morning

spills of bird song
the persistence of a wary dog
the stars and their small hands still building

afternoon

a duet of car alarms
the siege of a dump truck
the tantrum of a neighbor‘s television
a badling of helicopter blades
a ****** of motor scooters

arc the air
and sigh

into darkness
what was

once
is now

             gone

]and so grinds grief[

]the very pit of it[

]the incessance[

and there will come a day
to shake down stars
and rediscover

and there will come a day
to push sorrow aside
and wake wanting

but not today
and certainly
not now

it is autumn here
where warm rain falls
instead of bright hokkaido leaves
i do not prefer one mystery to the other
as both hold equal measure

this evening
miles out at sea
ribbons of lightning shred
beneath the ribs of a thunderhead

within the hour
the storm had tiptoed off the horizon
all those around me
distracted by more mundane things
were none the wiser


but let me ask you this


when was the last time beauty
stopped you in your tracks
laughed at your silly deeds and demands?

when was the last time beauty
took in her gentle hands
and shook you all to pieces?

the sun strikes
the first october notes

and embers
everything into color

the wind unravels
the leaves

they spin
and crackle within

soon
all will be raked grey

as winter waits
a world away

it is my first full moon in leiden
and the chambers of rain have stayed away

the black tanks of the canals are covered with a different skin
they whisper a different oath of light

thick with silver and uncatchable
often times it is just beyond the breaking of the waves

or tucked away in some cobwebbed corner
but it is always there right before us

that dangling fragment of mystery
that single note of light that can change everything

and if we wait and are patient enough
we will come to understand that it is not ours to hold

or own
but ours to always look for

when finally confronted
with the entirety of it

will all the tiny folds
overwhelm us?

will we grasp madly
at shadows?

howl at the moon?
or will we settle

into remembering the impossibility
of the hummingbird’s beating heart

the rain's slap and rhythm
the heavy scent of leelawadee?

despite everything
contracting and receding

won’t we want to lean
into the final soft bloom

to look up
and browse the clouds?

october brings the first snow
to the mountains

frost frames the leaves
all is set to tumble

tonight the moon
was charged and fully bloomed

even in my busy ways
it made me pause

what is it about this month
that stirs me so?

what is it about this season
that tears me apart

only to make me whole?

october is my youngest month
i fly a thousand kites of color

i fill the sky in great spills of paint
i breathe as if for the very first time

my child heart beats in time
with the wings of birds now arrowing south

my hands dig deeply into the open pumpkin
and my soul glows like a votive candle

pushing light gently out

in the early hours
when you

left our bed
to set upon

a quiet house
now

the sky
cracked

and screaming
now

the weight
of so many words

now
the smudge

the sun makes
and when

at last
we catch cathedral

let us
release you

to a bolt
of blue sky

i am humbled
by calder’s wires

by the music
miles monk

and mingus made
by the impastos

of van gogh
and van rysselberghe

by rodin’s
le secret

listen

the snow pillows
upon the pines

listen

the river breathes
across summer stones

it is all
one tongue
one language

there is
a reason
for this

on the same side of morning
we walked toward each other

we did not share a common language
but there did not seem to be any fear  

we all wear our scars for the world to see
what did you make of mine?

at the very last minute
just a foot or so away

your orangeblack body disappeared
into the tall grass

all day i have thought of your death
and how you are now through

to the next truth

untethered
the rain

taps incessantly
upon the surface

of the sea
smoothing the waves

calming the pull
of the tide

this is what
love feels like

the weight
of it

the drumming
of blood

percussive
through the corridors

flooding its way
to and from

the heart
where it hides

in quiet places

the bald woman
with one breast

ran from the room
the jasmine scented ice scooped

upon the hot stones
proving too much

for her repairing senses
through the glass doors

of the sauna
we watched her

shaking her head
from side to side

holding the wall
for support

after a few minutes
she returned

the final bucket
of ice

was scented
with lemongrass

the bald woman
with one breast

closed her eyes
welcomed the heat

and whispered
yes

when life
and death

sit
in the same room

the eyes
of the unbaptized

are left open
above the baskets

of fruit
and the piles

of shoes
coffins hang

on walls
a cross made

of two broken branches
marks

a new grave


    bla ck b ird s wa tch fro m we ary wir es


please
let me finish

this thought
this breath
this life

winds trespass
and stand

still

clouds tower
grey and

spill

bough flower
drink their

fill

sakura crocus
&

daffodil

off the cliffs
of enoshima

three hawks hunt
in circles

their shadows
shiver the pine trees

hundreds
of dragonflies

ebb
and flow

as autumn palliates
its colors

with necessary care
a literacy

of leaves weaving
above

and beyond
perfect the palette

of changing light
last night

as the sky darkened
before the rain

before the world
fell silent

stirring my silence
with a spoon
i discovered this

deeper down
i found
different shapes
and colors

rinsing each
in the sink
i placed them
on the counter
to dry

later i rearranged
them slightly
and made this

there have always been
great stretches

of silence
eventually

the arrival
and departure

of possibilities
seep slowly in

something
that glows

into focus
steady

and strong enough
gently forming

and holding its pose
for a moment

or two
constantly repeating

the same message

yes
here is the thought

yes
here are the words

sunday wakes in the center of the city
black lives matter plaza begins to stir with each bus offering more and more humanity
a homeless man stops to pick up a used cigarette from the sidewalk
he blows on it, places it gently in his pocket, and walks on

at the st regis hotel, i sit behind a 12 paned floor to ceiling window
it is framed in dark beautiful wood and curtained in heavy red velvet
i am waiting to have breakfast with my uncle
he is half blind with macular degeneration and his leukemia and prostate cancer are in remission
he is always well dressed and punctual
over $33.00 plates of scrambled eggs and smoked bacon, we discuss the past, the present, and the future
my uncle filters life through the signs of the zodiac and is always curious about birth dates and character traits
i keep my opinion about such things to myself

in the corner of my brother’s front yard stands a magnolia tree
its trunk and boughs are coated in pale green lichen
its crooked branches steadily offer baseball sized white blossoms of impossible perfume
all are too high for my reach
there is a large rock just beside the trunk that makes for a fine bench and from time to time i sneak away and sit there
such trees offer much in the way of ancientness and wisdom and I glean what i can

my uncle holds truth in the charts of stars
i in the trees

perhaps we are both crazy

a ****** of crows
clearly agitated by my presence

furiously called down upon me
from their shaded branches

with so many gathered in one place
i guessed that they had discovered

something that had recently died
a great summer storm had swept through

the night before and perhaps an animal did not survive
the wilds of wind and rain

i stood there a moment
trying to locate their prey

but could not
so i quickly moved on

leaving the birds to their work
we are all old souled

and kneel humbly before
the ever-balance between life and death

is there any more to understand?
is there any more to ask for?

my mother
has moved

from october
to november

to the same rooms
the same furniture

and the same framed photos
to the same plates

and glasses
the same clipped light

and the same taunting shadows

my mother
has moved

from october to november
where now

she sits waiting
to move closer

to december

the hummingbird
all function

and form
impossibly winged

and ricocheting
from one

cupped sun
to another

i stand
my ground

and imagine
the percussion

of its tiny heart
a muscle

the size
of a grape seed

then there it is
right before my eyes

lingering
for a moment

before nudging off
into this uncomfortable world

there is so much work
yet to be done

i sense


by a window
watching the streets the bridge below


                                                                                                         someone


horizon-eyed
at the water’s edge


                                                                                                       beside me


in the cooled silence
of your forest


                                                                                               but i am alone

from a thatch
of bamboo

burst a cardinal blurred
so rushed in red

above the creek
the heron pendulumed

         back and
forth

its shadow
an old code

more
is the occasion

than not
but less than before

washed up on the shore
relics of shells

broken sea bells
that crescent the strand

cloudy brown or green or white
that gentle rub of decay

or whatever might
seek display

jeweling the sand
i keep to myself

jarred away
on a shelf

it rained today
and what remained

of the leaves steeped
in the cold november shower

seeped
and stained

the dark
of the wet sidewalks

such
is the clutch

and release
of power

the transfer
of light

within the sky
such

is how we hurt
and heal

great mechanical animals wake
and warm to the new light  

giant silver birds roar the sky
and pull above the cold grey of it

the final clip of the moon
is pushed aside by the rising sun

a crow kicks the snow free from the needles
and dusts down the pine boughs

at dusk just below the tree line
deer by the dozen hunger for spring

it is without question or concern
that night moves quietly into place

we keep in motion
across the known
the unknown

we work the beauty
bountiful
and unfinished

i will give you
permission

to cut me
with your knife

to give me eyes
that will not see

a mouth
that will be silent

i will give you
permission

to take your hands
and scrape away

my seeds
turning my insides

out
i will give you

permission
to cut me

with your knife
againandagainandagain

if you promise
to leave

your light
inside me

lightning silhouettes
the midnight hills

men seed the ground
with nameless bones

fill the common graves
with rage

without question
the earth will take it all

without hesitation
the rain will wash it all

is there a more potent flower than sorrow?
is there a greater mystery than grief?
is there a singular and possible way to the speed the dawn?

we walk
blossom blessed

drift petals down
pollan dusted

color coded inks
in whites and pinks

let purple and yellow yawn
the day’s lush lining of dawn

a woodpecker with its percussive no-no-no-notes
the fanfare of the ferns unfurling

when things threaten
to spin at such terrific speeds

build bright and breathe
new windows will open and say

to that which inevitably speeds away
for a single moment more

stay

my mother veiled
in black

sat in her favorite chair
with her hands folded

over her rosery
she reached up

touched my face
and whispered

you look thin

such is grief
that bottomless reserve

that endlessly open wound
the pain  

has faded greatly
but its barbs
  
still live
with potency

and surprise  
they still dwell

in the dark corners
of dreams

in the secret places
of the heart

stood before
the gathering sea

face to face
how it beckoned me

and when at last
i turned away

the sea was colored
charcoal grey

impossibly balanced
and beautiful

a siege
of white herons

came to rest
atop the boughs

of summer trees
every now

and again
one would depart

or arrive
the whole of its body

folding un
folding

taking to the blue
or landing brightly

on the green sway
of each giving branch

is that it?
the obvious secret?

the easy give
and take

of simply walking away
upon the wind?

the rains
have returned

as have the parrots
that now riot down

these evening streets
this morning

a hummingbird
ash grey

and the size
of child’s thumb

floated
between the flowerless branches

of a tree
              slowly

things have found
their way back

into focus
into some semblance

of routine
and order

but small cracks
remain

open invitations
for grief

to come
galloping back

                          did you really think you would be rid of me so easily?
                                                          that this would last only a moment?
        who do you think it has been filling your dreams with shadows?

two sat
too to

           gether
upon a rock

kisslicked
and smooth

by the passing river
a green-eyed horsefly

on
and around

his knee
her tongue

in
and around

his ear
he could not

decide
which was more

annoying

untethered
the rain

tapped incessantly
upon the surface

of the sea
smoothing the waves

calming the pull
of the tide


this is what love feels like


the weight
of it

the drumming
of the blood

percussive
through the corridors

flooding its way
to and from

the heart
where it hides

in quiet places

mother
with infant armed

walked the seaweed
and stones

further out the strand
her dogs galloped black

against the gulls
dull the blue skulls

of mussels
dropped shattered

on the path
and grass

along the cliffs
the sudden sun

breaking the grey
so silver

on the surface
of the sea

gathered before such things

we become light
we become breath
we become the wild gods within

listen           to the pebbles
                     and bells
                     of rain
                     against the window
watch          them pelt
                     into puddles melt
                     into the mouths
                     of flowers
listen           to what
                     is whispered
                     in between the falling
listen           to the earth sigh