From one thousand mountains the hawks flights are gone
Soaring freely & thinking clearly through the clouds in the sky
Not looking back persevering to fulfill the dreams
The dreams aren't solely an illusion in the mind
But a preview of future times
For the reality in the hawks mind is dreams of happiness
Clashing between difficulty & a paradox of what is seen & what is not seen
What is believed has 20/20 vision
A clear sight with no eyeballs
But a driven mind with great visual
Anticipating the future of success
Feeling blessed and alleviating stress
Persevering and passing all the tests
What lies is the wind which is the past
Securing things of desire at last
Achievement is a good friend
Resulting in a fulfilled end. . .

Oppression Ownership Poem
1/26/2014

Why do we lead our hearts by the hand
into our lovers' volatile elements
quicksand mixed with fire
Why do we blame it on desire
say the heart wants what it wants,
but mine doesn't want this at all
Stop.

Alleviating your hearts of guilt and shame
because they're doing it perfectly.
to fall in love and be willing to take set backs
Stop.

Let's take a step back.
Give our hearts back their guilt and ownership
over the oppression of a heart beat you can control
but actually choose not to.
Stop.

Hear that?
It is the sound of a heart beating,
barely breathing
but
Stop.

Now we've fixed it
the problem we couldn't solve
but don't absolve
yourself of sin yet
We've got another oppression needing to be handed over
false ownership we play pretend.
rather than play in a playground with each other.
we blame another for our heart's oppression

but right now in this room
I am the only one holding a broom
trying to tell you that you can't sweep it out
out of your mind
or cover it up with doubt.

I'm not saying don't blame society for creating social constructs of love.
I'm not saying that we don't live in a world that is filled with a sickness
a sickness in some to say that like this we can't keep on living,
because
stop.

We can
and we have
and we cannot and have not
given up on each other, just on ourselves
with every breath we use to utter
that famous druther
that our hearts are victims.
needing to be fixed.
that the world wants to see us suffer
that we can't own our emotions they are far too mixed
with envy and rage and the deepest sorrow anyone could never know.
but I do know,
that
stop.

I do know
that stop

that
stop

stop.

I do know
no I don't.
I don't know but that's for you
to figure out
How to feel your heart's oppression
but don't keep it under ownership
instead let it out.
squeeze it out through your soul
before it gets to take its toll

you have too much to do on this planet
or even on mars, somewhere far up when you reach the stars
because you shine brighter than bullets baby.
when they get shot and hit something leaving a lasting impact.
you pierce through the hull of a steel ship
with that wicked bite of your lip
when your silver tongue speaks golden beauties.
to my wicker ears eager to be burned
with the splendid delight of your brilliant vocalizations
shouting, screaming, taming, keeping an eye opening message.

that you do not own your heart's oppression
and thus it does not own you neither.
because you lived it but it is not your life
like your heart
when you felt it
but did not control it
not because it was out of your control,
but because you chose to set it free,
and so too,
you should be,
rise above your society.

Hands are for healing,
Alleviating, soothing,
Balms for calming,
Gently restoring,
Curative hands,
From many lands,
To salve and ease,
Free remedies,
Hands for comforting,
Hands are for healing.

Beneath the surface of our daily lives, we are always asking the question, “Who am I, really, and where is my true home?” The answer to this question is so utterly obvious, so beautiful, so ordinary, and yet so profound, that like the nose on our face, we have a hard time seeing it. Because of our own self-imposed limitations, the answer to this mystery can only be revealed little by little, as if a great veil were being lifted inch by inch, until the truth is completely exposed. Yet, we are destined to receive this knowledge.

Today-all around us: the electro-magnetic field is active and alive, whether we feel it or not. Imagine all the electromagnetic-digital devices surrounding us! Take a moment to think about their direct or indirect effect on our bodies. Global warming is by far the most serious manifestation of the “collision”—and Mother Nature is making the evidence ever more obvious. Our bodies are like little vessels of light reflecting our bright birth right. However these vessels constantly need nourishing and care. These are amazing times for us all but we must take care of our bodies inwardly and outwardly, else we are left at the mercies of the “spiraling” energies circumventing the universe. Both scientists and spiritualists have verily presented groundbreaking evidence about what is happening beyond what can be felt, seen or sensed by human sensory perception. At times-you may feel odd sensations or more anxiety than usual. Breathe in slowly and deeply. Take your time amidst the “rollercoaster of the city’s rush hours”. Remember to connect to the “higher frequencies” of a positive lifestyle in healthy ways. Exercise, Pray, Meditate, if you can- use flower essences everyday such as: Silversword, Shooting Star, Morning Glory, Sagebrush, Snap Dragon, Cosmos, White Magnolia. Growing a flower garden has its rich rewards too.
Nature’s healing effects are unquestionable, for within nature we come face to face with the Divine infinite source of All creation-as it was, as it is and as it will ever be.

Yogi Paramahansa Yogananda once quoted:

Harmony with nature will bring you a happiness known to few city dwellers. In the company of other truth seekers it will be easier for you to meditate and think of God.

There is a magic about periodically moving out of the “city’s confinements” to the richness of and around nature: forest walks, boat rides, mountain trekking and much more. The main essence is in feeling a refreshed aura around and within you-an indication that the city and all its toil on you have been left behind. We have to try to get rid of the notion of time. When we have an intense contact of unconditional love with nature or another human being, like a spark, then we can truly understand that there is no time and that everything is eternal.

Other simple ways of raising energy levels include: silence in isolation and more “interaction” within you inner spirit-your Higher-self. There are always two forces warring against each other within us and we can bring these forces to a balance during silent personal introspection.  In order to relate properly with and to your inner being, one must follow the “truth of imagination.” From the word-imagination, we find the word-image, which is the manifestation of our physical form and body identity.

As William Arthur Ward said:

If you can imagine it, you can create it. If you can dream it, you can become it.

More than ever before on our planet, there is now great need for interpersonal sharing and the acknowledgment that ups and downs are a vital part of our everyday life. This process is internal as well as external. The “key” is a flowing pattern that is beneficial to all concerned. Take good care of yourself, your relationships, and your health. Exercising both mind, body, and spirit can bring you the agility to incorporate balance, whether you are alone or with a partner. Life can seem like a seesaw existence, but you can still have a wonderful time if you maintain a playful attitude.

The “image” we carry of our self within our mind and heart carries the power to bridge our highest ideals into our everyday practical life. On the other hand, attachment to a poor image of self condemnation and suffering carries the potential to destroy our right to joy and abundance. Which do we choose? Practicing the laws of “visualization” is not unlike the practice of prayer or meditation, where the seeker opens oneself to channels of higher guidance and inspiration. Ideally, we are given the opportunity to walk through the gardens and forests of the earth with astute concentration and attunement, opening our opportunity to the light of healing and service, each and every day.

Whatever your tradition or practice, however you offer your skills to the world, trace your roots and find the center of stillness and peace within. Only from this grace-filled place can we restore the health and well being of ourselves and our planet. Become one who engages the full power of the mind, heart, and spirit in the interest of alleviating suffering and making our present world a true “Garden of Eden”

Remember to build the world around you in a practical manner. Is your spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical universe anchored in truth and wisdom? Follow the “call of the wild” and listen to your inner voice within that guides you to fulfill your higher destiny. Take time to make weighty decisions. Realize the implications of your acts for the future. Stop wasting your strength by criticizing others. Recall the ancient adage “Judge not, lest you be judged”.

Reinforce your positive, upbeat, and inherently good nature so that the dark elements of this world cannot break down your resolve and dedication. For those who have suffered emotional pain from all sorts of physical or spiritual abuse, If you are to walk the path of consciousness, enlightment and empowerment, you must go beyond your “old wounds” and accept this golden opportunity to metamorphose into a new “body of light” – one that rejoices with the understanding that all aspects of life are sacred and it is in the weaving of the dark and light within ourselves that we find our true wholeness. We heal ourselves and others by first contacting the inner nourishment or the "water fountain of life" within us which sustains our ability to create beautiful things in the world as well as to act from the depth of our hearts.

Imagine opening your arms to upward spirals of your divine existence like a beautiful chalice and ask that all love pour into the vessel of your heart. This love is abundant and rich, offering the fertile elixir of passion and creativity. These are exciting time and we must accept the challenges offered to humanity at this time; in it all: Unconditional Love, Peace and Unity is the answer. Change all bad habits-those that leave you with tingling bits of guilt. Cleanse your body and home and adore the “temple of beauty” that is your embodiment: your real reason for being!

The mystery of the universe is within and without us. Love the world...Love yourself...Love the change. Anticipate illuminating insights from places deep within you. Let the inner truth of your radiance come shining through. Most importantly, focus your attention and thoughts and blossom like the beautiful morning-glory. The yearning for our lost perfection, the urge to do and be that which is the noblest, the most beautiful of which we are capable, is the creative impulse of every high achievement. We strive for perfection here on mother Earth because we long to be restored to our true oneness with Almighty God.



Muhumuza Kenneth Ezra.

It's all gone out of me, the hammer falls and I'm not ready to answer
Trembling, weakness supporting a tub of jelly
The pollen-filled air flies past like the
Pelicans at the edge of the harbor
Taking us gliding for an unpleasant ride
Down the corridors of plastic colors
Through the one word answers that bubble forth from
10,000 years away in hyperspace
Where the mechanisms of language become so convoluted
That they disappear completely out at the vanishing point
Coming up behind you again to drag you into that smoky allure
You remember hating and pinching your nose from
And hiding in the car, but the new fear is of becoming addicted to it
Just like your addiction to ego games and
Intellect, just like your addiction to pleasure and constant validation

The validation's there in the eternal self, they say
But I'm an intellectual
Too impatient for meditation
And lost along the way to enlightenment
That I truly want,
But then I'll never have it if I continue to live this way

It's wilderness calling from a tame fool
Sticking up for you the overgrown horoscope signifies
The shapes of skydives,
He comes in and out of our dull lives
And there's an electric current that solidifies between
Him, Us, and his music
Iron rods jutting up from scorched earth
A broken paradise
Crumbling in a whisky tumbler
Blackened by fiber filters, creations
Unlocked by flowing ontological
Caricatures, open wounds gnashing
At attention-seeking osteopaths
Fortune seekers clamber down
Soccer field bleachers,
Somebody lost his sneakers in the woods
Once there was a set of barbells along the trail
We fell in line and started
Counting each other
One by one it seemed like the green apples would never fall
It was up to us to wait for the shower
It would feed our kin
We'd begin to rise up together
But it could never keep up with our pen
We wanted the ghosts to follow us and overtake our mortal foes
But we couldn't command the armies of the dead
We derive all our pleasures from films and campfire stories
We contrive our adventures but we wait for them to happen to us
We take a passive role in finding love
And it blinks lights at us across suburban streets through windows in the dark
The mind begins to writhe with new memories it composed of old
An idealized time of a child with the perverse mind
Of a hogtied adolescent
Guessing that the course of existence
Isn't determined by the speed of your calculations
Testing the warm water on a naked toe
We could dive in and forget to breathe
And the water could carry us forever
Alleviating gravity
All the obstacles we perceived in past lives
Remain with us like
Chimney swifts on the bottomless April days of a
Klu Klux **** telephone operator
Who believed in the spirit and the holy ghost
And burned a quiet altar to Satan's minions every Sunday night
Drinking nail polish and
Obscure references to the films of the
Ancient Greek philosophers, who
Saw the medium as a means to a message
And patronized the elitest filmmakers to study the ancient Runes
And reveal their findings to a power-hungry public
That would not outright reject it
But that would have to follow it down the rabbit hole
Through the wide mouth of the trumpet around brass fixtures
And into the tight hot moist mouth of the trumpeter
And the elemental warriors would strike oil beneath the whole affair
Ending the time we spent hoping for any entertainment to create itself before our barren psyches
Busying ourselves with incomprehensible tasks and letting our indolence take the reins until we found our heads again out there amid the vapors of
New car chem trails and old railroad bunkers where spruce and cedar grow through cement earth, they force apart the ground with just their roots

We weren't ready to keep watch the following weekend but we
Had no choice when the government bond expired
And we had only technological solutions left to hope for
And wrongly we abandoned our research posts to fight the enemies
With giant weapons and uncreative slogans
Our drummers played so fast we marched along and killed all that remained in record doubletime
Rendering the events of that victorious day immortal in the ingenious accounts of
Philosopher/poet/historian Michael Jackson
Who gave one final performance
To save himself from what must not be

Oh,
my smashing liquid crystal,
dilating pupils and drawing back the sheer curtains
to let the light in.

Oh,
my terror in the forest,
the light screams away in silence, echoing off the walls
of bark I shake in.

Oh,
my last breath,
bleeding in the tub, blood pours, black ink in water poured
from a shattering glass.

**** me *******,
shallow and cross,
angry and peaceful...
just take me away from the marks she has left here

...just ******* drive.

i.

I push her against the door
Passionate shove;
I'm wearing a whitened dress shirt
A striped black vest, primeval musk.

ii.

I grabbeth her by her waist
Fashioned spectacles upon her countenance;
She pulleth hard mine blonde lock's of hair
A woman now, releasing her innocence.

iii.

Her balmy breathe, variegated with mine
I trickle around her neck, kissing around her spine;
Mine alleviating rim's, wetten's down to her toes
Starting at her top, I kiss front, back, her dialect purely moaned.

iv.

The ambience was intensified
Tis we went astray, into eachother's eye's;
Whilst the firmament went asunder
Planet earth shook, the sheet's pulled us under.

v.

We struggle just for air
As ourn bodie's sucketh the sweat;
Mine nail's grippeth her frame
A night we shan't forget.




©Brandon nagley
©Lonesome poet's poetry
©Earl Jane nagley dedication

Won't you shotgun blast me to the face?
Though do tell, don't I make you celestial?
-It's my specialty,
Spectacularly, I see you dancing in the clouds
Spectrally resembling and unsettling
An unfurling semblance of reality

Breathe in me, Goddess of my dreamscape
Eclipsing my fate and alleviating waking life
Admirably divine,
A collision of concupiscent melodies
As we perennially intertwine among stars

The purgation or Katharismós that was unleashed, all the imperfections were gleaned by the elevations that descended due to ignominies and pathogenic lineage that were falsified by the demonicity of one who does not walk soullessly to another who is immune. The dark and cloaked darkness slipped away through the first sense of the fifth son that began to become sensitized, being the hearing that agreed in Vernarth with its great hypersensitivity of the Eclectic Portal, in which they are disconsolate when listening in unison, and who are shielded from the noise of the night when crushing the souls in pain that they purged from their places at midnight and on the way to the third midnight that appeared at 03:00, when the spirits lined up looking with their faces in the first night, at the cessation of all objectivity of Aesthesia. All already emigrated from all the dungeons of the leprosarium with meager living bodies and crowded souls in purgation; The Manes Apsidas with the remote light of the night of the antelucan, preceded the dawn following the darkness of midnight and not the second, to protect souls in expiation, with the lightning of the four Xiphos crusades of Vernarth, Etréstles, Theus and Vikentios, when Wonthelimar and Vlad Strigoi lagged behind them from hours to minutes, until within the same night three septenaries passed by, illustrating the supernatural Hijra of the Apsidas, transporting themselves to the dark souls of Spinalonga. The living went in double rows from blind rationality and without words to mention, only souls in purgation followed the path of Marie des Vallés who was exteriorized with the Apofisi in her palm, as a written object, and of great passive sensitivity, to then activate what that exceeds a body and a soul incapable of self-help, with excessive darkness, only being transported by hearing as the only sense present before others, who were de-empowered when what deprives beautifies the eyes of those who have no light to see, but if to feel. The atonement continued, and from the altar archangels came down, making those who for different reasons exceeded the privation of the dawn, which is shone in the small spaces of the natural light of Crete, rejoice. The omega overcomes the darkness and the crossed swords Xiphos extended beyond what oppresses the emptiness and non-material belonging of his Hyletic or Hilética, but if from a synod of beings that were abducted from the Kidron Valley and the Beit Hamikdash to the unearthly silence that inked dawn with pale and slimy light in the ranks of the lepers on their way to Agios Andreas where they will reside. The light conquers the darkness of the understanding that only looks with light, but without it, it was upset in the figure of the entities, believing that the Apsidas could be beings of category that are born from a countenance that provides feet to leave without looking back. Thus they would be guarded and not be involved with animals with semi-human figurative characters, in the stubbornness that none of them make sense, being able to be oblivious to the obfuscation of confusion and purgatory, changing all the conscious senses before the authoritarian light and darkness, reaching levels from Isaías “Si non-credideritis, non-intelligetis”, this is portrayed like this: “If you don't believe, you won't understand”.

Then, of course, faith is a dark night for the soul, and in this way it gives light; and the darker it darkens, the more light of itself, because by blinding it gives light. This was pronounced by Marie des Vallées when it was admired that the graceful specimens of Spinalonga were already going away, losing themselves in the dark cloud of uncertainty until Agios Andreas, while more darkness was concelebrated in the private blindness of the night that watched him. Thus in this way, the Saint leaves with the Apsidas Manes in a long night that was allied with the perplexity of dawn, going through the clouds of mourning through each lapse, with the lights that were enough to make her his disciple, erected of a David ascended alongside them. An Apollo resurfaces from the mist overcoming the abyss of temperance, which creates sudden chapters of generating and silencing pain with howls of those who compromise in their aching souls, being able to migrate to slow dimensions with a sensitive voice superior to that of hearing. From this topic the exchange of Gehenna as a voice inferior and superior at the same time to the sense of hearing was closed, when the clouds were already serene with their snowy colors, leaving the lights that dimension everything and transformed into a rational colloquy, which predominates over classic stratagems that will err in those who are not led by error, but by the slovenly voices escaping from whoever conducts the hearing of those who are members of an unconduced purgation, but rather from the twisted fact of free will, burning what is understood not to imagine what would happen, rather what is proper to mortality without faith. The young night was transformed into sovereign dawn, each one coming closer and coming to each one who understands himself. Before a small night that was enlarged in the gloom. They all go to their rooms, going to the third instant of sensitivity, before the intuition of seeing and hearing, together with the aftertaste that each one was pairing with who is not his nature, and thought that was once again renamed in Marie des Vallées, the signage of Isaiah and Saint Paul, “what God has prepared for those who love him, no eye ever saw it, nor ear heard it, nor did it fall into the heart or thought of man”, this being the last message of the Saint when all were discovered from the perennial distance, in glory and submission where the just endures the most intrepid pain seizing their senses towards the Mashiach, alleviating the fantasy that disturbs any deconcentration that should not be admitted together with the halo of Marie des Vallées.

Sunrise nearing its death,
the end of today
complementing the beauty of a pen stroke,
harsh scratching alleviating indelible ideas
showing selves in hues painting our last moments
allowing me to trace timelines
in the contoured caresses
of this silent instrument played
to blend melody with beginnings,
each progression scaling further along
the passing hours left settling
to minutes from now,
purpose elaborated in contrasting
blues and oranges and purples
composing the elegance of utility,
colors not enough to excise the excesses
of depicting days in dimensions,
of simplifying it to degrees of time.
Laying alongside this current
to shape clouds
and animate constellations,
my faux-corpse stares again into
the memory held in galaxies
only glimpsed at twilight.
Sharp cuts of consonants
and vowels' smoothed corners
try to rid me of
stream of conscious thinking loosed,
the inner struggle hoping for reprieve
from that constant combative nature
of inward disagreement
and dialectic digression
deflecting the question of
what if we'd only spoke
instead of being lost
to foreign type-faces designed by
some soul never to see
the dying day my way.
If only we'd spoke,
I would have had the chance
to stumble on a goodbye.
Rather we are left
to flourishes of unfamiliar weapons
sitting askew on these pages,
the balance shifted due to
us degrading to another's personality,
and writing out those lines
we couldn't come to say.

To my friends whose hearts I'm about to break, know that my left cheek will shatter first before your hearts does.
I hope that's comforting enough to hear.
I've always liked the angle of the right side of my face better, therefore the papers and reporters shall see just that.
I hope that's relieving enough to see.
To my other friends whose eyes I will be leaving swollen ugly for days on end,
España's rain and floods shall hydrate you back to life.
I know because I have blessed the skies with my own tears on the nights prior.
Dapitan's dust and smog shall breathe air into your lungs, but not into mine.
I know because I won't he here tomorrow.
I hope that's alleviating enough to know.

Over the last month, I have never figured out if I liked España or Dapitan better.
But I suppose it's the former, for it shall have my sorry excuse of a body
for the very last time.
It's a bad metaphor for a feigned
and forced liberty,
as with this country that I lived in and loved better than the pretentious
and lifeless cities I've traveled to.
Singapore is but a fleeting fling.
Tickles your fancy but will leave you tired and in resentment.
Hong Kong is just another plaything.
Everybody would tell you she's good and all that, but she lost to your tastes still.
Macau is the lover that never gives but keeps on asking,
she was never the safest bet
nor can you lie and tell her she's the best.
Johor is just as frustrating.
She would be the hardest question in the test, the one you've thought of over and over but still stood miscorrect.
Bangkok, I have kept her dearly in my heart but ended up forgetting still.
My other lover from the farther west, but still wouldn't compare to the best.

But Manila, she lives in me. She is me.
It's a shame, I will never see her prosper and bloom in her waiting heydays,
whenever that may be.
But do I deserve to witness that?
I have never done anything to help pitch in her movement.
But it's a bigger, even better shame to have lived in this age of technology.
Forgive me for leaving too soon, Manila.
Welcome me tomorrow around high noon, España.  
Forget about me like you did with your history, my beloved Philippines.
To the headlines, I am diving in headfirst.
To the tabloids, I beg of you to once more tickle the funny bones of a dead girl.

As I navigate thru the hurls of Life my mind gravitates towards the seductive temptations that linger in the subconscious mindset that I have attained via constant repetitive behaviors that scar me beyond my control and understanding. I hold onto my faith and my sublime thought patterns that perturb my inner soul. Unknowingly recollections of subjected torture and sorrow that I am involuntarily accustomed to...I recite a prayer to my Holy Lord that he remove this impending feeling of agitation and aggravation towards how my mind works and self sabotages it's sober state of being. Maladapted and a Degenerate ******* I am because I do NOT have the strength nor courage to remain in constant contact with my inner self to be able to control my impulses to use Narcotics. Truly, I have finally realized am powerless and deathly spiritually sick with endless intrusive thoughts of ******* on a suicide mission alleviating the symptoms by succumbing to escaping reality thru the Narcotic Amplification slowly self destructing by the utilization of this ******* substances that keep me trapped chained and imprisoned within my body's constantly nagging me to continue to use the drugs to escape my feelings, thoughts and emotions...am left exhausted and incompetent to deal with Life's struggles and circumstances. Without doubt I know I need to learn to retain my sobriety NO MATTER THE COST. I cannot allow myself to continue to indulge in this illegal substances to temporarily make me feel better make me feel special make me feel extremely desensitized from my current problems I cannot afford to keep running like a ******* coward I must learn to face Life on Life terms...maintain my impulses under control retain my spiritual growth and keep grinding towards keeping my commitment to myself to NOT use anymore because it's slowly making me evil more devilish more violent more sinful and in the end it's just killing me to know I am not practicing self care nor loving myself enough to NOT practice this erroneous behavior that it's making me hate myself more and more daily because it's total insanity to continue to contribute to slowly **** myself due to the fact am literally paying for death every time I use drugs to deal with Life. A decade of this **** **** am so done with it... please Holy God take this punishment away from your Son who without fail believes in you loves you and has unfailing faith that does NOT shake because I rely on Christ to keep me alive and well. Enough of this madness I have walked thru enough darkness to know that am literally losing my willpower to maintain my health, happiness, comfort, belief, faith and livelihood. God I pray thee you relieve my destructive addiction and relieve my painful past allow me to LET IT GO...I know I will continue to fight this enormous disease with a strong composure and continue to sanctify my temple slowly but surely...God May You Walk With Me Thru This Journey Now & Till My Death. Amen!!!

I can remember when sleeping was always pleasant.

It was alleviating my burning heels and loosening my straining eyes, looking forward to crystal dreams, transforming myself into a new dimension every night.

Sleeping was my superpower; it was absolute blackness that created a story from nothing, always making me smile in the yellowing morning.

Tonight, a clean slate just seems frightening.

I have no control over this superpower. It is confusing my sense of presence, swallowing me whole and inverting my perception, and injecting evil into my veins, awakening new sides of me.

I'm hoping the moon stays away tonight.

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This is how we know we are alive.
The weighty wind whipping at my weary face,
Begging me.
Whistling me a chorus to dance to.
“I will be your remedy.”

A city of sunflowers,
Endlessly oscillating,
Waving at me.
Their happiness, imminent and palpable.
This is how we know we are alive.

A blanket of rain,
Calm and alleviating.
With no canopy to harbor under;
As each droplet secures my face,
This is how we know we are alive.

And there she is.
Her beautiful voice, like the wind.
Her delicate smile, happy like the flowers.
Her touch; reminiscent of the rain.
This is how I know I am alive.

Sidestepping shadow-plays
boxed in bonus-sized portions
for garden-varietal religions,
I've had these scuzzy intimations
great big (voids) lie behind
most altruistic inclinations
and the biggest news is,
we're still expanding
with-in-exhaustible potentials
to be eternally filled greater.

Now I'll admit to being
hampered in my cognitive
capacity for meaningful
pattern recognition
by my debilitating
predisposition toward
concentrated forms of myopia,
ergo, I can't shape
a formless mess into anything
but incoherent flimflam.

I've tried alleviating this
condition with meditative
concoctions and palliatives
of sensory deprivation,
yet I fear I'll need
a silicon-chip-enhanced head
before I can glimpse
the cosmic legerdemain spinning
its paradoxes of endless
surfaces but no top.

If I finally do, I'll smile big
as a great-white gull winning
his first demonstration hand at
the three-card monte of not-to-be
reconciled contradictions.

**** the Heart!....such a bold concoction of two conflicting words.
**** the Heart!..... the sentence, one of them an ***** one of them a verb.
**** the Heart!.....i am finally pushed to dash away hopes of cupids arrow ever piercing my foolhardy lust.
**** the Heart!.....love to me now is but a fairy tale in a funeral book...ashes to ashes dust to dust....
**** the Heart!......hold composure all you want its what beating in your chest that truly hurts.
**** the Heart!.....such a well protected thing behind sinewy muscle and rock hard bone, but nothing protects it from the emotional carrion crows....picking pick picking at you like the reaper for your soul....
**** the Heart!......i say it now and i swear i hold true......i now rue the day i ever started loving YOU!
**** the Heart!....if i could live without it would be an alleviating grace, to survive without it means certain death but i would forfeit my life right now to smother my emotional pain....
**** the Heart!.......Clack clack tick tock......the penultimate sound of the gun before it ends the life of this emotional clock....
**** the Heart!......definition meaning: enough of these pathetic emotional charades, not necessarily anything to do with a ****** or a ****!
**** the Heart!....i tire i am spent, time to lay down my ten weary modern day pens.
**** the Heart!.....now is the time for me to apply my nice guy will power and wrench out this scornful body part.
**** the Heart!.....i should just be how i was a simple pressure *** of emotions, no more of this I Love you Stuff!
**** the Heart!....love is blind, nice guys finish last, i know my dark side; i should give him a chance.
**** the Heart!.....Rage and anger, i realised i slowly embrace....
**** the Heart!......i am wearing thin soon those two might just win my better judgement race....
**** the Heart!...people say im crazy, and i truly do believe them, for anger and rage is but a short lived madness, or so some say...this ******* might just get a lil crazy one of these good days.
**** The Heart!....now i feel better in this emotionally disturbing tirade, said it very line and i’m not ashamed....**** THE HEART!!!!.....worthless, emotionally tormenting body part......

Foot hits the pavement
Alleviating impatience
Lighter than a feather
To better cushion the jaded

Stomping through the cemetery
The behemoth breaks his back
Stumbling over tombstones
Seemingly jagged in every crack

A man, half a monster,
Half a mouse, mostly bleeding
Drowning in the oxygen bank
Indian given breathing

When the rabbits loose their roots
Aside trees what speak and breathe
The kings are parted out
While the beasts break even clean

none want to break
caring to show weakness
being an undesirable trait
how to cope without losing
is like waiting out a drought
with peanut butter
avoid scattering your pieces
by alleviating pressure
strengthen the foundation
then shoot sure

To those people who spend most of their life
surrounded with worldliness its cares and strife
this piece is dedicated it is my duty to convey
without any effort not to I'd be left in dismay.

One should always let know and be willing to confide
through terms of endearment how to get to the other side.
The world is full of confusion, contradictions and the like
it's only through the midst of this chaos homeward we hike.

Home is that place from where we started our journey,have become estranged
by allurements and attachment to the sense objects, our mind is deranged.
Forced into seduction and by ignorance we ride
the crestwave of illusion away from the other side;
while entertaining and playing host to all those desires,
trying to appease an insatiable horde we burn in its fires.

Seldom do we get an inkling of how far we have gone
away from that place in which the light shone;
our ineffable home too bright for the eyes do hide
bewildering, incomprehensible, beyond, just on the other side.

The mind always reflects that with which it is absorbed in,
a double sided transparent mirror through which the soul goes peering.
The soul is infinite in innumerable ways and sets up its own barriers without limit or cost,
intent on finding, due to forgetfulness, that which it appears as to have lost.
Then proceeds experiencing a finite life in an infinite way
through its own misguided power does this creation hold sway.....

Only after gathering enough data does it ever decide
that it has forsaken its real nature back on the other side.
By ignoring the advice of the guiding voice from within,
coming from a higher source, in ignorance do we swim.

When each of us has reached an all time low
or when fate delivers us a gracious blow,
we start thinking about our current situation
and try to make amends with much expectation.

Alleviating the disgrace which upon our soul is a burden,
retracing our steps back towards harmony and freedom
and so live a life of good works pleasing the Eternal Witness
satisfying our highest conscience the inner voice of stillness.

With each progressive step forward in the right direction we take
an ever increasing joy and peace in our mind and heart we make.
Helping all those who come across our path to be
confident in themselves and just a little more free;
to achieve whatever they cherish or happen to bide
while we continue our journey toward the other side.
By observing a steady discipline daily we find
most things can be accomplished dear in mind.

We can't easily get to the other side with a heavy load
as there already are many unseen obstacles on that road.
We all have each somehow to travel different distances
depending where we start from in current circumstances.
So let's make haste and all acknowledge our aim
that whether we like it or not our goal is the same.

There are many of us here having to play a unique part
when considering others' welfare show a little more heart.
In matters of relationship we should never try and hide
that which to our advantage helps us get to the other side.

Yet when we give with all our heart its from the other side
without any selfish motives or thoughts of gain to hide
we gradually reveal our real nature and true guide
which is realized unmistakably as being the other side.

to bring your everything
into this charred coal vortex
whirring as we walk through

don't leave behind
one sliver of a shard oxidized
rusted wretches inclusive

bring it all
and toss it in

we'll corset fingers
as our debris mingles
cylindrically

we can't shake
these shambles

but we can
sling it into orbit
rearranging, alleviating
the weight

holding is so heavy

especially
the shame

“Should we wrap it up?”



“No… **** them.”



And so she held it open and I shoved the contents in, a navy blue national geographic mug with a gold globe and majestic lettering, suggesting prestige and class, and a worn paper copy of ‘Ender’s Game’. My stomach churned for a moment as I feared that I perhaps forgot to remove the bookmark, but the pages held nothing but themselves, and the words of Orson Scott Card, not me.
“You’re not going to write him anything, are you?”



Why did she ask that? She had a right, but didn’t she trust me? I did write him something. I used the bookmark, in reality a half-piece of paper folded twice, and wrote



“Thank you for letting me

read this

it took a while to

get back to you but

I see why you like it.”



I suspected he wasn’t as dense as his misogyny and drug use suggested, and in my form he could find an alternative meaning, the kind I provided him with, the kind when he said he wondered what I meant sometimes.



I reread my penciled note, my last farewell, and considered writing “good luck with everything”. What would he think if he read it, if they read it? They already laughed so it’d be nothing new. I decided against it. It would be a response to his arrogant, empty text, where he triumphantly, probably drunk, sent a blank text. Did you have to tell me you had nothing tell me? She was furious. I never did respond, and handwriting was too personal.



“I have nothing to say to him. I just want to give their **** back and get it out of my life.”



I didn’t check the price of the over-sized, padded envelope I was about to purchase, but I appreciated the convenience of the post office for making my task an easy one. There was something freeing about being passive and sending mail, rather than making the three hour drive for no reason other than to experience another awkward situation, and perhaps worse, another yelling altercation.



I was worried the glass would break in transit, for the fear they would open the package and see it as deliberate, and I imagined their conversation: mocking our relationship, calling us *******, suggested we did it on purpose, saying anything malicious to assert their manliness and inflate their egos.



“Should we send them separately?”

“Don’t waste your money on those ******.”



So I sealed it. The small, bulky package contained things to return seemed heavier than needed. I imagined their faces when they saw who sent it, their outward responses to one another, and their immediate reactions once opening it.



“This will shut him the **** up. I can’t believe he thought I stole it.. I thought it was yours when I packed it.”



“You don’t need to say anything,” she demanded. “He’ll get it back, you don’t need to explain.”



She was obviously more annoyed at the two than I, although I was immensely annoyed. He thought I stole his mug. Well, I am so kindly sending it back. Perhaps this would be enough to get a response regarding subleasing.



“I really don’t want to pay $300 a month for a place I’m not living,” I pleaded.



“If they don’t respond then we’ll put locks on our doors. I don’t want them using our rooms and letting their friends sleep there.. they’d probably let people live there and pocket the money for themselves.”



The line in front of us gave us enough time to contemplate the situation, the whole situation, and it reminded me to check if he said anything. Message read, Tuesday 10:10 p.m. No response. I didn’t dare write the other. Neither would she.



“Six-thousand one, Autumn Avenue,” I said out loud as I wrote the address. A strangeness filled me, as I looked at the names I’d just written and the address of my former college residence. We don’t live here anymore. I was glad of it. I was glad to be standing there with her, running a necessary errand of alleviating ourselves of the burden of owing them anything. No longer would we need to endure video games, constant presence of the boy who slept on the couch every single night, despite his room, rewatching Gordon Ramsey’s ‘Kitchen Nightmares’ over and over until he memorized them, nor did we need to deal with hearing the door slam at 3:00 a.m. and an alarming “I’m home, *******!” from a drunkard. No more cleaning up beer bottles and bowls with cigarette ashes, no more listening to hockey or male-dominated conversations lacking substance. No longer would I feel trapped, as if Giovanni’s room, in the upstairs loft, tension rising up the stairs and filling up the whole house, the way burnt Ramen would smell when he forget to monitor it. The “he”’s would be out of our lives, as soon as they signed the lease. We stood there at the table before the checkout, patiently, thinking of the same thing probably, except I imagined her wondering if I liked when he ****** me.



She took the pen from me and hovered it over the package, pretending to inscribe “Love, the girls” with a heart next to it. She laughed, and I did too. I could imagine them opening the package, the one retrieving his mug, undoubtedly making a snarky comment, and the other ******* about the bottom left corner of the cover of his book being bent. I wondered if he’d wonder whether I read the whole thing through.



I hoped the cup wasn’t broken. There was a crack on the bottom of the handle, and I imagined him sitting on the sofa drinking coffee and having it snap and spill all over his lap.



“Next,” the woman called us and we stepped to send it off. “Would you be interested in the priority tracking shipping? It’ll cost— ”



“No thanks, we’re not in a real rush to get it there.”



“It’ll be the same price as without it, $5.79.”



“Then sure.”



I paid in quarters, retrieved my change and we left.



“Hopefully now that he has his ******* cup back he’ll sign the lease.” We were both worried.



“Do you want to get some wine?” And so we drove. Up the street, left turn, on the main road, right turn through the drive through.



“Hello,” I said to the man in the turban. She gave me her license and her card. “Could we have a double-bottle of Yellow Tail’s Cabernet Sauvignon?”



“Big bottle?”



“Yes sir.”



“I wonder how much those Backwoods cigars are.. sir, could you tell me how much for the 5-pack?” He reached for the pack on the left. “$7.49.”



“Oh no. Do you have Black and Mild’s?



“Apple, wood-tip, wine—”



“Could we have a wood-tipped wine one?”



“It’s better than cigarettes.”



“I haven’t smoked tobacco since Christmas Eve so I’m okay with it. I need it after today.”



He handed me the goods, I gave him her card, we waited, I smiled at her and she smiled back, her pale face and sweet, soft features, like a little pet, and he reached down to give me the clipboard to sign her name.



“Thanks, have a good night.” And I drove off.

Since you’re moving on, it’s okay to talk. It’s okay to share, because she’s taken my place. She’s shaken your foundations, buried herself deeper in your soul than you buried our pain.

Since I’m moving on, it’s okay to tell you my discoveries. To show the happiness I’ve found. To hide the anger at your failure to tell me about her. And the guilt I feel at hiding him from you.

Since you’re okay with pretending we never loved. I’ll be okay with it too. You buried your pain deep, you say. Mine, mine is the surface, flaking away with each kiss, each whisper, each smile, each intake of smoke, each shot of liquor.

I’m making new playlists, learning new songs.
You’re posting more poetry, finding new loves.

You’re driving new places, losing more weight.
I’m watching new movies, and gaining mine back.

You’ve discovered liquor.
I’ve discovered THC.

I’m trying hard not to break a heart, finding that slow-growing love is just as scary as the unexpected fall.

I’m learning to give and take: compliments, favors, anything really. I’ve found new eyes to explore and a new face to map. I’m kissing those other boys. This time though, I’m still here, I’m still me.

I still don’t want picket fences, or a God. But, he doesn’t either. We don’t plan further than two days in the future and savor the moments. And now we’re spinning faster, farther than I thought I’d go anytime soon. And what you and I had fades fast. Faster than I thought possible. I’m pushing forward. Moving past pain, and anger, and jealousy. And the fear that I’ll never be the same.

I’m letting people in, letting them help. Sharing the weight, alleviating burdens, letting myself be loved, be healed, be anything.

I just want happiness. For you, for me.

I want to see more than flat plains and a familiar college campus. I want to explore the unfamiliar. I want to find truth in a new mind. I want to say with absolute certainty that I’m past us, and you. That I’ve let go of our eight months, and grabbed onto my present.

Since I’ve let go, so have you. Since you’re unburdened, so am I.

Since we’re both moving further and further apart, I guess I should say Good-Bye.

Tremors of panic fork across the elephantine trunks of foundations which lock the city
And an obsidian rainbow casts it's hysteria beneath our oozing complacency, forever.
Like a shallow breath in malady - our perceptions lay bare as the drapery falls.

A thin film of sweat crimps along the forehead of a populous unawares,
But the unconscious primordial instinct knew
- The collective archaic nuances of thought,
Projecting hypersigils among culture & society.

It knew...And knew well, that something stirred...
Even the most macroscopic to microscopic
Fungi to woodlice to single-cell organisms,
From infinite to infinitesimal - blankets of nature
You could feel the earth rumble and twitch restlessly
Something was alive, something was wrong...

An electric current siphoned through the air,
Creating a dry snap - a crackle resounding through
the foreheads of all who were aware
- Indignant to reality, preparing for an overture of animosity,
Windows part way with darkness, revealing the world's symphony in excess.

A green sunrise comes early,
Tethering on the beliefs and superstition of sense
- Brilliant flares of light tampering with reality maps,
Igniting night as if it were day
Licking unanimously amongst the feather pillows - caked with sweat,
Telling stories of a night time sleep chest-deep in the Rubicon.

Pantheon eternal
- Bridges build across the volumes which bend comprehension,
Little semblance left, torn across this monument,
Like closed eyelids there is nothing to see but a mountainous black
- A sinkhole in reverse, jutting into acumen indeed.

And under a cold hand serving the child of sanity,
The eyes of all who watch - burn out like faded twilight
Rancorous from their cortex, defying even the unknown,
Emptying out a thick drudge bemused amongst the moonstruck.
Unworkable in shape - Even as the roving underbelly passes overhead
- Twisting numerously, as obvious as the unknown is to men who never wanted to know.

Yet our barbaric need to possess solace - to presume all knowing and condition the mind - Drives us over the edge at the mere sight of ultimate shapelessness or pure formation beyond the dimensions of human existence within the eyes and protoplasm of the brain, alleviating consciousness into a reversion of childlike states;

1. Fear
2. Questioning our life's fragile coil
3. Acceptance of powerlessness,
3. And finally, affirmation/accession:

Our own transcendence and environs discharging us through a parabolic saga of madness and into the agony of destruction and hate. We are Euclid in essence, harbouring mine and your requisite for geometry and ratio. The day we glance beyond the aether and into the apex of vastitude is the day we lose our humanity but also the day we lastly...

Postulate.

Why can't I see through these bloodshot eyes?
Why do I need this poison so bad?
Why can't anyone see past all my lies?
Why when you help do I get mad?

I stuck the needle in my arm
I thought I could handle it
But I didn't contemplate the harm
Now the pain I felt I can never forget.

I feel the poison entering my veins
Temporarily alleviating my pains
But when it wears off I'll need another dose
Being able to get close to people is what I miss the most.

I needed you but you needed a needle
Thats how I feel
When I look down in the casket and realize it's real
Your pride was crushed long ago like a beetle

You pushed everyone away
And yet
At the end of the day
No one will forget
How you needed drugs
And when you asked for help it was met by shrugs

I love the rain
It's so calming
Watching it fall
Watching it pour
I could sit there for hours
Wanting nothing more

I love the rain
It's so peaceful
The sound of the droplets
Hit the pavement
And you watch it
Wash away the dirt

I love the rain
It's so cleansing
All the water comes down
Drowning out the sorrow
Alleviating your tomorrow
Giving you hope

I love the rain
It's healing to witness
The way it's free
The way it reveals all honesty
Makes me take a nap
To unwind and unwrap

I love the rain
It reminds me of better times
Of times past
Spent huddled around a fire
During autumn days
Surrounded by family
It makes me think quietly
I reflect and I'm grateful
Suddenly
Life doesn't seem that painful

His morning sun just cracks awake,
up an at 'em she crows happily,
looking down on him gawking,
so cozy in that lazy plush bed,
while soft yellow lush sunshine,
says "wake up you sleepyhead"
as she rests easy on his shoulder,
as it blazes through,
and her fury getting bolder
burning holes in his tired brain,
and yeah it does make him happy,
sometimes regardless,

Of where and when,
all things same or not,
save for presently,
this sunshine is burning hot,
where he sits pensive,
in this melancholy morn,
as that sunshine is trying,
her heart it must be torn,
and in her torrid,
and dear desperation,
in a friendzy guy kinda way,
acting crazy just to stick around,
just a chance to have him,
take a grasp the bright,

And shiny illusion she's trying,
to force on him -
molesting his memories,
caressing with spindled refractions,
offerings of her warmth to shade,
truth slipping through,
the complex damage,
created rifts maze his mind puzzled,

Faulty places they say,
probably weakly built with no real,
chance of a brighter day,
no access to better materials,
some doubt his sincerity,
maybe it's just his way,
flawed in creation possibly,
fractured by grievous trauma,
definitely he's affected though,
by the endless seaming drama

What could it be this haunting,
an unbearable long buried truth,
to uncover it to daunting,
or perhaps a recently breached,
mausoleum of memories,
was looted in hate forming,

That creature lurks behind corners,
sneaks up to scare even the bejesus,
tapping him on his shoulder,
softly darting away and back,
eyes BULGE like he's looking at money,
or high on his other white lady,

Light now curving,
becoming more seductive as the day pains,
in the tempting sun's light,
remaining and creating,
a silky dark silhouette,
moving in a lovely shape,
in a shape shifting pirouette,

Beautiful dark ebony woman,
shadows form enchantresses,
sirens in traces of old wolf,
grey skies drift in the air,
of smoking cigarettes and ****,
an he's high flying too on these,
as nicotine-stained tongues burn,
wishing for the night,
his heart will always yearn,

Before he's feasting heavy,
being a glutton for punishment,
savoring thoughts on what never was,
as his alter ego now dances,
seductively for her daylight,

In an iota of darkness expanding,
blots and traces of ink stained,
hearts with crackling finish,
pigments revolving and rotating,
a ghostly apparition appears,
diluting the light forever,
and alleviating any fears,

Terrified though he is so still,
it looked so nice outside,
and now it seems she's broken,
down his only needed will,
who could have known this,
everyone is about their day,
he's so haunted and alone,
an that shiny lady has gone away,
as this heavenly highwayman,
has come to find a home,
a real menacing spector of yesterday,
just takes completely over,

He realizes and submits,
to the possession of his body,
forever becoming his shadow,
to wear it well that's too gaudy,
better to be who you were -once,
than nothing at all,
he figures looking into the mirror,
at his new "normal"
and gratefully bowing down,
to the cold truth of his life.

Ma Cherie  © 2017