When you disrespected our connection,                                                    I  took my love in another direction                                                   Leaving  you lost in your confusion,                                                       ­  left  you to drown in your delusions                                                        ­         I  did my best to remain  positive,                                                ­    despite you creating  a false narrative                                                        ­ Trying to make others see your side,                                                     while  operating from  a sense of pride                                             I  compromised all of my values,                                                          ­     while  you left me to be without  you                                                      planning that in my despair,                                                         ­                        I'd run to you hoping you still cared                                                            ­        You did your best to keep me down,                                                            ­ but now you're looking like the clown                                                     because  of your warped bid for attention                                                        ­               you broke us with your  selfish intentions

Someone told me to write what you know                                                  
                                                                ­                                                      
but I'm not sure that is the way to go                                                               ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­
All I know is heartache and pain,                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                                  
when writing it out, I'm reliving it again                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                        
I'd rather write poems about someone else,                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                        
to take some of the heat off of myself,                                                          ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­ 
to escape to a world full of fantasy,                                                         ­                 
                                               ­                                                               
where no one even resembles me                                                            
  ­                                                                 ­                                                     
I want to write of love and tenderness,                                                      ­                      
                                                                ­                                              
about someone who knows happiness                                                        ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­       
I want to write about someone breaking free                                                  
          ­                                                                 ­                                           
 of all of the problems plaguing me                                                               ­   
                                                                ­                                              
That's where I want to be

Lying in a field, of tulips so red                                                              ­                    
                                            ­                                                              
Endlessly staring, into nothingness                                                      ­                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
Is anyone caring? Am I being missed?                                                          ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                       
Frozen in time, left in this place                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
The days go by, slow as a snail's pace                                                            
­                                                                 ­                                               
Winter blows in, I'm chilled to the bone                                                             ­     
                                                           ­                                                   
When summer comes, I'm still not home

I've been running around trying to change                                                      
    ­                                                                 ­                                              
   but found one mold doesn't always fit                                                              ­            
                                                                ­                                                
There's not a lot I can do about being strange                                                          ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­       
it is what it is & that is this,                                                            ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­               
I may not have the typical family,                                                          ­      
                                                                ­                                                      
I'm not ashamed of being me,                                                              ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­     
there's no reason for trying to be,                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                          
someone else other than me                                                               ­               
                                                                ­                                                      
I might not share your point of view,                                                  
         ­                                                                 ­                                    
that's because I'm me, not you                                                              ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­  
If we were to act exactly the same,                                                      
     ­                                                                 ­                                              
we may as well all have the same name                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
You­ might not like how I carry myself                                                  
        ­                                                                 ­                                               
but I don't want to be like everyone
else                                                          
                                                                ­                                                      
I like the differences I see in me,                                                              ­        
                                                                ­                                                      
I am not a clone or a wanna
be                                                               ­       
                                                         ­                                                         
You can point at me in judgement,                                                       ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­            
pretend you are heaven sent                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                                                     
But I know I have common sense,                                                           ­       
                                                         ­                                                             
I don't want to live a life as someone I resent

Someone asked me what I do well,                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                          
I didn't know and couldn't tell                                                             ­         
                                                       ­                                                                 ­  
Never really thought about that,                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­         
I had always worn the same hat                                                              ­        
                                                                ­                                              
  Decided I should go find out,                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­      
  who I am, what am I about?                                                           ­                             
                                                                ­                                                    
  Set out on a journey to see,                                                             ­               
                                                                ­                                                  
  my aspirations, my realities,                                                       ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                
  Found out I liked to write,                                                           ­                               
                                                                ­                                          
couldn't turn it off at night                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­           
Pen to paper opened in me,                                                              ­                
                                                                ­                                                      
a hidden talent, an ability                                                          ­                
                                                                ­                                            
Bought a journal & set down,                                                            ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                       
it became therapeutic, I found                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                        
Couldn't get words out fast enough,                                                          ­    
                                                                ­                                                  
I felt self-conscious opening up                                                               ­       
                                                         ­                                                       
Now keeping it in hurts me more,                                                            ­  
                                                                ­                                                    
so many stories behind these doors                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                
Now it's second nature to me                                                               ­                     
                                                                ­                                                      
to be starting journal twenty-three                                                     ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­        
Feels so good, just to breathe,                                                         ­                 
                                                                ­                                                      
  to get all of this out of me

There comes a time when it's all or none,                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
   when you don't want a bite or to even have some                                                
            ­                                                                 ­                                     
Some people I know say, that it's called greed,                                                      
                                                                ­                                                      
  but I believe it is fulfilling your own needs                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                    
I always wanted more than some might,                                        
                                                                ­                                                
wished I had the wings to take flight                                                           ­ 
                                                                ­                                                  
There is nothing wrong in wanting to succeed,                                                         ­ 
                                                               ­                                                         
to set the goals that you want to archive                                                    
                                                                ­                                                   
 It's not like I take more than I can eat,                                                        
    ­                                                                 ­                                                 
I am just a little more hungry                                                           ­     
                                                           ­                                                     
That gleam you may see in my eyes,                                 
                                                                ­                                                        
may take some of you by
surprise                                                         ­                             
                                                                ­                                                      
If it makes it too hard for you abide,                                                          
­                                                                 ­                                                    
  I'll step over you & not ask you why

You can't stop me from dreaming,                                                        ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­                    you can't stop me from reaching                                                         ­                           
                                                                ­                                                    
I may be an over achiever,                                                        ­                            
                                                                ­                                                        
it's because I'm a believer                                                         ­                               
                                                                ­                                                          
I trust in no one but myself,                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­         
can't depend on no one else                                                             ­                           
                                                                ­                                                    
I'll climb the mountain and not fall,                                                            ­                              
                                                                ­                                          
conquer and break down every wall                                                             ­               
                                                                ­                                                    
I'll hold my head up with pride,                                                           ­             
                                                   ­                                                             
  with confidence in every stride                                                           ­         
                                                                ­                                              
  Proud of every step I take,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                
  be sure of every move I make                                                             ­         
                                                       ­                                                           
The master of my own destiny,                                                         ­           
                                                     ­                                                               
I'll be whoever I want to be

Words haunt me,                                                              ­                                                    
                                                                ­                                          
forming
unprovoked,                                                      ­                                        
                                                                ­                                            
growing inside   me,                                                              ­                                                              
  ­                                                                 ­                                               
stuck in my
throat                                                           ­                                               
                                                                ­                                              
Keeps me up
nightly,                                                         ­                                       
                                                                ­                                      
sometimes I must
write,                                                           ­                       
                                                                ­                                                
can't take it
lightly,                                                         ­                                   
                                                                ­                                                    
till I make it right                                                            ­                        
                                        ­                                                                
Pushing,
evolving,                                                        ­                                          
                                                                ­                                        
thoughts in my
head,                                                            ­                                                
                ­                                                                 ­                           
puzzle solving,                                                         ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­  
writing in my
bed                                                              ­                                        
                                                                ­                                          
Causing
anxiety                                                          ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                             
if I don't get it out                                                              ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­             
It stays in my
memory                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­        
and jumbles about                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­     
Finally, the ******,                                                          ­                      
                                                                ­                                                  
I've got it all down,                                                            ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­                           
 as I try to go
  back,                                                         ­                                     
                           ­                                                                 ­                          
to sleep safe &
sound                                                            ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­             
Like a leaky
faucet,                                                          ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                       
it comes back
on,                                                              ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
I've had
enough,                                                          ­                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
I write until dawn

Like a tape player on rewind,                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                                      
          ­                                                                 ­                                           
 I see it all clearly in  my mind,                                                     ­                             
                                                                ­                                          
memories flash before aged eyes                                                             ­             
                                                   ­                                                                 ­    
                                                                ­                                                    
of the things I lived before I die,                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                        
  I see my children, small & frail,                                                           ­           
                                                                ­                                    
acknowledge attempts that I 've failed                                                           ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                    
that I would have done differently,                                                     ­       
                                                                ­                                                        
in the life of another me                                                               ­                 
                                                                ­                                                      
  I remember first days at school                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                       
  picnics­ at the swimming pool                                                             ­     
                                                           ­                                                             
  all of those wonderful
memories                                                         ­           
                                                                ­                                                 
 and others not so
pleasantly                                                       ­               
                                                                ­                                                      
I remember how love can hurt                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                              
 of things that were far worse                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                              
All of this pain I pushed away                                                             ­         
                                                       ­                                                             
to remember another day                                                              ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­ 
I hope if that day comes,                                                           ­                                     
                                                                ­                                                      
I can stand up & be the one                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                
­ that is so convincingly                                                     ­                 
                                                                ­                                                                 ­       
another version, another me

Here I am feeling your pain,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                      
that you've afflicted over & over again,                                                      
    ­                                                                 ­                                                   
I'd like to give you some of the same,                                                    
                                                                ­                                                      
but sadly, some love still remains                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­           
Claim you do it 'cause you love me
so                                                        
      ­                                                                 ­                                               
But all that your love is letting me know,                                                      
     ­                                                                 ­                                                
is you love yourself way more than me                                                            
                                                                ­                                                    
That you can only fulfill your needs                                                            ­      
                                                          ­                                                      
They say time is a good remedy,                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­ 
but there's not enough time for healing me                                                          
    ­                                                                 ­                                               
So here I am, I am letting go,                                                              ­    
                                                                ­                                                    
of the only love I have ever known,                                                        
                                                                ­                                              
where I'll end up, you'll never know,                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                          
because if I stay, I will never grow

How quickly life passes us by                                                         
  That we often don't enjoy the ride                                                        
   Always wishing our days away                                                            
   Like we are assured another day                                                    
  Days turn into months, then
  years                                                         ­                         
And just like that we disappear                                                    
While loved ones go through all our stuff                           
Holding onto trinkets we held dear  by us      
Every once in a while, our name comes up                                         
A memory , a life , a loss of love.

Ladies and Gentlemen can I have your attention                                                        ­                                                  I  am  about to ascend to the fifth dimension                                                        ­                                                Me  and  the world all interconnected                                                   ­                My  whole life being redirected                                                       ­     Moving  in between possibilities                                                    ­       living  in alternate realities                                                        ­           In  a  state of pure tranquility                                                      ­              with  twenty twenty visibility                                                       ­                  I  am going to control my destiny                                                          ­      Live my life with brevity

You didn't confess when confronted with your lies,                                      
                                                                ­                                                    
how quickly I regret ever letting you in my life                                      
                      ­                                                                 ­                               
  You think you were so smart, leading me along,                                            
                                                                ­                                                        
an actor playing a part, convincing me I'm wrong                                                          
                                                                ­                                                
Making me think it's me being paranoid,                                            
           ­                                                                 ­                                         
since then, I am done, it's you I now avoid                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­       
So now, you say that you are missing me,                                                    
                                                                ­                                                        
  like that will somehow change my mind,                                              
                                                                ­                                                
I think it is time for you to see,                                                             ­ 
                                                               ­                                                 
these eyes of mine aren't blind                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                              
You are telling all our friends,                                                         ­   
                                                             ­                                                     
you don't know what you did,                                                             ­               
                                                 ­                                                             
when will all your lying end?                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
You­ treated me like ****                                                             ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­  
  It isn't up to me to tell                                                             ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­  
everyone my side                                                             ­                                     
                           ­                                                                 ­                     
 You just wait, you'll see                                                              ­                          
                                                                ­                                                  
the truth you can't hide

Lies can be told without words                                                            ­                   silence is still loudly heard

I gave my all every time, gave my heart, gave my mind                                                             ­                                                       one hundred and ten percent, like a weathered reed I have bent                                                             ­                                                    wrung my hands in despair, because I loved, because I cared                                                            ­                                                             I have wept tears and I have tried, to make a change, to be a guide                                                            ­                                                             It's my curse to love and mend, my family and my friends                                                          ­                                                           To offer hope and humanity, to offer help to those in need                                                             ­                                                          It's the way we all should be, not to follow but to lead, but perhaps it's just the Aquarian in me

The man I loved didn't love me                                                                        ­                                                
 He told me I was unworthy                                                         ­            
                                                                       ­                                            
Called me names, that I won't say                                                                         ­                                
Made my life hell everyday                                                                      ­                                                 
His whole goal was to break me down                                                                               ­                                              
Make insults with others around                                                           ­                                             
                   ­                                                                 ­                                
  I took it & swallowed my pride                                                                       ­                                              
Went along on a hell of a ride                                                             ­                                       
Telling myself If still loved you     
                                                        ­                        
 You would really love me too                                                             
        
Now I know there's nothing I can do                                                                     ­                                             
There is no fixing you

I was faced with a choice when I met you                                                    you came in with an X and were someone new                                                              ­                                                              I was with a guy, but I wanted you                                                              ­ now I pay the price for breaking all the rules                                                     I broke the heart of a good man                                                              ­    didn't see him in my future plans                                                            ­      but **** ,the lessons I have learned                                                          ­   loving you was like being burned                                                           ­      I had never loved anyone before                                                           ­             gave you my all and so much more                                                                        I gave more than I could afford                                                           ­     until I finally shut that door                                                             ­                    I wonder who I could have been                                                             ­               I know now that we weren't meant                                                            ­        I worked so hard to be your number one                                             when I was already that to someone

I took a knife & cut the
vine                                                             ­                 
                                                                ­                                                      
that tethered me to
you                                                              ­                              
                                                                ­                                                
No longer mine & that's just
fine,                                                            ­      
                                                          ­                                                             
   I consider myself
rescued                                                          ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­     
  I'm happy to see you missing
me,                                                              ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­               
  because I'm not missing
you                                                              ­                    
                                                                ­                                        
  Predictably, it's clear to
see                                                              ­                    
                                            ­                                                              
  without me you couldn't
  do                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                              
  While under your care I didn't
thrive                                                           ­       
                                                         ­                                                         
 you starved me of your love                                                             ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
It made me know &realize                                                          ­              
                                                  ­                                                                
­ you would never grow up                                                               ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­      
I now have reclaimed my
energy                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
it has grown &
bloomed                                                          ­                          
                                                                ­                                                      
A bouquet of positivity                                                       ­                               
                                                                 ­                                                 
  and a life that is brand new

No love is known where no love is shown

I know you only want to talk                                                  because you  know  I'm  going to walk                                                                I  met  your childish silence                                                          ­ with  strength  and defiance                                                         ­  You  thought that I would cave                                                             ­ Stand  back while you misbehaved                                                       ­    Now  that  your  tower moment is here                                                         all  that ego has disappeared                                                      ­    While  you  gathered stones to throw                                                     I  was growing on my own                                                              ­          You  were full of foolish pride                                                trying  to  conquer and divide                                                           ­  You  always knew I dealt in truth                                                           and  that's something you can't do                                                           This  is your consequence                                                      ­                     This  is your tower moment

I am going on a journey, I don't know where,                                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
I'll let you know the details, when I get there                                      
                                                                ­                                                      
You call it running away, I claim escape,                                                      
                                                                ­                                            
anything to put a smile back on my face                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
You call it self-indulging, I say it's a
need,                                                          
 ­                                                                 ­                                                    
this deep-rooted hunger that I have to feed                                                             ­                                         
                                                                ­                                                  
See, I have been trying to make myself believe                                  
                       ­                                                                 ­                          
that your sparse love is all that I need                                                
            ­                                                                 ­                                     
Now I've awakened, that doesn't satisify me                                                               ­           
                                                                ­                                                  
and I'm the only one who can make me happy                                                    
                                                                ­                                                      
If my leaving hurts you, know I am sorry                                                      
                                                                ­                                                  
  but I'm long overdue for this journey

I will bend but I will not
break,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­  
I have given more than I
take,                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­     
I have fallen but got back
up,                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                     
    paid my dues more than
enough                                                           ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
Have stood tall against the
storm,                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
faced those who have done me
wrong,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
I've surprised even
myself,                                                          ­                                      
                          ­                                                                 ­                 
walked through the fires of
hell                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                            
 You may ask me
  how,                                                          ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­               
I'm still strong even
now                                                              ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­         
I have one word to
say,                                                             ­                       
                                                                ­                                                
God, helps me through each
day                                                              ­  
                                                              ­                                                  
  With him in my
  heart,                                                        ­                                                
                ­                                                                 ­                               
 each day's a new
start                                                            ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­               
  He gives me all I need,                                                            ­      
                                                                ­                                            
  healing me when I
  bleed                                                         ­                           
                                                                ­                                                        
I owe him everything,                                                      ­                                                    
                                                                ­                                                  
  I love the peace he brings                                                           ­                                                       
         ­                                                                 ­                                        
My inner strength is
him                                                              ­                      
                                                                ­                                                    
He loves me despite my sins.

You have made it so loud & clear,                                                           ­                                             
   that my efforts are not wanted
  here                                                          ­                
                                                                ­                                                      
  I've given you more than I
received,                                                        ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
hoping you'd give me what I need                                                                     ­                                                       
I blame myself for loving
   you,                                                             ­                   
                                                                ­                                                      
for tolerating all of your
abuse                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                            
 Keeping your secrets to keep
  you,                                                          ­            
                                                                ­                                              
made me equally as wrong as
you                                                              ­      
                                                          ­                                                              
  I can't even say that you used
  me,                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                        
I gave of myself so
eagerly                                                          ­                        
                                                                ­                                                
Even when I felt you
distancing,                                                      ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­           
I gave you all the time to be
free                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­        
So wrapped up in you, I didn't
see,                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                   
that you were manipulating
me                                                               ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­  
Your happiness was my
priority,                                                        ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
even if it meant I got
nothing                                                          ­              
                                                  ­                                                              
They say you accept the
love                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­    
 you feel you are deserving
  of                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                            
  My eyes are open to who you
  are                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
  and that I have been living behind bars

I want to shrivel up and blow
away                                                             ­ 
                                                                ­                                                      
like a fallen leaf on an autumn
day                                                              ­  
                                                              ­                                                          
      a carefree dancer, waltzing in the
breeze                                                           ­                       
                                                                ­                                                   
 form a pile on the ground, jump in
  me,                                                           ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­                  
  feel the rainfall wash over me                                                      
                                                                ­                                                    
  then bask in the sunlight, so
  colorfully                                                    ­                    
                                                                ­                                                        
I want to melt into the damp dark
earth                                                        
                                                                ­                                                     
 to be born again when Spring gives birth

You know that smile that reaches your eyes,                                                            ­                                                                                                              ­                                                        one  saved for love, the one for  surprise                                                    ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­               the one that's reserved, for no one but me                                                               ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­            like my favorite dessert, made especially

You pass your judgement off onto me,                                                              ­                      
                                                                ­                                                    
with strategic, hurtful whisperings                                                      ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­       
You even believe your own lies,                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­ 
think you're a master of disguise                                                         ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
You don't even care if it's right,                                                           ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
   I brought my truth to a knife
fight                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                        
Your only goal is to win the game,                                                      
                                                                ­                                                  
  where I am expected to take the
  blame.                                                        ­    
                                                                ­                                                      
  A game where no one will really
  win,                                                          ­      
                                                                ­                                                    
  so, I am cashing all my chips
  in                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­     
   I am no longer filled with
doubt,                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
so go ahead and call me
out                                                              ­              
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­
I think it's time I turn the
tides,                                                           ­                                     
                           ­                                                                 ­                            
I am in your head, I am inside                                                          
                                                                ­                                           
   Ravaging your comfort zone,                                                            ­      
                                                                ­                                            
   leaving nothing but skin and
  bones                                                         ­             
                                                   ­                                               
  I'm now comfortable with your
  insecurities,                                                 ­                 
                                                                ­                                              
  taking the power from you and giving it to me

Broken glass on the floor,                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­        
  holes punched through the door,                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                                        
                                                                ­                                                    
all say I love you & more                                                             ­               
                                                                ­                                                        
to those who've been there before                                                           ­               
                                                 ­                                                             
Pictures out of the frames,                                                          ­          
                                                      ­                                                            
piled up ready for the flames                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                              Curse words & then your name                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                        
all in efforts to assign blame                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                              
Cell phones with cracked screens,                                                         ­   
                                                                ­                                              
police called to a domestic scene                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                    
Bleached clothes strewn in the tub                                                              ­    
                                                                ­                                                  
   all this has to be true love                                                             ­ 
                                                               ­                                             
Ripped clothes thrown on the floor                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                              
along with your heart & more                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                  
All of this drama, what's it for?                                                             ­             
                                                   ­                                                             
This isn't love, it's settling a score

Not so very long ago,                                                             ­                                           
                     ­                                                                 ­                                    
I tried hard to let you know,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                      
that you played a part,                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                        
in creating hate in my heart                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­       
I wanted you to pay,                                                             ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­          
every single **** day                                                              ­                        
                                                                ­                                                  
but while I punished you,                                                             ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­      
I was punishing me too                                                              ­                                
                                                                ­                                                      
It took all my strength,                                                        ­                            
                                                                ­                                                      
to hurt you at great lengths                                                          ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­           
I wanted to see you cry,                                                             ­               
                                                                ­                                                  
you knew the reasons why                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                        
I wanted you to break,                                                           ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­              
yearned to tie you to the stake,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­
to watch you hurt and bleed,                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
just like you did to me                                                               ­               
                                                                ­                                                
Now you are old & gray                                                             ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                             and I too have also aged,                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                                        
I heard you are alone,                                                           ­                                         
                                                                ­                                                                 ­    feeling bad for what you've done                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                               
As stubborn as can be,                                                              ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
you won't say you're sorry to me                                                               ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
but as I have grown up,                                                              ­                                
                                                                ­                                                          
I feel you've paid enough                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­        
So, I'll be the bigger person                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
and tell you're forgiven,                                                        ­                  
                                                                ­                                                    
as much for you as for me,                                                              ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­             
I will say I'm sorry

Here are the wings you need to take flight                                                           ­                                                     Guard your heart like you do your life                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­ Say your prayers, thank God every night                                                          Let your love shine, it's your light                                                            ­           A smile is the first thing people see                                                              ­ Live your life free and happily                                                          ­  Treat others like you'd like to be                                                               Don't just look around but truly see                                                              ­  Live each day like it's your last                                                             ­           Live in the present, not in the past

Take my heart, tear it in two,                                                             ­             
                                                   ­                                                                 ­  
put it back when you are through                                                          ­        
                                                        ­                                                              
You are the best at what you do,                                                          
                                                                ­                                            
showing me, I am nothing to you                                                              ­  
                                                                ­                                                
Knock me down, step over me,                                                              ­
                                                                ­                                                      
you treat me with such cruelty                                                          ­                      
                                                                ­                                                
Punish me with severity                                                         ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­        
for just trying to be me                                                               ­             
                                                   ­                                                             
Was there a time that you cared?                                                           ­   
                                                                ­                                                  
Did I imagine what we shared?                                                          ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
My heart is filled with despair,                                                         ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
the hole you've left is beyond repair

She holds her hand over the flame,                                                           ­     
                                                           ­                                                         
                                                                ­                                            
 trying to tolerate the pain                                                             ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­        
behind her someone calls her name,                                                            ­        
                                                                ­                                                        
in their attempt to make her refrain                                                          ­          
                                                                ­                                                      
She blinks back her hot tears,                                                           ­         
                                                                ­                                                     
 that she's held back for a thousand years                                                          
                                                                ­                                                      
but it isn't the pain she fears                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                                     
 and not from the voice she hears                                                            ­        
                                                                ­                                                    
In her mind she is not there,                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­  
she's taken herself to somewhere,                                                       ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­
  that she can escape & not care                                                             ­             
                                                   ­                                                             
from the reality she cannot bear                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                     
  running fast, she's broken free                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                    
  of all those painful memories                                                         ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
like a horse out of the gate                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­      
she runs from her growing fate                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                               
as a child, she was abused                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­      
as a teen, she was confused                                                         ­                   
                                                                ­                                                      
a little girl who was used                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­
helped all that anger to fuse                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
into the girl whose name                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                      
  is being called again & again                                                            ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­                       
so many people are to blame                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                                    
for hurting the girl who seeks the flame

I could think of one hundred ways,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­       
that I could say good-bye today                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
You're the best at what you do,                                                              ­            
                                                    ­                                                            
happy to break my heart in two                                                              ­        
                                                        ­                                                              
and every time you look at me,                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                          
I think of who I wished you'd be                                                          
                                                                ­                                                
That guy who loved me so much                                                             ­               
                                                                ­                                                  
that you could never get enough                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
The man that I once looked up to,                                                              ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
not this one who loves to abuse                                                
           ­                                                                 ­                          
Someone that I used to respect,                                                         ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
not demanding his needs be met                                                              ­            
                                                                ­                                                  
You bully me to see your views,                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                
then sit up all night to argue                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                            
Where you ever really that man,                                                             ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­        
the one that always kissed my
hand                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
You tell me that you still care,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
  why? because your still here?                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                          
When is the last time you said,                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                                 ­ 
I love you before going to bed                                                              ­      
                                                                ­                                                
Then I wonder even if you changed,                                                        
                                                                ­                                              
Could I even love you again?

My heart weighs one hundred pounds,                                                          ­          
                                                                ­                                                        
tethered by a chain that you drag around                                                           ­     
                                                           ­                                                           
  You­ have the power, you have the key                                                              ­        
                                                        ­                                                                
­ My abductor, but I stay willingly

I have weathered the storm                                                            ­                   I've swam against the riptide                                                          ­              was tattered and torn,                                                            ­                                                         
 turned­ in from the outside                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­  I didn't know how to swim,                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                  I was lost out to sea                                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­   I had nothing to left to give                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­ and nothing left for me                                                               ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­ Lost in the black forest                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 that was thick with trees                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                For the weary, no rest                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                                                  heart weighed down heavily                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                               No bread crumbs or trails                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­  to show me my way                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­       Only the will to prevail                                                          ­                                     Has saved me today

You don't see things the way that I do,                                                              ­      
                                                          ­                                                            
that's what makes me, me and makes you, you                                                              ­  
                                                                ­                                                          
I can see beauty in so many things,                                                          ­          
                                                      ­                                                            
there are more gems than diamonds in those rings                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                                      
Not every flower smells like a rose,                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
  you can be in a picture and not have to pose                                                        
                                                                ­                                              
Every animal is not a purebred,                                                        ­                        
                                                                ­                                            
actions are shown not in words that are said

My heart looks like a crime scene,          
                                                                ­                                                        
   a victim of love bleeds profusely                                                        ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­       
So many cuts inflicted on me,                                                              ­                    
                                                                ­                                                        
your love has left it's print on me                                                               ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
Your weapon of words cut like a knife,                                          
                                                                ­                                              
causing me pain, threatening my life,                                                          
 ­                                                                 ­                                                  
only held together with caution tape,                                                
                                                                ­                                                
sealed with lies & bitter hate                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
Hit & run, I am left dealing.                                                         ­             
                                                                ­                                                
with a heart that has no feeling                                                          ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
You are guilty, the jury is in                                                               ­           
                                                     ­                                                           
may you burn with others condemned

You are here right here with me,                                                              ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­ 
looking through, not at me                                                               ­                 
                                                                ­                                                      
We are suffering quietly,                                                         ­                   
                                                                ­                                                                 so much is said, silently                                                         ­                     
                                                                ­                                                      
The TV plays way too loud                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­      
You stomp your feet too proud                                                            ­  
                                                              ­                                                
  Neither of us is willing to do,                                                            
                                                                ­                                                
what's needed to get us through                                                          ­      
                                                          ­                                                        
You give me an icy glare,                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                     
interrupting my focused stare,                                                           ­                                           
                     ­                                                                 ­                  
slapping me into reality                                                          ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­               
of how bad it is between you &me                                                               ­   
                                                             ­                                                     
  The washer machine in the background,                                                      ­
                                                                ­                                              
   cleans up dirt without a sound                                                            ­  
                                                                ­                                                  
   But you & I can't get
by,                                                              ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­   
   our dirt gets materialized                                                     ­                 
                                                                ­                                            
   Behind the walls we are seen,                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                    
as a couple whose grass is green                                                            ­        
                                                                ­                                              
  While eating our dinner we fall apart.                                                           ­                                                       
         ­                                                                 ­                                        
  as we eat the other's hearts                                                           ­       
                                                                ­                                                 
 The fence is white & the flowers bloom.                                                
          ­                                                                 ­                                         
as we explode in the living room                                                             ­         
                                                       ­                                                           
The pictures hung so perfectly,                                                       ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
like we once used to be

I've been standing in the shadows watching others live,                                  
                         ­                                                                 ­                  
allowing them to take from me all I had to
give                                        
                                                                ­                                                
Saving nothing for myself, I'm an empty
soul,                                          
                 ­                                                                 ­                                      
    I need to find a remedy to help make me
whole                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                        
 I was raised to give to anyone in need
                                                            ­   
  but I didn't realize that ''anyone'' was
  me                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                        
Thinking it was selfish to withhold my
love,                                                        
   ­                                                                 ­                                      
allowed me to put everyone else above                                                  
                                                                ­                                            
  Trying to please others was something I 'd
  do                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
  and I got satisfaction from loving
you                                                              ­              
                                                                ­                                                    
  By the time I noticed, I was someone who,                                        
                                                                ­                                                            
  wa­s never taught to show myself that love too                                
                             ­                                                                 ­                    
  I've been standing in the shadows watching others
live,                                                
                                                                ­                                              
  giving more of myself than I had to give

It is so easy for you,                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                    
to crush my self-esteem                                                      ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­                                   I wish I didn't love you,                                                             ­                           
                                                                ­                                              
because I know you don't love me                                                               ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
You aren't who I thought,                                                         ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­              
I guess I've been blind,                                                           ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                
bruises heal & I forget,                                                          ­                                         
                                                                ­                                                
 how it affected my mind                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                         
Being punished for the past,                                                            ­  
                                                                ­                                          
whether it was my fault or not                                                              ­            
                                                                ­                                                      
I thought our love would last                                                             ­       
                                                                ­                                                  
but I settled for what I got                                                              ­      
                                                          ­                                                        
You take all that I have,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                
want me at your beck & call,                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                              
then tell me I should be glad,                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                              
I'm getting anything at all

Open up, let it in,                                                              ­                                    
                                                                ­                                                      
  feel it under your skin                                                             ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­        
Observe the beauty of the Earth,                                                           ­                   
                                                                ­                                                        
let it give your senses birth                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                  
Allow yourself to feel,                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­   
help open wounds to heal                                                             ­         
                                                       ­                                                           
Learn how to forgive,                                                         ­                                     
                                                                ­                                                        
let yourself live

Just like a tapestry,                                                        ­                                            
                    ­                                                                 ­                                 
you are woven into
me                                                               ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­        
Two bodies, one
heartbeat,                                                       ­                               
                                                                ­                                                        
    I need you to feel complete                                                         ­       
                                                                ­                                          
  Whenever we are
apart,                                                           ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­              
you have a part of my
heart                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­       
   I could melt right into you                                         
                    ­                                                                 ­                                   
be your personal tattoo

I'm loosening the reins,                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­              
         I am letting go                                                               ­                               
                                                                ­                                                      
I'm living again,                                                           ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                      
out of your shadow                                                           ­                             
                                                                ­                                                          
I am coming up, 
                                                                ­                                                        
I have had enough
                                                                 ­                            
 This is not love,                                                            ­                              
                                                                ­                                                    
It's over for
us                                                               ­                                     
                                                                ­                                                    
I'll push you away,                                                            ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                           
I'll close my heart                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­       
Today is the day,                                                             ­                               
                                                                ­                                                        
I get a new
start                                                           ­                                                             
   ­                                                                 ­                                          
Today the sun will shine                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­                   
and be bright for me                                                               ­                                               
                 ­                                                                 ­                                      
   I 've found my inner light                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                            
  a healing energy

There comes a time in your life, when you have to face all you've done                                                             ­                                                        Have you tasted it, taken a bite, or crossed off your list, a single one?                                                             ­                                                         Are you living each day like it lasts because life goes so fast,                                                            ­                                                              so I like to do more often than not, sit myself down and straight talk                                                             ­                                                                You can't change or live in the past, it dims life's light with the shadow it casts                                                                                            ­                                It humbles me and makes me aware, love is garden that needs care                                                             ­                                                            It's so easy to build up a wall  ,impossible to scale it keeps out all  ,                                                           ­                                                            once you feel no one's there, remember you shunned all who cared                                                            ­                                                             Life is fleeting and love is strong, both must be given freely to work along                                                            ­                                                               I have seen it  many times,  life and love withering on the vine

I see the narcissist in you                                                              ­                       so strategic in your moves                                                            ­     manipulated I Love You's                                                            ­                 used to pull me closer to you                                                                             So many secrets you couldn't tell                                                             ­      kept them hidden very well                                                             ­          While I was busy weathering the tide                                                                 it had kept the enemy by my side                                                             ­         You loved me from your ego and pride                                                 knowing I was your ride or die                                                                             I had to pull back on my emotions                                                         ­          step out of that turbulent ocean                                                            ­        God had blessed me discernment                                                      ­     pulled me from the riptide current                                                          ­   Regaining control of the true me                                                             opening up an ocean of possibilities

I climbed up the mountain side,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
taking in the beautiful sights                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                          
Breathing in the fresh air so
high                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­        
until it totally filled me inside                                                           ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­          
While I inhaled so freely                                                           ­                 
                                                                ­                                                        
of the mountain air so
deeply                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                        
I felt I was taking in its
beauty                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                  
and the essence went through
me                                                               ­       
                                                         ­                                                               
I became a part of that
mountain,                                                        ­                    
                                                                ­                                                
pure energy flowing like a
fountain                                                         ­       
                                                         ­                                                    
 Filling me with its
serenity                                                         ­                         
                                                                ­                                                    
as a calmness washed over
me                                                               ­       
                                                                ­                                           
       Mother Nature, God &
  Heaven                                                        ­                  
                                                                ­                                          
working together times
seven                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                              
    Never have I felt such
    peace                                                       ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­      
the way God wants me to be

You are knee deep in your toxicity                                                         ­  hoping your hate will steep into me                                                               ­   Submerged  so far that you can't see                                                           that you are no longer affecting me                                                      As  much as it gives you pleasure                                                         ­    I'm  not cracking under your pressure                                                     Life's  lessons weren't made to break me                                             An  army of you couldn't shake me                                                         So  brace yourself for your karmic storm                                                             that's  been churning in you since you were born

I don't love who you
are,                                                             ­                       
                                                                ­                                                        
I love who you used to be                                                               ­                                                     
                                                                ­                                                      
 I keep hoping that not too          
 far,                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                      
  that person is still
  lurking                                                       ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                        
   I get a glimpse now &
   then                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                 
 that keeps my hopes
alive                                                            ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­               
I keep on wondering
when,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                
you'll tell me he's
arrived                                                          ­                            
                                                                ­                                                
Every once in a
while,                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                    
he shows himself to
me,                                                              ­                                            
                    ­                                                                 ­                                       
in a look or a smile                                                            ­                                                    
            ­                                                                 ­                                           
and it is so reassuring                                                       ­                                                               
                                                                ­                                                  
but those glimpses are so few                                                              ­                              
                                                                ­                                                      
  it leaves me questioning                                                      ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­               
  Why do I stay with you?                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­              
What's this loves direction?                                                       ­                           
                                                                ­                                                  
My heart still won't give up                                                               ­                   
                                                                ­                                                    
it's missing what is gone                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­            
but I know it's been long
enough                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
and he's not coming home

You say, I don't pay attention,                                                       ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­                    
  I say, I don't have to listen,                                                          ­                              
                                                                ­                                                        
   You say, I talk all the
time,                                                            ­                                              
                                                                ­                                              
   I say, you never pay me no mind                                                             ­        
                                                        ­                                                              
  You say, I need sometime
  alone,                                                        ­                                      
                          ­                                                                 ­                             
I say, you never call me on the phone,                                                           ­                       
                                                                ­                                                        
I say, I think we need a break,                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­       
   You say, I never give, I only
take,                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­             
I say, I'm not happy anymore,                                                         ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­    
You say, well, right there's the door,                                                            ­      
                                                                ­                                                        
  I say, my final good-bye,                                                        ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­           
You say, you never even tried

Love is like a rare flower, it possesses a power                                                            ­                                                 Drawing you in, luringly, beautiful but needs nurturing                         from a distance we can see all  of its outer beauty                                                           ­                                                      something we crave, something we need                                                             ­                                                          we drink it in so greedily ,but few can grow it properly

I see you smiling through your tears                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                                      
   You still amaze me after all these years                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                              
                                                                ­                                                
Your strength helps me to believe                                                        
                                                                ­                                                   
   That all will be okay with me                                                               ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­            
   In your eyes I see a glimpse of hope                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                                                         
You are the only knot in a flimsy rope                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                                                         
  An anchor buried in me so deep                                                             ­                 
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                         
holding me steady, firm on my feet                                                                        ­                                                      
I often wonder where I would I be                                                               ­ 
                                                               ­                                           
without you always supporting me                                                              
                                                                ­                                                      
I admire every aspect of you                                                              ­            
                                                    ­                                                              
You have always told me the truth                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                    
No secrets & nothing to hide                                                             ­       
                                                                ­                                                        
  So easy for me to confide                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                              
Na­turally beautiful in every way                                                            
                                                                ­                                                      
I love you more than I can say                                                              ­  
                                                                ­                                                  
You accept me just as I am                                                                  ­                                               
 Push me to be all that I
  can                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                  
You listen to me & you understand                                                       ­         
                                                       ­                                                             
I'll walk through life with you, hand in hand