Today I got a hug, out of the blue                                                             ­     
                                                           ­                                                               
and it even came with an "I love you''                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                        
Such a simple kind gesture                                                          ­                                                  
              ­                                                                 ­                               
  It brought me such pleasure                                                         ­                     
                                                                ­                                                          
It picked me up when I felt down                                                             ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­      
  turned my day totally around                                                           ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
  Just when I thought no one cared                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                        
someone loved me, someone shared

The seasons, they are changing                                                         ­ you  can  see it everywhere                                                       ­                        I  don't  think that it's strange                                                          ­      you  can smell it in the air                                                              ­   Leaves  are  gently falling                                                                   into  piles on the ground                                                           ­                          In  colors so enticing                                                         ­                   of  yellows, rust and brown                                                            ­                The days are getting colder                                                           ­       and  nighttime comes so soon                                                             ­  The  school kids are one year older                                                           and  are learning about the moon                                                             ­       The  teens are playing football                                                         ­     while  all  the girls cheer                                                            ­               I  love the signs of fall                                                             ­                      and  I'm so glad it's here

The winters snow is marching in                                                               ­       you can feel it behind the wind                                                             ­              I  look  out  the window I always do                                                           A  big oak tree is in my range of view                                                           So  many seasons I've watched go by                                                             seen  its  leaves turn emerald bright                                                           ­watching as they fall to the ground                                                         landing softly without a sound                                                            ­  Beautiful  leaves with silver side up                                                             shielding themselves from raindrops                                                        ­  Lit  up by lightening all in white                                                            ­ during a thunderstorm at night                                                            ­        all  of this beauty here to see                                                              ­       that God has placed before me

After  years  of  you  giving me the silent treatment                                                        ­                                          if  no  one  calls  I  think  it's because  of a disagreement                                                     ­                             Because  of  your consistent  lack  of communication                                                    ­                  sometimes  when  I talk, I forget people are listening                                                        ­         Convinced I am never enough or  I'm too  much                                                        ­                                                I overdo for others in hopes of earning their love                                                             ­                                                     Under your  sense of grandiose entitlement                                                      ­                                                      I've  put myself last and under your judgement                                                        ­                                                    With persistent efforts to  disrespect me                                                                                                                          I  over explain and apologize habitually                                          I've  accepted bread crumbs of your affection                                                        ­                                             a love  concocted of toxin and poisonous venom

If you feel your world's going to end                                                              ­and your heart just won't mend                                                             ­   or  that the sun hasn't shined for days                                                 When  you can't see the brighter side                                                       or  you feel  you want to run and hide                                                        you  have to try hard to find your way                                                              ­  Turn on  your  brightest  of  lights                                     ­              close  your  eyes  to  life's  blight                          ­                                  then  get down  on your knees and pray                                                             ­                                    Take  a  deep  breath and exhale                                                           ­  Have  faith  that God will prevail                                                          ­  He  can change your life today

There is an ocean deep inside of me                                                              
­                                                                 ­                                                     
and lately I've gone deep sea diving                                                           ­         
                                                       ­                                                           
I'm doing a little bit of self-reflection                                                  ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­   
Making sure I'm headed in the right direction                                                    
   ­                                                                 ­                                        
Trusting my intuition, no second guess                                                            ­  
                                                              ­                                                          
It's working pretty well, no problems yet                                                    
         ­                                                                 ­                                    
Walking in the path that's right for me                                                            
                                                                ­                                            
Standing tall in the face of adversity                                                        ­        
                                                        ­                                                    
Saying what I believe is the real truth                                                           
Even if it's not hitting your sweet  
tooth                                                    ­                
                                                                ­                                                
Hold my head up & walk through the crowd                                                  
                                                                ­                                                
This is me being me, me being proud

I've been doing some integrating                                                      ­         of  the parts I've lost contemplating                                             if  I  was  really worth saving                                                           ­                after  years of you being so debasing                                                         ­   I  had to fall before I could ascend                                                           ­      Had to disconnect to stop the pretense                                                 Endured  your painful smear campaigns                                                        ­ you  didn't have the sense to feel ashamed                                      Called  you out when you knew you lied                                             maintained  class when you rolled your eyes                                             I  never let you see you hurt me deeply                                               walked  away when you threw dirt at me                                                   You  act like you're surprised I'd leave                                               For  once I'm rejecting you and embracing me

You  view  my kindness as weakness                                                  that's  a  reflection of your bleakness                                                        ­ You hate my ability to show my light                                                            ­ while you live in the darkness of night                                                             Envious of my endless empathy                                                          ­ It's  easier to be disparaging                                                      ­          I  continue to stand my ground                                                           ­ I  am  genuine  and rootbound                                                        ­               As  your jealousy rises and peaks                                                                     I  will  turn the other cheek                                                                 I  pray  that  someday you'll find                                                             ­              your very own peace of mind

She hurts herself, it's all she knows                                                            ­                                                                                              ­                                                   
the pain inside grows & grows                                                            ­           
                                                                ­                                                        
It runs too deep from head to toe                                                              ­      
                                                          ­                                                         
                                                                ­                                                
How do you stop the wind that blows?                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
Self-inflicted wounds, no relief in sight                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                           
Light the fuse on the dynamite                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                      
She scars herself, but can't release the knife                                                            ­                                                
                                                                ­                                                  
Can't see the sun, it's always night                                                            ­                                           
 She cries & cradles her legs with her arms                             
                
Knows the enemy who does the most harm                                                      
                                                                ­                                                          You'd think that would set off alarms                                                           ­   
                                                             ­                                                 
Can't someone save her with their charms?                                                          ­                                                      
          ­                                                                 ­                                       
  She has never known the feeling of love                                          
                  ­                                                                 ­                         
Noone has held her high enough                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                       
Is there some way she can rise above                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                
  The self-destruction she's proof of

You are drowning me with your negativity                                                       ­                                               
Coming off you like waves soaking me                                                               ­                    
                                                                ­                                                          
I look for the sunshine, I long to see,                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                        
feel it's rays on my face & be happy                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­ 
You are the darkness, I need the light                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                                      
You feed off me like a vampire at night                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                       
 Slowly draining me of my energy                                                           ­                 
                                               ­                                                               
Leaving me feeling weak & empty                                                            ­      
                                                          ­                                                            
You were a dark soul when we met                                                              ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­               
That I couldn't help you, I regret                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                            
You've one foot in the grave & one on my chest                                                
           ­                                                                 ­                                
You've taken my all & stolen the rest                                                      
                                                                ­                                                      
A dried-up flower I have become                                                           ­                                               
                                                                ­                                                  
 my beauty & scent are long gone

So, that class in anger management                                                      that sounded a little extravagant                                                      ­        that  you threw around like an accomplishment                                                   ­                                while  it  ended up being an embarrassment                                                    ­                                                You   still  get  aggressive   when  angered                                                   ­    Your heart is still black as cancer                                                           ­          You still sulk like a petulant child                                                            ­           I know, I got those memories on file                                                             ­    You tell anyone who believes you                                                              ­         that you've had some miracle breakthrough                                                   But I have learned to walk away                                                             ­              I ignore your immature displays                                                         ­         I  am no longer trauma bonded                                                           ­ I will  no longer remain haunted                                                          ­    I   used  to  feel  sympathy  for you                                                              now  I  know I  was  being abused

I know I was drawn to coming here                                                             ­                                               
to a dark room with a mind to
clear                                                            ­                                                  
                                                                ­                                                      
I need some time to think about me                                                               ­                                            
                                                                 ­                                              
And find out what my life needs to be                                                               ­                                                          
 I have a habit of blaming myself                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                             
    Give all my love to everyone else                                                             ­                                                
   So, what I have been repressing                                                                  ­                                                
Has bubbled up & effervescing                                                     ­                                         
A hard battle that I have to win                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                  
   Am I worthy of self-forgiving?                                                                     ­                                                 
    It's time to let all the past go   
                                                                ­                                               
Less ebb & much more flow

There is a red covered bridge                                                           ­           not  too far from here                                                             ­               with  a  wooden plank floor                                                            ­                where all time disappears                                                       ­                             A  creek  runs  underneath                                      ­             rippling    and  running deep                                                             ­ currents  filled  with colored leaves                                                           ­pushing  through steadily                                                         ­                   Enclosed by shade filled trees                                                            ­          I  can feel it calling out to me                                                              Sometimes in my mind                                                             ­   I  imagine  back in time                                                             ­           who  may  have wandered through                                                          ­      did they have the same point of view?                                                      Was  it just as beautiful to them                                                             ­       a  small slice of heaven?

Magazines strewn amongst,                                                         ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­            
mis-matched coffee cups,                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                  
white rings on the tabletops,                                                       ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                      
We are just getting
up                                                               ­                                             
                   ­                                                                 ­                                  
You yawn & look at me,                                                              ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­                making your way, groggily,                                                        ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­         
rub your eyes sleepily                                                         ­                   
                                                                ­                                                       
  as we exchange, ''good
  morning ''                                                               ­         
                                                                ­                                                
Hair sticking up in the air,                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                              
neither one really cares                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                           
 Noisily pulling out a
  chair,                                                        ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
both of us, with feet
bare                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                
Coffee smells
permeate,                                                        ­                        
                                                                ­                                                    
as it drips &
percolates,                                                      ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­             
begging us to take a
taste                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                               
  Aren't Sunday mornings great?

So, you're finally seeing the truth,                                                           ­         more aware of what's happening with you                                                      You don't have to dress up the hurt,                                                            ­    or rub your wounds with salt or dirt                                                            I've seen you in confusion and despair,                                                feeling like you can't be repaired                                                                  Seek spiritual purification                                                     ­                            not more time in isolation                                                        ­                    find  your purpose and redefine it                                                             center yourself, then seek refinement                                                       ­            This is the dark night of your soul                                                         face yourself or be swallowed whole

I give too much to everyone else,                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                  
I don't save anything for myself                                                           ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­                  
so, I end up empty as a
shell                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                            
resenting the takers & myself as
well                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
I open my mouth the words come
out,                                                             ­       
                                                         ­                                                                 ­
  I need to please, what's that
  about?                                                        ­                    
                                                                ­                                              
When the time comes to do the
deed,                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                            
  I'm overwhelmed if I don't meet their
needs                                                  
         ­                                                                 ­                                      
  Why can't I take, why can't I
receive?                                                         ­       
                                                         ­                                                       
Why can't I feel a little
greed?                                                           ­                   
                                                                ­                                                        
I have wants, I have
needs                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                                  
Sure there's a reason deep down inside                                                           ­         
                                                       ­                                                         
  some under lying purpose of why I,                                                               ­                                                      
                                                                ­                                                
don't feel I deserve the pleasure                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                    
of someone who treats me better                                                           ­                                                 
                                                                ­                                            
Maybe I just need to be
needed,                                                          ­        
                                                                ­                                                
that's why the cycle keeps being repeated

They were breaking her, she was their favorite game,                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                
Her face was a blur, they all called her names,                                                           ­                   
                                                                ­                                                      
She could have been anyone; they just had a need                                                                   ­                                                     
                                                                ­                                                    
to hurt someone with their reckless deeds                                                            ­                                                           
     ­                                                                 ­                                          
Fragile as glass, they chipped away at her,                                                                      ­                                                   
all in the same class, they liked throwing dirt                                          
                                                                ­                                                  
Some said she had demons of her own                                                                     ­                                               
they exorcised theirs by computer & phone                                                
                                                                ­                                                
They saw her as weak & hoped to bring her down                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                           
They sought out to seek someone to push around     
                                                                 ­                                                   
It all became too much; she committed suicide                                    
                     ­                                                                 ­                                
It was just too much for her to abide                                                    
                                                                ­                                                
They had broken her, she was their favorite game,                                                    
       ­                                                                 ­                                            
   To them a faceless blur whose life forever changed

There are pieces of you everywhere,                                                      ­                                       
   for as far as the eye can see                                                     
        ­                                                                 ­                                                          I want to erase you, but I don't dare                                                        
                                                                ­                                                        
in case you're still in love with me                                                               ­                     
                                                                ­                                                      
So, now they've become chess pieces                                                           ­             
                                                   ­                                                               
that I move strategically                                                    ­                          
                                                                ­                                            
Praying that my love decreases,                                                       ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                      
so, I can start healing                                                          ­                                      
                                                                ­                                            
Playing a game with my love,                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                
don't know if I'll win or lose                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                        
I have been playing this long enough,                                                          ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
this game between me and you

We fought until we fell apart                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                         
 No love left in each other's hearts                                                                        ­                                                      
All these years we can't regain             
                                                                                    ­                            
Any empathy that once remained                                                                 
I have always wondered why I stayed                                                           ­                                            
                                                                ­                                              
While you continued to push me away      
                                                                    ­                                                   
Now all of the love that we once knew                                                                     ­                                        
Has become a stain of me & you

During the time we were apart,                                                           ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­  
wounds formed scars on my heart                                                            ­        
                                                                ­                                                    
Now whenever I close my eyes,                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­     
I see you & her, I can't deny,                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                            
when we kiss it isn't the same,                                                            ­                                              
                                                                ­                                                          
I feel your mouth say her name                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
then I flashback to where we were,                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                           
when I caught you alone with her,                                                             ­       
                                                                ­                                                        
I know you want us to move on,                                                          
   ­                                                                 ­                                              
but I'm not sure I am that strong                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                    
It's not easy to forgive & forget,                                                                    ­                         
because I am not over it yet
                                                                    ­                                                  
Just because it fell through for you,                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­               
doesn't mean I should go back to you                                                        
                                                                ­                                                  
You should have thought about it first                                                      
                                                                ­                                             
 before you decided it was me, you'd hurt                                                      
      ­                                                                 ­                                                 
I 've been with you through thick & thin                                                             ­     
                                                           ­                                                         
and you **** on me again & again                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­       
Don't blame me for what you've done,                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                              
I won't miss you when you are gone                                                             ­ 
                                                                ­                                              
While you were busy replacing me,                                                        
     ­                                                                 ­                                                
I was seeing what I couldn't see                                                              ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­   
Now that I have really opened my eyes,                                                            ­  
                                                              ­                                                        
I love you less than I realized                                                         ­                 
                                                                ­                                                    
So, thanks for the favor for me                                                               ­                                                                 ­                                          
                      ­                                                                 ­                     
Maybe she is still there waiting

So, while I'm here broken & ******                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                              
Mascara smeared; she still looks pretty                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
Even with that smile in her eyes                                                            
­                                                                 ­                                                
  That ***** is the devil in disguise                                                         ­         
                                                       ­                                                               
She took my love & my pride                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­         
Now every day, I die inside                                                           ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­
Puffy faced & pouting mouth                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                      
She shows you what love's about                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                  
She was a habit you couldn't quit                                                            
­                                                                 ­                                                   
  It was me you chose to forget

Does anyone say thank you anymore?                                                         ­     Or is everybody just keeping score?                                                           ­      You do one for me, then I'll do one for you                                             whatever happened to just being true?                                                           Kindness can be shown so easily                                                           yet a thank you is said less frequently                                                       ­ Open your heart and express gratitude                                               Respect  the gesture that's been given to you

How do you plug up the ocean                                                            ­         once the flood gates are opened                                                           ­            How do you reverse the hands of time                                                         once you've already crossed the  line                                             Accomplished liar, mendacious mind                                                  Devil and demon both combined                                                         Somehow it finally caught up                                                                  or  maybe  I've finally had enough                                          Angry outbursts in attempts to control me                                            instead of talking and trying to hold me                                                      You  did this and you **** well know it                                                 That bridge is burned and that's the matches you're holdin'                         You couldn't get out of your own way                                                     That's  cause and effect that you're learning today

God, I stand here before you                                                                just a  simple broken human                                                            ­        In   the  past  I've  been  defiant                              ­                                   but  bless me with divine guidance                                                         ­ I've  been  brought down to my knees                                                            ­  seen  my darkest hours ,so please                                                           ­  could  you bring your light to me                                                               I  am in need of your mercy                                                            ­                       I  know that I  may have strayed                                   ­                         but  I  have never lost my way                                                              The path  to  you brings brighter days                                                  and  I've always had strong faith                                                          Lift me up, give me strength                                                         ­              give me courage so I ascend

I surrender; I give you my everything                                                       ­           A pretender, without you I was nothing                                                     on my knees, I confess it all to you                                                   Comforting, I know your word is truth                                                           You were there, had my back all along                                                      Loving me ,in your arms I feel so strong                                                   What  relief, You've washed away my sins                                                             ­                                        Sweet  surrender , a  new  way  to  begin

I'm holding onto a makeshift raft                                                          sailing  into a hurricane's wrath                                                            ­             Tossed  around in a sea of emotions                                                         ­ trying  to navigate a turbulent ocean                                                          The  waves crash in mercilessly                                                      ­ choppy  waters, dangerous seas                                                             ­   in  the perils of uncharted territory                                                        ­ drowning in tempestuous energy

Depression is a weight you can't  see                                                                        ­                                        
 Invading every fiber of your being                                                                     ­                                        
A black cloud that you carry with you                                                  
                                                                ­                                                        
It affects all that you say & do                                                                       ­                                          
A heavy sigh can never clear                                                                    ­                                                 
The pain & hopelessness of the years                                                                              ­                                                    
It can feel so suffocatingly tight            
                                               ­                                                                   
Just to breathe is a fight for your life                                                                      ­                                                    
 I 've heard people say you can't give in                                                                              ­                                 
But dying is less painful than living                                                         
  An uphill battle that never ends                                                                     ­                                              
Climbing that, you can lose wind                                                                          ­                                                      
  I have never made it to the top myself,                                                                        ­                                                   
So for now, I live in this limbo of hell

Anything I did to you is less than you deserved                                              
                                                                ­                                                 
When I said I hated you, I meant every word                                                
            ­                                                                 ­                                   
your lying & cheating didn't break me down                                                        
You can do what you want, I won't be around                                                           ­                                          
                                                                ­                                                
 You can let your girlfriend take care of you                                                              ­      
                                                          ­                                                             
I am sure you will tell her what to do                                                          
    ­                                                                 ­                                                 
You two can run off in the sunset today                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                              
Don't let the door hit your *** on the way                                                        
     ­                                                                 ­                                            
You are Mr.Irresponsible,is she aware?                                                           ­               
                                                 ­                                                               
  That when she needs you, you won't be there?                                            
                                                                ­                                                
That when she starts acting just like me,                                                      
                                                                ­                                                  
that I wasn't the ***** you made out me to be                                                               ­                   
                                             ­                                                         
Goodluck, good riddance, you're not killing me,                                      
                                                                ­                                                      
I should thank her for setting me free                                                      
      ­                                                                 ­                                               
I hope you are happy now I am gone                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                                                     
she will go too & you'll be alone

I felt safe in my depression                                                       ­                          all black with no sharp edges

If this is the last time I see you,                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                
please know that you were loved                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                                      
and is you're missing me too                                                              ­                
                                                                ­                                                    
then you can look up above                                                            ­                                                
I will always be watching,                                                        ­              
                                                  ­                                                            
making sure you're okay,                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­ 
                                                                ­                                              
 even though we aren't touching,                                                        ­          
                                                                ­                                                        
I'll be with you each day                                                              ­                    
                                                                ­                                                
  You were my favorite treasure                                                         ­           
                                                                ­                                                 
 that I was blessed to have                                                             ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­
and it was my pleasure                                                         ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­      
to guide you down life's path                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                        
  If you ever loved me                                                               ­                 
                                                                ­                                                
keep me in your heart                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                                
with your love & memories                                                         ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­        
I will never part

You were ravaging me                                                               ­                                                                 ­                                            
Tearing my soul apart                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                           
                                                                ­                                                    
Why can't you let me be                                                               ­                                                                 ­                                              
                                                                ­                                                  
Leave what's left of my heart                                                            ­                                      
                          ­                                                                 ­                             
                                                                                                                      
I feel like I can't breathe                                                          ­                              
                                                                ­                                                    
Your hatred is all around                                                           ­                                               
                                                                ­                                              
Making you too blind to see                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                       
                                                                ­                                                      
You have lost what you found                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                              
Wipe that smirk off your face                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­  
You're not as smart as you think                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                                
I am leather not lace                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                            
                                                                ­                                                  
  My heart black, was once pink                                                             ­                                               
                                                                ­                                             
 When I let myself feel                                                             ­                   
                                                                ­                                                      
I lost all control                                                          ­                                                    
                                                                ­                                                
Now my wounds are healing                                                          ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                             
I am reclaiming my soul                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                        
                                                                ­                                                      
I am walking away                                                             ­                                           
                                                                ­                                        
Thinking only of me                                                               ­                                           
                                                                ­                                                      
I don't care what you say                                                              ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­                This is the end of "we"

I don't love you, nor you me                                                               ­                                               
   We are fused together in misery                                                           ­                                       
   Once hidden from visibility                                                       ­                                         
Now we radiate hostility                                                        ­                                            
    No more I love You's are said,                                                            ­                                                
Insults get hurled instead                                                                          ­                                            
 Back-to-back we lay in bed                                                              ­                                    
 Wishing that the other was dead                                                             ­                                               
                                                                ­                                                      
A volcano ready to erupt                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                  
Yet nothing left between us                                                                     ­                                            
  Makes me wonder if there ever was                                                                                                      
Except the hate I always got                                                                   ­    
It's sick, it's sad, it hurts so much                                                                      ­                                
 That I chose to hate over love

Don't you know once we're down this road, there's no going back                  
                                                                ­                                                      
All these years of loving you, where did we fall off track?                                
                                                                ­                                              
Looking back at all the years, I doubt we would know when                                                             ­                                                
                                                                ­                                                  
We would rather hate each other than to call the other friend                          
                                                                ­                                                    
No use getting sentimental, it is what it is                                                  
                                                                ­                                                        
I don't know where we go after all of this                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
You can go your way, and I will go mine, there's no turning back                      
                                      ­                                                                 ­               
The cards are laid & they've been played but the cards were stacked                
                                                                ­                                                      
It was felt but not said aloud for a long, long time                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
We could have lived in ignorance & it would be just fine                                      
                      ­                                                                 ­                           
But I decided that truth would set us both free                            
                                ­                                                                 ­             
What we couldn't see was how it affected us emotionally

I don't know why I cried,                                                           ­                       
                                                                ­                                                  
when you walked away,                                                            ­                          
                                                                ­                                                        
I felt like we had died,                                                            ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­               
long before that dark day                                                              ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
    I think I was still holding                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                        
on to a sweet memory                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                        
as I felt my heart folding,                                                         ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                     closing in around me                                                               ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­            
It had really hit me,                                                              ­                      
                                                                ­                                                 
that our love was gone                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­      
and I would then be                                                               ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­      
forever lonely & alone                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­       
My heart was aching                                                           ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                
and no one really cared,                                                           ­                                     
                                                                ­                                              
inside I was shaking,                                                         ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­             
broken & scared                                                           ­                                   
                                                                ­                                                  
We both knew it was coming                                                           ­             
                                                   ­                                                                 ­
but let it happen anyway,                                                          ­                
                                                ­                                                                
both hell- bent on burning                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                     
the one we loved in every way                                                              ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
a lesson worth learning                                                         ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­              
look at what we've done today

At night when I close my eyes                                                             ­               there are no songs, no lullaby's                                                        ­                    I transport myself and my mind                                                                         to a peaceful place and time                                                             ­                   to sooth myself to fall asleep                                                           ­                in hopes of having beautiful dreams                                                                  I imagine that I can fly                                                              ­                    envision it in my third eye                                                              ­                      I see the tree tops from the sky                                                              ­           The highest heights I can fly                                                              ­          when I spread my bird-like wings                                                            ­           I can see the world, everything                                                       ­                    flowers, leaves and greenery                                                         ­              I feel alive I feel at peace                                                            ­            as sleep washes over me

The rain comes
down,                                                            ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­               
  making plinking
sounds,                                                          ­                                              
                                                                ­                                              
forming puddles all
around,                                                          ­                        
                                                                ­                                                    
dark skies the
background                                                       ­                         
                                                                ­                                                        
                                                                ­                                                      
I hold my face up,                                                              ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­     
 put my hands like a
  cup,                                                          ­                            
                                                                ­                                                  
begin to let it fill
up                                                               ­                               
                                                                ­                                                
Hold it up to my
lips                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­            
with wet
fingertips                                                       ­                                       
                                                                ­                                          
Nothing better than
this,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­       
  a raindrops kiss

I have watched you in action                                                           ­                  trying to provoke a reaction                                                         ­                  whether it's positive or negative                                                         ­                  The lengths you will go to                                                               ­                are  more than enough proof                                                            ­    that  this  is beyond manipulative                                                     ­               Caught up in your lies , you deny                                                             ­ like  I  should believe and comply                                                           ­ Your  arrogance is unparalleled                                                     ­        You  project views of perfection                                                                   to hide your fear of rejection                                                        ­                       while you put everyone through hell                                                     But  you still don't get it yet                                                              ­        you're  just a textbook narcissist                                                       ­              and  nobody is really impressed

Erase, erase, from the chalkboard of time,                                                          
                                                                ­                                        
everything you did that ****** up my mind,                                                      
                                                                ­                                                      
   Rip out, rip out, from the pages of life,                                                        
                                                                ­                                        
everything you did that ruined mine                                                             ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
Tear out, tear out, my broken
heart,                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
heal, the wounds, remove the
scars                                                            ­  
                                                              ­                                              
Forget, forget who I used to be,                                                          
                                                                ­                                                  
that life ended tragically                                                       ­                 
                                                                ­                                          
  Replace, replace, my bad
memories                                                        ­                                                                 ­   
  I need something to give me
relief                                                           ­         
                                                                ­                                                 
  Put in, put in, some quality time,                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                      
  so, I can look past all your
  lies                                                          ­                    
                                                                ­                                                
  Love, love, show me it's
  there,                                                        ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­   
  prove to me you'll always
  care                                                          ­                      
                                                                ­                                          
  Change, change,
  everything,                                                   ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­
   restore my faith, unbreak my wings

I have been crying every day                                                              ­       I  have let pain get in the way                                                              ­       of  the blessings that I have received                                                         ­ I've  been down and I've been out                                                                     forgotten  what livings all about                                                            ­     It's  time I enjoy all that I've achieved                                                         ­    I  raise my hands and say a praise                                                                Start a fire and let it blaze                                                            ­          Let  it  burn for an eternity                                                         ­        Take  all  my hurt and suffering                                                        ­          leave  it scorched and smoldering                                                       ­        from the ashes  I'm a phoenix rising

I reset my boundaries,                                                      ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­              
that soon became walls.                                                           ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                      
my life's filled with difficulties,                                                    ­                          
                                                                ­                                                      
and I'll overcome it all

You are in the corner you backed me into                                                                   ­                                              
 How does it feel to wear the other shoe?                                                                        ­                             
Tables have turned & I'm not going back                                                                         ­                                                  
 to being the rag doll in your attacks                                                                     ­                                               
Who's wearing your pants right now.              
                                                                ­                                               
Who's mouthing off, feeling **** proud?                                                                       ­                                              
Don't you just want to take control?                                                         ­                                                                 ­             
                                                   ­                                                               
 See how really deep you dug your hole?                                                                   ­                                        
I'm sure you don't know what this is                                                                    ­                                                      
  I always sat there & took your ****                                                                        ­                                                       
I think it's about time that you & me                                                                      ­                                       
Changed our shoe's permanently

Sixteen years ago, on this same date                                                                      ­                                                    
 I was in such a different headspace                                                        ­              
                                                  ­                                                          
Hopele­ss & thought that nobody cared                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                                        
I convinced myself to not be scared                                                           ­     
                                                           ­                                                               
I gathered up all the medications                                                      ­                
                                                                ­                                                  
More than enough for relaxation                                                       ­                     
                                                                ­                                                    
Laid down on the couch like I had                                                              ­  
                                                                ­                                                           always done before when I felt bad                                                      
       ­                                                                 ­                                              
I had spent so much time lately                                                  
        ­                                                                 ­                               
Planning & plotting ******* me                                                               ­ 
                                                               ­                                                 
  That night I couldn't take it anymore,                                                         ­ 
                                                               ­                                                       
  I had pain inside of my inner core                                                            
                                                                ­                                                      
I put my faith in the whole amount,                                                          ­        
                                                        ­                                                              
A handful of courage, I drank them down                                                    
        ­                                                                 ­                                           
All of this dialogue in my head                                                             ­ 
                                                                ­                                                     
   would soon be silenced, would be dead                                                          
  ­                                                                 ­                                               
But God had other plans for me                                                               ­                                                                 ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­       
  sent an angel and his mercy                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                
Now I am feeling so differently,                                                     ­               
                                                                ­                                                      
I thank God for loving me

I'd like to thank personally                                                       ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­        
For all the years of misery                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                     
That you have inflicted on me                                                               ­         
                                                       ­                                                                 ­  While I gave of myself endlessly                                                        ­            
                                                                ­                                                      
You always treated me like ****           
                                                                        ­                                                         Telling me that I deserved
it                                                               ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­          
And yes, it hurt quite a bit                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                
I'm glad to say I am past all of it                                                               ­                                                                 ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­                
 You really hit below the belt                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                          
Making me hate even myself                                                           ­           
                                                                ­                                      
Oblivious to how I felt                                                             ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
You lit the fire, watched me melt                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                                      
I absorbed your every blow                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­      
I didn't have the sense to know                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                
That I could just turn & go                                                               ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­
  and in return I would then grow                                                             ­                                                                 ­        
                                                                ­                                        
Through God's strength & mercy                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                     
                                                                ­                                                  
He had a different plan for me                                                              
                                                                ­                                                  
He opened my eyes so I could see                                                              ­        
                                                        ­                                                        
That you weren't worthy of me                                                               ­ 
                                                               ­                                           
  Looking back on those dark days                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                                      
  I can't imagine why I stayed                                                           ­                                                             
   ­                                                                 ­                                              
  and let a man treat me that way                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                
­  and told myself it was okay                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                      
I have learned from my mistakes                                                         ­         
                                                                ­                                                
That real love is about give & take                                                      
      ­                                                                 ­                                                 
  the next time, that I fall I'll make                                                             ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                  
**** sure my heart isn't at stake

Nothing can grow in the darkness                                                         ­            and that's why you've become so heartless                                                        ­                                             In  hibernation licking wounds of rejection                                       unable  to face your mirrored reflection                                               You've  planted poison ivy in your garden of pain                                                             ­                                           that  flourished turning the vines into chains                                now  you've grown with roots so deep                                                           unable to sow, unable to reap

If you leave me right now,                                                             ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                  
there will be no going
back                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                   
So, don't think that
somehow,                                                         ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­            
it will be as simple as
that                                                             ­                           
                                                                ­                                                        
I'll have to harden my
  heart                                                         ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­              
and be stone cold to
you                                                              ­                    
                                            ­                                                              
  because once we're
apart,                                                           ­                                         
                       ­                                                                 ­                                
  I am going to be
through                                                          ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­         
I will have to move past,                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                                    
all the lies that you told                                                             ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
and to face up at last that,                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­             
I loved you heart and soul                                                             ­                                                                 ­      
  I can feel the distance,                                                        ­                      
                                          ­                                                                
­  between us even
now,                                                             ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                    
so, don't think persistence                                                      ­                                              
                                                                ­                                                  
will turn this back around                                                           ­                         
                                                                ­                                                  
  I'm moving out and moving
up                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­                                          
  and I am going to do
me                                                               ­                       
                                                                ­                                                        
  I won't string you along,                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                    
  or mourn you endlessly                                                        ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­   
  From the look on your
face,                                                            ­                        
                                                                ­                                                 
 you wanted to see me
cry                                                              ­                                      
                                                                ­                                                  
but your love will leave no
trace                                                            ­                        
  I guess this is good-bye

There's nothing left between you &I                                                                ­                                                   
                                                                ­                                                      
I don't know about you; I tried                                                                    ­                                                       
You don't love anyone but yourself                                                                                   ­                                                 
You broke me & put me through hell             
                                               ­                                                                   
  Our whole lives I gave you my all                                                                                 ­                                                 
  When I needed you, you let me fall                                                                              ­                                                      
I closed my eyes & forgave you still                                                            ­                                                                         ­                                             
                                                                ­                                              
  While you were busy breaking my will                                                                          ­                                      
  I bent until I was broken in two                                                              ­
                                                                ­                                                        
   I see it all now, it's in clear view                                                                           ­                                                
  As I walk away from you

My heads in my hands, my hearts on the floor                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­   
    You don't understand, I can't take it no more                                                             ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                        
I can't keep giving to have you take it away                                                    
                                                                ­                                                      
Are you listening? I am not going to stay                                                             ­ 
                                                               ­                                                           
  I cannot trust you, you are so mendacious,                                                      ­        
                                                        ­                                                                 ­ 
I can't forgive your behavior, it's outrageous,    
                                                 ­                                                                 ­      
You say that you love me then hurt me so
bad,                                                            
                                                                ­                                                    
can you say honestly, you want what you have?                                                
           ­                                                                 ­                                      
You make me forget what I ever loved in you,                                                             ­ 
                                                                ­                                                                 ­   
You make me regret everything I've done for you                                                              ­            
                                                    ­                                                              
Why can't you just think and act before you do                                                               ­   
                                                             ­                                                   
  Your decisions stink, not everything's about you                                            
                                                                ­                                    
  Narcissistic and shallow, you only love yourself,                                                        ­              
                                                                ­                                                    
  So empty and hollow, you can go **** yourself,                                                        ­
                                                                ­                                                    
  as much as I love you, I hate you as well,                                                            ­      
                                                                ­                                              
There's nothing more to say or do except, Go to hell.

I thought it was just me against you                                                              ­I  found out that that wasn't true                                                             ­ I  heard you've been gathering up the troops                                 that's  what a guilty party would do                                                               ­I  think I'll stand on my own, Thank You                                                           I  don't  have anything  to  prove                                              ­                You  must feel threatened by me                                                               ­   I  shake your sense of false security                                                         ­   You  have to talk **** to everybody                                                          while  I stand back cool and calmly                                                           ­     You  think that you have me scared                                                           ­  but  to do that I would have to care                                                       You  think you have shown me how strong you can be                                                               ­                                                but  instead you've shown me you're cowardly

Waves are the clouds of the sea                                                         blue  and  pale,  then slowly darkening                                                        ­ Frothy  white  like cotton *****                                                                   turning black when darkness falls                                                            ­  Moonlight  shines through and reflects                                                    off  the waves in little flecks                                                           ­    Stars  shine  like sparkly fish                                                             ­           as  they fall  make a wish                                                             ­         Watch  the path the moonlight takes                                                            ­   across the water and the ripples it makes                                                         I  am in heaven when I am here                                                             The  sea and the sky ,both seen so clear                                                            ­ On  the horizon, they seem as one                                                              ­     broken  up  only  by   the  rising  of  the  sun

Going through hell and it's going through me,                                                              ­                                                        afraid  to go on or stop completely                                                       ­   I trudge through this place, pain etched on my face                           The  devil is happy today                                                            ­                Want  to end it all and I want it all to end                                                              ­                                                               No  one to turn to, no loyal friends                                                          ­            I am going to break, I can no longer bend                                                             ­                                                  The  devil is happy today                                                            ­                  I  have depression, depression has me                                                               like a black cloud with no silver lining                                                           ­    taking me in ,all-encompassing                                                ­                      The devil is happy today                                                            ­                           I look in the mirror and hate who I see ,                                                             someone I don't recognize as me                                                               ­       I have no purpose, I'm a tragedy                                                          ­            The devil is happy today