I was born in a rose field-
taught that the world was made of thorns,
and to live was to pierce the soles of my feet.

so I remove my shoes and dig my toes into the ground-
I’d rather scar than be sheltered

I was raised in a wildfire-
taught that words were made of flames,
and to speak was to blister the buds of my tongue

so I coat my throat with gasoline and swallow down a match-
I’d rather burn than be silent

I feel butterflies when he walks into the room
Lightning smiles, ******* kiss, contagious confidence
His hard head and his restraint, I took for strength
And I found warmth where he touched
And it was nice to let someone else drive for once.

I feel butterflies as soon as he walks in
Verbal daggers, fierce defense, "well, so he's passionate"
My mistakes, he said he'd take with grace
But he took some warmth away
And it's worth the sacrifice to stay by his side
Because it's easier to let him drive.

I feel butterflies when he walks into the room
Phantom wings, glass to feet, maybe I don't know
My own fault, he said I'm being crazy
Maybe I'm ridiculous
But even though he gets rough
I only feel warmth where he touched
And I don't think I remember how to drive

I feel nothing when he walks into the room
Dusty squares, empty walls, open closet shelves barren
My absence, he never saw it coming
I spent decades afraid of losing all his weight
And I had nothing left
So I took the car for a drive

you don't exist when
my eyes are open
you don't exist when
my blood's not poisoned
when my soul's at peace
when my gut is full
and when I'm in company

So you exist most of the time
dear muse

Sometimes, the words don’t come.

The consistent stream of consciousness, ceases.

I am left with nothing to say.

There is a beauty in the broken mind.

Like an abandoned building taken by nature.

It is not that my mind does not work.

It is that it works too fast,

And I am left behind,

Scrabbling in the dust,

Desperately seeking a connection,

In the discarded fragments of thought.

I am fighting a losing battle.

I fear the white flag will soon arise.

And signal the end.

Hello darkness. Dear old friend.
Sorry it's been such a long time.
I feel like we should catch up, how have you been?
In a bitter sweet way it feels great to feel and see you again.
Its quite odd actually.
The thing is I found love but it told me to get back.  
I apologize she pushed me away from you. Feeling the light again and the wholeness in my heart pushed me away.
It made me numb and shot my body down.  For some reason I just didn't feel alive though even with all the sweetness.
When the wind would blow on my face I felt nothing. Smelling the earths surroundings, soaking in its beautiful water bed, felt plain and blank.
No taste.
She took me away from you and now I'm here to make up for time lost dear old friend.
Now that you are back into my soul and that my heart is a deep abyss I now ironically feel so much more alive.
I live off this pain and use it as my tool make my art. My paint stain on a canvas of lies. My beautiful disaster of lines that I write as we speak, all came from you.
Its good to have you back buddy.
Its good to feel something again.
I promise to stay this time.