I love you.

I know you don't believe that I'm here with you now,
But I've been watching you since the day you were born.
Oh, I've been watching you sleep at night
And I've been doing my best to keep you alive.
I've been seeing all your dreams
And I know that you never dream of me,

But Arthur, that's okay!

I'm still standing here with my arms open, waiting for you to come my way!
I don't hate you my son!
I've loved you since the day I placed breath in your lungs!
Since the day that I planned your purpose and created each crease in your skin!
Since the day that I molded your shape and constructed your skeleton!
I've been in love with you since the day I thought of making you!
Since the day I thought of creating you!
I just want you to come home.

This world is depressing, my son,
And it will always leave you empty.
Your pain can only be taken away by my strength,
You can't do it with your own hands!
You don't need to create a sonnet of apologies to make it up to me,
You just have to let me embrace you!
You just have to let me carry you home!

If you're out there show your face!
How much longer will you hide from me!
If you're real can't you just show me?
Forgive me, it takes my eyes to believe...

If I had the guts I'd place a bullet through my head,
Because my purpose is to work until the day that I'm-
Dead
- And I never wanted to die.

Where are you, poets!
Where are you, great thinkers of our age!
The ground is the home to your bones,
And I think I'll be joining you soon!
Save room for me in the grass,
Don't spread your dust too wide
For me to find a place for mine.

-What reason is there to be
When I will be no more-

Your God is nothing but a figment of your creative imagination!
You're nothing but the art of planetary destination,
Destined to return to the dirt that you first were birthed.
Chance had its way with our molecular structure
When one small ball exploded me and you in an atomic conjuncture.
You and I have no God!

Excuse me, excuse me!
No winds or waves
Or night or day
Or time or space
Came from a God that you praise!
We were born to decay, then let our particles die
Until they fertilize and revitalize all the green grass that runs dry.
We were born for the advancement of technology!
We were born to work until someone finds the secret of immortality!

God?
Ha!
What a lonely life of living and loving some imaginary image of a God.
You waste your life with all your "do good" ways
When you could enjoy the pleasures that flaunt in your face!
Woe to you who sit and dream of some God who
Lives to tell you what to do
And cares nothing about me or you!
If God was alive than I have arrived at the conclusion that he's a menace!
He waits for my days to end just to send me to hell to pay my penance.

If your God exists and is so good, than why does he hate me?
Why does he exist to smite me from his sight.
If your God is so good, than why am I the target of his burning eyes!
Why am I the one who's losing life!
Why am I the one that has to die!
Why do I have to die!

I have pressed you so hard upon my head
That I don't think I could ever forget
Those pictures floating around like a group of haunting ghosts,
And when I shut my eyes tight I still hear them boast!

I died at the age of thirteen
When someone on MySpace sent me a link
To some page labeled "nudes here: all free",
And my heart, heavy weighted, proceeded to take a peek!
Oh I wish my eyes never got to see!
I wish I never had to know what is out in front of me!
I had gotten all that I'd wanted!
Little did I know that five years down the road I'd give anything to go back.

Sleep sweet!
That's what they tell me!
As if I never was guilty
Of looking at something so filthy!
Oh my eyes knew!
Oh my mind knew too!
The only thing pulling me closer was the desire
To feel that high and the get higher!
I never needed any spark to start my fire!
All I needed was a thought to get me inspired.

I just want to go back to when I still had any kind of innocence!
Before I knew exactly what ******* is!
I'm still trying my best to find some way to live.

My world!
My beautiful world!
Your mouths are endless fountains of profound shouts and
I have seen the things you breathe in man's hearts and
I've tried to tell my brothers that they're lies,
But we keep letting your voices in every time.

My world told me that poetry was supposed to be my only thing
And my only way of expressing my inner me.
It told me lies about who I was and how I should think.
It told me that I need to write like I bleed this ink.

My God!
I don't want anyone else to think that I'm still in love with me!
You are the only thing I want to see
And your hope has grounded me by your streams!
I'm in love with you and how you fill up my dreams!

I'm not an aching, brooding, bleeding, receding, deceiving
Deceasing, cheating, repeating voice with a black heart beating.
I am your son!
I don't know how you allow the dust of the earth
To be rebirth into your arms and claim you as a father!
My voice was always meant to be singing love songs to you.
Recently I've been dying to sing again.

I want you to know that
When I go that
I just wanted to hold my God's hand
And dance with him forever.

I want you to know that
When I go that
I honored my father with my lips
And used my fiery tongue to bless and encourage.

Silence-
Silence-
Whisper if you cannot hold it back-
Silence-
Trifling lies, rustle when that gate opens wide-
Winds blow as the windows stand agape-

My eyes drifting, floating-
Away-

Silence-
Peace to you who find it.
Don't let those voices hide it.
Don't let them drown inside it-
Don't let- those poems - awake-
Sleep-
Let it be-

Dear God...
It's been a long road of depression and weeping,
And I don't know how many tears I can keep seeing
Until those last pieces of my shattered heart
Crumble to my creeping floors!

These floors are mopped with salt!
I have shined these floors with the blood seeping from my eyes!
I can't take another person telling me that they've thought of suicide!
I've tried to sound like I've enjoyed all my pain!
But God you and I both know that I hate it!
I hate it so much God!
And I've been grieving for so long God!

My pen can only take so much black ink
Before it explodes in my pocket and ruins everything.
My mind can only take so many words
Before I've wept until my head hurts!
God I can only take so many stories
Before I myself have become their mourning!

My dear friends...
My heart breaks to know that you have thought about the end.
We were never created to hate ourselves so much that we shatter glass
And open up yellow bottles  to try and push our life back.

If you can't find another reason to live for, just live for me.
Because I still do nothing but scream
Until God hears everything!
I will not stop praying until I see you free!
Because you are still my family!
And I will fight
Until you see the light,
Because I know that you can still be alive!

Well I'm honestly not much different from you.
What makes my words more intellectual or imaginative than yours?
I guess I'm too selfish to admit
That I still don't know exactly what poetry is
Or how God intended it.
I like to think he created poems to show us his beauty
In all things, even the dark.
I guess I've done a bad job as a poet
If I am still in love with God, and no one knows it.

Correct me if you care,
But honestly who are you, and tell me, is it fair
For you to tell me
That you know the meaning of poetry?

I sit here and stare hard at the words that I've scribbled so forcefully
And the smears of the ink all over my hands.
What is the meaning of these meaningless struggles
To empty my mind of all these hateful words?
Maybe I just needed someone to blame
For all these years of anguish and frustration.

The grass is still growing,
It's cold in southern Florida,
Yet I'm still bitter.
The flowers are blooming again
And the whistle of the breeze
Is resounding throughout the hallways of my ear canals,
And the sweetest tune you could ever imagine
Is caressing all my aching muscles.
Yet still, I write things about how my life is in shambles.

If this could be the last poem I'd ever write,
I would praise God for allowing my last words to those reading
Be about how the figment of hatred that we've masked around our faces
Is nothing but wrapping paper with black paint
Covering that sweet gift of peace.
My last words to you are that I'm not wise,
I'm not as great as I think I am,
And I honestly am in love with this wonderful life God gave me,
And the peace he brings me everyday.

We are the stories of the dark and obscene!
"Hello I'm a poet, and I'm here with a dream!"
Well aren't we all just some conjured up mess of contortions!
We all want to be the super hero's for the lost and the orphans,
But we draw our endorphins from our pain, it's our portion,
And we'll publicly portray all our poorly painted portraits.

Dear writers,
I hear a lot about your cravings for emotion,
But not a lot of wisdom.
In fact, I hear a lot that that's all that you want back,
Because apparently it seems to me that you think emotion is what you don't have.

We all think we're great philosophers with great philosophical functions!
We all think that our words are more than our biased made assumptions!
Well let me be the first to say that poetry is for nothing.

You're not a poet until you go to bed at night dreaming you never wrote it!
Poetry! I wish I never got to know it!
It's the only thing still dragging me down to hell!
It's the only thing that keeps me locked in a rusty cell!
Dementia has become euphoric to me, and I still don't know why!
All I know is I've tried to **** my poetry, but it still will never die!

Dear Benny,
I know I left when you were just a small boy
As you watched my ship sail off the shore.
I know I left you and said that I loved you
And I kissed your head as you slept the night before,
But all I can recall is the sad look on your face
As I left without a trace!
I could've sworn I saw the frown in your cheeks
As I packed my bags to leave!
Son, I dream of the days when my apologies would mean something
And you could find the heart to forget someone who never had one!

Well son, your daddy was a pirate!
I left long ago so I could find some island
That we all believed to be out there!
But son I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere!
It's the thoughts of what you look like now,
How you've grown and how your little voice sounds,
That haunt my deepest thoughts and my deepest sorrows!
I just want to hold you in my arms tomorrow!

Oh these waves just rock my heart in circles
Like I used to lull you to sleep as the sun sets!
I wish I never left!
I wish I never left!
My heart's still stained with all my regret!
Just remember that when you grow old and start your life
To never live it the way I lived mine!

I heard you're quite the sailor, son,
And I hear you smile just like your mother.
I hear that mom found another man,
And now you have another brother.
Why won't these chests of gold and bottles of ***
Fill this gaping hole inside my black heart!
All I have left is the bitter taste!
All I have left is the bitter taste!
Alcohol makes it all seem great,
But, Benny, it's brought me to these final days!
Find yourself a wife and kiss your son goodnight!
Because sometimes I dream of the days when I'll die!
And to be honest it's starting to feel good.

Dear Poets,
We are a wondering bunch of know it-
All's.
We breathe words and phrases
From our upright noses.
No one composes
A song that shows us
Or proposes
That we change the things we've chosen!
We love they way we live,
And we love the blood that pours from our fingertips
On to white paper.

What a hypocritical bunch are we,
Writing about death and life
As if we knew the answers to everything.

Years go by and it's hard for you to see
The fall leaves that danced with us by the trees.
Do you remember me?
Do you remember me?
You say bye and that it's hard for you to leave
This place in time where its only you and me.
Do you remember me?
Do you remember me?
Because I remember some promise
That we made and we said we were honest,
And that we never would find ourselves so far away from each other.
And we would never forget to help when it was hard and we began to suffer.

I still remember the day of our first encounter.
I was spending time trying to fool myself
That I was still as cool as everyone else,
As I asked for loose change to get some food from the counter.
I guess even though you were far away
I knew that I wanted to know your name.
So one day I walked back far enough to catch up with you
And even if you didn't know, I think I fell in love with you.

I guess you could say it was love at first sight!
But no one seems to remember; no one but I!
I didn't care what they said about you,
Because I saw how beautiful you really were!
Before you grew up and people said you were pretty,
My heart fell in love with you.

But the years go by and I still remember that promise!
That promise that never seems to bring anything but conflict!

Oh dear, I know we don't speak.
No, we barely even begin to think
Of the days that we used to have.

Oh dear I know that we don't even try anymore!
But I still miss hearing you!
I miss sharing those memories together!
Even if last time was the last I would see you forever!

I don't know why when I haven't thought of you in months,
I find myself missing all those days that we spent in the rain.




Dear home,
You were never perfect.
I never found pleasure within my doors.
I was either surrounded by fights,
Or a divorced husband and wife.
I've never really been fine
In this dull house of mine.
I looked and looked but I couldn't find
Any place! Anywhere I could hide!
Dear family!
Do you think of me!
I love you all so dearly!
I miss those days when
I came down your pavement!
Can you say it!
Can you just say it!
Can you just tell me once more that you love me...




I've loved you for nine years,
And I don't think you've loved me for one
And I don't think you've loved anyone.
I want to be done.
I can't wait another nine years
To wait just to hear
That even though I've loved everything about you,
You want a life that has me left without you.
Dear, you've never seen that I actually cared.
Dear, you've never seen who I am.



I miss my memories!
I cling hard to these
Days that I repeat
Just as I fall asleep!
Dear Lord!
Help me!
I can't believe!
That all dreams
Die and bleed!



Last night I had a dream
That you ran out of reason to believe!
You were pregnant at eighteen
And you said this is alright to me!
You left for someone you never loved!
You left for someone you never knew!
Oh being far from home has made us all so broken!
We can't think in the state of having choices to be chosen!
We make the wrong mistake over and over
Until we're left with a life with no cover.
Oh I wish this life was just a dream
Where I can close my eyes and change everything!
I'll close my eyes until I'm blind and my eyes can't see!
Because this world has never been the way it should be!
You told me that God wasn't real!
What happened to those twelve years of love, what's the deal!
What's the appeal!
Why do you state something that you don't really feel!




My mind is a wandering machine
Reminding me of things I never need.
It keeps repeating patterns useless to repeat.
It keeps carrying notes on until it loses it's beat.
It's a pulsing soar between my teeth.
Sometimes I wish it would just fall out and die on some street,
Forgotten between the cracks on concrete.
Leaving me behind is something I need so desperately.

I've spent so many years trying to figure it all out.
I've tried to make sense of what my life is now.
All I ever wanted was an answer to any of the shouts I screamed at night
As I laid down and wondered why it all has come to this.
All I ever wanted in this dessert dry life
Was to get up and dance  before life was more than simple bliss.

I've tried everything from wrong to right
But nothing calms the pain that seems to be
An everlasting chain around my throat!
I battle with the consequences
Of leaving life to second guesses!
I battle with the consequences
Of leaving it to their rusting wrenches!
I leave my life in their hands
And I plead to their demands
As I watch them take what they can
And leave me as the only one that stands.
Take me back before I left
All my life in their foul breath
And started to believe in them,
Because all they are, are diggers in deep depths!



Oh October had a noose so I thought I'd take a swing
And ride on it's long drop and sail on it's wings.
Oh it gave me such a rush until my head fell free.
Oh we think life's so good, and then we all bleed.
Oh October had a noose so I thought I'd have this dance
and I thought I'd take it's hand and begin this romance.
Oh it gave me such a rush until my head fell free.
I never knew I'd be missing such a big part of me!
Oh October had a noose so I thought I'd give it a try!
I thought I'd go ahead and give up on all my life!
Well it felt so good at first
Until it left me in a hearse!
I thought I'd give it's noose a go,
But it left so fast that death's all I know!

I miss you
and the ship that sank that night
I miss your lips
and the moon that shined so bright
I miss your eyes
and the way you held me tight
I miss you
and the ship that sank that night

I saw it coming
It was going down
but I refused to except it
while you twirled me around

We danced that night
under the stars
you kissed my heart
where others left scars

You waltzed me to the edge
with your gentle words
as you said
hold your breath

I miss you
and the ship that sank that night



Well I used to be a captain of my heart
Until the waves came crashing in and tore my ship apart.
It's the subtle waves that cause me to shiver nowadays
As I try to float on by, clinging tightly to stray wooden planks.
I'm drowning under the thickness of salt!
I'm parched of my joy and it's getting harder to call!
We all drown in these ships that we sailed with pride!
While one heart lives, another one dies!

Dear shore,
I've missed your green grass for some time now.
I always wanted to sail out to sea,
But maybe it would've been better if I never had to leave.