snail or slug, iridescent in moonlight.

Or try to explain why the scent of lilacs remind me of my mother, that the taste of honeysuckle blooms and the feel of summer warm dirt in my hands makes me feel closer to her, and sometimes a taste of **** cherry pie will ease the gnawing ache of nostalgia and wanting of her more than any simple phone call ever could.

Or tell you how I feel scared and angry so much of the time, (Poor thing that I am- all brown skinned, fat and too loud- in the thin white crushing silence that hangs like a humid fog in streets and office buildings.)  How I feel so hunted in a world of poachers determined to use my teeth for piano keys, pluck my plumes for gaudy decoration, and consume me, a nameless  milk soaked calf, only to complain that all the bleeding I’m doing has soaked the plate and my tears have over salted the meat.

Today,
I promise,
I’ll make it plain.

I’ll be inspired by verses written on the thin onion skinned pages of a Bible my grandmother gave me,
find beauty in crushed glass sprinkled over cracked asphalt and potholes, and taste love – young and sweet – when biting into the soft, ripe flesh of a mango.

I’ll tell all my secrets to you, re-name you lover and villain, and share my most intimate spaces; crack open my rib cage and let you nestle in the pumping chambers of my heart, sustain you with the air of my lungs and food from my own soft belly; invite you with open arms and closed eyes inside of myself to read all the words I’ve scrawled in miles of veins and on sturdy spine.  


I promise,
It will be today.
And yes,

The dishes must be scrubbed, my winter coat needs a new button, and the cat must be fed.
These things will happen, like all things of daily realities: new socks and defrosting chicken and late student loan payments.    

But,

Today
I am searching for divinity in between the pages of moleskin note books and falling in love that tastes like honey and lavender and sweet raisin challah bread.
I am mapping out dance steps in hookah smoke and tiny kitchens.
I am lifting **** cherries and warm summer dirt in shaking palms as a ward against poachers searching for all the ivory and meat in me.
I am tracing holy verses across my grandmothers soft, thin skin; the scent of mangoes about the words; keeping her safe in soft spaces of my marrow.

Today,
I promise,
I will write.

there's such a strange feeling brought in by sunday mornings.
it's as if you can feel the calender resetting,
a groggy haze of transition between one row of boxes and numbers
and the next.
the dates themselves adding line-breaks on type-writers,
molding the ever-changing scripts of our lives.
the day gets claimed for resting and resetting -
we recharge with early beers and late lunches
followed by a hefty dose of sweat-pants.
at least 'round here,
"sunday's best" has never been anything classy.
it's paint-stained denim, muddy boots, and over sized thrift store sweaters.
we don't own church shoes or pressed slacks,
because we've never needed ornate buildings to silently give thanks in.
we need the wind,
and the wild,
and the dirt.
we set out with the intention of getting lost,
for the simple joy of the instant that we find ourselves resurfacing on the face of the map.
we give thanks any time that there's nothing between us and the sky
and our wind-chapped faces are covered in smiles and sun.
desert dwellers need the sun.
we greet her daily,
wildly and emphatically as the frozen layers of earth.
sundays are for defrosting.
we bake beneath grandma's home-made quilts,
and in the arms of good love;
thawing enough to ensure growth without cracking our foundations.
"sunday's best" is just a good place to be.
it's a refreshing state of mind in an augmented pace of time,
where we slow down,
and step back just enough to see what really matters
and what never has.
and when the alarm clock howls like a rabid beast come monday morning,
we'll rise reflective and refreshed;
strengthened up to continue driving forth towards the lives we're living for.

thoughts,
water,
paper that tumbles from the sky,
movies,
music,
two dimensional conversation in three dimensions of Skype,
air,
sunlight,
refreshing through the miniblind and my open window,
ideas,
words,
that take me to places to meet people who are total strangers,
                                                      ­                                                             but that does not make them
                                                            ­                                                         stranger than me.
                                                             ­                                                       When I stream.
Tears,
down
cheeks
defrosting
frozen
visage,
salty,
talk,
cheap,
with
expensive,
words,
that
are like
cologne,
fading
fad,
all
used
up
bottle,
now
emptied,
and only
a hint
remains
streaming,
sniff the air...?


©DWE122013

Through the summer breeze
and the warmth of the sun blazing gold,
the shining creation would come to life.

Through the leaves changing colors
and the crispness of the autumn mornings,
the world would slowly quiet down.

Through the cold air turning fingers numb
and snow falling like an endless cloud,
the old things would come to an end.

Through the broken ground defrosting
and soft beacons of light coming through,
the new life would take hold of hearts.

I watched the seasons change,
I watched the seasons remain.
I grasped the wonder of God's grace:
never alone though never the same.

Your heart hides behind a wall much taller than me.
Fear makes your voice shake.
I can sense it.

You want to love something delicate, something fragile.
But too afraid that you will destory it in the end.

So your mind tosses and turns.
Back and forth with the idea that these feelings are real.
That maybe you could feel human again.

And with every good thought, there are two bad ones after.
That you're a monster in disguise.
Just for a little bit.

And maybe if you gave yourself the time of day...
You could see that your heart is actually beating.
Defrosting from the past.

I wish you would accept the love you give
and the love you could receive.
Because deep down I know you're wishing for something brilliant.
Something that hasn't happened, at least not yet.

Take her hand before it fades into a memory.
Make this moment worth it.
She's worth the try.
You're worth it, without a question.

Shutter my eyes on the frozen deserts
opening to swallow
all the memories you left inside:
a heart stripped of dreams,
by the pain of quicksilver moments
slipped past us in Time's disguise.

Interminable thoughts play-rewind-play-rewind
Of feelings dragging like anxiety:
We could be whole
if the world put us together with
Time, Love and impassioned Tethers.

Instead I'm trailing along
Dragging my iced feathers,
leaving two sets of footprints
upon the oceans and deserts of ice and shards.
Incapable of defrosting
These beating, screaming hearts.

If the train leaves the station at the same time as another and they collide at a certain speed, how great is the disaster?
Well if two bodies collide at a certain place and time with a designated amount of passion, does the same disaster occur?
Does the ticking time bomb begin the moment you unclasp her bra as you whisper that you love her?
Breath defrosting her trembling ribcage as your arms slide up the sheets, and where two eyes meet, a spark lights the fuse. And you have everything to gain but both of you will lose.
Two "I love you"s meet at a school building, in a courtyard in December but only one will remember what it feels like to feel everything you've ever known slip from your grasp and leave you on your own. One will see the moment for what it truly is, a heartwarming moment, one innocent kiss. But when these opposing lips touch and the tear drips from her cheeks, he'll reach to wipe them and she'll turn her face despite his efforts to save her that she never really asked for. She was lucky to meet him now she's lucky to have met him.
Someday soon he'll disappear and every night when the moon gleams through her window she'll see him. It seems she never will forget all of her mistakes, all her regrets. And to think it all started with one head on collision where love met lust and promises were too early to meet trust.

-k.d.

what is this?
a shallow spark?
a dying ember?
a glint of sun in defrosting december?
what is this?
this is how i remember...

what is summer too?
is it the same to me as is to you?
its warm grasp and gentle rays,
reminisce of times with her and the days.

that we spent together,
the spectacular weather
and not ever having to question whether
the sun would ever, stop shining.

the warm summer morn
before we were torn
and cool starry night
and the tears i'd have to fight

through,
i remember what i'd say to you
and what i said now...
the season's changing
in my head

seasons change
but i stay the same
it seems a bit strange...
am i to blame?

i... i don't know anymore
the sun is blazing and the moon is hazy
they chase me
sometimes fight in the sky
i think to erase me

the grey wolves howl
blue dragons growl
tigers roar and on the prowl
they each have their flames
but this world and its games
and i don't know where casts the blames.

Pale green blossoms rise up out of the rich moist dirt, reaching for sunlight

Rivers rage from melting icecapes, racing towards defrosting lakes below

Humming and chirping fills through warming air, nature has music again

Fawns and foals on their new wobbly legs, nibble grasses that have grown green and crisp

Me with my camera, capture life at its peak, the becoming of spring life's began

What is your poetry, my friend?
Is it the cool spring day that bounces
off your clothes after a long winter mourning;
the spine-chilling defrosting session
you have when the sun finally rises
and the forward look to the light of a new day.
Or is it the morning silence of a library,
hot teas, and warm crumpets, that carries
your imagination far far away
after forgetting the chaos of yesterday.
Your poetry is your happy place,
your depressed face, your angry taste,
and an exhausted out space...
Your race to the moon and back
before mother tucks you in
and turns off the lights.
It's the bad blues news
and the good old days' anthem
that hums on long to the Sunday tunes
without a care in the world.

What is our poetry, my friend?
Is it a couple of pals laying waste
to the grass below our restless bodies
as we gaze up into the galaxy
and pronounce what is your and mine;
the grass clumping together in our hands
and spilling all over each other's hair.
Or is it the strum of your guitar
and the beat of my hands clashing
against each other to make a sweat
Yet miserable lullaby for our hearts
to pour our into the beach we set camp at.
The waves matching our irregular beat
with its own casual style
that loves to ride up onto our toes mid-chorus.
Our Poetry is what we make of it.
love letters dabbled back and forth
across the classroom get caught
just to share the love we have
with everybody else who doesn't have.
The glittering looks we give
when everyone bursts out laughing
because we know they know
they will never come close to us;
not even second place.
The tear drop memories of what was
and what coulda woulda shoulda been
but now isn't there for us to even cry on;
just cold shoulders and salty whispers
about the past, that should never have been
because it makes up too much pain for the present.

there's this madness in the world
that i can't place my finger on

it's at the tip of your tongue
when you reach out to lick the icicle
so cold, so raw, so innocent
it's in the curl of your mouth
when you see those clouds rumble
the thunder that shakes you to the core
it's that glitter in your eye
that you have to hide every time
the music is a little too loud
and the drugs are a little too hard
it's dancing in the flames
when your fingertips glaze over the fire
of the rusted old stove that was never good
for anything but defrosting frozen dinners

there's this madness in the world
that i can't place my finger on
i can taste it closer than my mother's breast
and ****** it to my own heart
but i cannot for my life embrace it
without seeing death dance before me
there's this madness with an air of innocence and play
there's this darkness with light shining through
there's this oddity that makes perfect sense
there's something i can't place my finger on
there's something i know
there's something i feel

there
is
something
here-
**now.

How many hearts are we born with?
Two? Twelve?
And when we die, are there any left over?
Because when we get our hearts broken,
somehow we find it in ourselves to love again.
From the wee age of "puppy love"
all the way to "always and forever", we get back up.
No matter the hurt we endure, we can find a way to revive ourselves.

Or at least most of us, I see,
because while everyone is defrosting their backup hearts,
I lie here dying.

Being born so long ago I must not have been lucky enough.

Defrosting the freezers
  are far from ****
Nonetheless
They're on the rise

Caps are melting
Shelves are falling
Glaciers are passing ships
  in the traffic lane
They're on the move

This is no song & dance
The poles are looking for
  new real estate and
They're coming soon
  to a neighborhood near you