Sighted lost
A splintering boat
Upon a storm
The rain ran
Relentlessly
On black waves
As meteor stars flashed above
This vessel
Struggled

The Sun's light
Pours
Over squinting eyes
Like honey
Shining crows caw
With the tree's leaves chuckling
At something unfunny

I decay inside
With my honesty in my head
I have become rotten

A spectre of nothing seen fleeting
Running like the mist
Beyond the light
Followed vainly
In a dream
Like midnight
In the darkness
Not alive

Flicking through photos online
Of nights out I wish I were invited to
The cameras flash and all turn and look

Putting on their best smile
All dressed up for this social competition
Faces under make-up almost beyond recognition

I am jealous
Oh look, there is my best friend
Who never seems to talk to me
Who never sleeps alone

Who feeds me advice
From websites he thinks
I haven't already read

Yes I know what Dr. Whatshisface said
Yes I know it will pass
Yes I know that it's all in my ******* head

And I may be bitter and lonely and angry
I may be often inclined to whine and to moan
But what sane person enjoying their own time
Needs so many ******* pictures to prove it?

Oh look there is everyone I ever loved
Oh look there is everyone who never cared
Far away on the other side of the country
Not wanting to know me

Their smiles taunt
The arm around the shoulder
The fake friendly satisfaction (I hope)
The vainly sought interaction

I am jealous
And I realise
How tedious are their ordeals

Their false social conventions
I hate every single one of these
Disgusting self satisfied short sighted

Pretentious people
But I will always long insatiably
For their attention

The cold is as sudden as a memory
Of something once forgotten
When the tide decides to drown
My aimlessly drifting self
I'll watch the blue light sift through in rays
For as far as can be seen
From the bottom of this tranquil sea

My teeth fire like machine guns
Rattling in my mouth two rows have begun
To battle, these goosebumped limbs will not behave
As they should do
Droplets of debris frantically scatter
My body an earthquake
My mind overcome by the waves

Until I have collapsed
Upon the burning sand
And I am glad I could not stand
I lay motionless upon the palm of God
A soft fire surrounding my very being
Like a warm blanket upon a winter's evening
The Sun's love massages my naked back
Like a helping hand
My only friend

I have lived many years
As a mouse
Many years I have lived

In this house of umber
I have kept
Asleep I have slept
Gazing
Watching

Clouds floating
The vibrant trees
Their descendants

Through my many windowed
Walls of slatted wood
In Summer breeze
I have gazed

For your eyes
I have slaved
For your feathered face

Excuse me
I don't have to
Love you
Or anybody

Maybe they told you
But you don't deserve
My forgiveness
You *******
I'm sorry

I owe you nothing
My love that you shrugged
Is no longer in stock

But my hate
That's another story
Endless
But never enough
To heal
My broken heart

I am lying
Below this tree
On my back with the bats
I see it rising like a mushroom cloud
Bellowing upwards to cover me
Glowing in the moonlight; moonlit
A river flows beside it

While tufts of grass reach
Over its banks
Like peasants at golden gates
With arms outreached
Pleading
To satisfy their thirst
In the stream of life
Unaware of the soft dew
Upon them

In the dark
The solitary streetlight
Reflects upon the water
Under
The blackout skies
A horde of medieval torches
Dances
Like dragonflies
Like fairies in little ships
Their ceremony
Continues

I wondered why the birds sang so late
On this gloomy Summer's evening
It was like a dream
A lesson I had not yet learned
Were they calling out
For the Sun's sweet return?
Do they not know their efforts were in vain
That the passage of time is as inevitable
As the falling of the rain

On the thin film of my umbrella
The pattering continued
In an irregular beat
Droplets formed like a masterpiece
Dripping down around me
I felt as though I were in a dome
A cosy bubble to call my own
I walked on

And finally reached the old church
And though I am not the religious type
I could see its worth
And it's ethereal beauty tonight
Sitting beside the cold stone wall
Sheening with the light that reflected
The rain was illuminated beside me
On this solemn dedicated bench

I looked out to the bay where the land
Molded around the sea
And I saw a lone swan soaring across the rippled water
Gliding gracefully stoic like a banshee
Through the misty downpour
My ill omen
I saw determination in her steady course
And a pensive sorrow in her solitude

I sat there for a long time

The sky had darkened
And angels on long shifts
Flew past on the roads below
I gazed again and she was lost
In the shadows, now perhaps snug in her nest
Her job she had done well enough
For today
Another soul she had saved
As the moon guided the waves
She would rest
And I would be on my way

The water sparkles like the time
I spilt sugar all over
Your kitchen table
Each granule reflected the sunlight
A smile splashed across your face
The silver fish re-emerge

Jumping in parabolas
To see where they are going
I don't think they know
When they are down there
And the frothy shoreside
Reminds me

Of the milk that rushed to the floor
After my clumsy hands betrayed me
I'm glad you weren't mad
I'm glad you didn't slam the door
Your wide mouthed laugh was there
To console me

You don't know

That I love you.

That I need you.

If only...