playing me so methodically
in every single way
i know it’s only seventh grade
but that doesn’t make it ok

i’ve been waiting for you
and i’d go to you right away
all you have to do is say when

you’ve thrown me on a roller coaster
loop after loop
when you wanted to race
i didn’t know all the things id be chasing

all my friends give advice
and i know i should listen
but i say it’s fine
even tho it isn’t

wish i could let go of the idea
that you’ll come to me eventually
and maybe you will

elliot
that stupidly beautiful name
constantly in my head
all i think about when i go to bed

it’s so messed up
that i let you get away with this
but one day
you’ll finally see me
as the perfect thing

but by then i’ll be happy with the man
that has always seen me for who i am
and you might even cry
a cry filled with the agony you put me through

and you’re gonna realize
you really fumbled
but what can you do

boys will be boys
they’re stupid and blind
and they only realize what’s good for them when it’s to late
and you’ll be to late

two years ago
we were at church camp
i told myself i forgive you
i told God that i forgive you

i thought that if i forgave you
the nightmares would stop
the triggers would cease
and that maybe a could see you as a person
and not the person who took everything from me

but that’s not what happened
it all got worse
the nightmares became real
i wake up screaming
begging for you to stop

i don’t forgive you
i never will
i hate you
with all of my being

they know what you did to me
and the know what it did to me
yet they allow you to bother me
they allow you to be in the same room
they allow you to be in society

if wishes were bullets
you’d be dead to me

she sees him
and her stomach flips

those eyes
and his smile
make her fall more and more

she never seen someone so perfect

he sees her
his heart swells

her gorgeous face
her kind voice
he longs for her

but to him, she deserves someone perfect

Monday 9:05 PM
tell ur lil friend to stop texting m* before he ****** me off for answering
+
Yesterday 12:47 PM
hey it was just supposed to be a joke m* didn't have to answer lol that was his choice didn't realize u would get pressed but sorry abt it all it won't happen again
Read Yesterday
AVA!!! has notifications silenced

but then again
i kinda intended for
you to be offended
that he answered me faster
than he even thinks of you

cuz i mean
you took him from me
so excuse me
for feeling a little petty
after he left me
for you

God forbid i liked a boy
and all of this for what?
when everything went down we’d already “broken up”
tell me who i am
cuz i don’t have a choice
all because i liked
a stupid f ing boy

but i’m still kind to you
and you know its true
but you still treat me
like that word that means poo
yet i haven’t told him
a single word you say abt him
since you won’t say it to his face

it’s funny cuz he misses me
which means he’s thinking of me
when he’s avoiding you

oh and when he thinks of you
it’s cuz he wants to break up with you…
and i have screenshot proof

you say you’ll never leave
oh baby, that’s so sweet
but you don’t know a single thing
cuz you’re gonna meet THE girl
she’s gonna be your whole entire world
BUT
she’s gonna hate me
she’s gonna make you choose
and then that’s when you’re gonna leave

now,
i’m staring at my ceiling
trying not to cry
cuz calling you was the only way i got by
sure,
i see you every single day
but we don’t say a single thing
it went stranger, just friends, stranger again
cuz you said you’d never leave

now,
you won’t even look at me
son,
can’t you see it’s destroying me?
i told you i never cry
but lately that’s been such a lie
ever since that awful day
i told you to walk away
because deep down
i started to believe
that you really would always be there for me
i’m so sorry