I've never claimed
to be the kind of strong-
Who stands
in the face of someone
That has caused them pain
And asks, why?
Why do I hurt?
And why are you the source?

All my life,
I've only known
how to withdraw from pain
Like hand to fire
Burnt
but not scorched
Hurting
But hopefully not for long
And that's why I disappear

Smiles exist in spectrums

Take for example
The loving smile of my baby girl
as she babbles beautifully
in gibber, ish

The knowing smile of my gran
as she speaks
in nods, ish

The former
because she's not seen anything yet
The Latter
because she's seen everything there is

When I was younger I thought
Love is like dying
The kind of feeling
That had me without control
Of what comes next

And so I let myself
fall for you
Fatally
And others after you
Six feet and more

The best kind they say
is when you fall
Together
Same depth
Common in our uncertainty
But is that ever the case?

No one tells you these things
But if experience is to go by
Each time
You resurrect
It's Less of who you were
And more
Of who you think
You should be

Less vulnerable
But wanting more of another
To complete
what's left of you

Love isn't death
I've learnt
Now a zombie
Still falling
But enough to stand again
Until I can stand no more

... YOU ARE
THE SHOOTING STAR,
YOU MAKE IT POSSIBLE
FOR ME TO WISH

YET STILL
THE ONLY WISH
I WANT TO MAKE
IS YOU

I spend
the greater part
of my sleepless nights
wondering why I persist
in trails
that promise me pain
and give up
at the slightest shove
on the road
to pleasurable experiences

I miss writing poems
Painting pictures with my words
Condensing my whole page
of lives lived,
failed love trysts,
into sentences;

Pay witness
To memories rising
From words on a page

If this phase of life
Was a chapter in a book
You would have heard me say
That we aren't on the same page
But could you leave markings as you flip
So I can find my way to you?