It rained for three straight days
during my first visit
to you.
Fitting. I should have expected as much.
Especially if it corresponds to your happiness,
I can only be more thrilled
about rain
and what it brings down with it
and the slates it washes clean.

We drank with reservations
and read poetry with gusto
and fell to the floor with love
as the thunder clapped across the
valley
and the rain poured from our skin.

You are small,
not even close to helpless,
but I would face down anything
so that your hands may stay and fit
so delicately in mine and
so your lips would find mine
again.

When we met, finally,
and I felt your frame fall into mine,
trusting me enough for that
so soon,
I was honored,
and I knew that the fears I had
about what this would be like,
what you might be like,
what we might be like,
were unfounded,
and very complicatedly so.

Wouldn't it have been easier
to despise the other?
But no,
instead we fell into rhythm
as if we had never been out of sync,
we fell  into and onto each other
time and again
in ways that could only be described as
perfection.

I saw you gaze onto me
with a mystique only Picasso himself
would be able to render,
so I lost myself in your eyes
with words I've known for
long and with thoughts I could
finally say.

It rained for three straight days,
but on the day I left
the sun beamed through the sky.
So I left,
with kisses and kind words,
and it wasn't until I was on
the excruciating road back
that I realized
I was leaving home
for the second time
in only one trip.

Once I was asked this question. I gave a thought upon it. It took me so much time to figure out, I think I was correct on what I was thinking , then I was like no maybe I would never be able to figure out.
Then a voice came from inside. It said , "I am fragile" .

My tears of conscience

She flickers with vibrations of mighty fear.
She is shy as well as shameless.
She possesses multiple split personas.
She is confused yet complicatedly simplified.
She is fluid and heavy as mercury.
She craves for attention, but sometimes wants to live in suspension.
She is immortal still dies for nirvana.

We have been given a
                   WORLD
Where
                Thinking.
Is.
     Just.
             Not.
  Required.
              Who says Zombies
                                         Cannot Exist?
Are not walking
                            Among us.
     Void Emotion.
                              Void Human
                                                     Sincerity.
This
        'Functioning Society'
                       We have greedily gobbled
From a Silver,
                         Gold plated platter.
Does not support
                              Connection.
Promotes Private.
                 Singular Successes.
One ocean of
                       Opportunity.
                                                 How?
Tell a bird to swim.
                           Hold it's breath.
To halt it's lovely
                             Song?
It will
            Perish.
                         Forced to
                                           Thrive,
                                           Live,
                                           Exist,
                                          Be Content
In conditions it was not
                                         Designed
                                                           to Flourish.
You.
         Have a Particular,
                                         Admonishing
               Spirit.
Designed for a Certain
                                       Purpose.
The Human
                      Frailty,
Deemed
               Consciousness,
Possessing Thought.
                                    Curses
                                                     and
                                    Prizes.
The ability to choose a
                                         Niche.
Complicatedly,
                            Distraught and
Scared.
              We all begin to carve.
Choose Air,
                    Fire,
                            Water.
As our ideal conditions.
                    In which lies, Your
                                                      Destiny.


**Dec 2, 2013

The simple yet complicatedly beautiful touch of hers made him feel as delicate as a feather.
Her fingertips would lightly graze against the curves in his arm, it was as if she could see edges in his muscles that he could not.
The movements were not sensual but more endearing and sad.
Her eyes sang songs and moaned melodies from enduring the pain she felt when being able to touch him for these moments knowing it would end.
Darling, my heart is drunk. Drunk off of you and she’s afraid of the hangover that intrigued as well.
The game of hers did not help with the way she wanted to sleep.
Being dangerous with her helped him figure out how he wanted to die.
He wanted everything and she did not want anything.
While she was going under he was pulling at her strings trying to get her to rise as high as he was.
They were birds floating across clouds and riding on their small gusts of air, but one of them was crying while the other one laughed.
His wings would slap her while he was trying to help her fly with him.
And he had no idea.
She enjoyed it either way.

Stickers and wires riddle your chest
Complicatedly tethering you to your room,
Where you watch the morning news in socks,
Pairs of socks and blankets
That can’t stop the coldness of the tile
From slipping through your skin,
Goosebumps, the cold grabs hold of your leg
And pulls it out from under you.
Cold, when the needle enters your skin,
Even colder, waiting for someone,
Clean sheets but not like home
Fresh pressed and sanitized,
Tube up your nose, down your throat,
A get well soon card watches.

Ground in which the time has been
bent somewhere Is it dizzy
The blue-colored scream is brown
like my eyes
Is it just my imagination

Everything I have known
is tangled beautifully
Something beautiful is tangled
as you and me always are

trip into there shoot um um um
trip deeper inside shoot um um um
trip into the light shoot um um um
Maybe everything of me would be
changed

How far can you see all about the world
Have you ever wondered all about the world
Everybody here stop except me space
time of the world
Until I see everything time all space light speed
all about the universe is
all about to be reversed, see

It’s not illusion The thing have
changed of me is only the paradigm
To see me one dimension before is a paradigm shift

Everything I have known is
reversed complicatedly
Everything complicated has been in place again

Slow picture getting faster um um um
Secret in the slow light um um um
We in the slow time um um um
Are u getting to the beginning of everything

How far can you see all about the world
Have you ever wondered all about the world
Everybody here stop except me space
time of the world
Until I see everything time all space
                                                           light speed
all about the universe is
all about to be reversed, see

all the patterns and colors the world
of experience is different to the reality
Don’t separate the right and the wrong
Now is the moment like the eternity
plus minus awakening of my nerves
furious rewrite the new law
I got high blood pressure
I gotta need some fresh air
All the time is getting closer to 0
The space I am standing on is
getting far and closer again
You and I become one The border
is melting so it’s hard to divide
The expansion of consciousness
invite us to the new world
Are you surprised?
Don’t be surprised

why am I so serious,
why don’t you be curious, babe

Who made the secret all about the world
Have you ever wondered all about the world
Everybody here stop except me
space time of the world
Until I see everything
time all space light speed

all about the universe is
all about to be reversed, see
Who made the secret all about the world
Have you ever wondered all about the world
Everybody here stop except me
space time of the world

Until I see everything time all
space light speed
all about the universe is
all about to be reversed, see

Complicatedly indebted with everything,
Unstably labelled with a thing so unjust,
Freak,
Defining nothing with some meaningful nothing,
Feeling someone there but everything is so,
Weak,
Deserving better than that unnerving something,
Flirting closer with that endlessly relentless nothing,
Speak

Riddles surround enigmas and make a hollow whole,
Middle grounds and eventual stigmas poking holes,
Lie,
Circles are running around corners to hide,
Creating paradoxes and imaginary divides,
Why?
Nothing dictates something from nothing,
Something creates everything from one thing,
Try

I’m losing out, leaving doubt without sound,
Breaking from a sorry existence and gaining some distance,
Free,
I’m forging new ideas out of old fears,
Borrowing destructive license to forget my conscience sitting on the fence,
See,
I’m interfering with fate steering into new states,
I’m sorry I’m late, I’m worried I’m, wait,
Me

Memory of fantasy and lunacy,
It’s all too real to me,
Motions of fear and love,
Are all I ever see,
Reactions of violence, contraction to silence,
I've got to let it go for it to let me be,
To let me be,
Let me be me

I'm just an average guy...
I've got normal problems and a normal life
I've also got a voice inside
silently speaking - sounds of my mind
I wonder, does it have a mind of its own?
Always flooding like a river formed by a hurricane,
if my head gets too cloudy,
there'll be a high chance of rain and scattered brainstorms

It might short-fuse my hippocampus
unable to remember how to see;
a blacked-out occipital lobe
I still don't see how the backs of our brains allow us to see
through the front our faces and out of our eyes,
where most of the water falls
despite the brain's overflowing, muddy river,
or the temporary lack of sight,
I still have a voice.

And with it, I will share all of the stories stored within this blackbox,
and only this light can find them and shine on them.
My voice, a wave riding my mind's ocean's surface
This voice, this wave, this sound,
a complicatedly, clear conscious,
called into focus...
[a sound of (my) mind]

I am that girl who, loves the smell of gasoline, hate hypocrites,  and sometimes talk to much Even though I think I'm not talking enough but then someone tells me to slow down  or shut up and now I just realized I'm talking to much.
I am that girl who, is constantly looking over my shoulder looking for those who attack me on the daily.
I sit in my  closet and cry until  I feel my body falling to pieces, wretched from my lips are the cries of despair and pain that I  hold back.
However I am not this girl:
The girl who is okay with the bullying,
The girl who is okay with the abuse,
The girl who is okay with the ****,
The girl who is okay with not being allowed to feel comfortable in her own sexuality,
The girl who okay with not having a voice.
I am not that girl.
Never was, never will be,
I am not okay with these things.
Please do not treat me with kid gloves for yes I am as fragile as a china doll and if you drop me I might break but I will look pretty and smile through the tears.
Sometimes I feel like I haven't Breathed.
Like its been a decade since I last went to sleep.
So no I'm not all smiles, I'm not straight, and I'm definitely not okay but that is me.
That's How I complicatedly describe me.
And maybe its the end of me.
The me behind the mask, behind the band-aids, holding together the pieces.

What would happen if I stopped?
Simply stopped.
Would it be all that bad?
No,
no it would not.

I sit frozen in front
of the fridge the cupboards
stocked full
but nothing to eat.
So maybe I'll just stop.

I'm exhausted
but lay awake,
so maybe I'll just stop.

Would it be all that bad?
No,
No it would not.
This life is complicatedly simple,
and very hard
and very scary
and very sad,
so maybe I'll just stop.

After all,
Living isn't for everyone.

I look at you and get mesmerized of how accommodating your eyes are,
But as I continue to stare I find myself drowning in the deepness that they bear.
It contains a vast complicatedly simple emotions that words can’t explain,
Every blink that you do arouses my emotional curiosity, I am getting insane.

Never have I ever felt inadequate in expressing my intentions through words,
May it through poems, letters, or songs, i use it as to comfort or if needed as a sword.
Yet being with you makes me feel insignificant, you are the universe,
I am this brightly shining star yet still incomparable to you, you are beautiful and fierce.

Atlas may hold the earth in his shoulders but he can’t be compared to me,
I carry you, my universe, you are safely kept in my heart, everbody soon will see.
This heavy responsibility everyday makes or breaks my being,
The thought of losing you makes me feel like I am only existing than living.

Everyday passes by, and I can’t think any other ways that I could do to please you my dear,
I have read all the books and watch all the videos about love all it gives me are tears.
Tears coming deep inside my very being, tears of sadness? NO it is of great joy.
Since all the books and videos only reminds me of how lucky i am, this feeling i truly enjoy.

With every smile and laugh that you make, it colors my monotonous days,
The sound of your laughter is the brush that paints my world, your smile is the suns rays.
Now my world is colorful and comfortably warm,
What did I ever do to deserve you? You have always been my charm.

All my prayers have been heard, all my wishes came true ever since we have been together,
If someone asked me, what are you willing to give up, well everything except her.
I don’t need to have a genius level intellect to know that you are the best for me,
My love for you is close to infinity, a bit less than forever, however a lifetime it will be.