14 years ago?
I was getting
off the bus walking
up the stairs
thinking something
was off
all day.
The low voices
The lower eyes
I was getting off that yellow bus
walking up those stained stairs
as an anxious new brother
Her feet were in the air giggling.
My mother said
(almost from the other room)
"Something has happened."
I went to make a joke
and then saw the television.
I thought it was a joke.
I wondered why.
Now I wonder how
one act of evil justified another
and another and another and another
And when
it will end.

What's the right way to say I'm emotionally unavailable.
You can't have them because they only swim in my ink.
Like a flurry of scribbled words on the back of my napkin.
All the love and pain right there.
"I need you back".

There is a realization to be had when you come to miss the feeling more than the person. When it was never about the person to begin with.

If it wasn't the person... How do I find it again?

I always fell in love too hard too fast.
I guess I let it flood out and now I've got no reserves.

I can't even force it long enough to imagine you next to me. "I don't love you."

Will I even recognize it when Its at my doorstep again.

You always hear of those people who say they are broken and think, how could you be? It's not until you find the shattered peieces hiding behind the door that you see how it really is.

I wish there was a human handbook to repair a heart. DIY heart repair.

I seem to win hearts.. But all I end up doing is resending the prize.

Don't stop tying right? I wonder how many battle fields I'll wander today...

But, darling, no one is understanding this.
My abilities are flowers and you're picking off all the petals
before I even have time to grow more.
My brain is a garden that I can only water when I'm alone,
so please understand that I will wilt and dry out when exposed
to too much social interaction for too long of a time.
I need time to recuperate, to grow, to freshen up.
Because a flower is no fun when it's wilted, and all the petals are gone.


(d.d.b)

From the ashes I have risen
Like a Phoenix I have flown
I rise past the oceans and mountains
Up beyond the clouds and the stars
Follow the second light to the right
And straight to my memories I go
Back to the sun shining bright
The creek humming sweetly
With shadows dancing across your face

You almost hid our impending doom
Even now I can't help but find you beautiful
I watch as you grab her small hands
And just like a strange sort of deja vu
You pick up the pieces of us
And toss them at her feet

Your words are still cruel
I shudder at the thought
With a slight pang in my chest
That's the thing about scars
They never truly fade

But something is different
Almost out of place
I just don't seem to recognize
The girl with her hands to her face

Erupting from inside of her
Is words I can hardly make out
With shoulders heaving with heavy sobs
Please stay

Now I feel stoic
No longer do hot tears adorn my cheeks
And as you turn your back to me
My shoulders do not quiver
And my hands lay calmly at my side
For it is such an odd thing
To look upon the person you used to be

As I let escape
One last little sigh
I spread my wings high
And with my gaze forward
I never looked back