somedays i hate people around me
and somedays i hate myself be
am i the problem or is it the world i see
suffocating people pretending to set them free
what is it? this thought keeps me awake
in my turbulent turmoil do i shake
because loving him isn't getting me anywhere
but putting a lock on my emotions isn't fair
since i want to be different, a good human
great and perfect who's too busy to have fun,
is working hard to become successful and no. 1
a product of pain who chose to become better like the sun
but i fail everydamnday, everydamnway
by expecting too much from my battered body, which isn't ohkay
i think too much, act too little
fracturing my feelings, my heart so brittle
it's not good to be this person that i am
breathing in order to make everything work a/c to my meticulous plan
but **** if i know what's right or wrong anymore
i am exhausted to my very core
the sad part is that i'm nowhere closer to what i want
and this doesn't let me sleep, every night this haunts
yet i lay in my bed, wasting away day after day
and i have no words left to say
i can't die but i ain't living either
i am pathetic, i know thats what you think reader
my past holds on to me so strongly that i play it on loop
the future makes me anxious, so in my eyes do i stoop
be the same old dumb ****** that i have always been
my potential dying before it could ever be seen
just crossing out dates on my phone's ******* calendar
wrong profession, wrong attitude, wrong is my ******* gender
if i were a guy would have i been better? would things at home been better? or am i just an ungrateful brat who is wasting away her life because she's too lazy to pick herself up or am i actually dumb and maybe i don't want to accept it and so i don't really work hard because this excuse has always worked for me that it's ohkay, if i would have worked for it, i would have gotten it but i suppose what i am is really scared of not getting what i want even after i give my best and the relationship well i don't know it's just that i feel like i am too **** desperate, as i have always been i hate it but i do nothing about it, i just keep on living in my imaginary world where in the coming years i am going to live out one of the fantasy novels story, it's disgusting
