i grew up so empty
Like there was a missing part of
maybe cause i didn't like the crust on my toast
or the butter on my sandwiches
or even that i didn't have many friends

but as i've grown
i've started to learn
if you only have one parent
there's always a half missing
a part underdeveloped
that's going to stay like till the day you die
its like an incurable disease
that spreads to my children
as no one wants their child without a grand dad
without a person to tell them how exactly to make a cup of tea
or all their crazy stories about their childhood
cause a bond with a child and their grand dad
is irreplaceable
so precious
which makes having children a little less sweeter

you told me i had flabby skin
so i stopped eating
you told me i'm too loud
so i lowered my voice
you told me i'm too confident
so i humbled myself
you told me you hate the way i dressed
i changed my style
made it more revealing
so girls would appreciate me
you told me i'm annoying
i stopped speaking about myself
and that changed me
i cant explain how
but it did
the comments all stuck with me
and occasionally they pop up again and again
but i have realised no matter how much i have changed myself
i will never be enough
but honestly
that pretty much sums me up as a person
i change for the ones that in one second they could drop me for the next vulnerable person to come by
but i always get punished

a forever hallway
longing for an end
sharp knives that help us take a fall
devils embedded in the walls
angles in the near distance
saving us in their heavenly ways
silence so deafening
a pin world be ear piercing
so solitary
no living being surrounding your view
but in all the silence you are never really alone
you are built with inner demons too
slaying you from the inside
navigating yourself to humanity
is so unfamiliar
the would educates us
that in the end
you are alone
your parents pass
the world spins
everyone dies at some point
just at what time is still unknown
and after all the loneliness
you eventually die
and the world still spins
an endless suffocating loop
a solution has not been found
running to a dead end
with knives
this is no poem
about a long silent hallway
its the harsh truth about the human existence