I don't know how to tell you to be gentle
My skin might dissolve under your touch like the way
Your eyes melt my
Insides
And my knees might crumple
When I see your smile
And I'll curl up into the
Curve of your dimples
When you breathe your name
Into my trembling lips
And I'm fragile
So I need you to be
gentle

Helen and Bill
were out camping
with their little kids
Annie and Sam

and Bill killed a deer
out there in the open
and his wife cooked it
and the kids
Annie and Sam
came after their swim
for their lunch

and the kids asked their dad:
“What’s for lunch?”
Bill hushed his  wife and he said
to the kids:
“Guess what meat it is,
children.
Here’s a clue:
Think of what mom
calls me other than my name”

And  Annie screamed:
*“Don’t eat it, Sam!
It’s an *******!”

Samuel walked up to his boss
and demanded in no uncertain terms:
"You'd best give me a pay rise -
you might want to know
3 companies are after me"

"Wow," said Samuel's boss
deeply impressed. "Which companies?"

"Oh," came Samuel's swift reply
*"The telephone,  electricity
and water companies"

INTRODUCTION
someone's following you online here,
and you want to know why
Well, here's why...take your pick


POSSIBILITIES*

1)
Oh, I follow you because you look good
and though I never read your poems
I come back often
year after year
to see if you age at all


2)
you don't use your real name
you use a moniker or pseudonym -
and I'm just  going by the desperate hope
you are Obama or Putin incognito
and you might give me asylum one day
if I'm outlawed by one or the other

3)
I'm in jail for life
and this is the only way I can stalk anyone

4)
I was hoping you'd reciprocate
and follow me too -
so why the hell don't you, hypocrite!?

5)
I'm your ****** boss in disguise
and I'm at this site keeping track
of how much office time you waste here,
you ****** loafer!

6)
I'm actually your wife
and I got a thing or two to say to you
about all those comments
you've written for the women here
Same old liar here and at home, aren't you?
Just wait till you get home...

7)
Well, I'm a ****** academic
who never gets creative
so I'm collecting all your poems
and I'll publish them in my name
and there'll be praise all round for me
as academic, and poet, and novelist too
(the novels I steal from my students)

8)
you scratch my back
I scratch yours

9)
Why do I follow you?* -
but aren't you my mum?
You never taught me
to let go of your apron strings

10)
actually, it was a mistake, see
I was on my smartphone and I went
tap, tap, tap
and my index finger fell on "Follow"
and I'm too darned lazy to set it right...
that's how I ended up following you


11)
My cult tells me
the Messiah is here at this site
so I just follow everyone
in case it happens to be you -
it is you, isn't it?

My wife’s given me 6 children
and all we’ve known is each other
so I can’t but help feeling a little
that she’s old, so I started calling her
“Mother of 6” instead
of using her name
So at parties and gatherings
I might say: “Alright, Mother of 6 -
time to go”
Or I might introduce her to new friends as
“This is Mother of 6”

But she obviously can’t take
my humour any more...
last night
as I called out to her
(at the dinner hosted by our neighbors)
when it was time to leave:
“Mother of 6, time to go” -
she retorted just as loud:
“OK, lead the way -
O Father of 4!”

O how I hate people
who can’t take
a joke…

Little Tony came running
to his Grandpa Billy:
"Grandpa, Grandpa
can you make sounds like a frog?"

And Grandpa Billy said:
"Well, Tony...I reckon I could make
frog sounds if I tried"

"Yes!" shouted Tony, radiating all eagerness
*"That's good. Now we can all
go to Disneyland, just as grandma said,
when you croak."