People ask me to believe but
Never why I don't.
Everywhere you look
In Singapore there's a different book,
Different building,
Different sacrificial killing
To worship; consider
Us spoilt for choice
In the orchard of apples
People don't see are rotten.
Perhaps that's too strong a word.
Consider us spoilt for
Choice of deities
Waiting to strike us down
As they laugh from their
Hammocks, clouds in the sky.
No. Second time,
Still too strong a word
For these beautiful stories
Told and heard
By generation after generation.
Axe to the head of your son.
Snake telling you to eat the one
Singular apple on the tree.
Birthing a baby
After dreaming of an elephant.
Literature of the gods
Written by nodding
Humans in a circle. "How
Profound," they must've thought.
But now
Perhaps we're forgotten
That the world was built by
Our own kind. Heil.
Atomic bombs. Famished lands.
I wonder who came up
With this plan.

I'd only cut my nails if someone were
To hold my hand. Nails. Claws.
I have no fur
But what I do have is the hands
Of an animal. Surely you understand
The need to pick at them? Where
Else would the energy go— skin, hair,
Knife? No matter the length
It takes the same amount of strength
To keep myself from tearing
Them apart, preparing
To get scolded later. Sharp.
Jagged. My LA
Blood is providing me no words today.
I hit the enter key
And watch as gradually
More paint comes off
But it'll never stop.
They might already
Be short but when there's a will,
There's a way;
There's no point in say
ing I'll stop because
There's no one to stop for.
No one uses the
Nail cutter anymore.

I bring the tablecloth
Across the marble
And marvel
As the ants make no
Effort to go
Ahead and scurry away.
Watermelon juice
From earlier in the day
Acting more like glue—
Syrup. Drowned in molasses.
My mother'd take passes
On killing the ants, giving
Them another chance at living.
I am not as nice.
I wipe once, twice
To make sure it doesn't stain.
If you listen closely,
Perhaps you'll hear
The ants crying in pain.

Is there a name for that ache in
My bones, the demon clawing at my skin?
The books always told me
That knowing the name of that entity
You'd just accidentally
Summoned into your room from Hell
Would make you its master;
But let it know yours
And you'd be gone for
Good. It eats at me
Like moths at silk but surely
That can't be
The cause of the dizzy
Spells, those that feel as though
For a second your mind is no
More, incomplete.
Holes in my memory; what was
I about to say? Oh right, please,
A name for the pain;
Unquantifiable;
Undescribable;
Ungodly.
(Rescue me.)
I would text to tell you that I'm fine
But I fear the devil
Already knows mine.

Their eyes are everywhere; they
Analyse everything I do, I say,
I make;
They take
Me apart piece by
Piece; they feed on my
Soul. Their eyes, more
Like mouths, devouring me before
I even more; lashes more
Like teeth, claw
ing at my skin.
Their eyes that know
They'll always win;
Their eyes that glow
Red in the dark (surely
They aren't human?) staring me
Down at every corner. Their
Eyes on my every hair,
Cell, atom. My mother says
There's no way
I'm not exaggerating but then again,
My family's eyes are
Those never too far
From my back. Always.
Always watching. Day
After day I pass
The eyes as I walk to/from class,
To/from home, on the way
To/from the MRT.
I see
Them watching me,
Watching everyone else, eyes
Slowly being pried
From screen to person, then onto
The next. Me. Them. You.
I watch as silently,
They tear me
Apart, then move onto the next.
I pretend
To look down, text a friend,
But my eyes are always open.
Their shift's done for the day.
Time to find our new prey.

Because I might die if I stay
Another day
In this body; where do
You think the mirror monsters came from?
The voice in my head holds strong;
Every time I
Look at myself my
Eyes are drawn towards every
Direction but straight to see
Their own reflection. Disgusting.
There isn't a single
Comfortable
Place to rest them on.
And so upon
Having to go out, I spent an eternity
Trying to see
If there's any way to make my
Waist smaller,
Trying to figure out if I'd get by
With saying I'm an inch taller
Than I actually am. The while
More I'll
Have promised turns into all
Of time, but still I fall
Apart every time I see
What's supposed to be me.
It can't be, really,
I know,
So
I'll close my eyes and pray
That this was just a dream all along
But I open them to stare
At that image, bright as day;
Every skin cell, every hair
Just seared into my mind
Where you won't be
Able to find
A shred of what they call
Positivity.

I didn't realise I'd
Ever have to actively decide
On which person to
Bother once I opened WhatsApp;
Can I even consider telling you
About everything
That's happened when we
Have nothing
In common anymore?
Nothing for
Us to freak out over at the same
Time? You know I
Wonder if you changed my
Contact name.
I miss when
You'd actually
Send
Me
Heart stickers. But
Now I have to scroll
All the way up.

Don't pretend it isn't still stuck
At the back of your mind
Don't blame it on bad luck
You know you're the reason you're
Falling behind
Couldn't you have done more
Held on for a bit longer
Been a little bit stronger
Well now look at who the crowd’s
Laughing at; you screamed a bit too loud
For the pain you've gone through
Why’re you
So weak? Answer me
Seriously
Look me in the eye and tell me
You aren't just a mess sitting in
The corner. They told you you'd win
In life; the only thing you can do
Now is prove them right, you
Know what I mean?
Stop lying to yourself. You haven't seen
Worse. You know
You're fine. So go.
All it takes
Is one step off the edge to make
History. One last breath.
[The admin has kicked ‘Natural Death'.]

Because you're not even good at what you do
Staring at the words from so long ago
You thought it was good? *****
That because now you know
Better, now you know
That the only thing that you excel
At is thinking too much of yourself
You think you know yourself well
Till you take a good long look in the mirror
You used to look to for inspiration. You thought it would
Help, you thought it could
Bring you that same flame you used to find
But put it all behind
You because you're a changed person now
(For the worse). Tell me how
You got here? Not even the higher-ups have an idea
When you first walked in, they thought you were smart
But that's a part
Of you that no longer exists; the only
Thing that never changes is change. Obviously
You aren't the same person from one day,
Two weeks, four months ago but occa
sionally you wish you were three again.
Three, when perhaps you made your first (imaginary) friend
Someone that could never leave your side
But now there's no one to say
"We're in this ride
Together" to because some way
Or another life lost its sparkle. You
Lost your sparkle too.

Sometimes I feel like dying
There isn't any point in trying
To be the person I used to be
The me
That people actually
Love. Barely
Any
Energy
Left for the simplest of punctuation.
My notebook hasn't been touched in days
(Like I said, there's no point anyway)
It burns to even glance at it
Glance at the me that's supposed to be
Alive and thriving
But is simply
Rotting away
Doing what I can't say
But it's all fine
It's better to leave nothing behind
Than to have set fires for
Others to put out
When I'm not here anymore.

You can't pour wine from an empty
Bottle, the pop-up ad tells me.
I laugh. I laugh as the cracks
At its bottom cut into
My palm; I pour you
Another glass. It's all red anyway.
Who cares what that AI has to say.

Lately things are starting to slip my mind.
I'll go home and open my bag to find
Air in place of the file
I needed, while
It
Sits
Comfortably under my desk.
And maybe I'll rest
For a minute or two
Then forget what I was supposed to do.
It scares me.
Because surely my memory
Can't be going this early.
Soon I'll be
Forgetting names; faces;
How and why I got to places;
Who you are to me;
Who I'm supposed to be.
Do I need sleep or saving?
None of it matters anyway...
What was it I wanted to say?

"Love me,
Love me,
Say that you love me";
The singer's voice is oh-so dreamy
And so I try
To float along, light and high
And airy as her words; I
Can hear the synth play
er's euphoria. Something
About this song's just screaming
At me, telling me
To just be free
But how can I even imagine
That weightlessness? I hear
The tin
Man's shouts too near,
Too close to home. "If only
I had a heart,"
If only there were someone for me
That could never stand us being apart.
"Love me, love me,
Pretend that you love me."
I wouldn't be
Able to see
The difference anyway.
What do you say?

Today as I was walking home it started to
Rain. And all I could think about
Was looking up at you
(You’d stuck out
Like a sore thumb) as the rain came
Down on us; I was just saying the same
Things over and over “just take
Out your umbrella, bodoh”
But your ego
Would break
You didn't and so
We stood there at the traffic light
Waiting for the green man
So we
Could get to the MRT
Station as planned.
I'd been right.
The umbrella was indeed
Exactly what we had need
ed. And so we ended up quite
Wet by the time we got underground.
But I didn't run today.
I guess there wasn't much to go around
But still it was what I should have done.
Take it from me when I say
Walking alone in the rain is not very fun.

It took months to build
And only seconds to knock down
Weeks of tiptoeing around
Because you can't stand the sound
The floor makes when my footsteps hit
Slightly too hard and so bit
By bit I disappear into the background
While trying to keep my head afloat
Because while the boat
Slowly sinks
I don't know what to start think
ing about how we
Work. You love me,
You love me not;
I always thought
This would end
One day
Because you know friends
Usually have more to say
To each other
But one day passes, another
Goes past
And I thought that the house was glass
But even to those I hold dear
It seems that my words were never clear.

I think words aren’t enough anymore
(Had they been before?)
I don’t remember the last time I really
Laughed without a care in the world, maybe
There were some funnier moments but nothing
Where I could get the thoughts out of my head
I think you get what I’m saying,
Right? Instead
They get temporarily
Pushed to the back of my mind
Only to haunt me
Minutes later. I’ll find
Them unexpectedly
Perhaps halfway
Through a lesson but the voice up there says
That it’s all my fault because I
Was the one that let all this time pass by
Without doing anything productive and the time
Is going to add up and I’m
Going to die alone
Penniless and unknown
To the world and we
All know that they’re going to forget me
After a while of my absence, all they need is to
Get someone from the same cookie
Cutter and bam moving on is rather easy to do.
People care, I know
(I hope) and while there’s just so
Many thanks I’ve yet to say it’s just hard to
Put it all into words
And they’ve definitely all heard
The same thing before because my friends are all far
Too good for me. But still my bar
Is set too high
For those that fall through my
Sieve but then again it is a me
Problem; what else could it be–
Nothing, that is– and so
I return to my computer where
I’ve been sitting for the past half hour, my wet hair
Making my neck and shoulders start to ache
But I just can’t bring myself to break
Eye contact with the screen or go
Grab the hairdryer (if you know you know).
Sorry I wasted your time reading this; I
Tend to forget that people like you
Have better things to do.

If you really
Meant what you said about
Caring for me,
I wouldn't always have to be
On the lookout
For signs that you
Truly do;
If you really
Trusted me
Then there wouldn't be
That wall between us; or
Perhaps I mean more
To you than most but I
Never really
See
It, you know?
Actions speak so
Much louder than words,
Have you heard?

I guess I just miss you.
Never once did I actually
Think that I’d have to get used to
Not seeing your face daily;
Not being able to talk about
Whatever I needed out of my system; they say
That girls take too
Many pictures but obviously it isn’t true
Because there’s not a day
That passes without me
Wishing I’d taken more of you.
I’d do anything to be
Teleported back in time, into
Your arms. And even though
The height difference between us was so
Large, you were always the one
That had the bigger piece of my heart.
I hate us having to be apart.
I bet you’re tall now. It’s been
Far too
Long since I’ve last seen
You.

"No, not like that. That's not how
You're supposed to behave around
Other people. What will they
Think of you now?
What will they say?
Stop moving, they're going to
Stare at you.
You're being too
Loud.
Chin down. You look proud.
Why can't you smile more?
They didn't approach you before
You did them because you feel
Like an ah lian. No one
Wants to deal
With you. You're no fun
To be with. Stop talking.
No more dancing while walking.
Don't waste their time. No.
You can tell they want you to go
Away.
Why are you so
Emo
Today?
What's wrong with you?
What're you trying to do?
Why are you intruding? They
Don't need you to stay.
Stop disturbing people. Go make
More friends, you loner. Can take
Less food or not? You need
A 23-
Inch waist, I say already.
Ayah, not smart enough.
Why so weak? It's not that tough.
Wash your face
And wake up. This place
Is too
Good for you."
See?
It's easy
To be
My own Asian aunty.

All I really
Want us for someone to love me
Like I love almost everybody
Else-- my friends would've heard it before--
Because more
Often than not
I'd happily think my last thought
For most people in my
Life than shoot myself between the
Eyes.
Idk. All I want is for someone to love me
As much as I love them. Why
Does it seem so easy
For you guys?
How hard did y'all have to try?

Because I know
I will never be more
Than second place, will never go
Further than them in your heart for
Every time I try to reach out
You do an about
Turn, face your back to me
And all I can see
Is this huge wall
Immune to arrows, bullets, fire
And so every time I try I fall,
My body
Parallel to the bricks
And ground
And around
Me
Is nothing but the faces of the friends I
Know you've made in my
Absence but I really
Didn't think it would be
This quick.

There is no point to my life except to
Make everyone else’s easier; do
The work, hold the hands,
Explain the concept of a perfect square,
Beat the bullies, stroke the hair,
Finish up the class decor;
Because there’s no use in being around anymore
If there’s nothing I can do for you.
Don’t lie to me that it isn’t true.

At this point "I
Might cry"
Is my
Catchphrase;
You can probably
See
It on my face
But there's this urge for me
To just point it out
And make everything about
Myself or at least that's how
It works in my head.
But for now
There isn't much else for me to say
Instead (****).
Finish off with a laugh
So they know
Just how deep they've to go
Because smiles don't mean
A thing if you've been
In most people's shoes.
And usually
The
Attempt at making it a joke
Is a good one
So we brush it off as fun
Conversation--
The guilt starts to set
In but luckily I don't get
The spotlight
That I had wished for at first
So everything's alright
And I didn't spoil your night.

Sometimes I scroll through
The messages you
Sent and try to
Figure out
If you ever actually
Cared about
Me.
Because on some days
You'd say
I was the only one who
Understood how you
Were feeling and on others
It's like we
Don't even know one another
And after ghosting me
For a day or two
Now you're suddenly
Willing to do
Anything for (one of your) best
Friends.
I don't know how many
Times it seemed to be
That you would end
This torture but if I
Know anything about you
It's that time'll pass by
And neither of us are going to
Do
Anything because I keep foolishly
Hoping you'll change and you're
Too blind to see
Just how much you're hurting me.

Just watch the children run
Out of the lift (I've never
Experienced it but since when was tuition fun?)
One
After another
Parents searching amongst the crowd
To find their own amongst the others
And it's not like they're particularly loud
But I still can't tell who's who
And when they all make it to
Mummy and Daddy
Dashing past me
As I stand plastered to the wall
I'm just wondering how they're all
So happy
Now another group of adults now
Probably off work
Wondering how
To pay the bills, feed the family
These are the ones with the more
Relatable faces
Headspace
Only for
Work and stress
And honestly this change is happening far
Too early for the people in our
Age and now the question I'm asking is
“When will they grow out of this”
This naivety, this knowing
That growing
Up won't change a thing
Because that isn't what I've been seeing.

You'd hit a point where you
Realise that everyone's lying
To you. Because after a while
You realise you can't keep trying
To smile
When they
Say
You're beautiful; you hear
That lie every other day
When people get near
Enough to the part
Of your heart
That hides the insecurities;
And "gosh thanks for helping me"
Is probably
Just them being happy
That the job's done
Or the game's won.
And so eventually
The words that used to be
Called "praise" now show
Themselves as "I know you know
This isn't true"
And as much as I love you
The walls just become harder
To hear through.

You never want a friend
Making one
Too good lest the friendship ends
When they realise you're not fun
Or smart or pretty
Enough when they meet others
On another
Whole new level.
It's human nature to
Want to come first, don't you
Think? Because being somebody's
Number one is the only
Thing that came to me
Thinking about what I want in life
The other night
And I know it's not right
To think like this
But if you've ever felt this way before
You'd know
There's no
Point in trying anymore.

I don't think you know
Just how many
Times I've checked my phone, so
Excited to see
If you've seen
My text but the screen
Flashes back at me
And I'm already
Aware
Of the fact that you
Don't care
As much as I do
But still I know you're online.
It's just that your time
Can never be mine.

So the thing
About being
In a library
That really,
Really
Bugs me
Is the silence
Because sometimes
(Most times?)
Quiet is great, right?
Or at least until
You accidentally ****
The vibe by making
A sound or taking
A quick, far-too-noisy
Walk to shelf 23
And like with most lists
This one is non-exhaustive
And so yeah, is it dumb of me
To lowkey
Be
Afraid to enter a library?

Maybe I'm a butterfly
Dreaming that I'm human and my
Whole life if just a made-up story
But I guess that's alright by
Me
Because at least that means
Every tragedy I've so-called seen
Heard felt thought
Of was fake, right? For every
Novel requires a good plot,
Even if made of pure fiction.
There's a reason why
People like Regina and Cady,
Rory and Lorelai
Because it's always nice
When the dishes bring some spice.

Because what if I talked too fast
Or too slow
Or maybe too loud
Not loud enough
High pitched
Low pitched
Too much
Too little
Or what if I said the wrong things
Or not enough of the right ones
And that's what scares me
Because we aren't even done
With just talking.

You know
It's weird being in a place
That's somehow still so
Unfamiliar even though
It's taken up so much space
In your head
And I don't know how
Else to say this instead
But now
That you're there
It's really
No longer that daydream
Where it seemed to me
That time would pass
During breaks, while in class
With a smile on my face
But I guess
We all guess wrong sometimes.

Sometimes you
Decide to
Have a really big meal
Then proceed
To not eat
For the next eight
Hours right?
It's not that you can't wait
But the faintest smell
Of food might
As well
Knock you out.
It isn't about
Being physically
Full, correct me
If I'm wrong
But going too long
Without anything
Would bring
About the strongest's doom.
(No, food here
Is not the elephant in the room.)

Do
You
Really
Love me?
It’s probably
A me
Problem
But why
Can’t I
See it? Why
Don’t I
Feel cared for
When I text you anymore?
Maybe you
Used to;
Maybe you did
But what got rid
Of those feelings?
Because every time
I’m
Dealing
With you and your
Issues I pour
My heart and soul into
Helping you
But I’ve just
Never been checked on
Without me breaking first.
Always been looked upon
As support for you to lean
Against but that just means
I’ve always carried your weight;
Forever stuck in a stalemate;
Not yet dead
But nowhere to run instead.
Can you tell
How much I love you
And how much I wish you
Loved me too?

My Starhub Cyber Protect
Has decided that the Starhub site
Isn't safe. I guess this effect
Was unintended (right??)
But then again, it must be
Doing a great job for people like me;
Unable to
Watch YouTube, do
A Buzzfeed
Quiz, satisfy the need
To scroll on Reddit.
Is it
Just me, or is
This
Just all too
Familiar? Surely you
Know what I mean...
"This site has been blocked" flashing on-screen.
It's just the irony here
That makes it bigger than it appears.

Because people get tired of me
Be
ing sad.
Because I only write sad;
Talk sad;
Act sad;
I guess we can cliche
And say my parents are mad
Because of the sad
They have to see every day.
I text sad;
My music is sad;
Days start to blur
Because the days that were
Spent happily
Don't come easily
To me.
I'm tired too.
But what else can I do?
I can't really say
That every day's
A bad
Day
But every day
Has its own sad
Thoughts.
It's true for you
Too,
Is it not?

Because being tall
Also means that you have to be big all
The time for those that are small.
You bend
Down to comfort a friend
Who's being
Vulnerable. All you're seeing
Is the top of their head
While you look like a god to them.
And instead
When you look for
Comfort, reassurance,
Nothing matches your size anymore.
I miss how things were before.

"Without you, I
Would probably die"
"You don't know
What it feels like" "No
I can't stop"
"Right at the top
Of that building looks nice"
"I really wanna ****
Myself"
When will
People stop telling me this?
All it does is
Make me
Worry;
If you ever **** yourself
Was it that I didn't do
Enough for you?
"You're the only one that can"
Sure, I understand
How hard it's been
(I've seen
Others of your kind)
But if you ever die
By
Your own hands the only thing on my mind
Would be
The number of times
You came to me
And my love
Wasn't enough
To help. "You're
A lifesaver"; for
How long will this be true?
For how long can I keep you
In my sight?
I could try but all my might
Will never be enough for
All of you.
It's not that I can't do
It anymore.
You tell
Me you can't hold back
So I do
The holding for you.
But unfortunately
For you and me--
My arms ache as well.

Everything has got to be the best
Nowadays. For every little test
And exam must we come out on top;
Never must we stop
Working at our every skill;
Take
A break
And everything you're good at will
Just disappear.
Everyone just
Wants what's at the top of Mt. Everest.
I guess I've got to get used to
How it works around here.
Always having to do
More than what you can.
Sometimes I just don't understand
It but every explanation
I get just adds more and more complications
To the tangled mess in my head.
I miss how things were before
Instead.
Nowadays even the karang gunis
Don't want newspapers anymore.

Because nowadays
Every feeling is a cliche.
Every tear shed;
Every bowed head;
Every face turned red;
All are cries for
Attention (the more
The better, am I right?).
And if your eyes are bright
And shining with what are
Finally not
Teardrops
Then you should think of the children far
Away in Africa or whatever,
Forever
Starving or in thirst.
Feel generous, put others first
And you're just
Showing off. But helping yourself
Isn't any nicer, I've found.
Dare upset even ground
With thoughts of anger and
You'll understand
That fury
Does no one good, yet
It still seems to be
The emotion that gets
The most coverage, makes
The most change. Go through heartbreak
And be scorned for having expectations.
Have great relation
ships and people envy you
For experiencing no complications.
I don't know what to
Feel anymore.
I've experienced the repercussions
Before.

Because all you need is
Practise
To help anybody.
See
Any
Good counsellor in action and really,
It's the same
Comforting words; same
Reassuring actions to beat the same
Game.
It's the routine stand-
Up-place-
Hand-
On-face-
Or- shoulder
To push the same boulder.
Validate the emotions. Talk
Them through walk
ing away
From whatever ruined their
Day.
Put in all your love and care;
Hold their hand; stroke their hair;
Tell them it'll all be fine;
Get them not to lose their mind;
Help them leave the past behind.
It's not a bad thing--
Isn't it reassuring
To have a one-fits-all
Solution? Fall
In and out
Of love; cry about
Exam results; your ex
Found their next
Too quickly;
Unhappy
Is all you can be--
Just go to anyone fit
And perhaps you'd come out
Even a tiny bit
Happier about life
Than you were
When you first arrived.

Only
When we
Got the chance to have some fun
Did the clocks speed up;
Day four’s soon going to be
Day one.
Why is it that only
Now’s when happiness
Showed itself to me?
Only at the last few
Weeks do the hues
Finally separate themselves from black
And white.
And only if time might
Turn itself back
Would I have held onto
You
For longer, or just taken more
Time for
That move on the chessboard.
Perhaps I would’ve played less
Of Stress;
Would’ve known not to say yes
To the extra responsibilities
Standing between you and me.
But now
The cards have fallen, I don’t know
How
I can do so
Much in three days–
There are
Far
Too many things I didn’t say.
And now my
Heart aches for the times
That passed by
Where I thought
I’d be happy to leave.
Would it be too late to say
“Guess not”?

Because “yes”
Means yes
And “no”
Means no,
Especially when I’m being
Ever so
Serious with the things
I’m seeing
From you; Messaging
But never speaking.
Stop asking questions when
I say so (then
Maybe I’d try to
Be nicer to
You).
There are reasons as to why
I don’t really cry
In front of those I can’t rely
On. Stop bugging me
And then we’ll see.

It just feels
Like I should be feeling
More, dealing
With moving on.
I look upon
The past six years;
Joys regrets fears
Run through my mind
But I find
That nothing truly stands out
About
My emotions, nothing
Seems to be stabbing
Into my heart like I thought
It was but did not.
Is it wrong
To not feel much
About where I’ve been for so long?
Because deep down I know such
Thoughts will come to light
Soon; bright
And white
They will be
(Yet rendering my head and heart
Ever so dark).
How long will it take for me
To see
The pictures that should be
Running through my head,
But are choosing to hide instead?

Am I hard to make happy
Or is it that you haven’t found
What triggers me?
Look around
And I’m sure you’ll find
Stressors on my mind
But those aren’t the only kinds
Of strong
Feelings I’ve held onto
For so long.
Maybe my expectations of you
Are higher than you’re used to
But so
What? Deep down I know
That it’s not that everything’s wrong
(Though it’s seemed this way
All along)
But the day
For my to find my right
Has not yet come to light.

Fields turn flowerless
As plants turn powerless
Against the winter cold.
At only three seasons old
Do their stems start to fold,
Heads droop and begin
To wither.
Within
Me
Seems to be
Something similar–
Perhaps I’ll look good for a while
But the smiles
Start to fade
With too little sun
And too much shade.
So I hope knowing me for one
School year’s
Enough– I fear
December’s
Round the corner. Remember
Me at my brightest,
When my roots were strong
And my thoughts felt lightest.
For I long
For your company
But Fate’s decided we
Simply aren’t meant to be.
The storm’s coming around.
This side of me should not be found.

There is no hunger in my household,
My country;
Everyone’s worth their weight in gold
Or probably more
For
Singapore’s
Economy is nothing
Short of prospering.
There is no hunger, no thirst, no craving
For anything here– no one’s saving
Food and water anymore
For
Rainy days
(No one does, no matter what they say).
I live my life blessed
But my mind can never rest;
I hunger for peace
Perhaps not of the world for now but simply for my mind.
I look high and low
Within all the drawers and cabinets I know
Of, yet I still can’t find
Anything that might just make me content.
For what I’ve had of life went
By relatively quietly, however nothing could stop my head
From working. Instead
I crave
For peace that I have but just can’t find.
Save
Me from the demons in my mind.

Some of you
Don’t know how much you mean to
Me–
I just can’t see
A way
To say
“Just standing next to you makes my day”
Or perhaps “That made me feel so
Much better” because I know
It would just feel weird.
For how long has our society feared
Expressions
Of affection?
Too much obviously feels wrong
But when you’ve been here for so long,
I don’t know how to not overdo
My gratitude towards you.