Everyone loves to praise
the heroes, the saviors
all those who help
but there's always
some anger if
they come back alive
and someone else doesn't

There's always
that anger
that hate
just for surviving
because in spite of everything
they will come to hate you

It doesn't matter
how many you save
or how long you fight
because the one thing they love
more than a hero
who saves everyone
is to see them fall
and die trying

You told me you wanted
a nice little house
something that was safe
with a white picket fence

You told me you wanted
somewhere we could hide
away from all the worry
and finally find comfort

You told me you wanted
a nice little house
maybe a garden
and a nice patio

You told me you wanted
two or three kids
or maybe some cats instead
something to chase away the quiet

You told me you wanted
to be with me forever
(was forever always so short?)
and I thought you meant it

You told me you wanted
to protect me always
in our nice little house
with a white picket fence

You told me you wanted
me to never talk to you again
because now the house's burned down
and the white picket fence is broke

You told me you wanted
me to leave you alone
like forgetting was easy
and forever was never said

You told me you wanted
to always be there
but always wasn't real
and neither was your love

You told me you wanted
to try again
that we could still have that house
with a white picket fence

You told me you wanted
to always listen
if I just let you have this
but I said no

You told me you wanted
to never stop fighting
but it wasn't for love of me
that you loved control

You told me you wanted
me to leave you alone
after you begged me
to take you back

You told me you wanted
something that had slipped
through the cracks
and you left me broken

Because I told you I wanted
you gone before you ever
told me the same
but now they believe you

I told you I wanted
love and not chains
and then when it became
no longer your game

You told me you wanted
me to leave you alone
and so I do
because telling you lied

It won't change the fact
that you told me what you wanted
because what I wanted
never really mattered

There are bugs under my skin
tiny little crawling things
I can feel them there
itching with their tiny legs

It aches somewhere deep
their teeth biting at the flesh
muscle and bone torn
by little pincers too small to be seen

They're there underneath my skin
crawling and itching
under there until it aches
and I can't get rid of them

I can feel them crawling
underneath my skin
their little legs brushing my nerves
and biting into muscles

Worms and ants and pinchers
roaches and beetles
all the tiny little things
all inside me

There's an ache there
that I can never reach
no matter how deep I scratch
they're always there

If I knew
that would be the last time
that you looked at me
with anything other
than hate
I would have held your gaze
tried to memorize every part
of the moment
so I could remember
even when it hurts

If I knew
how much you could
learn to despise me
I might have tried harder
to understand more
to cling tighter
to help when you needed
and back away when you asked
maybe then
you would still love me

If I knew
that it would all end
the way that it did
maybe I would've
tried harder
to hold it all together
even as the shards of it
cut my hands
maybe I would've held on
just to feel something again
that wasn't only pain

If I know
that I don't know
when the last time
I'll hear your voice is
the last time I'll see you smile
the last time I can be in the same room as you
Maybe I can learn to
hold on tighter
to love even when it hurts
because I don't want to lose
the only good thing
I've ever had

I have so many reasons
to hate you and all you did
to me and all of the others

You lied to me so many times
saying you loved me
saying I could trust you
saying all the things you liked
and all the things you hated
saying all things you did
and all the things they did to you

Nearly all of it was lies
so now I don't trust any of it
Because I never knew you
and you're not to be trusted
when you'll lie so much

You hurt me
over and over again
with the way you touched me
the way you pushed me
pulling me away from friends
and dragging me to you
you made me kiss you
and touched every part
of me you could reach
you said it was my fault
but I know it wasn't
because I never asked
and you never listened to a "no"

You can take from me
my breath from my chest
and my beating heart
when I'm good and dead

Because I won't back down
to someone like you
who can't even stand
to stand alone

I know I'm not alone
I have people on my side
and our numbers
are far from small

We're all in this
together
and there's nothing you can do
to change that