Before I even started writing
I knew I wouldn't want to share it with you
Because it's about you
Or really, directed at you.

I probably won't share it with you for a while
I  don't want you to feel any pressure
From my emotions
From my needs.

I'm a little upset
Well maybe 'upset' isn't  the word
But I'm bothered
And I keep thinking about it, and have been all day.

You wouldn't tell me if something was wrong?
Really?
Why?
I don't understand.

But I guess I slightly understand
Trust has to be earned..
You make it seem so easy
To not tell me things.

Like it doesn't bother you at all.
You answered quick to my question
As if you had been hiding all ready
Because you knew the answer, before thinking about it.

I guess I'm just wondering
When you're going to open up
But I'll give you space, I'll give you time
Because that's who I am.

And I'm sure I should just stop expecting
You to tell me things
When I suppose it's something normal for you
To hide away, behind your walls.

I get it
You probably think I don't, but I do
I know what it's like to hide
I do it all the time.

I know what it's like not to trust
Or trust the one you love
With your secrets
With your pains and your scars.

But I'm all right with that
It's not gonna stop me from loving you
It's not gonna stop me from telling you how I feel
Or telling you my secrets.

Cause maybe you have to figure me out
Before you can trust me with all those things you don't tell me, or anyone
Maybe that isn't the case
But I can tell myself that, and it'll make it understandable.

I know I can say all these things
But you won't open up
You'll have to do it on your own time
And I get that, I do.

I guess I just wish you could talk to me
And maybe that's a bit of a jump
Because you do talk to me
But I guess I just wish you'd tell me those things you don't tell anyone else.
That you'd tell me your deepest secrets
And let me past the surface.

Everyone can wish, but most don't receive.

Just let me cry for a little while
Let me be something of glum
Sometimes I feel this pain
And I just have to let it out.

Most don't understand it
But I don't expect them to
Even though I want them to
But all that matters is you.

And even though I feel so down
I let you come around
And letting you come around
Allows me to get back up.

But spending time in this hole
That I've dug all on my own
Guides me to deciding
What it is that I'm about.

Cause I have all these things
That I wanna be, I wanna do
That I think I am
But really all that's there is blue.

And the blue is like the sky
But the blue is also like the ocean
As well as like the sadness
And like the tears that I cry.

So many shades of blue
So many, so many!
But it's time for a new hue
Just a change of color would be nice.

It's gonna take everything I have
And everything I am
And everything that I could be
To get there.

But when I'm there
It's gonna be good
It'll be fantastic
And no one will be able to stop me then.

So I've just gotta get there
And get out of this hole
But like I said:
I've gotta be in this hole to figure it all out.

But I'll figure it all out
You'll see.

My mom didn't warn me about guys like you
In fact I don't think she knew
That any of you existed
Anymore.

But I don't think she has anything to be afraid of
No I don't think she would have warned me
I think she would have encouraged me
All along the way.

But here we are
We're holding each other close
And I'm whispering to you
That I love you.

When you whisper it back
I feel this something in my heart
Flesh out and resonate
Towards you.

I just wanna trap you
That sounds a little weird, I know
But I wanna trap you
In my arms forever.

Or maybe I'll just take you by the hand
And go out on the dance floor
Cause you know I can't do it without you
And if I hadn't  said yes, you would have dragged me.

I would have kicked and screamed
The whole way
But would that really get us anywhere?
Would that really make it any easier?

But I told you I wasn't easy
Like when I told you I wouldn't let you have me
The first night
That one night
The night I kissed you
For the first time.

And I'm sure you've noticed
That nothing is easy with me
I'm quite the cookie to crack
Cause instead of cracking I might crumble.

Into a million little pieces
Then what would you do?

I don't know what I'd do
Cause in the pieces I'd lose my brain
My mind would up and run away
And my body would be lifeless.

But it's okay
Everyone makes mistakes sometimes
And if I crumble instead of cracking
You better put me back together
Because I spent all these ******* years
Actually I believe it was my whole life
--Being broken
And I'm not about to give up all those years (my whole **** life)
Willingly, or easily.

And like I said
I'm not easy
And I never will be
But I guess that makes things interesting.
Doesn't it?

What it really comes down to
Is that I have no guts
I lack the appropriate courage
From being crushed.

I fear the chance of failure
And it really holds me back
It's a pretty bad habit
One I can't seem to knack.

Maybe I don't really want to
It's actually really hard
I'm always afraid of the jump
Or asking for another card.

Taking the leap of faith
Isn't something I've ever done
And whenever I do something new
I grit my teeth, and want to run.

I don't know what my problem is
Or if it's a problem at all
But It's something I need to conquer
A climb over another wall.

A little piece of me
That I'm trying to decipher
It's something I've been working on
Something that doesn't bring me higher.

It brings me lower
I've figured this out
So now I've got to get passed it
And overcome the doubt.

And maybe one day
Some time soon
I'll have the courage
To try something new.

Try all the things
I've always wanted to do
Dance like no one is watching
And sing like I ought to.

But that time won't come easily
And it won't come very fast
Hopefully I can defeat this
And put it in my past.

Behind me. I want this behind me.

"We fit together so nicely,"
You said
And I completely agree
Something so right, so meant to be.

It starts with a sweat
And a intense wash of cold
In reaction to the heat
On the inside of me.

A shiver-- or two
Quaking my form
And there you are
Between my thighs.

I'm holding my breath
Or I'm breathing heavy
And I'm biting my lip
Cause it feels so nice.

We fit together like puzzle pieces
Rocking and stretching our limbs
Colliding in a moment
Of a rising ******.

Then it comes quick
Only a split second to think
To realize what is really happening
Just long enough to react.

Starting with a flicker
Of a fiery sensation
Between my legs
And it spreads, like a wildfire

It pops
Explodes
And I feel it everywhere
A release.

My muscles ****
And it's like I'm trying to escape from my own skin
My jaw clenches
Then goes slack.

My eyes roll
My mind a kaleidoscope of thoughts
There's no sense of control
Just waves of reactions upon reactions.

A thousand different tickles
Down my thighs and to my toes
Like the sensation of warm water
When you're bitterly cold.

After the initial shake of the explosion
My mind is useless
And I have to put myself back in my body
Because for a moment I was free.

The tension is gone
Every part of me is loose
And everything is sensitive and temperamental
Like a candles flame.

For a moment there's nothing
Nothing but my body
No mind
No thoughts
No silly people things

Just the raw
The primal
The true being I am
And I see you..

You're between my thighs
Starstruck by the moment
Marveling at my body
As it rolls into yours.

I'm ****** back into the act
Like a magnet to it's kind
And you're so ******* beautiful
And you're all mine
And here, right now
We're one.

My body is powerless to you
And yours is powerless to me
We don't speak
We simply feel
And that's a closeness most don't achieve.

A bond
Like no other
Body
And mind.

"We fit together so nicely,"
You said
And I completely agree
Something so right, so meant to be.

I think about you all the time
All through out the day
Anytime I'm not with you
And even when we're together.

You're always on my mind
It doesn't matter what I'm thinking about
You're always there
In the background of my thoughts.

I can't get you out of my head
I just keep thinking about you
Anything that has to do with you
And everything you are.

Do you grasp,
How attached to you I am?
How important you are to me?
Or how I've made this special place in my heart, for you?

I wanna be with you
All the time
I wanna touch you
All the time.

You don't need to be protected
I know
But I'll be here
Shielding you from harm.

Even as you may get hurt
Or broken
I'll bandage you up, carefully
And love you  still.

Wrap my arms around you
And let you feel my heart
It beats for you
Only you.

And this might be startling
I'm kind of put off myself
But I love you, so much
That it's a part of everything I am.
And everything I will be.
Like a web: it's all connected.

So take me as I am
Just take me!
I don't want anyone else to have me
But you.

I'm hard to understand, I know
It's never been easy for anyone
I'm hard to talk to, I know
Sometimes I can't even talk to myself.

The moment I think I've got myself figured out
You dig up something else
Something I didn't know about
Something hard to grasp.

But it's good, it's great
I'm learning new things
New character traits
About me.

And I'm a metamorphosis
Before your eyes
But it's  a constant rolling wave
So you understand.

At least I hope you understand
And I'm really trying to make it easy
As easy as I can make it
Which really isn't easy at all.

But I'm sure you'll figure it out
In due time
Cause I'm really not that complicated
You just have to learn my rhyme.

Cause you can know all the words in my box
But not know the order
And if you don't know the order
How can you really figure me out?

And you can know all the words in my box
But not be able to spell a single one
And if you can't spell them
How can you really spell me out?

But this is so new, so fresh
I'm not really all that worried
In fact I won't be surprised
If you never get the words straight.
If you never get the spelling correct.

And it might be exciting
Keep things alive
And probably a little frustrating
Over time.

But it'll be okay if you never figure me out
You won't get bored, I promise
I'm the only one that's got me even a little figured out
And still I mostly don't make sense.

But it's not about making sense, is it?
It's more like just a feeling
Who really needs words in this universe,
When we have our bodies to speak with?

Cause even when I know you're confused
Or even when I've confused myself
I hold you close
Take a deep, deep, breath
And let my body do all the talking.

If you ever figure me out
You'll have to tell me your secret
Cause I'm still confused
About myself.