I hope it doesn't get worse again
I don't want everything to go dark
It's like there's a big grey cloud over only me
cliche, I know
but that's how it feels
ok, I'll explain it better
it feels like nursing homes after someone is gone forever
like when you're disappointed, so disappointed
like burying a pet
like losing a friend
like beginning to not care
like empty words I write in the hope that someone likes this
I don't really know what I'm trying to say
but I hope someone else does

when children go out
to the woods down the way
the sweet little implings
come out to play
with white silky dresses
and dark searching eyes
they dance round the trees
and sing all their rhymes

and if you may wander
into one of their dances
run straight away
don't take any chances
the implings will take you
as one of their own
the only thing they'll leave
is one tiny bone

I turn the pages,
Blank, blank, blank
Everyone is better than me
Was there a time where I did not concern myself with being
Better, unique, perfect;
With achieving,
Showing everyone I’m smart.
my intelligence is just a meaningless number on a piece of paper
If I’m so close to being a genius then why can’t I do better
I can write but
I can’t figure out the numbers, I just repeat, repeat, repeat, the pattern
Over and over, and over.
How do you divide? The numbers get stuck somewhere between my brain and my mouth
I think and then forget, a cycle, everyday
I can’t remember things anymore. I have forgotten how the wind works. I know it’s not the trees.
What was her name? Whose birthday was that? Who broke that toy of mine when I was seven?
Was I the problem? Was it really true? Was it my fault?
Was I always like this, disconnected, apart, alien
I think there’s something wrong but I am not upset
I can’t be bothered to be scared about the future
We all die someday
Will I die without achieving? There it is again, always on my mind.
I yearn to be loved, to love back, to be idolised, to help, to lead, to win, to be known and to know.
Hello, Earth? Are you there?
I think I am lost.

I see him
In the young boys
Wonder
If he was ever so kind
What did they do to him?
To make him cruel
I knew his pain. Felt his pain
But he covered it with smiles, laughs
Told me he wished he could be like me
Until
The darkness would come out
Dark red, blue, bruised
He would yell at them
That no one liked them
Tell them to shut up
Biting words
Harsh, hard, slicing words
But there wasn’t any meaning
Was there?
I loved him
Because no one else did
They all thought he was fine
Did they know? Did he tell them?
He told me, if not intentionally
Through his eyes, his slumped shoulders at his desk
Sleeping through class, catching my eye for a second
Told me
I was the best girl in class, maybe just because I would do anything for him
Too bad I wasn’t one after all
But he just grinned
High fived twice
I blushed, smiled
I was floating for the whole day
Didn’t wash my hand
And he seemed so happy
Was he making fun of me? Joking?
I thought he was happy
And then they told me
I wasn’t there
But it scared me
Shook me
They don’t know where he is
It took a while
Whispered rumours that everyone forgot to tell me about
Whoever hurt him I hate them
How could you hurt him?
How could you?
Why would you?
Parents are supposed to love their kids
Right?
Did they love him?
I heard he moved schools
Got away
I don’t know what they did
But
I really hope he’s ok
He probably forgot about me
And here I am writing this for him
I hope he is stronger than the hurt he’s been through
I hope he makes it

Red is my favourite colour
red like love hearts
red like strength
red like velvet cake
red like strawberries
red like the wine I don’t like but the adults do
red like robin’s *******
red like anger
red like pain
red like jealousy
red like blood
death
torture
hurt
concrete scrapes
the cuts my friends make, deep into their skin
like “accidents” they tell their parents, but tell us the truth, say “don’t tell… please” and we obey
like panic, emergency, flashing lights and wails that make me cover my ears and hope, pray, that everyone is ok
it corrupts, warps, glitches and taunts
red like when they tricked me and I didn’t even realise
I don’t think I like red so much anymore