Dark roast coffee got me spinning around and my hands can't stop shaking...
and for a second, my eyes meet the mirror ....who's that girl...or woman....
with the princess bride frown?
My ex moves like a riverside ghost, no message and no signs...im aching.
left me haunted in the morning
got me trapped in my own mind.....wish I could say all these lessons were free
but oh what a very costly fine....
Men seem to come and go like my grandmothers blue glass ash tray dreams that don't stick
to women like us ..... soft heart and mind quick
who's loving me when the sun starts to set?
cause, I’m still alone in a queens bed..

I want magic, not just smoke
want a touch that don’t feel like a joke
I’m a Gypsy moon spell...
I’m a once in a 500 year storm, I’m the post war heartache and the museum art
If I write it down maybe I won’t fall apart
Give me pleasureable love.... give me truth for breakfast
Chocolate lips...morning sunken sea eyes
I’m reckless
its all my fault
Cause I needed to eat, im a poetess
For me to write, I need to die

Scroll past my pain....no one even sees
A message left on read like I’m just September 11th debris
Don’t need your answers... might not even need your love
I need my singing voice
a chance to share it to the world, like a magician I want to release
my white magic dove
I need a pen
Oh the pain. Oh the suffering
Lord, its been enough

I don’t need forever, just something that stays
A pulse in my fathers silence, a spark in my mothers excruciating haze
I’m not too much.... but I'm also way too alive
If you're my knight
Don’t ever dim my shine
just to survive
I got a joan of arc inner fight

I want magic...not just mirrors and smoke
Want a kiss that don’t burn when I choke
I’m a fortune tellers spell, I’m a dying flame
I’m the bone and the break
If I sing it loud, maybe I won't shake
give me pleasurablelove
give me truth for breakfast, that's my true desire
Queen bed dreams, I’m messy, I’m restless
You want water signs
but I'm an Aries
fire

So I write like it's holy, I write because I must turn pain into rhythm
turn meaningless ******* into dust
I want magic ...and I am it
I want love ...and I’ll **** it
until its mine
Joan of arc
My time
is coming

She was born in the ides of March
wrapped in aquamarine light...
a girl born with a heart way too much like her fathers,
a storm before
the calm of night...
but her mothers suppression
would halt
her internal Joan of arc fight
chains around her soul so tight
around a fire
too.
bright
but her sword was never lost
inside

Her voice was black velvet
soft but fierce, if you heard it you'd know it
a singer with a big heart
too big for this worlds desire to
take a pure thing
and tear it apart

her beauty was a curse
a target on her back, always against her.
she was weak and it was bold
they whispered poison behind her back
hatred sharp and cold
they didn't know
that there was liquor in her veins
and if there was a darkness in her stare,
a murders shadow lingered close
and it was a weight she couldn’t bear
They tried to break her
and she burned and bled..
a wild soul tangled up in their web
a lack of self love
only made her taste the dread
even more so.
and she couldn't
win the wars.

So many men claimed to love her
but then they just
threw her on stage like dirt
she had to bring her own roses
the curtain closed
before she had time to rehearse

Her voice was velvet
soft but fierce
a singer with a big heart
too big for this worlds desire
to take a good thing
and it tear it apart

a singer with a big heart
her heart is blue now like her birth stone
its crying its dying
its swimming in
the coldest sea
alone

aquamarine
aquamarine

a singer with a big heart
she is just human
never wanted her own beauty
every soul knows how to sing really
she ain't nothing
too worthy

She was like sea glass, tumbled from time

the kind who held onto dead yellow roses
like they still had life

the kind that would save broken things
to create mosaics....but she never had the chance
because when she was ready to,
they clipped her wings

The kind who could hear her very own heart
in the rhythm
of the sea
Grief is the much too detrimental storm
you learn to live beneath

She said love felt like a seashell
beautiful
but hollow if you listened too long

As a child,
she held up the big seashells to her ear
and really believed in her heart of hearts
it was the ocean
whispering just to her.

She’d close her eyes,
feel the tide inside her scoliosis pained ribs
she felt the ancient
the beauty of belief

She believed in sirens too
not the dangerous kind,
but the lonely ones
singing not to lure
but to be heard
See,
what she was believing in
was her.

And one day at 33,
she picked up a shell again
years older,
heart much more
damaged
Held it to her ear
she still hears the waters
but now its more of a bay.
its dying

Oh, how she knows
Sea Glass
is a dangerous thing to allow yourself to be

My greatest jewel
my heart.
its always had a way of beating hard

Wore the crown, lived in the castle
I was even Married to the King
This is when I learned the hard way
Money ain't everything
Richer with nothing on my skin

Now,
Im a
Faded
Queen
and Love is
what I love the most

I’ve been around...cant say that I'm not a little wild
Mature but stupid, you could call me heartbreaks child
I laugh to hide the bruises on my heart
But my love travels through time
so I wish upon Arabellas star

Under mystical sky, I’m dancing and its like
smoke moving slow.....
Playing with the kinda fire  that only wild hearts know
A gypsy’s song, her own wing and a prayer
Love’s a flame that’s everywhere

But...i worry
What if love’s a shooting star?
Too bright, too fast, too far....
After it all...
Will I stand alone in the dark?
watching you fade from my heart?
And then you’ll burn your name into the sky
Then vanish without a goodbye
And I’ll be left, just looking up at night

I'll just disappear
I play poker in the dark
But I’m playing against myself and I lose every hand.
Constellations map out my scars
Diamonds glitter around me
like Demolished plans
and im fading
in the Summer light
its burning me good
****, im only alive in the night

Oh, im a Faded Queen
and Love is what I dream of
the most

Ill lay on lily pads in my mind
and im drifting sinking slow
maybe
the water is my only home
cause the earth
just sinks me deep
I can feel
everything seep
from my heart

Im a fading Queen
a shooting star in the dark
I could be the one that burns
but I desperately want to be the one that returns
Back to Love

I came back but i was gone in your eyes
Like a house with all the lights off inside
I reached out through the summer shadows and the wildfire smoke
But love don't ignite just cause you hope

Last night, I felt the emptiness of the moon
No one around just the ghost of you
As alone as I’ve ever known how to be
Empty room, no air left to breathe

I don’t feel beautiful I don’t feel real
Like a melted ice sculpture someone forgot to feel
Chords in my chest, I'm not a willow tree and I cant bend
Strumming the sting of the bitter end

I needed you

I tried to be sultry enough, but enough ain’t love
You held me like a sweet memory, not like holy blood
Running cold now through every vein
I call your name but it’s just pain

I thought you'd see the seashells still in my hands
But you changed like the tides, and now my heart is sinking sand
You used to know the melody of my soul
Now it’s just unwillingness.
There's a stiffness about you
and I'm listening to all your songs
but this time around,
I hear broken notes

I don’t feel beautiful, I don’t feel seen
a quiet cematary of love that might have been (and we dwell there)
Guitar chords cutting right through my skin
Each one a scar where you had been

I needed you

What’s left behind is heavy and true
The aftermath of my sickness, still holds you
I’m picking up pieces of who I was
But they don’t fit like they did, because…

I don’t feel beautiful, not anymore
Like a cold icy heart that’s melted on the floor
But somewhere in this broken tune
Is proof we loved so hard,
even with our wounds

I needed you

The roses he sent
arrived like a secret the night could no longer keep
red, passionate, peaceful and soft as the breath between two lovers two friends
now he is inside my heart, down into the deep
well of me

I touched the red roses and my soul was captured
my heart filled
like a glass left under rain

His love is like that.
like water
he doesn’t shout when he enters a room.
he seeps in.
he stays.
he finds the cracks
and fills them gently
without asking me to be whole first.

His heart never really sleeps
he is always listening

Today I smiled
the kind I once gave to a song
as vast as the ocean inside my heart

These roses are more than petals
They symbolize beauty and freedom
things I never thought I'd hold again

And every time I breathe them in,
I remember
some hearts just need to be seen
and he saw mine

I’m afraid of love
because love burned me long ago
My cousin was an angel
soft and dreamy as spring time twilight
her beautiful inner light draped in mystical moonbeams
but it was caught in jealous hands
a dark love twisted and thorned
a poison tainting good hearts behind a cars closed doors
stealing her very breath
before my own wings had a chance to spread

a heartbreak carved deep into my family’s soul
where fathers drowned in bottles
and sorrow moved itself through the air like cigarette smoke
I was just a little girl
in the aftermath.. I became her ghost
walking through a garden of lost roses
where the wind carried the weight of ******
and grief wrapped cold around my skin and heart
and I learned how to take shots in the dark

No lullaby could warm me
no hand could hold back the pain
a child learning too soon
that love can burn like gasoline and drown you like May rain
it can even can **** with a whispered call
and leave you trembling
afraid to ever open your heart at all

but sometimes, when the night falls upon me slow
I hear her voice
a haunting melody of freedom and fire
She says
"Rise, wild heart, don’t let my darkness bind you
you’re a soldier queens flame that my killer can’t ever steal
though love has burned and my shadow has claimed you
there’s a fire inside you so real.. you are free to let go of my tragedy, but I will always be with you still."

his heart lives inside of my hour glass
and he's letting the last of him slip through my hands
every day that he burns my candle a little more with no remorse
he casts the shadow of what was once our love
onto a broken course
leading to a hauntingly unconditional love song lullaby
and I see his face in my shattered blue sky
once the truth
now the lie
Oh I stood at the edge of time
wishing his ghost wasn’t still mine
wishing his ghost wasn't mine
but I loved him so

Sand glass...turn upside down again
take me back to where we could begin
Frozen moments in the wildfire
But he wont hold them, not again
sand glass, do you see him now?
once a boy
now a man
the clock don’t lie, but it don’t heal
what he gave me was far too real
before he became a man
darker than the writing on the wall
slipping through my soul
like sand
his bird now has no call
I cant sing to him now
Sand glass, do you see me now
once a sick lass
now a warrior

Mirror, mirror, cracked and cold
You never warned me love grows this old
Time, she dances, wild and free
But she never dances back to me

Sand glass...one last fall
Write our love story on the wall
Let the fight be my song
I’ve been here waiting far too long
Sand glass, the time is through
And now it’s me I must be true to

Oh dear, I held your love like water in my hands
But it slipped like hourglass sand
now you speak in riddles and rhyme,
looking back
you were always somewhere outside of time
You said the stars would guide us true
But they burned out before I knew

Hourglass sand, falling fast
Can’t outrun the shadow of the past
Mirror cracked, but still it stands
our names trapped in hourglass sand
Tell me, was it ever real?
Or just a dream we couldn’t feel?

Your voice remains in every room
A faded rose that never bloomed
Hourglass sand, silent fall
Time don’t answer when you call
Moonlight fades, and stars disband
But I still reach through hourglass sand
Trying to hold what slipped right through
Trying to forget the truth of you
or were you a lie


Mirror, mirror, tell me this
Was it love, or just the mist?


Hourglass sand, now I see
The one I lost was never me
Let it fall, let it stand
What we were, just

inside the hourglass
your heart has grown far too cold
and I loved you unconditionally

I dance through snow
like my life is a fairy tale
but there are no glass slippers or castles where I belong
sometimes I'll give my gift and I'll even sing my song
to the ones that touch my soul in their way
but theyll never stay
noone ever stays too long

I trust and fall, I laugh, I give
this is the only way I know to live
but every hand I try to hold
turns to ice, turns so cold

everyone hurts the gypsy girl
they take her light, then leave her world
magic soul, heart too open gentle and wide
always alone
no place to hide

even blood can bruise so deep
i cry in colors when I sleep
i was born to love not to be loved
everyone hurts the gypsy girl

they say I shimmer, say I shine
but only when they want what's mine
a singing voice like wind through ancient trees
but no one hears my silent pleas

So I dance in circles, I sing to the stars
wishing someone could see these scars
but maybe I’m not meant to stay
maybe I was born to drift away

Everyone hurts the gypsy girl
but still she spins, still she twirls
snow beneath and fire above
still believing in a thing called love
even when it breaks her soul
even when it takes its toll
she was born to give her all
even when they watch her fall…

Everyone hurts the gypsy girl…
but shell keep dancing in her gypsy world
she lives in her own fairy tale world
yes she does

He does not speak
his silence howls louder than wolves outside the door
he left me here in this castle
and I've been stripped down naked
right down to my blood sweat and tears
I wait
Because I once loved him.
Because he once looked at me
but now
he passes like smoke
eyes like garden gates
that won’t open
no roses, no lilacs, no magic
He no longer sees the girl
with the glass heart
cracked and catching light
like a prophecy

I press my hand
to the shards in my chest
the pain
it won’t stop.
It sings through me
a may tuck lullaby sewn in black laced thread
a white dress dragging laels blood in the snow
behind it

He is gone
still breathing. Still living.
but gone.
am I gone too or will I be soon

relief tastes like winter apples.
Poison, maybe.
Sweet, maybe..

Even tears
don’t want to fall down anymore.
They cling to the corners of my eyes
like ghosts too tired to haunt my hungry mouth

He left nothing.
not a letter.
not a candle
love died months ago

The castle is torn
I am broken
and he does not come.

I wear black and white lace
like armor.
my gown sweeps dust from the floor
where I once hoped to dance
He never said goodbye.
That’s the cruelest spell.

my heart
still made of glass,
but now it rings when I walk
each step a shatter.

I want to scream
but my throat is full of snow
soft. cold. deadening.

where is relief?
Is it in the forgetting?
Is it in the poison?
or is it just
in the silence
he left me in?

There are intruders
Not him.
Never him.
He wouldn’t dare return
to the wreckage he left

These ones don’t knock
They slip between cracks in the walls,
crawl through keyholes.
They wear faces I almost remember.

I don’t open doors anymore.
Not even to light.
Light lies.
It paints the illusion
that I am still whole

They touch things that aren't theirs.
His old coat.
My treasures
The mirrors
They ask
"Was she always like this?"
"Did she wait this long?"


I scream without sound
I bleed without red

This place is mine.
This grief is mine.
This castle, crumbling and holy,
belongs to me and my silence
unbearable heat doesn't have anything on the
fires in my heart

Let them come.
Let them wander.
Let them see what it means
to survive with a glass heart
that no longer breaks
only cuts.

For this Goddess is the Master
of Pain

She floats on air bet you she could walk on water if she tried
She's a
a summer butterfly in the amber sky
Black Sequins on her shoulders
She remembers the words of her Italian grandfather
"My pain is bad but I'd rather keep my ***** shoes."
Selling the dreams she can barely use

Evil queens hum like a warning bell
While someone down the street tries to sell, sell, sell
her grandmothers faux ruby ring on her finger as she burns sage
The kind of charm you buy when you can’t buy a younger age

She says, “Time’s a thief, but I still fly
With a winged heart, baby, and a
Texas storm in my eye

Oh, the fireflies light up her fight
Dancing like ghosts of what she once was in the heat of the night
Magic in the madness of this tragic tale, enchanting glitter in the grime
She's just trying to survive and call it divine
Aging like wilted red roses, badly bruised by love but alive
Still chasing the wind, still learning to fly
Summer butterfly

Jennas eyes in the mirror, tracing her every line
Says “We were golden once but we’re still fine”
But the ground is cracked and the skies don’t lie
The days get heavier as they go by

People smile with their pockets turned
Try to sell hope they never earned
But she
still shimmers like a half gone spell
in a world that forgets how to wish you well


She says, “Even stars fade, but I burn bright
With a winged heart, baby, and a rebel light”

Oh, the fireflies light up her fight
Dancing like ghosts of what she once was in the night
Magic in the madness of her tragic tale, enchanting glitter in the grime
She's  just trying to survive and call it divine
Aging like red wilted roses, bruised by Love but alive
Still chasing the wind, still learning to fly
Summer butterfly

Summer butterfly, don’t fade away
You were born for the fire and the break of day
With your winged heart wide, and your sister near
You’ll outshine the dusk, year after year


Summer butterfly… still learning to fly...

Angel of may danced in the dark with a tiny diamond ring in her hand
moon on her shoulder, her feet in the sand
gold in her hair before the sun could even set
the air of 92 never whispered to any of us
that it would hauntingly end

Michele, Michele… I can feel you breathe
your name is the wound underneath the heart on my sleeve
Oh, golden girl
Oh, golden girl
i see you in your soft angel glow…
red rose blood drips down onto the
blossoms where you still grow
i’d give back all of my may stars
just so you would never have had to go

William Rainey aimed at the light and shattered the dawn
three lovers went quiet in the afternoon light, the music was gone
she reached for my hand in the ash of the sky
i wasn’t too late but I wasn’t nearby
time became a  ghost that wouldnt let me sleep
she sings for me in the mirror and cries with me in the deep
the ring that she gave me was stolen and it shoots through my heart colder than bone
because I carry her blood in the cracks of my own

Michele, Michele… I can feel you breathe.
your name is a wound underneath the heart on my sleeve
Oh golden girl in your soft angel glow
red rose blood drips onto the blossoms where you still grow
inside of me
I'd give back all my treasures
just so you would forever feel light as a feather
just so you would have another spring day

Oh golden girl,
you never really died
I took on your spirit, I really took on your life
it was heavy to hold, but I didn't mind
you will always be the angel I captured long ago
but I will never truly find you
therefore the search will never end
your candle light will always burn in my soul
the flame in my heart that time will never rend
I love you Golden girl

If I could go back
i’d find her there in that car
in the twilight of that moment
and pull her from the dark

Golden girl, you took the bullet for me
you’re etched deep into the bones of my soul
a may 12th wind
that ill never let go

carved into my damaged heart, written into my darkened light
your name shines inside the spring stars at night
forevermore, you ride with me
my golden girl, my eternity

Golden girl, your blood
my blood
our blood