They say
(and I'm not sure who they are)
but they say this

They say
that it's better to light a candle
than to curse the darkness

Well I am no candle
Because I run off of electricity
and I may not be the brightest bulb
but that only means that if you turn me on
and leave me alone
I will die faster than
flourescents
for instance
I'll flicker with the ticker
that contantly hovers over my head
while the others
will give yellow light to everyone
they know
and everyone
they love
Which is all I can dream of

And what they say is true
It's better to light a candle
than to curse the darkness
So don't leave me to be the curse
and don't leave me to be what everyone curses

And I know
I am not the brightest bulb
so all I ask
is that if you turn me on,
turn me off before you leave
so there is still a little flicker left in me
so somebody else
can turn me on again
and maybe then
I can be the candle that gets lit
rather than darkness that is cursed

there is a part of me that I love and a part of me that I hate only it's the same part of me which I love and hate and they are contantly struggling to dominate

Looking out into the blistering night
further my travel to reach a mystic height
why can't i get there yet?
the distance increased when i misplaced my steps
why can't i just get there?
across the glaring beam of the central star
my journey to meet my love feels so far
i try to avoid the malignant zone
oh... But i'm soon to find my home.

I need to touch her shoulder
these many nights have been getting colder
oh lord all i wanted was to just hold her
through the months of walking
my wishes stem from contantly hoping
i still avoid the menacing zone
oh... But i'm soon to find my way home.

It's true that if i do not give up the fighting
i will prevail to witness my dream sighting -
of a woman that i glorify as my queen
a soul that has cared through my days of being green
will i now make it?
who knows, but this trip feels like i've walked to Rome
i see her, standing within Zion now i've finally found my home!

You know your breaking me

So why wouldnt you let me heal?

Instead you apply the daily dose of salt to my wounds

Your lies contantly chipping away at the walls keeping me safe

Safe from the old pain the wall was built to keep away

You are the cage
The border
The fence

The love, which you used to simulataneously ensnare me and keep me with you, its poison

The kind of poison that doesnt **** you
It affects you permanently
Becomes a part of you
And then in the end
You will die with the poison sitting stationary in your veins

maybe we weren’t for each other,
maybe we we’re just like group of stars—
desperately refracting light in the darkness.

maybe we’re just bunch of atoms—
aligned in a specific pattern,
ready to be dispersed,
to be a new cluster of atoms.

maybe we weren’t a compound,
maybe we weren’t like the other elements,
that were made for each other,
to create an inseparable bond.

maybe we’re just an element itself—
constantly waiting to be discovered,
constantly waiting to be classified,
to be put in a particular group,
contantly waiting for the chemical reaction to take place,
but time stopped,
so as our reaction.

#

not able to think
but able to write
because my fingers are working
while my brain is sleeping
but "your brain never stops"
that's what I thought
until my mind went blank
and my hands didn't stop
adapting a mind of their own
contantly writing
without thinking
because my mind is numb
and I am dead
but my hands are alive
typing and writing
not sure where my mind went
but my hands
they're telling my story
without  my consent
without my consciousness
without a breath between words
or thoughts
because my thoughts are gone
and now belong to my hands
and I am gone
but I still stand
with my body numb
and my mind blank
while my hands carry on

I go contantly in circles,
the past and the future addled together
making a bow,
my hands shake so desperately,
i don't know which way to go.
What awaits me in the end,
i can't help but to fear,
deeper in hell i descend,
with every falling tear.
Which way to select,
so my heart won't ache ,
i can't help but to suspect,
the past makes me fly into a rage.
No back ,no forth,
when i said to myself "i'm fine", i've lied,
my compass shows no south or north.
                   Can't you see that i am terrified?

I am constantly surrounded
exhausted
exploited
by opinions
that mean nothing to me
constantly searching
screeching
for something
that makes sense
to me