Here I lay, trapped in dismay, the waters rising, I've lost my way, you've run from me, I knew you'd flee, I wish you'd seen the good in me.

I know I am broken, the cracks I can see, I should've tried harder to be who you need, that person is gone, a life lost at sea, you know who I am now, you know the true me, you must understand that this love cannot be, for i am the demon and the demon is me.

Red dressed man,
This hill's ours.
Go home.
Be with your family,
We'll send our regards.



-b-

Retrograde.

There it goes,
out the park!!!

Look mom a ball,
Can I keep it?

With the first overall pick in the draft
The crowd roars.

This just breaking
"What ****"

My client...
Freeze.

You don't have to pulse faster
Anytime someone smiles at you
And it's a real, true smile
The kind that makes eyes shine
And noses crinkle

You don't have to pour your soul
Over to everyone who gives you
A second of their attention
A conversational transgression
You let yourself go too much
With even a simple "How are you?"

You don't have to love every man
Because one didn't or couldn't, you
Your body is not a playground
Meant for everyone else's enjoyment
Their fingers pawing at your ribcage
Like monkey bar rungs, from one
To the next, to the next, to the next
And back again

Not every sweet word should send
You swooning into a careless daydream
Where you forget who's waiting for you at home.
At home,
At home, a man who would never cheat you
Out of an ounce of love even if he wanted to
Because hurting you is the last thing
On his ******* agenda
And you've had this penciled into yours since
The first time he placed his lips
Against your forehead and told you he loved you
A man, who would have given anything
Just to hear your laugh fill a room
Or see you every morning from across
The blankets and pillows
And still find you ever just as beautiful
As the first time he slept next to you.
Who brings you peppermint tea
When he knows you're stressed, and it helps
Calm the quiver in your stomach
From all the anxiety you cause for yourself

You're a mess maker, heartbreaker

One time he told you that love is a garden
That you have to choose to tend it
Or let it be overgrown with problems
And you were too stupid to understand
What it meant, until you realized you were
Planting seeds in someone else's.

I have a dream
My head has turned to cream

What happened to myself
I think my brain has turned to mush

I used to be normal
But I am in turmoil

They tell me to look back
But when I do I get smacked

Why is this ghost haunting me
Ghosts run like blood through my veins

They say don't believe in ghosts
I see shadows that reminds me of a host

The host is taking over my body
When will I be destroyed because of that hot toddy

They say normal
Why so hormonal

I hate that lunatic
Going to blow up like a tick

Are you going to **** yourself, they ask
No Stan I don't have a plan for I wear a mask
Masks are comfortable to me
Because no one knows the pain I see

This crazy s--t must end
Before I yell you win

Every day I wake up at 3:05
That's when the crazies begin