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Old patterns aren’t irrevocably etched,
I am the artist, I can still sketch
Is it okay just to be,
here —
where you can see?

I promise
I am worth the space,
if you can keep up
with my pace.

I’ll override,
I’ll push through —
not who I am,
just what I do.

I’ll work harder,
run faster,
think sharper —
to earn a place
in your view.

The work will be my show.
I’ll be safe,
where you’ll never know —
hiding,
lost in action,
praying you don’t catch the distraction.

I’ve paid the price,
try as I might —
lost pieces of myself
in the fight.

Each success carves a deeper cost:
a little more of who I am,
lost.

Just keep the door open
a crack —
I swear
I’ll make up for all I lack.

I promise I can be it all,
right up until I fall.

I’ll work harder,
run faster,
think sharper —

I’ll be the fire that burns bright,
until I’m nothing —
dying embers
in the night.
Survival’s a game,
Played without the rules,
Adapting, changing,
Yet seen as the fool.
Labeled wrong,
When I only tried to breathe,
Met with resistance,
What’s left to believe?

So I began to slip,
Let the fight drain from my grip.
Each label stitched with quiet scorn,
Made me smaller than I was born.
I wore erasure like a second skin —
To be forgettable was how I kept myself in.
Old patterns aren’t irrevocably etched—
I am the artist. I can still sketch.

When the weight of the past pulls you near,
It’s easy to follow the paths of fear.
Learning to sit with yourself, day by day,
Isn’t all fun and games, or light-hearted play.
The darkness whispers, urging you to stray—
To abandon yourself and walk away.

When shadows press in and you’re aching within,
Feeling like you’re paying for an eternal sin,
The winds howl,
The heavens growl…
Why would you want to stay here,
Just frozen in fear?

If today feels heavy and your strength runs thin,
Know: this moment will pass—it’s not where you’ve been.
There’s courage in staying, in holding your ground,
Even when the storm makes no comforting sound.

Grant yourself grace.
You won’t always be in this place.
Don’t burn the bridges. Don’t sever the ties—
You’ll need them to cross when the storm subsides.
Today may be hard, but trust in the flow:
Tomorrow will bring a new light to grow.

When the fog is thick, and the skies are gray,
Do not fear. Do not stray.
It won’t look like this forever—
The sun will rise, no matter the weather.

So hang on. Just stay,
To meet another day.
Please, I beg:
I’ll do anything not to be.
And if that wish is too big,
I’ll do anything to hide where you can’t see.

I shrunk myself so small,
Set myself up to fall.
Climbed to heights,
Cloaked in my hidden fights,
The scheme was misbegotten,
I forgotten.
What room is there to thrive,
when you’re stuck trying to survive?

The years have taken their toll,
left me searching to feel whole.
I’ve lived enough of this life,
grown too familiar with it’s strife.

How do I build a life for me,
when I never got to see
what living could truly be?

Like a child, I stand unsure,
so much left still to explore.
All those versions of me
I never got to be—
untouched, untried, unseen,
alternatives that have never been.

If time were ever kind,
it would let me rewind.

No room to wonder, no time to try—
only the weight of getting by.
Survival took the years away,
left the dreaming for another day.

Wisened by battles I shouldn’t have known,
yet still a child where dreams are grown.
Old in the weight I carry inside,
young in the places I’ve yet to find.

Old in sorrow, young in my dreams—
Still reaching through the in-between.
Wisened by battles I shouldn’t have known,
Yet still a child where dreams are grown.
Old in the weight I carry inside,
Young in the places I’ve yet to find.

Old in sorrow, young in my dreams-
Still reaching through the in-between.
In those words, they handed me a key—
to armour I wore unknowingly.
A mask that locked me in from the world,
its weight a comfort, strangely unfurled.

I turned it over in my hand,
traced edges I couldn’t understand.
I saw its shape behind closed eyes,
but stayed where silence felt like disguise—
From those walls I could not rise.

But then—
a whisper flickered through the hush,
not one I knew, not one I’d trust.

To face the world just naked skin,
not knowing what I’d held within,
each emotion crashed like waves too wide
for fragile bones to hold inside.
Each sound, a storm.
Each gaze,
A question I could not reply

I reached for the safety I had known,
but the walls were gone—crumbled stone.
The cracks beneath my feet grew wide,
until the world began to slide.
Alone, exposed, and trembling bare,
even silence stung the air.

But then—
the whisper came again,
not from beyond,
but deep within.

A murmur my body remembered,
from before I had words.
It offered no comfort, no retreat,
only truth—
raw and complete.

And in its truth—
a safety transformed,
not hiding,
but simply being
To answer your question,
An essay would be most apt,
I’ll route through the archives, sift through dusty drawers,
Plot the coordinates of where I have been and map out my thoughts.

But first I must know: what do you know?
Can you hold the depth, can you pause to reflect?

And in the moment, you hold my gaze,
The silence swelling,it’s  weight thick,
I am but a deer in the headlights,
Startled, still and blank,

So in answer to your question,
I’m fine.
The body shows,
what the mind does not know.
It moves through rooms it cannot name,
drawn by echoes, pulled by flame—
blindfolded, yet leading the way.
I wonder, my gaze fixed to the sky,
Within the vastness —
There surely exists a place I can fly,
Freed from the strain of the tethers that pull me within,
No need to draw a map just to begin.

A place where I don’t have to don my armour,
The child within, not scanning for all that could harm her.
Where I am whole, not fractured or torn,
Free to exist as I was born.

So I make a wish upon a star,
That I do not have to travel far,
To a place that just makes sense,
Where peace no longer feels so tense.

No longer reliant wholly on solitude,
To access the parts that form the multitude.
Where the archives don’t need to be analysed,
Just left in peace, their truth recognised.
No need to strive or prove, just to be,
Fully myself, simply free.

So I make a wish upon that star,
That I do not have to travel far,
To reach a place I can simply be,
A place where I am truly free.

— The End —