I’ve started sharing my poetry,
and I think I’ve concerned a few—
friends, family—
they didn’t see the blue, blue, blue
sadness
that sits quietly in my lingering,
spilling out in these poems.

It was never my goal,
but the sadness likes to speak,
wants to say what is true:
that the sadness still exists,
a deep, deep
blue, blue, blue.

I always loved blue–
the blue sky
the blue ocean
my little blue pen.
I painted oceans on canvas
in various shades of blue.

But today, I am blue with
every bitter memory I have
of you.

I bleed in life
As I bleed in my words;
All over the place
And without convention or order.

When we sit,
I hear your tears,
On the inside;
Crying out: “See me!”
They shout!

When we sit,
I see your heart,
On the outside;
Singing: “Hear me!”
It hums.

When we sit,
I feel your spirit
Between us
Vibrating: “You belong!”
Deep within
And deeply strong.

I cradle hurricanes in my ribcage
while words swirl around my head.
I try to catch the good ones-
but mostly, I wish I was dead.

I do everything too much-
the joy, the sorrow, the dread.
Yet somehow, I’m never enough-
what a curious truth to be force fed.

If I laugh, it’s always too loud;
my mouth too sharp to make anyone proud.
Crying is a dangerous game,
I could sob away a city, drown in the blame.

My rage leaves no survivors,
as if I line people up on personal pyres.
When I vent, they hear preaching-
a sermon no one wants, a fear of my leeching.

I don’t love, I dissect-
obsessively search for the trap I expect.
I can’t just leave; I burn it all down-
the bubbly, funny girl wears a permanent frown.

I do too much and my inner child feels seen,
She's acting out, we aren't this mean
I just get scared when the vibe is off, and ruining the mood makes the blow more soft.

Despite the chaos I still crave love, an equal partner, wearing fireproof gloves.

Lawrence Hall
[email protected]
Dispatches for the Colonial Office

                    I Gave my Friend a Poem for Her Birthday

I gave my friend a poem for her birthday
“It’s not as much fun as an electric train,” she said,
“But it’s pretty good.”

two little lovebirds were cuddled in a tree
very much in love that was plain to see
they began to sing a lovely melody
singing both together in perfect harmony

i sat there and listened to there lovebird song
it was very beautiful i tried to singalong
when there song was over in to the sky they flew
very much in love into the sky so blue

i wont for get that day the lovebirds sang to me
in my mind forever there song will always be