Apatnapu't limang minuto makalipas ang alas-dose. Umaga na naman -- umaga na naman pipikit ang mga mata kong kasingbigat na ng ulap na napuno ng tubig mula sa lupa at dagat. Mapungay at napapaluha dulot ng pasakit na hatid ng walang sawang sulatin, babasahin, at kung anu-ano pang mga dapat tapusin.

Mga labi kong medyo nakabuka na marahil akala nila'y tapos na ang lahat ng gawain kaya namamahinga. At muli silang sasara, kasingbilis ng motorsiklong humaharurot sa labasan na parang nakikipagkarera, kapag naiisip na malayo pa ako sa pagtuldok sa katapusan.

Tumatabingi na ang mundo. Ay, mali, ulo ko lang pala na napapahiga na sa aking kanang balikat tila may sariling isip at ginugusto nang humiga sa kama -- akala niya rin siguro'y matatapos na sa pagsusulat at pagbabasa ngunit sadyang nagkakamali siya.

Tak. Tak. Tak.
Tak. Tak. Tak.

Tunog na ginagawa ng aking mga daliri na kay bagal nang bumaba para pindutin ang mga letra sa aking kompyuter. Suko na raw sila at nasasabik na silang muling mayakap ang malalambot na unan na nag-aantay sa kanila.

Tak. Tak. Tak.
Tak. Tak. Tak.

Tunog na lang ng pagbagsak ng aking mga daliri sa bawat letra ng aking laptop ang pumapasok sa aking utak. Ilang minuto na nakatitig sa iisang pahina...

Sa iisang talata...
Sa iisang pangungusap...
Sa iisang letra...

Blag!

How to make friends over a beer
How to make any modest room beautiful with fairy lights
How to consecutively loose three university ID cards, replace them and then simultaneously find all three misplaced cards in the bottom of the same bag.
How to blag your way onto the university bus without ID
How to make a family out of your friends


When to give constructive criticism.
When to hit the cafeteria for discounted lunch items
When to let house mates off for making the kitchen a **** tip
When to realise that the reason your soreen cake keeps going missing from you food cupboard is not in fact because there are some soreen cake loving mice,  it is in fact just your house mate  who “just thought you weren’t going to eat it”
When to plant an onion in hopes of an onion tree.


Where to kick a corrugated door for a taxi
Where to get the best tray of jalapeños
Where to get a magic tenner
Where to sit in the lecture hall so you could only be partially seen
Where to find your confidence
Knowing I’ll never be able to pay off my university debt
But knowing it was priceless

Found myself centred around this river
As if it were my life, its shallows deepening
Into falling curves and rocky
Foundation, yet cluttered in part
With stagnating ****, at other times
Flowing freely and softly engaging me
Without its steaming torrents.

The waterfall thinks it can engulf me and
I consider it at times denying it identity
But sometimes it speaks loudly and refuses
To whisper....’And so you’re there’ I say, and here
Its raging response tumbling me into depths
Out of my control..... or so it thinks.

I emerge for air and breathe in deeply
To sustain me, for when I speak
It is with something resembling coherence
To blag me time from the place of harm
Where it dips sharply and crashes onto slithers
Of icy uncertainty, I begin to wipe my brow clean.

Releasing me from its fooling ways preventing the air
Being squelched from me; take it easy with me
My mind desires you to behave and let me be
Don’t fool me into calm currents only to be tossed
Amongst the white watery crash of boulders rounding
Beneath me, sharp shards covered by your caressing hands
That persuades my innocent eyes to close
To the raging force of veiled kindness

I can remember the ripples of softness that would
Cover my palm with coolness
That dappled in sunlight, reflecting my face
Asking me to admire the stillness
And I believed in the sereneness of the ebb and flow
That sheltered me in fineness with absorbent lining
Reminding me of life absent to the steep slant
Towards the shelled out wreck of my world...burnt out.

Started off simple you were smokin joints with your mates,
14years old hangin around at the school gates,
a juvenile delinquent,little pain in the ***,
a father at 15 grew up way too fast,
the Irish system failed you,kicked you out at 16,
moved in with your girl,a baby raised by 2 teens,
no real education so crime is your path,
tried your hand at a blag+ended up in pats(Irish Juvenile Detention),

So whats the matter sonny? life's not like the flicks,
criminals get caught,so get used to the nick,
but **** it now you're 18 thinkin' you're an O.G.,
and when you end up in the joy(Mountjoy Prison) you say listen to me,
got your apprentices in robbin,sellin poppin off fightin,
feelin like a crime titan,think you're Irelands mike tyson,
do a few more blags court dates count up,
another girl gets pregnant so the problems mount up

"I've seen the needle and the damage done, a Syringe in a Vein is like a loaded gun"

You could get a job,but **** that work's for dopes,
you spend your days dodging court dates,bangin' out dope,
snortin coke with your mates,all hard as nails,
while the real crims sit back and count their sales
all you are is a customer,forget the smiles,
there'll be another fool parted from his money in a while,
your mate johno flipped out from a long coke binge,
now he's sittin in the john o gods(Christian Rehab centre),shivering and cringin',

That'll never be you,you got a real game plan,
got a cousin who's a driver on Securicor vans,
so you hire out a shotgun,on with the bally(Balaclava),
hit the van in broad daylight,and run for an alley,
but guess whats waiting? a Special Branch team(Armed Gardai),
get the **** on the ground! is what they all just scream,
now you're banged up bigtime,a 10yr stretch
got your first bag of gear(Irish name for Smack) from a kid named fletch

CHORUS.
"well every cloud's got a silver lining  these years,
the only silver you see is tin foil for your gear,
you gave your life for a buzz that passed way to soon,
its only now you get to see the dark side of the spoon"


well its release day,Seven years down the line,
three years in remission for good behaviour time
went in the Joy a teenager,comin out a man,
with a habit that's longer than a nuns,*******
went from hash and pills to a sharper doom
your life's over,now you're on the dark side of the spoon
so you slip into the underworld,but no more blags,
robbers don't trust junkies,and your hooked through the bag,

you whine about your bad breaks,how you coulda been big,
cos you're a shadow of yourself man,smack is a pig
you're too busy to contemplate,its rob,rob,rob,
and your arms are fulla craters,so there's still no job,
you got your girl hooked too man,ain't you great,
you look at life through eyes gummed up with hate,
social welfare have put you on a methadone course,
but that ***** just as bad,it just makes you worse,

your lifes flying by now in a haze of drugs,
morphine,Oxy,blueys(******) anything for a buzz,
Skip on a few years...**** what does it matter,
days pass like mist,the gears all that matters
your girlfriends screamin' ,babies long gone,
for both of you the needle sings a sad sad song,
look behind ya - your progress is as straight as a die,
another Irish ****** ****** up your life til you die,

The smack dealers are laughin' ,Politicians don't care,
you're a skinny,pale sweaty robbin' smack nightmare,
you gave away your whole life for the solace of a spike,
it didnt cost 4million,its cheap,it cost a life(the Spire in Dublin cost 4 Million(at least) to *****, and is coloquially known as "The Spike")

who the **** can you blame?,you made your own decision,
when you first creased a vein with a simple incision,
infusion of the drug is all you care about now,
the Dark side of the Spoon,there's no way out now

Well every clouds got a silver linin' but these years,
the only silver ya see is tinfoil for your Gear,
gave your life for a buzz that passed WAY too soon,
life's over now, you're on the Dark side of the Spoon
Chorusx2,fade.

Early sun the birds' tongues sends a-wag;
Gorse pyres force fires in through open window dragged,
Like rogues blag a cabin below the deck of a wandering ship,
So smoke woke being stowed on the lip of a morning wind.

Taking my time,
Light I descry,
To wake in a while.
Warm bodies that lie

Beneath a banyan balcony, a muse of colour calls to me.
A sari much less touched than seen, but touched to see
My chest used to be used not as a pillow, but my trunk
For you, blown skin willow is drunk on your best.

Taking our time,
In the night slowly by,
But waking under a spun sky,
Miles now divide and I'm

Not spending night
Be still full of time

IF you ain't got no strength or courage
get the numbers, learn concealment
IF you have a small sword, learn how to use your tongue
it can reach far and wide.
IF you don't have the distinct hue that shines
get camouflage and be all things to all men
IF you don't have the intellect or statue
blame all else but yourself
If you lack confidence and self assurance
get in a crowd and blag it all the way
IF you are guilty of a crime or any wrongdoing
lie, lie, and lie again till you yourself believe your lies
IF you are fearful, insecure and inadequate
discredit, de-grade, defame and scandalise your superiors
REMEMBER
For the weak and powerless
ATTACK IS THE BEST DEFENCE
and NUMBERS AND BULLYING IS OUR SECOND DEFENCE

I've been hit
All of us have but in different ways
Depends on how you recover
Waking up and that feeling of utter dread
Where do I look, are the answers in some book
The wife may know or do I ask my lover
A turning point where all is seen in a brand new way
The justice, the injustice, the must have must haves
I'm only here once
A front bigger than Brighton, always on the blag

Maybe I deserved that thump of unfair life
As been a naughty boy and relished in the past
God has his ways, I'll catch you one day you *******

But the hill has a summit as for which I now climb
I toppled, I lent to far, I took my eyes from the prize and crashed that ******* car
But these matters are just a hiccup, a step in the wrong direction
Strive on young man,
Having eliminated those who now do not care
Throw at you what they want, spread your tales online,
For social media is there for us all to bear

But no,
Hold that light of what really still can come
As you ignore those mutters from the downtrodden and those on the everyday rat-run
The horizon has a future yet to be discovered now feeling almost new born
Hold your head up high, banish the clutter that really doesn't matter as you carry on,

Through the Storm

JJB

VJEČNA LJUBAV
Ujutro kad oči otvorim
na tebe draga pomislim.
Otvorim prozore
pogledam na more.
Želio bih da si sada
ovdje pored mene
za tobom moja duša čezne.
Pije se jutarnja kava
tvoj poklon zlatni lančić
stavio sam oko svoga vrata.
Imam jednu želju malu
o tom govore ove riječi
koje u dva stiha stanu
želim tvoju ljubav
samo meni obećanu.
Naše slike nađem
u albumu našem
slike pokazuju sve
da naša ljubav vječna je.
Zvoni telefon u taj tren
poziv je od tebe
čujem tvoj glas
baš je nježan i blag.
Doći ću kod tebe
kažeš i tiho šapneš
čarobne riječi te
ja dragi volim te.
Stjepan Orlić