You're' jus' a corspe carrying a dead soul...

Live fast, die young.

Live slow, still go.

slowly
reflections
only a bird  on a corspe
flies around
never say  the meaning
the word  end is the most strong
relations  imitation
in a plain  to  a land of  nothingness
only  children matters
oh mio  child
absence  is a star of loveness



Maria  Panoutsou
31/05/21

In bed, stuck.
Limbs are numbs, I feel nothing...
Only pain surging.
A slow bolt of emotions and lonely feelings.
Oversensitive and pouring my eyes out every moment I feel my eyes get wet.
I want to do, nothing.
No will, energy lack.
Motivation is zero, I feel lethargic, tired of everything.
I ask, why must I suffer and go through this pain?
A toxic neurotic ***** for a mom, and no way out of this mess.
I say to myself, tomorrow I need to wake up and study, maybe apply for some jobs.
Nothing.
I still wake up only to go back to sleep again.
No action to strive.
Down at the bottom of the pit.
I've lost, become nothing, and want nothing.
Passion and desire all lost.
Nihilistic and no point to give a ****.
Gone.
******* all.
I want to die in this darkness.
The loneliness and exhaustion takes over.
I want to stay in bed all day.
Do nothing.
I'm dead.
Pure nihilism until my corspe begins to rot, ripened and turned to ash and soil.
Nothing but dread.
I want **** all.
I want to die.
Keeping my curtains closed, away from the sun and light.
No hope and no will.
My soul has enclosed.
I don't know what to do anymore, what I want to do anymore.
I don't want to do anything actually.
I want to just lie here, and wait to die...
Slowly, but surely.
I hate my family, I want nothing to do with those fake narcissistic spineless cowards with souls that stink of stail ****** protruding ***** 🤢
I have to money, nowhere to go.
No motivation and passion to get me going.
I am like the grinch, the joker, Harley Quinn, the raven, catwoman, and a lion all in one.
However, now I am nothing.
Not even human.
Not even breathing.
All I want is someone to connect with deeply.
I've been alone for so long I don't even know how to get attached to anyone.
I stay completely detached and alienated.
Completely isolated and away from people.
People only make me feel more lonely.
I only want that one person who understands.
I don't want worthless fools of Shallow ****** people to even try to understand me.
I like to be not understood.
How can you expect a big foot to fit into a small shoe?
It never will unless you break your ****** ugly toes.
Or, get a bigger size.
My point exactly.
People are so ****** obsessed with me and my energy.
I want nothing to do with any of them.
They can't help but pry, and stalk, and watch my every motive like a hawk.
It's ****** head drilling!!
Stay the **** away!!!

I only want one person, the person who is for me and only me.
I don't give a **** about anyone else

you are a shadow i hold onto
you are the skin i never felt
you are the smiles i'm dire to make
the face i want to caress

you are the life to my nothingness
you are the air to my lungs
and even though i'm never ageless,
with you i'm forever young

you are the parent to my inner child
you are everything i dream
i write countless poems about you,
but what do they even mean?

you are the fire inside me
that roars with a burning rage
you are the countless tears i cry
when i hope something will change

you are a ghost that i fantasize
you are a spirit unkept
all the nights i wish i would've died
weeping softly as i slept

you are the shame i always feel,
the barriers blocking my path
and although life moves on,
i still live in the past

you are the constant reminder
that nothing will ever last
and i am so slow to heal
although time moves so fast

you are everything i seek
and i'm feeling so lost
but every corner i turn to peek
there's always a hidden cost

you are the killer at night
althought i can't be killed
because i already died
and here i am dying, still.

you are the owner of this corspe,
this body you abused
and although you destroyed my whole life,
i'm nothing but your muse.

you are the words that fall out my breath
the words i meaninglessly write
because through my fantasy and regret,
i try to make it all right

you are the suicidal tendency
that will always, always encompass me
you are the massive hole in my heart
that will always keep me company

and i can't get in my head
that you never loved me
what else do i have?
who else am i?

other than a disaster,
a pain you left behind
i feel happiness and pain,
i think they are one in the same,

because without you to blame,
i'm nothing