I can try my hardest
but it'll never be
it's time to accept
that this is me.

I'll never be the girl with perfect makeup and hair
who's tiny and cute
and fun to snuggle
I'll never have a flat tummy
with a sweet smile
and sparkling eyes.
My slender face and figure
won't occupy your mind.

I'm not a party girl
no drugs or drink for me,
a good book
and quiet movie
are all I really need.

My laugh isn't girly and cute
my clothes are less than flattering.
I'm awkward in public
and even alone.
disorders prevent me
from doing what you could.
I'm not fun to hang out with
and I'm scared of everything.
My interests are abstract
and my mannerisms embarrassing.
I'm the girl no one talks to
or invites places.
and you have to look quite hard
because it seems I'm not even here.

But I will tell you this.
I'll love you with all my being
and trust my life in yours
I'm insecure
but I'll never take you for granted.
Never speak a word behind your back
be honest and kind-
and some nights I'll cry
because I'll always believe
that you deserve better than this.
better than Fish.

I'm not rare
not special.
not pretty or funny or clever.
I'm really nothing at all.
But I'll always be here.
no matter what you do
I'll sacrifice life and limb
charge a raging battle
do most anything it requires
if I can bring happiness to you.

Last night his eyes asked me
How it feels in here, inside me
I bit my lip, how do I answer,
The same way he has asked?
Sending silent waves through
this darkness?

Light scares me away
So I rest in his custody all day
While his palms lightly cover
my eyes as he closes his
Maybe that is why
Even orange days seem like blue nights

And when the true night falls,
Even the early dusk is a cold black midnight.
I've never felt cold when he holds me.

He pressed a pillow against her face

to put her in her place.

His tongue snapped scars

while she looked at the stars

and broke bones

with a bat when he was out of stones.

large rough hands on a tiny neck

leaving her locked on the deck.

He commanded her to love him

or he'd break a limb.

she always lied

or never replied,

it was all too much a bother,

rather, it was all too much a father.

Skin pale as white roses
laid upon a sleeping corpse.

Eyes of the sky
and an unknown part of the universe,
forcing one to get lost in thought-
lost in their depth and memories.

Lips, oh snow white
a thousand expressions in every twitch

So frail,
the wind teases the thought of pulling you away
-which it could-
but it lets you stay so we can see your beauty.

In the mirror
what do you see
a goddess unlike me
or anyone, really.

Light steps through the halls
small tight frame striking and bold
a smile so sweet and so genuine
and raven hair that floats like silk.

You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.
Better than any magazine.
You haunt my dreams
and tantalize my days-
truly,
there is no one more beautiful than you.

Oh you pretty young thing
you skinny darling
sit right down here
back straight
chest forward
smile big
and you eat that plate,
appetizer
four course meal
and desert
don't you worry skinny-Minnie
nobody's going to bat an eye.

Hold up-
wait right there fat-Phara
don't you touch a thing!
stand back against the wall
away from the table away from the food.
we know how you try
you lumpy woman you,
don't you eat
that appetizer
four course meal
and desert
because all the skinny-Minies
and all the fat-Pharas
will be watching you
judging you
disgusted by your intake.

Don't tell me it's genetics
this world doesn't run on logic
you're lazy Phara,
so you stand against the wall
and judge the other Pharas
and smile at the Minies
because that's how things should be.


I know you want to eat that meal
the same as them,
but if you work hard
keep standing
maybe one day
you'll sit down without breaking the chair,
here,
take a mint,
it'll hold you over till tomorrow.