If I only spoke to you
You would think of me as a genius
You'd have no idea
Where my terrible thoughts originate

Or if I spoke in riddles
That you could mold in your head
Transforming them into new feelings
Things you already know

Maybe that is what I do
When I cheat your mind
I use you like a psychic
Preying on vulnerability

A medium for the subconscious
Twisting vague words
Which only work
If you believe them

Do you really think you'll never change?

Your heart will never be the same
Do you really think you're the one to blame?

You're seeing changes every day
Feeling things that you can't explain

Do you really think it's ok
To think your whole life away?

Do you think there's nothing more than now
Nothing left to learn?

But what do you know?
And what else can I say?
You know you just have to go
You have to find your own way

So you're probably feeling
The same things as me
You probably want to run
You probably want to hide

You probably never thought
You'd ever be
Who you are
Who you've become
Now this tension runs your life
You've been caught

And yes, it's going to be hard

But Never
B e l i e v e
Or think
You Are Alone

You aren't
And you never will be
I'll be here
And we'll get through this
Together

I was hiding behind my sunglasses
On the pier that day as chatter filled the air
I saw smiles in the bustling crowds of a species I hated
There were stares from every side
As people spoke behind my back
I couldn't breath, they had cornered me

Tears ran down eyes where no one could see
Blood ran down my throat from bitten lips
And did you know I was too afraid to hug Nan?
Beacause I was afraid of what people would think
I was afraid of how I looked
And I think every day of how I'll never see her again
And how that was the worst thing
I've ever done

Usually, waking up is
Like trying to crawl through
Razor wire while every
Bone in your body is screaming
At you to take a breather,
Because no matter what you do,
You will not be on time,
Ready to survive another day-
In five minutes.

I'm not sure if you understand
What it is like to have every
Single neuron in your brain
Speaking so loud you would think
You were at a show standing
In front of the speakers.

Living with depression and anxiety
Is difficult, my lack of motivation
Is only ******* by my fear
Of letting you down.
I am sorry that I can't
Show up smiling
Every morning.

I'm tired.

Everyone writing
Now who is there left to read
No one understands

I sat with my hands
On this awkward holly leaf
Forcing its yellow-green spikes to pierce flesh

Passing my fingers
Over the points so pretend real
Peeling off each limb one by one to make it ordinary

Reading the tombstones
All lined up in morgue fashion
Imagining those souls who were one day transformed

Into stone-carved letters
Names and dates and flowers
Slowly lessening visits from moved-on people

Who try not to think
Of their own temporary selves
As ticking timebombs testing every limit until one day

I walk diagonal
Accross the road to the redness
That catches my eye filling my head with metaphors

Those church wine petals
Scent as sweet as the Eucharist
Having been inside for so long I am drunk on the sight

I am born again
Brushing against plants for contact
Suddenly noticing the life energy contained within them

You can take all the right turns
You'll end up where you started

10 degrees west, swiftly falling south
Things go downhill

You become the things you longed to be
Create the truths you're dying to find

Always looking forward
Leaving more of yourself behind

Go ahead and write all the right things
And remain a non-entity to me

The darkness like a thick mist surrounds us
Until we choose to forget

We wallow in involuntary  thoughts
Of the things we choose to regret

The bets we decide to take
Say that's how it's going to be, and go

I was blind but now I know
I will never see