I'm afraid to see your eyes change;
I'm afraid to see them rage.
I'm afraid to see a tear rolling down your cheek
when I tell you what I did.

I deserve a slap;
I deserve to feel the stinging pain.
I deserve to hear you snap
to keep your voice inside my brain

Attatch your words around my neck;
Attatch them with a burning chain.
Just so I can feel the pain
I swear I won't complain

I regret every single moment I've spent away,
I'm sorry I ran away,
for I did an stupidity
In the process of escaping this reality.

It looks like this is a sad romantc story

A boding of ill will
Gives him a new life, a new thrill
Enter the tenth part of torment
A past life that lies dormant
Enstilling a passion in those we've met
People die
And now I watch her cry
I thought I had found the love of my past
A friendship which runs so deep
Meets a precipice so steep
And alas
It was all a cruel lie
Causing a soul to attatch itself to a mind
The mind of this poor boy
So lost
So hurt
So cold
His life spent as a mere toy
Such a cost
What's it worth
The loss of one's hold
Making happiness so hard to find
Reality
Is a mystery
To a mind shrouded in misery
Hoping for a feeling of sincerity
Or clarity
A rarety
That his soul should be unfurled
Upon this world
So lost
So hurt
And so cold
We have all but lost control
A sickness not even it's host could fathom
Yet I'm merely a piece of this puzzle
And my name is Adam

Depression is a hidden demon
I laugh, I smile, I love, I have a good time.
The differance is,
When there's nothing happening,
People feel bored -
I feel empty.
There's no reason for it,
So i attatch myself to pain
Because then when i get hurt,
Atleast i know why.
Or i'll try to explain it
"It's because of the girl"
"It's because im home sick"
At the end of the day,
It's all just chemicals in my brain.
Doing anything drains me -
Being normal is a full time job.
It doesn't matter what I do,
I will never be satisfied in life.
So why even get out of bed?
Why work harder for less?
Maybe some of us wheren't ment for happiness.
Maybe some of us missed out on natural selection.
Maybe Chester had a point.

do you know what i mean
i try to write that
some detailed dream
coins that miss a hat

that send them scurrying
i wanted to shout
the birds laughing
i wished for knout..

ii

which was a weapon
the tsarists beat the cossacks with
to no avail
in the morning i see sails

little white on the great blue
it is sweet..i want my ashes sprinkled
on the med..consumed by fish
ate by gulls

shat into the earth from which
a tree grows and love begins..
is that asking too much..
the knout was made from some hard wood..

iii

lily says
she has nothing to say
in the uk

our hitting implement
was birch to which the russians
attatch certain romantic qualities

can´t remember what..
klimpt liked them
personally,i don´t think

hitting anyone helps
then,the swallows fly by
then, i check out green

and have a shower
and practise my jazz classical
songs..

on the hill the cacti
in a summer that burned i
too hot for the flies
think about keith haring..

and have some eggs which
survived the shelfs demise
i thought it was the ceiling..
frightened the **** out of us..

eggs good..i am reading
adrian mole the cappachino years
which is charming

and amusing and an interesting
historical document..the ninties were
rather evasive somehow..

i played the girl from ipanema
and though it grinds
f major-

and some fancy *** runs
i tried to make it cry
fine woman..

i got into it..
the middle eight kicks
her scent

some what evasive
the city stops
a dream begins..

and then look out again and
think what to do today
and write some poetry..