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Instead of dragging knives across my skin
expressing self hatred or anguish,
I take small breaths of cigarettes.
It's liberating.
The minutes I can choose to take from my life.

I want to die young.
 Feb 2017 Jared Eli
Elizabeth Ann
Ambien is a drug
A pill which makes you sleep
And all I can say
Is that it's very reassuring
That I will sleep tonight
Even if it means
That I cannot dream
Because who needs night dreams
When you have day thoughts
Like mine
 Feb 2017 Jared Eli
Elizabeth Ann
"Your eyes look empty"
I thought to myself

I know the look well
I've worn it myself
 Feb 2017 Jared Eli
Elizabeth Ann
Memories of orange afternoon sun
Burning gold rays into mist
Such a sight of beauty beheld
Guns and bombs are hardly missed

There is such a gas that burns the lungs
My ears heard months before
But my body believed not in such hate
Before the burns of war

The roar of engines soared from above
A cry of warning before the storm
I had hardly a moment to breathe
The walls of my trench move, deform

Never before has my imagination torn
The edges of evils like these
And never before could I imagine death
Be carried on such a breeze

The moment I saw the hazy air
I jumped to my feet in shock
And out I surged from my home of mud
Choking, I could not walk

A man knows not panic
Until he cannot breathe
As a man cannot know war
Until bullets he lays underneath

To this day I remain unsure
If it was tears of poison or pain I wept
But I laid and watched my men retreat
In the moments before I slept

Memories of orange afternoon sun
Burning gold rays into mist
Such a sight of beauty beheld
Guns and bombs are hardly missed
The first battle of WWI where the Germans used poison gas successfully in mass against the French. Chlorine gas had been used unsuccessfully once three months prior. This poem is written from a French soldier's point of view.
I'm never one thing
Constantly moving
Constantly changing

Constantly high
That's the only stable thing

I'm going to be twenty in a month
And I don't think I can make it much longer

This isn't so much of a poem
It's more of a ramble
Of my thoughts
That I can't say out loud
Because no one is listening

Lately the universe has been
Making me feel insignificant
And fragil
And idiotic
And all around depressed

I mean nothing
I am nothing
We all mean nothing

If we were to all die
Go extinct
The sun would still eventually die
New galaxies will be born
And I'm sure there is other life
Just waiting to destroy their homes
And taint their waters
And **** their vegetation

Nothing matters
At least not in my life time

Guess that's all I've got to say
You never said thank you
But I was still there
You never said sorry
And at first I didn't care

I just cared for you
And your emotions and your life
Your strife and the weight of
Self torture you carried in your
Forearms and thighs, stomach and chest

I knew I could save you
I knew I could help you rest
Even if only for a moment
I could kiss your scars
Lick your wounds clean

And at that time I didn't
Understand
That people can be mean
To those they love

So on we went
While I tried desperately to pull you
Onto level ground
With misguided intent

You fought my help
Thrashing through life
Like a wounded animal
Scurrying from every booming sound

After your blind rampage you let me go
I was afraid I would never feel whole
But you made me realize
I was only trying to fix what was
So twisted and cracked in my own soul

You and I are similar
But not the same
Both trapped inside screaming
Punished by our own brains

The difference between you and I
Is you only understand sympathy
You mind can't grasp the concept
Of another's reality
You lack empathy

So I'm not going to get
Down on my hands and knees
And say "pretty please"
And apologize just because
You're too much of a coward
To admit when you've down wrong

I will not say sorry for existing
I will not apologize for having feelings
I will not beg for your attention
Even though the silence is chilling
I have decided to respect myself

By letting you go
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